What Do You Do When Your Life Partner Isn’t a Dog Person?

What happens when the person you love doesn't love pets the way you do? Can it work?
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If my husband, Max, and I had seen each other’s profiles on an online dating site back when we were single, there’s no way we would have been matched up. We have absolutely nothing in common. I’m from Canada, he’s from France. My native language is English, his is French. I don’t eat meat, but he’ll happily cook up every single occupant of Old MacDonald’s farm –- snails and frogs included. My passion is animals, and more particularly, dogs and cats, while he’s obsessed with boxing, muay thai and fitness. I don’t mind picking cat hair off my clothes, but Max throws a fit.

I know, I know, a lot of couples don’t share the same interests, and it’s certainly true that opposites can and will attract. But in my case, my love of pets and the fact that I share my home with four of them has created some tension between Max and me. Pets are a big commitment and have an impact on day-to-day life. It’s easier when pet owners are equal in this commitment. Unfortunately, that’s far from the reality in my household.

When Max and I met, I had just arrived in France and didn’t have any pets. Seven years later, I have a little Dachshund/Miniature Pinscher mix named Pinch, as well as a big furry cat, two Sphynx cats, and a husband who is constantly lamenting that he “wish he knew what he was getting himself into.” I’m sure he would have preferred that I had an obsession for knitting or stamp collecting rather than four-legged friends, but when I fully unleashed the pet crazy on him, it was too late –- we were already married.

He calls me Brigitte Bardot and jokingly (I think) says that his next wife will be someone who fears dogs and is allergic to cat hair. (I respond that my next husband will be a handsome vegetarian veterinarian who fosters rescued animals.)

All joking aside, it really bothers me that, more often than not, Max sees our pets as mine and not his. When they are being cute and playful they are his pets too, but when Pinch is barking obnoxiously or one of the cats has tracked litter across the floor, they are always my {expletive} pets. He doesn’t understand why I talk to them in a squeaky voice or am willing to spend all my disposable income on premium litter, treats, and dog sweaters. That said, I know he cares about them, and he takes excellent care of all four when I’ve gone on a solo trip back to Canada. I think he knows just how much I need pets in my life and what they mean to me.

Max has always been very tolerant of my passion for animals (considering I have four at this point), but I secretly wish that he loved them as much as I do. He accepts them because he knows I love them — and he loves me — but I’m certain that if I left one day and took my fur babies with me, he’d never even think of getting another pet of his own.

As much as I’d love for him to share my pet-obsession, I know it will never happen. I think the difference in how we see the role of pets in our lives, and more specifically dogs, comes from our very different upbringings. I grew up in a midsize Canadian city with two parents who treated our family dogs as furry children. To them, a dog was an invaluable part of the family to be treated with the same love and respect as any human member. Our dogs were fed premium dog food and slept inside on cushy dog beds. They were fixed, vaccinated, and microchipped. They all came from responsible breeders and were taken to puppy classes and dog parks. When each one passed away, my parents brushed away my tears as well as their own.

Max’s childhood experience with dogs was opposite mine. He grew up in a small rural village in the north of France where most family dogs were either farm or guard dogs. His parents’ dogs were always mutts, given to them by a neighbor whose unsprayed female had had a new litter out in the barn. Max’s dogs slept outside or in the garage, and they were fed table scraps. His family dogs were not usually fixed or vaccinated, and they were allowed to wander around the village unsupervised, sometimes with unfortunate results. Basically, dogs were a passive presence in Max’s home growing up while they were active participants in mine.

Max and I might argue about letting Pinch sleep on the bed or keeping the cats off the kitchen table, and he often reminds me that we can’t just “go away for the weekend” because of our pets. Yet we continue to make the relationship work despite our differences. He would never spontaneously grab the camera to snap a shot of Pinch being adorable (while I’d stop whatever I was doing and take about 50), or squeal over a puppy we pass in the street, but Max has never stopped me from living my passion to the fullest. He’s one of those husbands who despises shopping yet will go along and hold his wife’s purse while she tries on clothes. (Or, in my case, he’d drive me to the pet store and carry around a 12-kilogram bag of litter while I check out cat trees.)

Max might not like or understand my passion for pets, but he accepts it, and ultimately, that’s good enough for me.

