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Letters from Lindsay

On Patrol

July 1st 2005 6:21 pm
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I've decide that I must be the only sane mammal on my street. This is a mean street too. Stuff's always happening here, and I'm the only one around to keep my family from getting killed in their beds. The MAN doesn't seem to worry too much about all the wacky goings on.

Take for instance the recent mass incursions of birds. I've seen robins, cardinals, a flock of finches, but not a flock of seagulls, and a ton of other annoying feathered, feckless freaks- with- beaks entering our air space. They don't give a hoot about the clearly posted 'no fly zone' I keep barking out everytime they step over the line. Especially in the morning when the sun's just coming up. They start chirpping and stirring, and come right up on the front porch no less! I'm looking at my humans, the Man and the Woman, and they're just snoring away there. Not doing a thing about this affrontery! So I rush out to the front door and let 'em have it! Blamm-blamm-blamm! and another Blammity-blamm-blamm! Oh, yeah! That got their attention all right! Both the freaks-with-beaks and the humans. The MAN yells at me, "Lindsay! Lindsay! Hey, shut the *&$%! up! It's 5:30 in the morning for God's sake... I swear to God that dog is going to give me a heart attack one of these days..."

Talk about ingratitude. I save his life and the life of her he holds dear and this is the thanks I get? Maybe next time I'll let the beak-freaks get him!


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Lindsay Meryl


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