Cleopatra's Classified Column

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Painting and Decorating

July 13th 2012 8:11 am
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Pupsters, I forgot to mention that in addition to my many talents I am also an accomplished painter. So if your peoples need anything painted in their kennels they know where to come.

Mummy was painting the kitchen wall last night. She was having a glass of wine and admiring her work (the Bodka dwip needs to be replenished). Anyway, I decided to conduct my own inspection. So I sniffed all down along the wall and all the way back. Anyway, Mummy got all excited and started barking excitedly at me. She even washed me with a sponge with some smelly stuff on it. To show her appreciation of all my hard work, I expect.

 

Friday the 13th!

July 13th 2012 5:13 am
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Some peoples say that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day, but not so far for Mummy and me! Today is bin day pupsters! That means that Mummy wheels 2 big bins and a small food bin out to the front of our house and I get to follow her and bark at them. Then mummy barks at me. Then later a big truck comes into our estate to collect the bins and I get to bark out the window, then Mummy gets to bark at me again. I love bin day! BOL!

Anyway, we did the leaving the bins out and barking bit and then Mummy got a call from my Nana to say she and my Granddad were coming to take me for a walk. So I’m up in the forest with them right now. How am I typing this while I’m in the forest, you may bark? Easy peasy! I used my newly – patented dogtaphone ™ (which will shortly be available, shipping costs dependant on location) to bark today’s diary and I left Mummy at home to update you all on my goings on.

It’s not as if Mummy has much else to do but attend to my personal correspondence these days. She was let go from her job and she’s been moping around the place and applying for jobs. I did offer her a special discount for my FACE-UP services cos it was kinda unfair how she was let go, but she said my rate was too high. I don’t think a year’s supply of choc drops is excessive. Anyway, she was told a couple of weeks ago that she has a new job and they called her this morning to confirm a start date in 3 weeks. She’ll have to go to England for a couple of weeks for obedience classes or something and then she can work from home like before. So that means I’ll be going on an extended holiday to my Nana and Granddad’s house for a couple of weeks. I’m sure I’ll miss Mummy cos we haven’t been apart for more than 2 nights since my gotcha day 4 years ago. But overall a lucky Friday 13th for us!

Bark at ya later, lots of sniffing to be done here!
Cleo

 

Boring rain!

July 12th 2012 5:02 am
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It's raining here. Again. Mummy was just about to bring me for a nice long walk but she doesn't want to get wet cos her hair gets all frizzy or something. My hair gets frizzy too and I don't care - get over it Mummy! Anyway, she's decided to make herself a sandwich and if the rain's eased off a bit she might take me out later. I'm a prisoner in my own home!!!!

On another note, I got Mummy to post a new photo of me that was taken at the pet store - we went out there a few days ago to get my treats and sweeties and Mummy let me smell all around the whole store! I even saw some birdies in cages and furry little hamsters that smelled really nice.

Anyway, back to putting on my "neglected face" until Mummy takes some notice of me!

 

RIP Lovely Lennox

July 11th 2012 4:37 pm
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Mummy and I are absolutely broken hearted tonight. There was a lovely, sweet, gentle doggie called Lennox in Northern Ireland who the council thought looked like a pit bull (even though he wasn't one - his Mummy and Daddy proved that with DNA), but his Mummy and Daddy lost their case and the court decided that the council could put him down - Mummy and me joined in the campaign on Facebook and despite thousands and thousands of peoples complaining on Facebook and here on Dogster, those nasty peoples in Belfast City Council put him down at midnight last night. RIP lovely Lennox, we hope you have some lovely new friends at the Rainbow Bridge to play with. Mummy is crying typing this. We are so sad.

 

FACE UP is on the case again after I was ABANDONED! Again!

June 4th 2012 3:56 pm
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Yes pupsters, abandoned. Left to die. In the middle of the night. Outside. While my Mummy went to bed. I'm afraid I've had to alert FACE UP – The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by Unscrupulous Parents - to my plight.

Every night when it's bedtime, Mummy and I go out the front door and have a good sniff around all the other houses. This is our final patrol of the night. Then I do my "business", we go in and have a play and then we go to bed.

Anyway last night we did our patrol, had our sniffs, checked all the neighbours were ok. Then we went inside. And played. Then as we were going to bed Mummy remembered sh had to bring stuff in from the car. She swears she didn't see me come out with her. I think that was a ruse to get me outside so she could abandon me. But I digress.

Anyway I was having a sniff at an interesting shrub I'd discovered. I got back to the front door and it was closed. No Mummy. No bed. No water. No nothing.

Mummy's version of events - I went up to bed and I was wondering why Cleo didn't come up, but sometimes she prefers her own bed. My version - why, oh why had my Mummy abandoned me? Haven't I been a good dog? Doesn't she tell me every day I'm the cleverest, best guard dog in the world?

Mummy's version of what happened next - I was reading in bed when I heard a bark outside. Probably just one of the neighbour's dogs. My version - I was sitting looking up at Mummy's bedroom saying "why? why did you abandon me? haven't I been faithful and loving? Don't you call me your little Dolly Doodle and other pet names?"

Mummy's (hardly credible) account of what happened next - I heard another bark. It sounded like it was right outside. So I got up and looked out the window. There was Cleo looking up at me! My (very credible) account - I was barking up at Mummy that I am going to contact FACE UP to inform them of my abandonment and she only opened the window to save face. Make people think she was a good dog Mummy when in fact she had the most despicable plans for me.

