May 8th 2013 9:46 am
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POPPY passed away at 5.45pm on Wednesday 01st May 2013. She was very peacefully euthanised at home. It was canine kidney failure complicated by a very high blood sugar that the vet couldn't explain, because Poppy hadn't previously been diagnosed as diabetic.
She was close to death when I decided that it would be best for her to go gently and easily by injection rather than dying from breathing difficulties at the end, or maybe having a cardiac arrest, which I simply couldn't put her through. So her actual end was very good, though she'd suffered very stoically at least a few weeks prior and for her last week I never left her, never slept and gave her constant intensive care, comfort and love.
I'm in complete shock that she has gone, because I lost my precious MISHKA in January and now my angel Poppy has gone also. POPPY truly is/was my lifeforce, my heart, my soul, my inner being, my little girl, my greatest ever friend, my nurse, my therapist, my angel, my star and my sole reason for not killing myself through years of suicidal thinking, because she genuinely deeply loved me and only me - we had a very special bond that was unique, because Poppy was a unique individual who was self-aware and conscious of herself, which made her a one in a million dog.
I can't even begin to describe all her qualities and charming idiosyncrasies and what she meant to me through 14 years of constant devoted and loving companionship, but three words that sum up her eulogy are PUREST DEEPEST LOVE and both together with MISHKA I'd sum them up with one word, which is SOLACE.
For 14 years I lived vicariously through them - I ceased to be 'one' and became a trio. It was always we three together linked heart and soul. When I go to the fields for a walk the landscape is empty and I am empty. I feel as though my legs are missing, because there was always Poppy on the left and Mishka on my right, or Mishka behind and Poppy in front... always... but now there's nothing there and it strikes me how much they held me up like buttresses supporting the walls of a building that would otherwise collapse. Plus they were my wings... one at each side of me, moving me along, giving me strength and courage to go forward.
It's been so hard to cope without my MISHKA, but I had POPPY and we had each other, so that helped to make it easier to bear. But now my life, my breath, my heart, my love and my soul have left me; which is what she embodied and gave to me with her strong deep loving energy. Now she is beneath the ground with Mishka beside her.
My mind is completely disabled. I find it an impossibility to think about tomorrow, let alone the time beyond that without my blessed POPPY beside me, always with me, and always welcoming every hug whenever they came. Life and the future without my MISH is horrible enough without her joy to lift my heart, but it's unimaginable without my POPPY; it really is.
Of course I can get other dogs, plus I have my little TOBY - but they aren't my POPPY and nothing and no-one could ever replace or substitute her or my MISHKA. Losing both together is simply too much for me to bear. I have to take it a day at a time and I have no idea how I'm going to be feeling tomorrow, or the next day, or next week - I can't see that far ahead. I think I will simply have to get used to the feeling of living day to day empty with two thirds of myself missing. I am a puzzle of three parts - prior to POPPY and MISHKA I was broken, but they rebuilt me and filled me up and made me a whole person. Now I'm just one third... and it feels bizarre.
Eventually I'm going to create a big website and book about caring for dogs as they enter old age and dying, with emphasis on early detection of chronic kidney and other organ failure, plus diabetes, and caring for terminal dogs. I want to do all that as Poppy's legacy and tribute, so no other older dog has to die from unsuspected disease before the fullness of their time has passed, as it's far too common for them to do so.
All I can hope now is that eventually if there is an afterlife we will be reunited to be together forever, because it would be so wonderful to hold her again and love her and go walkies together.
January 18th 2012 9:32 am
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Hello everybody! It's been a very long time since I've visited my pals here at Dogster and I hope you are all doing fine. I will try to catch up with you all over the next coming weeks (or at least that is the plan anyway). I've not been visiting you, because 2011 has been an exceptionally tough year for mum and she's had too much to cope with to find the free time for Dogster, but I'm very happy to say that she always has the time for us!
I'm doing very well myself and mum cannot believe my age (neither can I). Apart from being a bit wobbly on my legs sometimes, plus not having the energy to run around for no reason the way I did as a youngster I feel basically the way I did when I was six! In fact during this past year I'm feeling even better, because I can now step-up onto the dog sofa all by myself without any help from mum at all, which we're both very pleased about!
I've also been feeling different towards mum for the past several months, because for about a year I'd gone right off her and didn't want to go to her or have cuddles, which wasn't like me at all. These days I've changed around and we have a better relationship than ever before. I think it's because I'm more used to the boy Toby grabbing some of her affection and also because mum has made more of an effort to give me extra attention to make up for it. So we're all cuddly and sweet together again and she knows I love her lots.
The weather here is cold now, but not too bad and I'm not bothered at all about wearing my sweater and coat anymore, because I like how they keep me warm outdoors. Mum is going to be taking some up to date pics/vids of us this week to show you how well I am. All of you take care and stay well. I'll visit again as soon as mum has free time. Woof Woof! xxx
January 15th 2011 1:35 pm
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Hi all... I'm writing for all the furmily just to let you know that it's likely we won't be back to Dogster until mum has got another puter since her big one got completely trashed by a virus, because we only have a tiny netbook instead and for some reason Dogster hates it and hardly works at all and keeps jamming the screens too. So we can't do anything hardly at all on the site; plus it all takes forever.
So we are going over to DOGGYSNAPS following the trail of many other UK members who have gone over there from here and say it's better for UK people, plus the site works better too. It's unlikely mum will be able to buy another puter for a long time, so we will stay over at Doggysnaps while we can only use the netbook.
We were quite fed up anyway, like a lot of members it seems, of this new site and all the adverts, which have priority over the actual functionality for the members - also usually on sites where you pay for a better membership the adverts are less, but not here. We still like the old site better!
Anyway... we are well. Mishka is very happy and bouncy still, Toby is a cheeky little terror, and I am fine despite my new acid tummy complaint that mum is taking care of everyday. Shame we're not able to upload our great new pics and vids; plus some mum has just found on an old camera from 2006!
We will love you and leave you (for the time being) in the hope you will all stay well and happy. Licky licks from us all xxxx