What Do You Do About Your Dog if You’re Raptured Away This Weekend?

I am really out of the loop. I'd scheduled a birthday lunch with my mother-in-law for May 22, but I recently learned that there may...


I am really out of the loop. I’d scheduled a birthday lunch with my mother-in-law for May 22, but I recently learned that there may be a little conflict: Judgment Day is predicted for May 21. I hate it when that happens!

This could change our plans a little, if Judgment Day pundits like Oakland minister Harold Camping are right. There are all kinds of renditions of what may happen tomorrow on the Day of Reckoning. Among them:

This is the kindest and gentlest of the predictions. Jesus will come, and the saved are going straight to heaven. (FYI, the event is called the Rapture, because if you’ve committed your life to Jesus and he personally sends you to heaven, you’re probably going to be pretty rapturous.) In this scenario, the rest of us may remain here on earth, slogging away at our tedious lives, noticing nothing different except, perhaps, that there are more empty seats at church. The world may or may not end in October.

Earthquakes will tear the world asunder. That’s what Camping predicts. The saved (a mere 2 percent of the world’s population, apparently) will go straight to heaven. Everyone else, the other place.

The saved will go to heaven (this seems to be a common theme), and the rest of us will be having a very, very bad time on Earth on May 22 and henceforth.

But why am I writing about this on Dogster? Because some people who are planning for the Rapture are also making plans for their pets.

The idea is that dogs don’t go to heaven (this is not the kind of heaven I’d want to be in), so if you love your dog, you’re going to want to make sure he gets a new home.

I’m not sure how that works, because in some renditions of Judgment Day, people who remain here sound like they’re in for a rather dicey time, and may be thinking more about how to avoid the rampant fire and brimstone than where to buy Maggie her kibble.

What’s a dog to do if his owner has been Raptured away?

If his owner had signed up for post-Rapture care with the atheists at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets-USA, the dog should be OK. According to the company’s website:

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists.Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earthafter you’ve received your reward.Our network of animal activistsare committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

But who are these people?

Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral /ethical withno criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure theircare foryour pet’s natural life.

Well, you can’t complain about the price:

For $135.00we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved.Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $20.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends

The service claims to have representatives in 28 states now, and they’re standing by to take your dog. As of about a week ago, the organization told the Washington Post it had some 250 clients.

Some fine print to be aware of, should you sign up:

If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.

Is this a joke? According to the company’s website, absolutely not.

This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.

As for my plans on May 22, I think I’ll wait until Sunday morning to buy my mother-in-law a gift, just in case.

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