Do you and your partner agree about pet ownership? If so, are there any differences? If not, how do you make things work? Let us know in the comments!

More stories about dogs and relationships:

I Love My Dog More Than I Love My Husband
Can I Still Call Myself a Dog Person if I Have Three Cats and One Dog?
I Put My Dog’s Happiness First — And It Saved My Marriage

43 thoughts on “What Do You Do When Your Life Partner Isn’t a Dog Person?”

  1. Pets are domesticated animals. “Domesticated” means we (humans) brought them indoors.
    Naturally, they were created to live outdoors, hence their fur and sharp teeth. 🙂
    By “domesticating” them, we “trained” them to serve our needs primarily, not theirs, against their natural habit.

    I love animals more than I love “pets”.

    When I observe other animals in their natural habitat, I feel a sense a serene of joy and delight for them that I don’t feel when I see “pets” in homes or animals in Zoos.

    But yeah, I’m the one who lacks empathy…

    By a non-pet lover dating a pet-lover

    Don’t get me wrong, there is an equally appealing notion of humans and all animals living literally side by side, however, some agreement would be required with regards to jaw strength and sharp teeth.

  2. You sound horrible. The dog is a dog and cannot change how it is. Dogs are loyal and love unconditionally, unlike yourself. I suggest you move out. Your partner and her dog deserve better.

    1. Just based on an online comment from someone you don’t know, you came to this conclusion?!?
      Wow, you’re not judgmental in the slightest…

    2. suzy YOU sound horrible by saying that. Its like you think Dogs are a race or a community and she is being racist against them. They are animals. Ive been a vet for 35 years and though I love dogs Im not so brainwashed by furry creatures that I would call any fellow human “horrible” for not liking dogs. Hitle had a dog too , her name was blonde. So yeah they certainly “love” unconditionally so much so they’ll love a dictator. Grow up suzy. Seriously grow up.

  3. I got my dog in 2010. Shes the first thing I’ve really had to lean on since my mom died in 2006 And I am very emotionally attached to her. She has been with me since she was 6 weeks old and shes 9 now. My husband and I got together in 2012 (my dog was 2) and he was fine with her. We had my son, relocated to tx, he was still okay with her. We had my daughter in 2016. Still okay with the dog. We moved in 2017 to an apartment in Maryland and now we have to take the dog out to walk and potty instead of opening a door and now all of a sudden shes my dog, my responsibility And he has told me to get rid of her on multiple occasions. This is something I can see destroying my marriage and I’m at the point that I dont care. She(Marley. My dog) has been a big part of my life and I do not see me abandoning her in her last leg of life. He says “compromise” and find her another loving owner…but I’m the only owner shes ever known. And that’s not a compromise. I dont want to lose my dog. My 5 and 2 yr old are attached to her. I’m attached to her and he used to love her until this apartment thing. I’m so emotionally crushed that this has driven such a wedge in our marriage. But if its him or my dog, I choose my dog. Is that a bad thing?

    Alot of these comments they get the dog after marriage. Her and I have been a packaged deal since day one…this feels like I was blind sighted. ?

  4. I was googleling “my husband does not enjoy having dogs” and came upon this. We have been married for 20 years and have had cats most of the time. I have always talked about having a dog when the time was right and now it is. He has been a little hesitant (I have had a dog before, not him but he enjoys his sisters dog) but the year we were on a waiting list for a specific type of puppy we discussed this a lot, looked at videos and I asked him many times if he was sure he wanted this commitment. He ensured me that he was looking forward to it. Today, after 3 weeks of having the puppy at home he tells me he does not enjoy this and will not in the future. I feel like hitting him on the head. I don’t know what to do. He dosen’t seem to understand that of course this is a bit overwhelming in the beginning (I do 80% of the work though) and it’s gets better. The puppy is actually really good and almost housebroke already (at 12 weeks!) but when he has an accident my husband gets so irritated that the puppy feels it and tries to lick up his pee. My heart breaks.

  5. My husband and I have been together for 7 years ( married for two of those years). From the beginning I knew he was not an animal person. I had a cat already when we met, which my husband hates because he does his business in the house. I love cats. We also have a dog and a bird. We compromised that I’m only allowed to have 3 pets at a time and to me it seems reasonable. I really want to foster kittens from our local shelter but he says no… animals are probably one of the things we fight about the most. I know he gets frustrated but it’s animals stay or I go lol

  6. My advise after almost 30 years of marriage: Ask your significant other while you’re dating if they like animals. If they say no, dump them and find someone else. You should know this before you get married. It will only cause problems later on.

