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Life with Beatrix Potter

Me ask you this...

Dear Diary,

Me ask you this...

How 'portant it is tell trufs? It ever time just keep yap shut say nothing or it always good give little guidance?

Me tell story...okay, between you an' me huh? Trufs be told this Octopus not 'xactly pick of litter, few apple shy of bushel that thing huh?

Whole entire summer it a thing...she go out in garden, hum little song...*Beatrix stuffs cotton in her ears and covers them with her paws* it horrible song but me digress. Octopus bring in flower...ugh! It flower on table, in little vases...then she photograph flower...ugh! Okay, me patient about all this. She say "Beatrix look these flower, me like you smell it cheya you up." Ugh me say...look stinky flower not cheya self up...bring in little cat poo...now THAT cheya Beatrix up. Pffft

So now me KNOW Octopus slip gear...she draggin' in dead everything from garage. Sing this little song it Barney song so bear with best friend okay? Brace self...

It season after summer it before the winter it the fall it the fall it the fall...

Okay, me say you this, teenagers NO like Barney song! Sorry...they roll eyes huff, puff like little dragon see Octopus theya in her Hello Kitty outfit (that whole nother story ugh) sing little song drag in all kind dead jimmer jabber...

Not bad enough this stuff dead...oh NOoooOoo she gotta strew it ALL over me nice house. Little leafy thing belong in weedeater that what ME say!! Dead leaf belong in bag at CURB...dead flower...UGH ugh and UGH

She say "Beatrix, Jack Frost gonna' nip you nose...it get cold now" ROFBOL It cold in Los Angeles it because Suzy turning up air conditioner too high!! Whoever this dog Jack Frost me say you this...me not excited he gonna' bite best friend on nose!

Now this me final exhibit that Octopus go completely mad this time...she CLAIM it TRUFS..."leaf fall from trees." Me swear!! me not lie even little bit! Octopus belief leafs all gonna' fall off trees!! ROFBOL Who ever heya of that!! Me four year old in all me life me no see tree wifout leaf!! Silly, silly Octopus!!

So heya back to question...me call men in little white coat try to get help for the Octopus? Or me brace self hope this blow over? What think?

Who invent this thing?

Hello me diary...

Me heya ask you this...WHO invent this thing? *Beatrix holds up a flat moose dolly* Lookee this...*Beatrix tosses it up in the air...it lands limply*

What kind human ding dong this THIS a toy for woof? It got NO stuffing!! NOt even little bit...it just limp furry thing...PFFT what me say.

That crazy Octopus drag this thing home from store a MONF ago!! me have this thing WHOLE entire monf!!

She holler when she coming in "BEA !! BEA...HONEY BEA" Ugh...that me new name!! *Beatrix rolls her eyes* Honey Bea? You kidding me? The Octopus think this name SOooOooOo clever...but me digress huh? She holler for me like she have REAL prize something like that...

There she is in doorway hair all a shamble from shopping...eye all bulgey like some kind crazy squirrel wif nut in cheeks...me actually feel sorry for her see her so excited over nothing so me do it...me fake happy.

"OOoooO" me say..."OooooOoo" Me say twice because need time think up WHAT gonna' say huh? "For me?" Then me clasp this lifeless piece of limp furry to me chest like it prize...what that get me? Big ol' sloppy kiss right on me mouf!! PFFFT Me sure hoping me not get sick from that~!!

Me even rip little hole in top see if maybe stuffing all squish down...me sniff it real careful like make sure it new...me think maybe it old icky one some other dog already kill you know? Nope it new...

That beg question...WHO invent THIS thing?

In the end somebody pee on the thing!! ROFBOL...Not know if it me little son Honey Beya or best friend OttO (pronounce this Uh TOE) but whoever do it agree wif Beatrix WHO invent THIS thing?!?

And so the lie continue...ugh...everytime the Octopus come by me gotta FAKE me LOVE this thing an' it not look like it wearing out anytime soon! What about pee? Ugh...washing machine take care of that...*Beatrix shakes her head sadly* Yep, it clean again...so heya me sit wif weird little destuff furry thing...maybe me stick it on head wear for hat? Maybe me hang it in garden scare away any creature about...think same same happen to them for steal vegetables huh?

Ugh!! Me LOVE you diary!! XOXOXO BB

Into the Sunshine...

Dear Diary,

It Beatrix again...little happy pill finally kick in!! Me moving self into sunshine again...

Me have many best friend who stand by Beatrix. It touch heart know so many woof care. Best friend Sabrina even volunteya be me own service woof! now that good friend ME say! Many prayers for BB...

WHEN? Well, the Octopus have this surgery on her mouf huh? There she sit look just like skawy puffer fish now...all of sudden me see her theya think how funny she look!! Oh yeah!! Me leap around on bed wif wild eyed, make woo woo woof, waggle tail...Octopus not even able holler wif delight just make bloody bubbles wif mouf!! ROFBOL...Bloody human spit tasty treat!! Oh yeah!! me a helper!!

Then she saying me head gonna' explode! This kick best friend into high gear setting up video camera! Me SURE me get this on YouTube entertain many wif explode head Pufferfish mum huh...ugh...she lie...it not explode yet. PFFFT to that.

So me taking little happy pill. Octopus set up whole master suite thingy be Beatrix happy hang out place! Oh yeah!! Even Suzy room not as nice as ME one!! Me bring in me crate, get me some new fat and comfy pillow for it too. Since me not chew anymore me can have many fatty batty pillow! Me even know how open crate door wif me paw. Sometime me just need little chance get away. So me open door go in, close door. This mean Hey! Leave me alone huh? But me not sad. Me glad.

Me thank all best friends who help Beatrix out...Me LOVE vawy much!
XOXOXO BB