The Life and Times of Ruin "Whitey" Handsome

The Winter of my Discontent

Here I sit, alone. I know not if the chill I feel to my core is from the winter weather, or from her absence. This morning we ventured into the frozen concrete jungle and plotted our way on the bitterly cold path, the salt scalding my paws as her inevitable daily departure would later scald my heart. Too soon our walk ended and we returned. Our eyes met and as she bid me goodbye, I felt the familiar pain of loss; the bittersweet pleasure of her embrace and the longing I was soon to feel. I struggled to maintain a semblence of stolidity and fluttered my tail briefly.
NowI stare out the window at the stark winter landscape as bleak daylight turns grey and finally black. There is no time as a dog, no abstract ability to compare now to then and to contemplate the future. All I have is now, and each moment is punctuated by my utter boredom and loneliness. However, I know that darkness brings my lady home, and I eagerly await her arrival and the kibble I am sure to receive.

How do I love thee? Let me count the hairs on the couch...

My mom has done little else than ensure that she and I have both eaten, slept, been out (for me) and bathed (for her,) ever since Thursday night.
Early Friday morning she reached over my languid and supine form and mashed the horrible beeping thing. Once again, all was quiet. With our heads sharing the same pillow, she snuggled up beside me and burried her sleepy face in the scruff of my ruggedly handsome neck, and we slept.
I dreamt of a butcher shop, afterhours. My brethren and I (Kingston 12 and Cooper are pup pals) ran free, blood-lust coursing through our veins. With no human supervision, we helped ourselves to a smorgasbord of meat. We gorged on whole turkeys, chickens, roast beef, and cured hams from all around the world. Satiated, we ambled slowly back to our respective homes, each falling into blissful slumber with robust bellies pointed skyward, and tired paws dangling in front of our chests.
The entire weekend has been bliss. My mom and I have slept, cuddled, rested, and stuffed our face with forbidden foods. For dinner last night, I had steak, and my mom had pizza and ice cream. No homework was attempted, no exercise done.
Now we are in calm repose together on the couch enjoying my mom's stolen wireless internet connection and watching the Simpsons. My belly is engorged with kibbles, meats, and some left-over pizza, and I am happy. I love my mom a million times with each precious white hair that moves from my body to her clean clothing.

Chunk-a-lunk-a-lunk-a-lunk

I've read over my past journal entries. Who was I kidding with all that pretention? At the beginning of this semester, my mom was actually studying and doing well, so I got a chance to read over her shoulder, so I was in academic mode. Now, well...let's just say that things have been a lot more interesting. At least I'm going out a lot more at night!
Anyway, my friend Chunk is back in town. We hang out everyday after school. Chunk's cool, but he's so needy. Like when I nap, he comes over and either licks my mom, or starts licking my face. I wake up a little, yawn, and he licks the inside of his mouth. If I could talk I'd be all "Dude... chill." Whatever, though, because Chunk's my buddy and my mom gets paid to walk him, so letting him forcibly french kiss me ends up contributing to the amount of money available to buy me steak and stuff.
Anyway, right now Chunk is sleeping.
Wow! As soon as I finished dictating that sentence to my mom (I can't type - I lack the dexterity in my paws necessary for most manual tasks) Chunk got up and started licking her foot. SO ANNOYING! I'm annoyed just watching it.
Memo to Chunk: get a chew toy, a salt lick, SOMETHING!

Spare the rod and spoil the bulldog!

I am soooooooo spoiled. Believe you me, I am not complaining. Want to hear what I did today? My mom dragged herself out of bed this morning an hour earlier (only to later suffer temporary narcolepsy during her classes as a result) so that I could go to Central Park and run around off-leash. She helped me find a gigantic stick and then grabbed each end like handle-bars so I could grab it in the middle with my mouth, and she spun around with me hanging on until I was off the ground. Then she'd let go, and I'd fly one way, and she'd fall on her butt the other way, all dizzy and tired (I am, afterall, a big boy.) Then I was playing one of my favorite anti-social games - jumping up at tree branches and trying to grab them. Some lady was in the park and had a camera and was so impressed with my skills (I got mad ups!) that she started taking pictures of me. She told my mom she was a photographer, and promised to e-mail the pictures to us. Hopefully we'll get them soon and they'll be on here so everyone can see just how awesome (my mom says "strange") I am. Anyway, after a minute or two, about ten people were standing around watching me, and everytime I jumped up, they would all say "oooooh.....ahhhhhh...." like when people watch fireworks or something. Maybe I'll be famous! Then I'll be the one bringing home the bacon...literally.
After that we went back home, and I insisted that I sit directly on top of my mom as she tried to do some last minute homework. I was fed nothing but the best, kissed, and then I took a nap while listening to the classical music station. My mom had opened the window just a crack, so there was great fresh air and a nice breeze. A few hours later, my mom came home, and we got in her bed for a really nice nap. Actually, I fell asleep right away, because my mom was rubbing my tummy just the way I like, so I don't really know if my mom napped or just pet me for three hours. Probably the latter, 'cause I deserve it.
Then we went outside to get the mail, and I grabbed one my sticks that I hid behind the garbage and carried it around while I peed on EVERYTHING (it's my block.) Then we went back in and my mom left again for a little while. When she came home, she jumped onto the couch with me and we cuddled. Again, I was immediately asleep. Pretty soon, it was time for more delicious dinner, and then we went to Central Park AGAIN to meet up with my buddy Kingston. We ran around like crazy for almost an hour, and now I'm pooped. I'm going to curl up next to my mom and call it a day. It's not easy being me, but someone has to do it. Did I mention how many times a day someone tells me I'm beautiful? Yeah - it's tough at the top....

Puppy Love

I know it's been a while since I've written, but I've met someone! She's a little bit younger than I am, and she's looks perfect with me. (Her name's Sable - check her out... but PAWS OFF!) Anyway, we have such a great time together. I really feel like she understands me for who I am. I mean, whenever we're not wrestling, we're snuggling. Sometimes when we wrestle, I start humping her... I just can't help myself. Her tail is docked, but if it were there, she would be the waggiest girl I've ever known. I love that in my bitches.

Paws OFF

Wow. It' s been quite a while since I've written. Anyway, the thing with me and that Boxer is seriously over. I don't really think I want any playdates with other dogs for a while. I'll hang out with my bros - Kingston, Cooper, if he ever makes it back into town, and my boy Hunter from around the block, but no more bitches. I mean that! Talk about clingy and neurotic!!! Ugh. Seriously, I feel sick. I realize now that Sable was only a chubby, brindle container of constant neediness. Can't a dog get a little time to himself? No sooner would I get home from a long day, looking forward to a little kibble, a belly rub from my mom, and maybe some TV, the neediness would start: "Where are you? Are you OK? Do you want to go for a walk in the park? Do you like me? I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you..." And then she'd get all bitter and start in on me if I didn't give her what she wanted. Long story short, this Boxer was not what she appeared. I'm lucky I got out. Sheeesh... I'm glad I'm neutered.