  7. Some people are dog people and others, DOG people. I’m one of the former in that I love dogs, but only to some extent. I’ve never been one to let my dog on the furniture and certainly not in the bed. If I asked a DOG lover, “would you let your significant other, that runs around all day naked, often outside, defecating and possibly running through that and urine and whatever else might be outside, come into your house, sit on your furniture and lie in your bed?”… I’d get an “of course not”. But, because they’re cute and furry, it seems to be okay with the DOG people.

    My girlfriend is a DOG person and upon her moving in I asked, a) are your two dogs house trained and b) that they stay off the furniture and out of the beds. I got a “yes” and a “yes”. Well, they are “pad” trained dogs and evidently, $1k shag rugs are a favorite of theirs as they’ve already ruined a couple that were here when they arrived. Crating them is “cruel” according to DOG girlfriend but it’s not cruel to ruin carpets and rugs for some reason. (scratches head)

    They can’t be trusted at all, so I have proposed crating them at night, since they tend to roam off and do the deed on the bathroom rug every night and well… one does fine, the other will drive you crazy squeaking all night long. So, I suggest putting the squeaker in the crate, placing the crate in the laundry room. That’s a “negative” as well… so the alternative is, squeaker gets to be out at night and I often get to walk through a puddle or wet spot when going to the bathroom each morning.

    So… those of you that love your dogs, it is your responsibility to train them, No one else should have to suffer untrained animals. At that point, it becomes really hard for me–even as a guy that loves dogs–to like the animal. And I hate it because really… it’s not the dog’s fault.

    But getting back to relationships, this is a serious point of contention in mine, to the point where we’ve almost split a couple of times over it.

    I am thoroughly convinced that some people do not need a dog. If they don’t carry the level of responsibility necessary to train one, or the discipline to let them out at regular intervals… just no, don’t get a dog. If you do and your partner has to suffer the animal… try to understand the grief you’ve imposed on that person. Some of us are not well geared for dealing with it…

    1. I feel exactly the Same way. Ugh. How do you deal with a dog that gets into trash, spreading it either around the house or the yard and then feeling like you have to clean it because he is busy, catching fleas but, it’s to cold outside for them.. suggestion buy a heat lamp but, sleeping outside is “cruel.” I cannot handle it. I told him when he got the dog I want no extra responsibility..

    2. You can train your dog to have specific “dog blankets”. They’ll only come up onto a bed or piece of furniture if their dog blanket is laid out for them. It’s very simple to compromise and keep things clean

    3. I feel the same way. I wish my boyfriend would respect my things and my need for personal space by keeping his dogs out of our bedroom where they chew on anything they can find. Or from jumping on our new couch. Which I bought because the old one reeked from his dogs and his mother was coming to town to visit. It is difficult to like his dogs because of
      this. I resent being the bad guy and I resent that I have spent well over 1000 dollars to replace ruined property.

  8. I have problem with my husband too, I had the dog since before we were married. She is kind and doesn’t do any mess, going outside for her needs.

    She never barks and always wants to play, my husband hates her when she wants attention from everyone and wants to play. All the time he says that she is stupid and afraid of everything and that she is not normal dog. (Btw she is a Labrador).

    I can’t do anything sometimes she is afraid of him just from the sound of his voice. When I tell him anything about his behaviour towards her he is starting arguing with me that if I want i can take her and leave. I know he don’t mean it but it makes me very sad. Honestly she is a very good ????. When she was sick I saw him be stressed about it and he started to talk to her with kindest and he pet her. That was the closest to her. Not anymore.

    Anyway that’s our story.

    Greetings from Cyprus.

  9. I have a lifelong fear of dogs. And when i say fear, I mean debilitating, panic attack inducing phobia. I have wanted to confront this fear my whole life. Now I am with my boyfriend who absolutely loves dogs. He decided to adopt a rescue while I was away for the holidays (we live together). This is a BIG dog, part husky/malamute and now I feel like my home is a dangerous place. The dog senses my fear and responds by growling at me, which only increases my fear and anxiety. It is not fair that this animal is now ruling my emotions and my life. I avoid my home until I know my boyfriend is home, because he won’t let the dog harm me and I Resent feeling so dependent on him, even though he put me in this situation. I don’t hate dogs, I am fearful of them and I believe my boyfriend has been incredibly selfish to do this to me. I love my boyfriend but feel like this crossed a serious line and I don’t know what to do.

