DoodyCalls provides a simple service that makes our customers’ lives a little nicer. We help busy pet owners take care of the most unpleasant and time-consuming aspect of pet ownership -- picking up where their furry loved ones “drop off.”

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Jacob and Susan D'Aniello, founders of DoodyCalls.

Here's how it started out: In late 1999, I was a recent college grad. I was commuting home from my new IT job, listening to the radio while sitting in traffic on the notorious Beltway in Washington, D.C. I almost changed the channel when I heard an interview with a man singing praises about his wonderful career picking up dog poop, but then it hit me: This is a great idea.

My future wife, Susan, thought I was crazy, but she soon became a convert. Poop disposal wasn’t rocket science or brain surgery, granted, but the more we looked into it, the more excited we became. The next week, we began placing classified ads.

Our very first job was a housewarming gift for a guy who wanted to buy the service for six months for a friend who really needed it. His dog had left far too many “presents” in the yard for him to get off to a good start in his new home.

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Your dog can't read, so he will poop wherever he needs to poop. No fouling sign by Shutterstock

When Susan and I arrived, we realized that while we had spent plenty of time researching the industry and planning the business, we hadn't actually thought much about the down-and-dirty art of picking up poop. 

It was a cold winter day and the ground was soaking wet from melting snow. Armed with cardboard boxes and trash bags, we began haphazardly going around the yard and picking up doggie deposits. It took a long time -- a very long time -- and it was far messier than we ever imagined. Susan, who was studying at Johns Hopkins to become a nurse, had a much stronger stomach than I did. She carried us on that first job; I had trouble keeping down lunch.

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DoodyCalls pet waste technician Aaron Sheffield cleans up after Scout.

We quickly realized that not only were we in the poop-scooping business, we were also in the healthy relationship business. Cleaning up after pets is one of those chores that no one wants to do and can lead to friction -- or worse. One of our clients, a columnist for The Washington Post, even wrote about how DoodyCalls saved her marriage.

Soon I was leading a double life, scooping in the mornings before going to my computer job and changing clothes in my car in the parking lot. Then calls started coming in during business hours from people wanting to sign up. Success, I discovered, has its own timeline and does not always follow a steady growth curve. In 2003, I left my job to focus on DoodyCalls full time.

As you can imagine, we’ve seen our fair share of dirty jobs over the years, from houses overrun by cats to backyard compost mounds containing years upon years of collected dog waste. Topping them all is a massive cleanup event in late August, as thousands of prized livestock animals converge on the state fairgrounds for the Minnesota State Fair. 

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Now THAT's a big job: DoodyCalls' Mike Kuehnhajder empties some of the manure from the Minnesota State Fair.

Our franchise partner in the Twin Cities is the official pooper scooper for the fair. From bulls to bunnies, he and his 50-strong team are tasked with cleaning up and disposing of the waste for nearly two weeks straight. Last year, they hauled away two tractor-trailer truckloads of waste.

Never in a million years did I expect to devote my life to dog poop, but that’s exactly what I’ve done. Over the past 13 years, alongside Susan, my amazing wife and business partner, and a dedicated team of entrepreneurs, I have worked tirelessly to pioneer an industry that is now estimated to have an annual market potential of $2.6 billion. Together, we have succeeded in bringing to life a concept that seems so simple that it has somehow evaded entrepreneurs, even in a nation of business empire builders.

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Until dogs learn to use the toilet, I think there'll be a need for DoodyCalls. Chihuahua tangled in toilet paper by Shutterstock

By and large, our customers are busy families and professionals who would rather spend their free time doing the things they enjoy instead of picking up poop. In our experience, 100 percent of dogs poop and exactly zero percent of their owners enjoy picking it up -- so that’s where we come in.

The way it works is really simple. You tell us how often you want us to come -- twice weekly, every other week, or a one-time cleanup. One of our technicians will come to your home, walk your yard, collect what your pup has left behind, then bag and dispose of the waste. You don’t even need to be home when service occurs. Pricing for DoodyCalls services varies depending on the size of your yard and the number of dogs owned, but on average, it’s about the same price as ordering a large pizza.

Beyond scooping for man’s best friend, we have you covered for every animal that walks on four legs or flies. We also clean cat litter boxes and provide services for pot-belly pigs, llamas, goats, chickens, geese, and deer. (Unfortunately, we don’t provide any waste removal services for humans.)

