Fake Testicles for Dogs: Are They Ever a Good Idea?

Munson, a neutered bulldog whose owner thought the dog's lack of testicles was unnervingly unmanly, now walks around town looking like the stud he really...


Munson, a neutered bulldog whose owner thought the dog’s lack of testicles was unnervingly unmanly, now walks around town looking like the stud he really isn’t. He sports a pair of fake testicles so real looking that they even fool kennels where he boards. (He probably doesn’t fool the lady dogs, though, but don’t tell him that.)

The road from being an unneutered dog to a neutered pooch is one millions of (slightly sore) male dogs trot down every year. But the trip in the other direction is a road far less traveled. In recent years, however, it has become a more popular route, thanks to a brand of silicone testicular implants called Neuticles. Neuticles are becoming more commonplace as people (generally men) realize their dogs don’t have to have all their equipment to look as if they do.

This pseudo studliness is purported to be influencing thousands of men who are reluctant to put their dogs’ privates on the chopping block. Because they have an option to let their dogs look just as “put together” as before neutering, the neuter-hesitant often decide to go through with neutering. As Neuticles’ inventor Gregg Miller wrote in a comment below (obviously this is updated info), this can save countless lives.

“Neuticles are encouraging those pet owners to neuter that simply would not before. As a result pet overpopulation is being reduced and those Neuticled pets are living longer, happier and healthier lives. Neuticles should be praised and encouraged as it promotes neutering- its helping to reduce pet overpopulation and above all its safe and humane,” he wrote.

“Keep in mind that millions of unwanted pets are killed each year by local animal control. At an average cost of $40 per animal- this atrocity is costing our local government hundreds of millions of dollars each year. With over 450,000 Neuticled pets- we believe the number of unwanted pets have been reduced because neuter hesitant pet owners are neutering with Neuticles,” Miller explained. (On the website it says 250,000 pets, so we’ll clear that up soon. Either way you slice it, that’s a lot of dogs.)

Usually the ol’ switcheroo takes place as the dog is being neutered. That can make for a relatively seamless transition – at least for the dog’s owner. “With Neuticles its like nothing ever changed!” says the company’s website. The idea is that the dog AND you won’t even notice.

Somehow I think that a dog would wonder why things feel so oddly numb back there, but hey, I haven’t asked a lot of “Neuticled” dogs about this. The company claims that 250,000 pets have been Neuticled since 1995 without even one complication. If true, that’s a good record. The brave of stomach can watch a video of a Neuticles procedure.

There’s a variety of sizes available, ranging from Petite to X-Large. (Would a man who wants his dog Neuticled ever want to buy his dog petite ones?) Veterinarian Marty Becker told ABC that men often ask about “upsizing.”

And in case you were wondering, you can buy them by the pair, or one at a time. Why you’d need one at a time I’ll never know. The website says that veterinarians get a 10 percent discount. Wait: Why would a non-vet want to buy a Neuticle or two?

If you think it’s odd to Neuticle your dog, you may be interested to know that Neuticles are also available for cats, horses, bulls, and “any neutered pet.”

Dogsters, I’m curious about your opinions:

The Neuticles company says “Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self-esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering.” Do you think a dog’s self-esteem is hurt when he is neutered, or that having fake parts is good for his ego?

Company literature also says that “the removal of a God given body part – leaving a male pet looking unwhole after the traditional form of neutering – is not only unethical but unnatural.” What do you think of that, Dogsters? Is neutering unnatural, but Neuticles OK?

Finally, if faux testicles can mean the difference between someone deciding to neuter their dog or someone wanting to leave him au naturel, could there indeed be a good use for this oddball product?

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