Resolutions Go To The Dogs

I love watching my parents make New Year's Resolutions. Why? Because when they inevitably break them, I'm there to make them feel better. You may...


I love watching my parents make New Year’s Resolutions. Why? Because when they inevitably break them, I’m there to make them feel better.

You may know the drill already, but here’s how it works in the Hoefinger household.

January 2nd…Resolution #1 – the thought of working out regularly finds rainbow bridge quickly. I sit at their feet, waiting for treats to come my way. And they do.

January 15th – Resolution #2 – eating more veggies is tossed aside by the buffalo wings eat-a-thon. I sit at their feet, waiting for treats to come my way. And they do.

February 1st – Resolution #3 – keeping track of family finances goes the way of my mother’s left slipper. I sit at their feet, waiting for treats to come my way. And they do.

The more they fail, the better off I am.

I’m glad I’m not owned by Warren Buffet or Bill Gates.

But I do see the need for goals. And below are some valuable links to help you get out of the new year whatever it is that you want. Just keep reading to find out how.

You know the old saying, “You ain’t got nothing if you don’t have your health.”

Well, if you don’t have peanut butter treats on a regular basis, you really have nothing either, but I get the point. Literally.

You see, for me it starts with an acupuncture needle jammed in the middle of my forehead. Once it’s in there, I feel a whole lot better.

You may have different ideas about staying healthy, and you’d be well served to check out the most valuable canine health tips known to dog, or man for that matter. No better place to turn than to Dogster.

If you’d like to know what problems you’re likely to encounter, check out breed specific health related issues at:

Like the human touch of a trained vet? One that you don’t have to feel self conscious about when taking your fur suit off? Then check out the things to look for when selecting your very own healer…

Even if you have a great vet, make sure you don’t forget to check on the latest trends in canine healthcare. Remember, an informed dog, is a happy dog. You’ll be informed and happy at:

Even after doing research, you may still be perplexed about a health issue, or just need more info on a dog related question. That’s where Dogster’s very own vet extraordinaire, Dr. Barchas comes in. Don’t worry, he has a special translator that understands what you type with your paws. And yes, that is his real name. I guess it was inevitable he’d be a vet.

If I were a people doctor, you know what my name would be? Dr. Bo. Did you really expect me to say something like Dr. Speakus? You can check in with the good doc here:


Who was it that said, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”? Yeah, I’m not sure either, but let me tell you, they never met Squeekers.

Squeekers was the yellow duck I loved in my youth. I took her everywhere with me. Everywhere. Until the day she was kidnapped. Why else the sudden disappearance? I know my parents were behind it because they thought Squeekers was gross and dirty.

Years later I went to visit my Australian Shepherd cousin, AJ. There, in his house, lay Squeekers.

The shock of finding out my duck was unfaithful still hasn’t worn off.

To build my self esteem, I have my parents find playdates for me on Dogster’s Playdates & Meetups forum. Maybe you’ll find a Squeekers too, although I’d steer clear of any two timing, dirty ducks you may find there.

When not playing I like to look my very best. You too can be the envy of all the gals (or boys) by having your parents check out the great grooming info we have at:

In all honesty, I think “my best” is the greasy, flat look. I found this is best obtained by staying clear of bath water. Regardless of you grooming style, you still want to look good in pictures.

Sometimes looking good just isn’t good enough when trying to get that perfect picture. Usually it’s operator error. For instance, my mother takes horrible pictures. In most of them, she’s either cut off the top of my ears or the bottom of my paws. That, of course, assumes she’s managed to keep her finger out of the frame.

That’s why I’ve hinted to her to check out Dogster’s photo school for a little bit of help at:

Just a little word to the wise. Make sure you don’t take any inappropriate shots. Once leaked on the internet and you’ll never live it down. Just ask Paris Hilton’s dog.

They say exercise is good for you. That may be true for canines under the age of 100, but for me, I’d rather just sit around and lick my Kong.

However, I know many of you need your exercise. There can’t be enough good things said about it. It’s like flossing. No one ever says a bad thing about it. Anyway, make sure to check out the best exercise and fitness guide on the web at:

To get even more out of exercise, wouldn’t it be great to fully understand the breed first. Then one could create a breed specific exercise plan.

Ask and you shall receive. Here’s the chow-retriever exercise routine I just created. It goes something like this: get up in the morning and pee for twenty minutes. Come in and eat breakfast. Grab a treat and head back to bed. Five hours later, get up, go outside and pee for fifteen minutes. Grab a treat and take a nap. Five hours later, get up, go outside and pee for fifteen minutes. Eat dinner, watch Lassie, take a nap. Oh, don’t forget to get your treat. Nap until parents are in bed. Get up and demand to be let out to pee. Take as much time as you need. Come back in the house, get a treat and go to bed for the night.

To learn more about your breed, and ultimately develop the best exercise plan for yourself, check out Dogster’s breed link at:

Of course exercise can get monotonous. Oh if only there were a place to go to stay motivated on our conditioning and exercise resolutions. Well look no further than here:

I can hear the calls in the gym already, “C’mon Sprinkles, you can do it. Just one more push-up!”


Frankly, I hate the word.

Anytime it comes up my portions suddenly diminish, my kibble becomes tasteless, and I have a three day bout of heavy gas. It ain’t pretty, especially if you like sleeping under the covers.

But I do understand the importance of proper diet, and so should all of your owner’s out there. Point them in the direction of:

When it comes to nutrition, things aren’t always as black and white as the cookies I love. You can check out all the opinions at Dogster’s Food and Nutrition forum strategically located at:

Did you know grapes aren’t good for dogs? How about raisins? Nope, not good either. Kitchen knives and screwdrivers, even when swallowed whole, are big no noes as well. So how is a dog to know what to eat, what to chew and what to spit out?

Head over to Dogster’s version of the CDC. Here, discussion surrounds foods that are poisonous to the canine set. You may be surprised what you find.


I’m a rescue. My sister Copper is a rescue. My brother Logan is a rescue. My feline sisters Moose and Mothball are rescues. And of course, we all rescued our parents.

If you want to do something truly special this year, get your folks to adopt a dog, or yes, even a cat.

The one thing you need to be sure to do is to educate your humans on getting the right dog for themselves. You don’t want a husky living in a 500 sqft mid town apartment. Unless 1) he’s requested it, and 2) he can afford it.

If you don’t have a dog, adopting one is the way to go:

Once the right kind of dog is identified, point your peeps to this link so they can find the nearest shelter to adopt from:

And finally, have the familiarize themselves with the adoption process at:

Adoption Questions & Answers

So there you have it, lots of info for a great new year. Make a resolution and stick to it.

Remember your brain is like my waistline, if it ain’t growing it’s shrinking.

If your looking for an answer, remember Bo Knows, even though I don’t listen. Come visit me at the funniest dog blog, written by a dog, on the internet. Commentary on the latest animal news stories of the day. You and your pets are sure to love it!

* Read a chapter, Of All The Gin Joints In All The World She Walks Into Mine, from my upcoming book (Kensington Books, Oct ’09).

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