DoodyCalls now has 45 locations in 23 states. I hope it won’t be long now before calling a pet waste removal service will be just as common as having a landscaper or housecleaning service come to your home. As our tagline says: When nature calls, we answer.

We want to hear your poop stories! What's the worst scooping situation you've been in? Let us know in the comments!

Read more stories about poop on Dogster:

• 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Dog Poop
• 7 Green Poop Bags Reviewed
• Dog-Poop DNA Tests That Catch Scofflaws: How's That Smell?
• Watch Dog: Hey, Irresponsible Dog Poop People, I See You!

Got a Doghouse Confessional to share?

We're looking for intensely personal stories from our readers about life with their dogs. E-mail confess@dogster.com, and you might become a published Dogster Magazine author! 

Busted. 

So, what can take the place of that miscalculated ratio? Finally, some people are trying to figure it out. So far, they've figured out that it's really complicated. 

The problem is that smaller dogs tend to live a lot longer than larger dogs. Say you have a Chihuahua and a Great Dane growing up together. Over the course of their lives, the Chihuahua is aging slower than the Great Dane.

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Chihuahua Puppy and a Great Dane sniffing by Shutterstock.

But smaller dogs also mature much faster than larger dogs. In fact, it might take two years for a large dog to reach full skeletal size. 

Consequently, in the first two years, that Chihuahua is aging faster than the Great Dane -- and then he starts aging slower. That means that after two years, the Chihuahua dog is "older" than the Great Dane, but after five years he becomes "younger." 

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Great Dane and a Chihuahua by Shutterstock.

Or so says Dr. Kate Creevy, assistant professor of internal medicine at the University of Georgia, who's been sorting all this out, according to the BBC. She's found that this aging weirdness is unique to dogs.

"It doesn't happen in any other animal," she said. "There isn't any other species which has ... the same degree of size diversity that dogs have. It's possible that by creating all of these diversely sized dogs that we unmasked this ageing phenomenon."

So how can we wrap all that up into a handy equation to tell how old our dogs are? It's tough. According to the story, if you want a broad average across all breeds, six dog years to one human year is a better guideline to use. 

But that changes wildly on the far ends of the spectrum. For example, a Bulldog will age an average of 13 years per human year, whereas for a Miniature Dachshund, it's just 4 years per human year.

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Purebreed Chihuahua making friends with a Purebreed Great Dane by Shutterstock.

As for where the 7:1 ratio came from, experts point to textbooks in the 1960s, which featured the ratio in math problems. No one, however, has come forward to take credit for it.

Via the BBC

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Viva La Dog Spa recently took laser aim at a problem that's devastating to dog owners: Dogs don't smell floral enough. It's really bad. Dogs smell like dogs. They smell nothing like flowers. Take any dog you meet -- there's a 100 percent chance he'll smell like dog and a zero chance he'll smell like flowers. It's infuriating. It's making us crazy. 

Enter Viva La Dog Spa. The Cardinal Pet Care company felt our pain, holed up for months in its perfumery along the Champs Élysées in Paris (actually, it was an office park in Azuza, CA), and brought forth to the masses Devotion, a "designer fragrance" for dogs.

According to the company, it smells like flowers (yes!), comes in a "dramatic" plastic bottle with "a sophisticated French flair" (whatever you say, boss), and is "playful and feminine" (fine, wrap it up). 

Say this line from the press release out loud: "Devotion is a relaxing blend of soft floral scents that intertwine with a powdery tone. Imagine a light mist of flowers with the soft scent of raspberry on a warm day."

Did your dog just come into the room and lay his head on your leg? YOUR DOG WANTS SOFT RASPBERRES AND MISTS OF FLOWERS AND POWDERY SOMETHINGS!

He wants ... Devotion.  

Available wherever you see a funny little display like this: 

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He has a healthy business. He told Businessweek he's done plastic surgery on thousands of animals, usually costing $500 to $1,000 a pop.

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He also said some weird stuff.

“Why not be beautiful? It’s very important," he said. "If the pet is beautiful, the owner is happy and wants to show their pet to their friends.” 

If the pet is beautiful, the owner is happy? Ah, no. 

Now, in a interview with Vice, Brito doubles-down on the weird, enough for us to label him this week's bonehead. 

