How to get what you want in ten easy steps.

Ever wanted to get your human out of bed, off the couch, off the phone, or worse, the dreaded computer? There are many reasons why we canines would need our personal attendents to get up. We may need to be fed, or let out to potty. We may desire a walk, a cuddle, or a game of fetch. Perhaps you are concerned about your humans cardio vascular health, and want them to move around more, or you are a herding dog and cannot rest until everyone is in the same room. Whatever the reason, you have a message to communicate to your human. But your human doesn't speak dog. Why they refuse to learn dog I will never understand. Afterall, we learned human. "Sit" "Down" "Come" "Go Potty" etc. My human vocabulary is far greater than my humans dog vocabularay, but I digress.

How to get what you want from your human in ten easy steps.

1) Sit and stare. This may seem simple but it is highly effective. For whatever reason, being stared at really disturbes most humans. Even a human deeply involved in something as sinister as "emai" will notice within minutes, that there is a dog staring at them.

2) Rest your head on your human's knee. If they haven't noticed the pitiful puppy eyes yet, this simple gesture is sure to get their attention. This may incite the human to absentmindedly pet you. If this is all you wanted, you can stop here, if not, continue to step three.

3) Bump your humans hand with your cold nose. This indicates to the human that you are wanting an action of some sort. The colder the nose the better.

4) Wiggle. Wag your tail, wag your whole body, do a little dance in place. This gives your pleadings a sense of urgency.

5) Whine a little. Not too much, as humans find this annoying. But sometimes, you have to be annoying to get what you want.

6) Do something cute. At this point its best to do something your human usually asks you to do. Like sit, or lay down, Offer your paw to shake. This is to communicate to the human, " I do what you ask, now I am asking you for something?"

7) By this time you should have your humans full attention. If not, try something new, a trick they don't know you know. Turn a carwheel, or bring them their underwear from the laundry (especially effective if there are other humans in the room)

8) If you human hasn't stirred, up the ante. Bark, whine excessively, bonk them repeatedly with your nose, (Just never, ever, use your teeth. That is deffinate bad dog territory)

9) Now, you have them up, tell them what you want. Dinner? run towards the kitchen . Potty, stand at the back door. Play? Toss a squeaky toy into their lap. Walk? Bring them your leash. If the human doesn't understand the first time, don't give up. They will usually keep guessing until they figure out what you want.

10) Reward your human. Make sure you thank your human for meeting your needs. An extra cuddle, some kisses on the hand, an adoring look, all will do the trick. Remember, when training your human, positive reinforcement is best!

Good luck!
Moxie

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