Are Dogs With Different Colored Eyes Really Wizards?

Those eyes are mesmerizing, aren't they? It's as if they have the power to implant suggestions.


Different Colored Eyes day is tomorrow — Saturday, July 12 — so naturally we thought of dogs. We love dogs with different colored eyes. They are mesmerizing, no? The way they look at you, gazing deeply into your soul, almost as if they are implanting suggestions, commanding you wordlessly to do their bidding. Are dogs with differently colored eyes doing that? Are they wizards?

We think so. Here are some things they are suggesting.

Listen: There is a steak in the refrigerator. I need you to go the refrigerator and get that steak and bring it to me. Bring me the steak, now. Bring a loaf of bread, too. And pudding. Do it now.

There is a ball in the closet. A tennis ball. I need you to get that tennis ball and throw it down the hallway, again and again and again, and again and again and again. Forget time. Lose yourself to the throwing. Do it now.

In the cabinet is a bowl. In the cabinet is a can. Empty the can into the bowl. Why are you still here? Go.

Pay very close attention. There is a plate of grilled chicken in the refrigerator. I need you to get that plate of grilled chicken and place it before me, and then I need you to back out of the room, slowly, no sudden moves. Do it now. Do not eat any of the chicken! Go.

At the end of your arm is a hand. At the end of your hand are fingers. I see them. I need you to take those fingers and scratch me, with vigorous force, on my back, on my belly, on my shoulders, everywhere, while I writhe uncontrollably on the floor. Do not laugh! Continue until I urinate. Do it now!

In the hallway is a closet. In the closet is a ball. Next to that ball is a Frisbee. I need you to get that Frisbee and throw it far, far, as far as you can, for 75 minutes or until I collapse in a heap, unconscious. Whichever occurs first. Do it now. Do not delay! And bring me a hamburger.

Do you have a dog with different colored eyes? Are you at the mercy of her gaze? Let us know in the comments!

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