Here's an excerpt: 

Vice: What’s the most common defect you correct? 
Brito: Damaged or inappropriately positioned ears.

Vice: Doesn’t that seem a bit shallow?
Brito: We aren’t painting dogs pink to match their owners’ nail polish. Our focus is on improving the animal’s quality of life and helping to achieve a perfect relationship between animal and owner.

Vice: So you’re saying that this relationship hinges on the owners finding their dogs attractive?
Brito: Certainly. An ugly dog is an unloved dog, left forgotten in the backyard, without a ride, dirty and mistreated. A clean dog, with bright teeth, is loved by his owners.

Wait, what? Brito just took a left into Crazytown. Ugly dogs are unloved, mistreated, dirty, and left forgotten in a backyard "without a ride?" Since when? Where does this happen? We see dogs Brito would label as ugly every day (droopy ears!), and seldom are they "lacking a ride" -- these dogs are always in full possession of their ride (we don't know what "lacking a ride" means, of course, but the dogs are very happy).

Perhaps Brito is speaking from experience with his own dogs? 

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Brito with a lion, just because.

At this point, Brito could have backed slowly out of Crazytown and been on his way. Instead, he pulls over his camper and starts running for mayor.

Vice: In your professional opinion, does a dog experience a higher quality of life post-surgery?
Brito: Yes, because he will be shown to the public more, go out more with his owner, and be given better products and top food.

We don't even know where to start with this. Post-surgery dogs get better products? Better food? Because of the surgery? Does that mean that dogs with straightened ears get Kongs filled with steak while your average droopy-eared shelter mutts get a crumpled Dixie cup thrown in the dirt to play with? 

And then they are left forgotten in the backyard, dirty and mistreated, without their ride? 

Some of this odd language might be getting tangled in the English-as-a-second-language grinder. But a lot of it is not. Brito has some strange ideas about dogs, to be sure. But it helps to realize that Brito makes his living doing unnecessary surgeries on perfectly fine, albeit not yet "show quality," dogs. He's just trying to sell this junk to the masses. Don't buy it. Your ugly dog is perfectly happy, even without his ride.  

Via Vice

I wish I'd had the new book of dog illustrations, Tiny Confessions, by Christopher Rozzi. In it, Rozzi exposes the deep innerworkings of the canine mind .

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Could have fooled me.

"Whyyy are you barking at the mailman?" I wanted to ask a certain terrier. "He's never done you any harm." She would just look at me, a glint of sass in her eyes hinting at the wild quips I'm sure she'd utter if her mouth could form words.

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Oh! So that's why you brought me that eviscerated, decapitated toy! I'm so honored!

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Let me guess -- it's strewn all over the yard.

"Whyyy did you eat that garbage?" I wanted to ask the goofy Labrador. "If you're patient, I'll give you so many delicious snacks at home." He would just wag his tail, panting with tongue lolling. Of course the garbage was delicious, but I wanted to know which parts of his palate it excited.

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Maybe it's a good thing dogs can't talk ...

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Now I know.

If only I'd had Christopher Rozzi's Tiny Confessions back then!

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The perfect size to fit in your bag for last minute dog translations.

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You mean my heart?

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Noted.

Oh, don't be fooled by its quaint illustrations. Tiny Confessions gives us the unapologetic truth about dogs (and cats), and the truth is that our canine companions would rather we not reduce them to their embarrassing nicknames beyond the safe confines of your home. They also delight in acts of insubordination and are not sorry they chewed up your shoes.

Pretty good, right? Check out the Tiny Confessions website for more humor, which (bonus!) includes links to where you can purchase this charming little guide.

Many thanks to Christopher Rozzi and the Penguin Group for the images in this post. 

Here are more posts on the secret lives of dogs:

• I Went Looking for a Dumb Dog -- and I Found One!
• 5 Stupid Questions I Ask My Dogs on a Daily Basis
• OK Dogs, Who Farted?!

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This is Dog-Friend.

Nailing the "dog experience" with the kind of accuracy only a true dog lover would know, the video opens with an enthusiastic greeting from the Dog-Friend, which, yes, includes leg-humping. Is it just us or is Dog-Friend giving off a distinctly Golden Retriever vibe? While Dog-Friend wants to be everyone's best friend, Cat-Friend is busy hiding behind the blinds. That sounds about right.