  10. If you love someone you must also respect their space. Not everyone likes dogs.

    In my opinion, if there’s no dog and no tension – then there’s a dog introduced and there’s tension, then it’s the fault of the one who brought the dog into the relationship, and insists upon it staying.

    A radio can be turned off. A barking and yipping dog can’t. Not everyone thinks it’s cute. Fur and poop in the house makes the house a kennel, not a home. Try to understand that, dog people. Some of us don’t want to live that way.

    1. Omg, I agree with all of that. And because we don’t want to live that way, we are evil. We are the bad guys, but why can’t we respect and compromise. My boyfriend has a 15 year old jack russel that is drooling everywhere, peeing even pooing everywhere. He licks the bed, my boyfriends house is always stinky. I cannot stand living like an animal anymore because he thinks his dog is his child and should do whatever he pleases. I’m fed up.

    2. THANK YOU. I like animals (I have a cat and a caracal, both imported from Russia) but dislike dogs greatly, yet my fiancee has a Leonberger (think blonde St. Bernard). She’s very sweet, yes, and a good dog, but she’s 100 lbs of fluffy hair and slobber. I don’t want her touching me. Before I moved in, she was allowed on the furniture, slept in the bed, and compounding the issue was my partner wasn’t the tidiest woman in the world. When I first walked into the house, I nearly retched, from the smell of animal (she had like 24 pets at that point, many rodents, whose cages were sorely neglected). I recognise that my partner has compromised a lot – the rats, ferrets and ducks have been rehomed, the dog is no longer allowed on the sofa (though the petsitter lets her, and they think I don’t know), or upstairs into the bedroom. She now sleeps in her crate. But I still think she’s filthy, with her drooly mouth and shaggy, unbathed body. I want to ask my partner to bathe her at least twice a month (for a long haired dog that’s a minimum, right?), brush and clip her, so the house doesn’t stink and have hair tumbleweeds, but I feel that after all the compromises she’s made already, that may be pushing too far. I just don’t want to live in a kennel, as above poster said. I am an executive, and do not want dog hair all over my work clothes, nor do I want remnant animal odour on my person. I’m seriously debating moving out, because of the dog, but I love my partner and wish to marry her. I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with her love for this disgusting animal. I even ask her to wash her hands after scritching the dog, before touching me. I know logically, I should just date someone with no mammalian pets, but my heart is sold on my partner, so I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. 🙁

      1. You sound horrible. The dog is a dog and cannot change how it is. Dogs are loyal and love unconditionally, unlike yourself. I suggest you move out. Your partner and her dog deserve better.

        1. You sound like a horrible person telling her how she feels is wrong. What she feels is how she feels. If your partner loves you they should help compromise if they want both you and the dog in their life.