Oh yes, she's been apologising all day. Oh yes, I've been for two walks and a swim. Oh yes, I seem to recall getting more treats and choc drops than normal. But I have my suspicions. I'm staying REALLY close. Just in case she plans to abandon me again. Because you never know.

Now I'd better go because I feel weak from the stress of my terrible ordeal. So I need to tackle the huge pile of treats and choc drops on my blanket. Just to keep my energy up, you understand.

 

Exploited by my employer! FACE UP is on the case!

May 28th 2012 7:06 pm
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Yes, I know how much you've all been missing my pearls of wisdom and witty correspondences, but I've been soooo busy the past few days! It's really hot here (by Irish standards at least!) It reached around 30 celsius which Mummy says is nearly 90 for my pupsters in the States.

AND......they made me work. Really hard. I've been putting in double shifts for the past few days! In this heat too. FACE UP – The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by Unscrupulous Parents is on the case as we speak.

It started on Friday evening when Mummy went off to play cards. As it was so warm she put me out so I was on overtime in my kennel till after 11pm! Then on Saturday Mummy and Nana were going somewhere so Mummy left me to guard Nana's garden around 9.45. She didn't get back till 7.30pm! That's double pay for the weekend in my opinion (forgets to mention walk with Granddad, ear tickles and a particularly satisfying tummy rub). Then, as if she hadn't been absent enough this weekend, she announced she was going to her friend's barbecue and "I might be better off staying with Nana and Granddad"! Why wasn't I invited to the barbecue? That's lots of yummy meatz and stuff, right?
Yes, I know how much you've all been missing my pearls of wisdom and witty correspondences, but I've been soooo busy the past few days! It's really hot here (by Irish standards at least!) It reached around 30 celsius which Mummy says is nearly 90 for my pupsters in the States.

AND......they made me work. Really hard. I've been putting in double shifts for the past few days! In this heat too. FACE UP – The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by Unscrupulous Parents is on the case as we speak.

It started on Friday evening when Mummy went off to play cards. As it was so warm she put me out so I was on overtime in my kennel till after 11pm! Then on Saturday Mummy and Nana were going somewhere so Mummy left me to guard Nana's garden around 9.45. She didn't get back till 7.30pm! That's double pay for the weekend in my opinion (forgets to mention walk with Granddad, ear tickles and a particularly satisfying tummy rub). Then, as if she hadn't been absent enough this weekend, she announced she was going to her friend's barbecue and "I might be better off staying with Nana and Granddad"! Why wasn't I invited to the barbecue? That's lots of yummy meatz and stuff, right?
On Sunday, Mummy just waltzed into Nana and Granddad's house as if nothing had happened! Ok, she did fuss over me all afternoon and we got to lie on a blanket in the garden and she did brush me and give me lots of treats and stuff, but that's not the point. I don't recall being adequately compensated for all this overtime!

Now I hear that she's playing golf with Nana on Wednesday. So I'm going to Granddad. AND our house is being painted all day Thursday so that's another full day with Nana and Granddad. Do I get any relocation expenses? Compensated adequately for working two jobs? Not on your Nelly! Granted, I seem to remember eating more choc drops that normal. And more belly rubs. And maybe even more trips to the park. But I feel - exploited. Now I'm signing off cos Mummy just happened to leave some choc drops and a Bonio on the sofa where I'm lying. I'm sure they're not for me but I'd better hide then in my tummy just in case a cat gets them. Or a frog or something.

 

Spending tomorrow with Granddad!

May 25th 2012 5:11 pm
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Oh WOW pupsters! I'm so excited! Mummy just told me that she and Nana are going away to watch a team from their golf club play in some competition so they'll be away most of the day - so I'm spending the day with Granddad!

I love days with Granddad. He always takes me for a fun walk. And he has a shed in his garden he spends lots of time in. I like to sit on the grass near there to make sure no flies and stuff gets in there. And Granddad does a special tickly thing with my ear. I love it. I close my eyes and it's really relaxing and stuff. I never saw him doing that special tickly ear thing with Nana or Mummmy. So I must be really special! Granddad says I'm his special girl.

Better go and pack some stuff. A packet of ham that Mummy bought me to take over. Some dog treats. And my sweeties! I wanted to bring some toys too but Mummy says there are more of those in Nana and Granddad's house than in ours!

 

I just saw a hoppy thingy! Under a tree!

May 24th 2012 11:53 am
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Pupsters, I'm just back from the park and I have some very exciting news! I have discovered a new species! I was sniffing around under a tree when I saw a teeny, weeny little hoppy animal. I was trying to push it with my nose but it kept hopping away. Then I barked at it lots of times so it would stay still. Mummy came over to see what all the fuss was about. She took off the cap she was wearing and put the little hoppy creature in there and released it somewhere over in the long grass. Spoilsport!

Anyway, I have decided to name this new species "frog". I don't know why, it just came to me. I'm sure the name will catch on. And I'm pretty confident I'll win the Nobel Prize or something for my amazing discovery.

I'm off for a sit down in the garden while I wait for Mummy's phone to ring.

 

Finley sent me a rosette!

May 24th 2012 11:45 am
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I don't want to brag or anything, but Finley sent me a rosette! How cool is that? I am a lucky doggy! Thanks Finley, BOL!

 

Helping with the gardening

May 23rd 2012 10:14 am
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I was helping Mummy with some gardening earlier. She had some pots with flowers in them that she got and she was putting them in the flower bed. I was helping by removing the plants from the pots for her. Then Mummy chased me and the plant around in circles while she barked excitedly. It was such fun! I hope Mummy lets me help her again!

 
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Cleo


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