When the main character -- Tim -- needs to drive to the bank, Dog Friend is all about it and can barely control his excitement to get in the car. (Dog-Friend, in fact, beats Tim to the steering wheel.)

But what really makes this video work is its acknowledgment of how similar cats and dogs really are. For instance, common enemies include the vacuum cleaner, which sends Dog Friend as well as Cat-Friend to hide in the closet. And whatever you do, don't forget to close the door behind you -- for some reason, despite the fact that our animal friends would have to fend for themselves on their own, they can't resist bolting from an open door.

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Oh the horrid Vacuum Beast!

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The only time the two get along.

What do you think? Do the humans get it right?

Check out these other funny and cute dog videos:

• We Interview the People Behind Loca, YouTube's Most Recognizable Pug
• Emma Has Deformed Legs and Can't Walk -- But That Didn't Stop Her When Daddy Returned from Deployment
• And Now There's VIDEO of Cheesecake the Capybara and Her Puppies!

Really.

"It's about maintaining the breed type through actual work," Richard Reynolds, a New Jersey-based business analyst and longtime dog breeder, told the Associated Press. 

The people of R.A.T.S (that's the society's acronym, purely by chance) have been scouring grimy alleys for more than a decade, and their dogs have been cleaning up the city one dirty rat at a time. On a recent trip, Reynolds says the dogs nabbed 13 rats in half an hour.

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Brown rat by Shutterstock.

The Associated Press documented a few nights on the hunt in alleys near City Hall. On hand were a variety of terriers, a Feist, and a Dachshund. 

"Get 'im! Go!" Serge Lozach yelled to his dog, Hudson, who rocketed after a rat. The pair have been to a few alley hunts. "I like watching him have fun."

The dogs work together to rout out rats, with some sniffing them out and others chasing them down when they flee. If a rat is caught, the dog usually trots back to his owner, who deposits the winnings in a trash bin. 

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Miniature Schnauzer and rat by Shutterstock.com.

You might think: Isn't this sort of savage? Some certainly think so; PETA spokesman Martin Mersereau calls it "a twisted blood sport masquerading as rodent control."

Reynolds isn't so sure about that, pointing to rat poison, which can cause an animal pain for a long periods.

"There are lots of worse things that people do to rats," he says.

Others point to historical matters, namely, an "1851 examination of working-class life in London," which describes rat-catchers using ferrets and terriers to clear the streets of rats. If you look at it that way, modern-day rat hunting is downright hip. 

Watch a video of group in action: 

Via the Associated Press

"In the summer, they cut the dogs' hair short, so you've got to supplement the glamour," he told DNAinfo.com. "Having no hair is no excuse not to be glamorous." 

So, fellow dog owners, you knew you had to supplement the glamour, didn't you? YOU MUST SUPPLEMENT THE GLAMOUR!

But how does one supplement the glamour? Bendersky shows you the way. Two words: Glitter tattoos. Two more words: Tramp stamp. Put them all together and you get tramp stamp glitter tattoos. And that is Bendersky's million-dollar idea, which dogs are completely on board with. Take it away, Bendersky: 

"Dogs are like humans, and when they accessorize they get attention. A pink dog does not know it's pink, but when people are smiling and taking pictures, it gets attention," he said. "So, a dog likes to get tattoos."

QED, haters. 

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Jorge Bendersky

His clients agree.

"When I'm in Central Park, tourists are constantly stopping to see him," said Joanie Pelzer, who has an 8-year-old Chihuahua named Hubbell with a glitter heart stamped on his hip. "He absolutely loves the attention."

So, what exactly is a glitter tattoo? It's not that big a deal. First, you press a stencil into the dog's fur. Then, you fill it with canine-safe glue. Finally, you throw some dog-friendly glitter on it. Done. Anyone can do it. Jorge Bendersky can do it, for $100 a pop. 

"It's all about the tramp stamp," Bendersky said. 

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When does one choose to tattoo one's dog? Fallon O'Brien, who has a 7-year-old Chihuahua named Fletch with a butterfly tattoo, knows just the time. 

"Sometimes, my dog and I dress in the same color if we're going to a red-carpet event. During the summer, it's just too hot to have him wearing outfits like that," she told DNAinfo.com. "The tattoo is a good option."

Totally. Perfect call to go with the tattoo. 