          1. @Quiet, i feel the same,
            I live with my partner who has a cat , a dog , and 2 fosh aquariums. Yes they were all there and i was completely alright with the dog sharing our bed before in the first 2 yrs of our relationship. From the time we’ve had a baby boy , I’ve only prohibited the entry of dog in the bedroom which he has also been fine with. As it can obviously end up jumping over and squishing my baby , being an overexcited , yappy, and clumsy one as well. Moreover its the exessive amount of fur I cant stand. Come on, I cant end up having dog hair , dander, etc ending up in formula milk , the areas where I store and make his bottle , baby bedding and clothing etc. plus him ingesting or inhaling all that fur . If pet hair were easy to remove from fabrics , i wouldn’t have been complaining .I need to maintain some hygiene whilst caring for and rasing the little one. But when I go up to my mum for a short or long period of time, then partner let’s the dog in which I don’t object to as he misses sleeping with the dog. After getting back, I am gretted by fur once again everywhere but I as a clean freak deal with it right away, though frustrated over him not cleaning up at all. The cat is in the living and room and kitchen area with door always shut otherwise the cat would go on war with the dog.
            We are all living in his mother’s house where we all are sharing space on top of having too much stuff, which makes it impossible for me to keep the house thoroughly clean and organised. Space is limited overall so well.
            I would like us to be able to move out and have our own place , which we are not being able to have that sorted right away , I’m willing to take the dog as well because its Kyle’s dog since she was a puppy . The cat and a fish aquarium actually belongs to his mother so they can stay back.
            Ideally I’d like us to have our own garden as well where the dog can be let out, i believe this will make a lot more easier and better for us. Here we don’t have a garden as well . I’ve always wanted to have our own garden for many reasons. In the kind of arrangement I wish for , I would not mind having one pet .
            Nowadays its the flea infestation which is seemingly getting out of control. The fleas are only climbing on and biting me only amongst the human family members . I’m constantly being itchy , i have tired so hard eliminating fleas , vacuuming everyday and what not , but i feel very burdened . No one else seems to be taking initiatives in the household tasks.
            Therefore I’m leaving this place with my baby in a few days, till the infestation is gone and we have our own place. We are not calling it quits , we just need to move forward with our lives . I’m sure it will be better for the dog as well to have more space around. And won’t need to blocked from another room because of an intolerant cat.
            And the dog can be welcomed back into the room once our baby grows up a bit more .

    3. I been with my guy for 21 years and he had always know that I’m afraid of dogs very afraid I have been afraid of dogs all my life I’m 47 now. He had told me we will be engaged this year but now has gone out and got a GSD . I have not been over to his house because I’m terrified of just the video of the dog he sent me. It’s been 2 weeks know and I think our relationship is over after 21 years together!

  11. I am in a difficult predicament my fiance has a large dog I don’t particularly care for dogs I like my freedom my race for children 7 great grandpa seven grand children and for great grandsons I would likely ago and I want to go come back when I want to come back with my fiance without the added problem of the dog

  12. I don’t know. I have always loved dogs going back to being a little boy. My parents were against dogs due to cultural/regligious reasons so I had made a promise to myself when I was in University that I will get myself a dog before 40. Last year, a couple of years before 40, I thought of getting my dog finally. I am married and have an 8 year old boy and after trying unsuccessfully for a few years of having more kids, we did not have any. So I brought up the desire to adopt a dog. My wife is not a dog person, something that I did not give much thought. However, I never insisted on getting a dog and when a breeder whom I had approached me earlier asked me to come and look at his puppies (this is after my wife also expressed interest but declined the option of getting a rescued dog). We went and looked at them and my wife asked my son to chose a puppy (a GSD). I asked my wife if she was sure as I was feeling unsure considering that she was not a dog person. She said that I should not back out as this is what I have wanted and made it clear that apart from occasionally feeding the dog when I am not around, she will not do much caring for it. four weeks after this, I got my puppy when she was 8 weeks old. Right from then until last week, I have done everything for her. Her walks, feeding, cleaning, nails, ears, food choices (used to drive up north for 2 hours to get special performance food for her) and not forgetting the first few weeks when she was separating from her mother, I slept next to her to keep her company. She is like my child.

    Now came the sudden change. Earlier this year, my wife became pregnant. and after having the babies, she has switched completely – does not want the dog in the house, keeps her away from the babies, complains about the dog (she grabbed a piece of bread from my wife’s plate when my wife left it on the table and was somewhere else – my sees this as animal behavior which is unacceptable and indicates that such animals should not be in the house!).

    Her dislike of the puppy is to the extent that she sees my walks (15 min twice a day) with my pup as taking time away from the family (I place my one of my infants in the baby carried and go on walks with my dog and yet she complaints).

    I have limited options now. My wife is not someone that is open to communication and understanding another person’s point of view). I have found a man who is looking for a dog and is a very nice guy but I am not sure of giving up my puppy. It is incredibly sad and I hate it. I literally feel like walking out of my marriage. I find my wife selfish inconsiderate and a person who will not keep her word.

    1. Keep the dog and get rid of the wife! A wife/husband should be understanding and able to compromise. She sounds very selfish and unloving. Maybe counseling will help? Best of luck to you and I’m sorry you are in this situation!

