Let’s all take a moment of quiet reflection to think: What do we really know about James Franco?
Is he the foremost cinematic auteur of our time? Is he a multidisciplinary genius whose only flaw is to be misunderstood by a cruel and hyper-snarky public? Or is he an attention-craving chancer who’s lucked his way into the big time?
Actually, it turns out the real James Franco is none of the above — at least if a revelatory Instagram account is to be believed. Instead, James Franco is actually a terrier mutt who’s been happily living his life in San Francisco. Allow me to explain.
What’s in a name?
James “Juicy” Franco is the canine behind a burgeoning Instagram account that chronicles his adventures in the Bay Area. The precise reasons behind the pup’s honorific are never really explained — but the photostream gives off a vibe that’s something of a tongue-in-cheek homage to the altogether less fluffier Franco.
Philosophy, you know it’s he
In common with his thespian namesake, our pooch is fond of relaying his deepest thoughts and worldly ponderings in an altogether philosophical manner.
“Are we human or are we Franco?” asks his Instagram bio, while elsewhere he can be heard pontificating, “Fall is to leaves as acting is to applause.”
Most insightful of all is the caption to the above photo: “Ice, ice baby.”
True knowledge of self is a powerful and dangerous thing.
A beautiful mind
As you’d expect from such a philosophical pooch, James Franco can often be found in serious contemplation. Well, that’s when he’s not on the hunt for the perfect napping spot.
As he’s been known to explain to his adoring fans, “Sometimes I sleep, other times I just think.”
The big screen
Since making an early name for himself on the cult TV show Freaks and Geeks, James Franco the human has gone on to snag roles in more than 50 Hollywood flicks, including big budget franchises like Spiderman.
James Franco the Terrier has yet to hit the big screen with quite as much success, although he has been snapped preparing for what might be his true breakthrough moment: “Rehearsing for a new zombie movie.”
In other aspiring-thespian pup news, Internet rumors suggest that James “Juicy” Franco has already signed off on a new version of the Ryan Gosling vehicle The Place Beyond the Pines. It will now be known as The Pup Beyond the Pines, starring James Franco and Ryan Gosling.
A whiff of cod philosophy
While taking in a stroll through a particularly bucolic part of the Bay Area one day, James Franco witnessed the sort of sunset that can move a dog to overly philosophical words.
“They kept telling me, “Stay!” I don’t know why, everything looked the same to me,” he mused.
It’s a dilemma many are still trying to figure out to this day.
When not preoccupied with fathoming out the grand existential intricacies of the world around him, James Franco busies himself with the eternal hunt for sustenance. As he quips here, “What’s wrong with this picture? Oh yeah, both bowls are empty.”
At the end of the day, James Franco likes to slip on a pair of oversized headphones and relax to the sounds of his favorite tunes. He’s been quoted as saying that he’s a big fan of the English singer-songwriter Sam Smith — the caption here reads “Sam Smith on repeat” — although there’s no news on whether he ever sneaks in some songs by Riff Raff, the reality-TV-show-contestant-turned-rapper whose identity the actor James Franco allegedly appropriated for his turn in the potential cult flick Spring Breakers. Controversy!
Get your daily dose of James Franco in your feed by following his Instagram account.
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- Meet Lucielle Bull, a Pop Culture-Loving Bulldog on Instagram