"I go to a lot of events, and people dress up their dogs in expensive outfits," she added. "It was something I could do to make my dog stand out that wasn't that expensive."

Let me remind you: One hundred dollars. 

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To its credit, DNAinfo.com talked to the ASPCA for this story, who said glitter tattoos aren't inherently dangerous, as long as the products are nontoxic.

“There are numerous products on the market that are meant to ‘beautify’ pets, and safety truly depends on the individual product and whether the ingredients are potentially toxic or not," said Dr. Tina Wismer, medical director at the ASPCA’s Animal Poison Control Center. "Pets explore the world with their mouths and are likely to groom and lick any topical agent off their skin or fur."

Jorge Bendersky seems like a good guy and a solid groomer. We don't want to be too hard on him -- he's separating fools from their money. But really, the last problem dogs have is not enough glamour. 

What do you think? Would you give your dog a glitter tattoo? 

Via DNAinfo.com; photos via Jorge Bendersky's Facebook

Inge had to pee. Jim let her out. He doesn't leash his dog when she's in the car, and he figured it would be okay. Inge is blind, by the way.

"I stepped out to give her a chance to go pee," he told TheWhig.com. "She went behind the fence, and she had finished her pee, and then all of a sudden she just took a step forward and she was in the water.”

In the water? Yes, Inge -- blind Inge -- fell headlong off the dock and right into the frigid Lake Ontario. 

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Jim rushed to the edge of the dock and saw Inge paddling around. He called to her, but she wouldn't come his his voice. Instead, confused, she started swimming away. 

“I was ready to go in the water after her,” Jim said. “She was obviously panicked.”

Bystanders found a rescue pole, but they were unable to hook the dog, as Jim scrambled around the dock trying to rescue Inge. 

Fortunately, Kingston Fire & Rescue quickly arrived, having receiving a false report that a human had fallen into the lake. The crew's first job was physically restraining Jim from jumping in the lake -- he was ready to go, so concerned he was for his blind dog. 

Then firefighter Claude Duval, wearing a specialized ice water rescue suit, jumped in, swam to Inge, and held her while his team developed a plan for getting the dog out of the water.

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After trying and failing with a ladder, they lowered a stretcher by a rope. During the first attempt, Inge fell out, back into the chilly water. But the crew succeeded on the second attempt.

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Jim rubbed down his beloved dog with a blanket and said he was headed to the vet. It was a “very scary morning,” he said. “I don't need scary mornings like that.”

Via TheWhig.com

More doggie drama:

• A Soldier's Know-How Pays Off: Man Leads Rescue of a Dog Trapped on a Hillside in Hawaii
• Shhh! Don't Tell Lamo the Sheep He's Not a Dog
• Sesame the Shar-Pei Gets a Facelift, and Sees for the First Time

Wait, what? You haven't seen a single Star Wars movie? We find that really hard to believe. Everyone has seen Star Wars (at least two dozen times).

But okay, we'll play along. If you haven't seen Star Wars, here's the first movie condensed into one minute. 

Yeah, it's exactly like that. 

We know Halloween is like six months away, but it's never too early to start thinking about costumes. And these aren't just any Star Wars dog costumes -- these are officially licensed merchandise. The line features seven iconic characters from the trilogy, and with just a little imagination and your camera phone, you can reimagine the Battle for Hoth with your own AT-AT.  

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The underside is the most vulnerable … to belly rubs!

(This isn't as elaborate as Bones Mello's AT-AT costume, but it's pretty good.)

Or maybe your dog resides more on the Bark Side. In that case, the only appropriate costume would be Darth Vader. Or Bark Vader. 

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Join the Bark Side.

Or is your dog more of a supernatural force? Doling out confusing wisdom like Yoda?

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"Release me from this costume, you will."

Unless, of course, your dog is Princess Leia -- she was always my favorite. 

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No, this is not the metal bikini version of Leia.

If you're the one person in this galaxy far, far away who hasn't seen Star Wars, then these costumes don't mean anything to you. Or if you're a hardcore Star Trek fan, then yeah, live long and prosper ... sans costumes.

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And we thought they smelled bad on the outside!

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They always ride single file … or tangled around your legs.

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If you're wondering where to get these, look here. (Although, to be honest, these costumes pale in comparison to the commitment demonstrated by the Banthapug.)