      1. Did you not read there is a child involved now. Animals are animals people are people. My boyfriend got three cats and he knows I didn’t really like cats. I have a dog I begged him to get a kitten so they could grow up together. He got a 1 year old cat that was abused and she is afraid of everything. Since then he has got 2 more cats. I now have a 12 year old spoilt shihtzu which cannot be around 3 cats. Now in our 9 year relationship we still cannot get married and will probley break up because of this. That’s insensitive.

          1. Good for him for rescuing the kitties! There’s no reason you all can’t get along. It sounds like you are the one being selfish.

    2. I’m curious as to what happened? It sounds like she might have been going through post partum depression. Which could be resolved with some help.
      Just curious if you kept your dog. I’m going through similar with my boyfriend (no babies, just his lack of love for my dogs)

      1. I would like to know the outcom of the situation as well because of reason I am going through something similar. However I got married after 6 yers of relationship.

        I got a dog 10 years and I met with my wife in year 2008 so we know in time when I did not have a dog he came into my life 2 years after I started university studies. With my wife we put it together in 2013 and nothing would tell me something may go wrong when we start to manage our own life but life decided to bring to me another situation the one I would never have imagined to come. After we married she announced to me she does not want my dog in our house after the wedding, when mortage and everything was set up to start with our own common life. My dog is like a child to me I rised him from a pup of 8 weeks and he is certified canisterapeut and well trained dog a yellow labrador absolute sweetheart. She always tolerated him we ofted went out for a walks and hikes she was always nice to him but after we did marry it was 360 degree turn off on here side and I am like what should I do. I love here but my dog is the commitment I am not going to let down at any circumstances dog goes with me no matter if I move on, I got married or I have a baby he is with me one third of my life. I found my very first job because of people I met when he was a pup and I found a lot of things I would never have If there would be no dog in my life and at least he saved my life. When robbers tried to kick in our house he was the first one to defend it and together we took down the robber and he was also protective when my mother was attacked and made those drunk guys go away, How could I give him away? It is no option for my in any case to give up on him but I love my wife even because of this situation I feel I am going to walk away from the marrieage we have not had any children yet and this situation just breaks me apart. Even I love her I feel that I am going to stay with my dog rather than be unhappy in life live by views of somone else and I wanted nothing special just to be accepted the way I am which means together with my dog. I see I am not alone with this.

  13. My boyfriend really does not like my dog, shes super needy and cuddly which i love but he hates. She’s scared of him when he calls her and that makes her pee a little (submissivly) and he freaks out about it making it ruin his whole day and then he doesnt like her even more. He has nothing nice to say to her like when she goes to him for pets all he says it “we’re not friends im just tolerating you” it makes me so sad and i dont know what to do ive tried talking to him about it but that just results in us both getting upset amd nothing changing. Any suggestions?

    1. Keep loving your dog..get rid of the guy..he Will be abusive to your pet when you are not around..especially if he shows his dislike for your pet in front of you…The things he says & shows tell you a lot already about his character…I know from personal experience.

    2. I agree with everything except the suggestion that “good” pet owners have purebreds and bad ones have “mutts”. Some of the best pet owners have rescue mongrels, and there is nothing wrong with a dog that isn’t purebred. similarly having a purebred doesn’t necessarily mean someone is a responsible owner

  14. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and are still getting to know each other. I am passionate about animals. ALL animals. Hi words: “you hold animals in a higher regard than I do.” He has a dog and says he feels he is “a responsible dog owner.” When I learned he was going to adopt a dog from the pound, my heart melted. When he took me and his new young dog to the training facility that he has used in the past with his previous 4 Golden Retrievers, my heart broke. Why you ask? 2 words. SHOCK COLLARS or E collars as they call them. Being a passionate animal/rescue/foster advocate, I am 1000% against the use of these devices, especially for training puppies. (His dog is estimated between 10 months to 1 year old. ) We almost broke up over this because I emailed the owner of the training company, who is a family friend of his, to tell her that I appreciated her work with dogs but that I would never support the use of this kind of device for training. There is still tons of tension, especially when I go to his home and they are using it on the dog when the dog is in the yard, running around and sniffing holes and …..being a dog!! He does not see anything wrong with the use of the shock collar and calls it a “tool.” Will will be able to get through this??

    1. He doesn’t sound worth it!
      Put it on his hand and shockhim, he might get it then, I couldn’t accept someone who believes in shock collars.
      There was a good episode on its me or the dog showing how traumatic it was for the dog

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