Call us barking mad, but the latest in our doggie Photoshop series takes on the vibrant world of celebrity food personalities. Though it could seem mean on the surface, it’s all in good fun. It’s an easy metaphor to make, after all: Like our favorite breeds, our most popular TV chefs all have distinctive personality traits and quirks that either endear them to people instantly or that foster a love-to-hate relationship.
Check out these hot dogs and let us know what you think. Have we left out a favorite food personality? Tell us what sort of dog you think they would be in the comments.
1. Anthony Bourdain, omnivore author and host of The Layover and No Reservations: Pit Bull
Snarly and growly on the outside, but only to scare away the weak people. Like the Tootsie Pop, there’s the sweetest possible center.
2. Mario Batali, restaurateur and host of ABC’s The Chew: Saint Bernard
Ruddy and ready for palling around or getting some serious work done.
3. Padma Lakshmi, author and host of Bravo’s Top Chef: Afghan Hound
Regal and loyal, but not always the quickest wit in the dog park.
4. Paula Deen, restaurateur, author, and host of Paula’s Home Cooking, Paula’s Best Dishes, and Paula’s Party: Komondor
Guards family with amazing fierceness for such a cuddly creature. Can also hide a lot of fattening foods under that fantastic mop.
5. Tom Colicchio, restaurateur and host of Bravo’s Top Chef: English Mastiff
A bighead who doesn’t always know his own brute strength. Can have trouble hiding his true affectionate side.
6. Nigella Lawson, author and television personality: Cocker Spaniel
Watch out for this pretty lady, who looks demure but hides the heartiest of appetites. She might eat everything in sight if not monitored.
7. Jamie Oliver, food activist and television personality: Golden Retriever
Everyone’s buddy and pal, who can also get down to business when required.
8. Martha Stewart, CEO, multimedia and television personality: English Bulldog
Amiable and dignified, yet also aggressive and daunting. This classic specimen is yin and yang in a powerful package.
9. Ted Allen, former Queer Eye food guy, now author and host of Chopped on Food Network: Papillon
Classy, sometimes pampered, and always inquisitive — or maybe that’s just the adorably innocent-looking features.
10. Rachael Ray, Every Day with Rachael Ray magazine author and food TV personality: Chihuahua
This cute but sometimes vicious one is tiny but yappingly loud. The smallest breed makes one of the biggest impressions.
11. Gordon Ramsay, restaurateur and host of Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen: Rottweiler
Cross this beast at your own peril and plunder. But on the flipside, his true friends get to see the tender underbelly to his personality.
That was fun, huh? Now check out The Dogs of Mad Men, The Dogs of Downton Abbey, and The Dogs of Game of Thrones.
All artistic manipulations by the talented Audrey Fukuman.