Are you a Star Wars fan? Would you consider these costumes for your dogs?

Via Topless Robot

But sometimes dogs have funny reactions to farts, like this dog who thinks the sounds of a fart machine are her own confused creation. Sometimes dogs are genuinely startled by their own farts, stirring themselves from their own slumber, as if awaking to an earthquake.

So let's see if these dogs can solve the mystery of who farted:

Whoa! What was that?

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Photo by Nathan Laurell

Something just happened!

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Photo by sunsets_for_you

Did you hear it?

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Photo by danlentz

I heard it!

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Photo by Listen Missy!

I didn't hear it, but I can smell it.

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Photo by smooshmasterflex

Yikes, that smells bad!

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Photo by Muffet

I think it was this guy.

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Photo by abbynormy

Or maybe it was the baby.

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Photo by uzi978

Or the cat.

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Photo by wmshc_kiwi

Oh no -- wait. Yeah. It was definitely me.

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Photo by GabrielaP93

Read more dog-centric humor on Dogster:

• We Interpret 7 Wacky Medieval Dog Illustrations
• Why I'm No Longer a High-End Dog Walker
• 10 Ways My Dog Is Becoming Human

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They do say that pets and their people begin to resemble each other, so Rose decided to take it to the next level with Petheadz. The concept: Merge pets and their human friends into one. The process: Photograph pets, then use the LCD screen of a digital camera to mash up human and animal.

The result is not only a comment on the bond between humans and dogs, but a comment on the modern photographic process, which allows us to enjoy our images instantly. The "photos within photos" defy portrait conventions, creating an image that's unique to our current place in technology.

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This dog photography enthusiast finds Rose's Petheadz engaging and entertaining -- the final image is not aways a seamless integration, but few things in life are perfect, which makes Rose's photos accurate representations of our relationship with not only dogs, but the world around us.

Rose's little exercise has become a highly sought-after series -- Rose has taken nearly 20 Petheadz photos all over Toronto, and has a lengthy wait list of portraits to complete for his ongoing project.

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Check out Rose's website and Instagram, and if you're feeling particularly creative, try taking your own pet-head portrait, then upload it to Instagram tagged with #Petheadz for inclusion in this fun photo meme.

Via the Instagram blog; all photos by Zachary Rose

For George the Basset Hound, everyday feels like Hump Day. And George, resigned to his fate, will never get over the hump. So he's going to take a nap, anywhere and everywhere he can. The world is an oyster for some, but for George, the world is a giant, mushy, half-eviscerated dog bed.

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Just a typical day in Dolores Park.

George obeys stop signs, pausing to nap on the grass before crossing the street. George sleeps on the sand and works on his tan. George sleeps with his party hat on. George occasionally flaunts the rules and sleeps where it says not to. George turns the act of sleeping into an expression of subversive, conceptual performance art. George sleeps while the world hustles around him, taking his stand against our fast modern world.

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"Stop!" "OK."

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"The view is just so-so."

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"It's my party and I'll sleep if I want to."

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Hey George, there's no parking here.

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George cares not for the hustle and bustle of this new modern world.

Well, not really.

Actually, George is just a simple Basset Hound, and this looks like a nice, warm, soft sunny spot, so let's circle it twice (then circle it a third time in reverse) and settle down with a sigh. And then -- zzz.

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Warning: Sleeping George afoot.

If you can't get enough George -- or you suffer from insomnia and need a little inspiration -- just check out his Facebook page, or add him as a friend on Dogster!

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Hint: He's wearing a "Where's Waldo" hat.

Photos via George's Facebook page

1. Bagpiping dog

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Hours, England ca. 1300.

This is a bagpiping dog. We have no idea why the bag of his pipe is made of a cat, or why he seems so enthralled with his song -- or why the cat seems to be attached to his stomach -- but we do know that he's starving. Look at those ribs! He's also playing the wrong instrument. He has the fingers of a pianist.

2. Killer rabbit and praying dog

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La Somme le Roy, France ca. 1290-1300.

This appears to be a dog pleading for his life to a rabbit with an axe. This was drawn shortly after rabbits learned to use weapons to defend themselves against dogs, who chased them throughout the Dark Ages with impunity. We'd like to think this dog came out okay. Have you ever seen a dog this cute pray? Surely the rabbit gave him a Milk Bone and sent him on his way.  

