Leave a bone for Stormie Nicknames: My Momma uses a bunch of nicknames for me like, Deedo, Momma's Little Man, Mr. Peabody,The Barkless Wonder, and Silent Bob. Doggie Dynamics:
*snort!*
*giggle!*
*snort!*
Ooooops, so sorry! I can't help but laugh at the little thing I like to call "That'll learn ya to "cheat" on Stormie Basenji, Mom!"
I heard Mom's car pull into the driveway after work like usual. Like usual, we housebound creatures got ignored and she headed straight to check on the ducks and feral kitties in the back yard. As she was reaching down to pet Boo Kitty (the only cat insane enough to let Mom anywhere near it!) when all of a sudden she felt something plop on her thigh. She thought it was a bug, and kind of tweaked out for a minute. She went to shoo it off with her hand, and (*giggle, giggle SNORT!*), it was BIRD POOP!!!! ON HER BARE THIGH!!!!!!!!!!! You all should've seen the look of disgust on her face as she realized what it was on her hand and leg! (*SNORT!*) That's what she gets for cheating on me and visiting those filthy outside critters before me...errrrrr, I mean US house critters!
Karma - it bites ya in the butt ALMOST as hard a basenji can! ;)
-Stormie
...not to be confuzzled wiff Marfa Stewart or any other of those crappy magazines Momma drags home when she stands too long in the check-out lines at the grocery store!
The other week-end was pretty typical. The stoopid neighbors and their stoopid dog were up. It was a fairly noisy day in Stormie's 'hood. So imagine my surprise at about 6:00 PM on a Sunday when I walked Momma around the corner and we saw a 250 lb. black bear lumbering our way!!! We were about 15 feet away from the beast. I could feel it's breath on my neck ...***STORMIE! You could NOT feel it's breath! Stop fibbing!***.... Oh, alright - so I didn't feel it's breath, but I could smell it! I went NUTZ! My hackles went straight up! I went rigid, and stiff as a board! I was ready to attack and defend my Momma wiff every ounce of my being! Instead, the crazy Momma reaches down (after nearly peeing her pants from fright!), picks me up (all 45 lbs. of me) and drags me inside. Meanwhile, the bear exited through the weeds and across the river to the mountain on the other side. The only trace I've seen from him since was on Wednesday evening. It was a BIG pile of bear poop which I nearly rolled in! Too bad Momma stopped me *sigh*! She ruins all my fun!! *grumble, growl, grumble!* Those cherry pits all through it looked like so much fun and maybe they'd have massaged my back a little in the roll process???? Humph! Now I'll never know! To get even, I found a not quite so big pile of duck doody to roll in when she wasn't paying attention...revenge is sweet, even if it's smaller than I would have liked!
Dear Stormie,
I just happened to be reading up on some of my former patients and I came across your diary entry.
I think it's wonderful that you're able to express your feelings so easily and that you hold nothing back. I totally feel your neglect during the time your mother was on vacation and I sensed that you've not gotten over the fact that she left you and you feel the need to punish her for her actions. Stormie, her vacation was over a month ago.
I'm a little concern that you're still harboring these feeling and allowing them to seep into your diary for the world to see.
Granted...your mother did visit my house. But I did really try to keep a polite distance from her so that you wouldn't get jealous but it was hard. I liked leaning into her on the couch. I was only trying to comfort her because she was missing you so much.
I won't even get into banners behavior.
In any case, I'm feeling that perhaps you need to get more off your chest in order for you to move forward with your relationship with your mother. I do understand that those ducklings might be taking your mother away once again, but in reality, she's still there with you and she is still caring for you. Nothing has changed.
Perhaps you should try wearing a duck costume in order to get closer to your mother. Quack like a duck and you'll be a duck. That's what I've always said. BTW, Banners! feels that you are holding out on her with the ducks. She thinks there are more ducks living with you than you are letting on. But that's another story.
Anyway, try to the duck suit.
Dr. Talker
And my response:
Dear Dr. Talker,
You, my friend, are a PURE-D GENIUS! BONE-A-FIDE, even! If I wear that duck costume, I won't even do it to gain attention - I'll do it to gain access to those little quackers and get me some Duck Fricasse!!!! Oh it's a glorious plan, Dr. Talker!! Glorious, glorious, glorious!!! Do you think Target is selling their Halloween costumes yet? Hmmmmmmmm....maybe I'll steal Mom's plastic card out of her wallet and shop online tomorrow while she's working, or tonight when she goes out to take care of the "babies" (pffffffffffffffffft! I'M THE BABY!) again!
Do you really think Banners! thinks I'm holding out? I wonder if Mom is telling me fibs that there are only 4.....I'll bet she's in cahoots wiff Probst and got HERSELF a MILLION DUCKS! The nerve of her! To go on vakayshun and then to get a million ducks and NOT TELL ME!!! She is in so much trouble it's unbarooable! This is some serious snuggle strike, and no more drying her off after a shower! Oh no! I will not subject my tongue to that acid water on her legs any longer! She's doomed, I say!!! Ask Banners! if I can borrow the BanCam to spy on Musher and the ducks!
Oh and Dr. T.? I totally understand leaning on Mom on the sofa - she's a good pillow, and a good scritcher - I trained her well, didn't I?! And do you think she really missed me? *sniffle* Even if she did, it wasn't as much as I missed her!
Thanks for the advice, Dr. T.! You're sure to be nominated for some kind of Pawlizter Prize or sumfing!