3. Fish-rabbit and fish-dog

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Summer volume of the Breviary of Renaud/Marguerite de Bar, Metz ca. 1302-1305.

Ah, the other side of the coin, with the fish-dog chasing the fish-rabbit. Why are they half-fish? Looks like some happy-go-lucky scribe was partaking of the herbal remedies a wee bit too much.

4. Ye gods! Another savage rabbit!

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Gorleston Psalter, England 14th century.

Goddamned rabbits again! Look at this heathen, preparing to slice this poor dozing dog to pieces with a knife -- or maybe that is a length of cow intestine, knowing these disturbed medieval scribes. (We're only showing you the dog pictures, but based on some of the other pictures, these people would rule today's horror industry.)

5. Breast-dog

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Book of Hours, Paris ca. 1480.

I suppose it had to come to this. A dog with two legs, a woman's breast sprouting from his back, and the tail of a lizard. Breast-dog must have been quite popular in disreputable taverns in the wee hours of night. (Sorry.)  

6. Just awful

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‘Tristan de Léonois’. Arras ca. 1285-1290.

Just a dog on a ram's back, holding a sword, heading off to joust an unknown assailant, probably the Mountain That Rides, terrified. Look at the way he's holding that sword. Somebody certainly never taught this dog to joust. This will not end well. I hope milady is happy.

7. Ye royal food taster 

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Richard de Fournival, Bestiaire d’Amour, Lorraine 14th century.

Ah, some things never change. A vomiting dog. Perhaps he had just tasted the night's soup? They couldn't even microwave a hot dog properly back then. 

Photos via Discarding Images

Had Thien beach on Koh Phangnan island in southern Thailand is a haven for Westerners who have escaped the 9-to-5 rat race for a life of leisure, hedonism, healing, and community. The idyllic lifestyle is not just for humans: The dogs who live there have freedom Western pets can only dream about and pastoral care that most animals in Southeast Asia sadly lack.

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Dodo enjoys some shade on the beach at Had Thien.

The dogs are not confined to homes. They roam unrestricted around the beautiful bay, where turquoise sea meets sandy beach meets coconut grove meets jungle. They also wander uninhibited into the manmade landmarks of Had Thien: the restaurant of The Sanctuary resort, where they get petted and cooed at by tourists, and the Saturday dance parties at Guy's Bar, where they dodge between the ravers, having just as much fun as the people.

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Foxy checking out the humans at Guy's Bar.

Rather than being chosen by an "owner," the dogs of Had Thien choose the humans they want to take care of them. Foxy, a sweet-natured bitch whose name is obvious from her orange-tinged coloring and delicate features, has had a series of humans since she arrived in the bay around five years ago.

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Daisy Kaye says Foxy chose her to be her carer.

Her current human is Daisy Kaye, a masseuse who lives and works in the Bay for most of the year. "I was sitting in the restaurant one day and Foxy was looking at me through the bars, and then she jumped up and sat on my lap," says Daisy.

Lenka, Foxy's previous carer, was about to leave, so Daisy asked her who would be looking after Foxy. "And immediately she said, 'Oh my god, can you take her please please please?' I said, 'Well it looks like she's already chosen me, so that's totally fine.' And then that was it. And we just hung out from that day on."

Daisy is about to leave the island to escape the summer heat, and she believes that Foxy can tell. "Animals have a sixth sense about these things," she says. "I went away just for one night and she attached herself to someone really strongly. She knows that I'm going so she's preparing herself."

Victoria von Gorski, another longtimer on the Bay, cares for a podgy seven-year-old Labrador-Poodle mix called Dodo. Others have told her that when she goes back to California for half the year, Dodo sits on the beach and pines.

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Leo is pining away for Lah, his Thai caretaker.

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Leo and his sister, Sparkle, hang out together.

It's the same for Leo, a white shorthaired one-and-a-half-year-old, who is usually looked after by a Thai man called Lah. "When Lah left to go on vacation, Leo was depressed for like three days, but now he's back to normal," says Victoria. "And then when Lah comes back, Leo will be off-the-charts crazy excited."

The dogs seem to adapt to non-lifetime pairings in the Bay. Mostly, you always see them smiling, especially Leo and his fluffy white-and-black sister Sparkle. "They play all day," says Victoria. "They are super happy. They have no fear. They get fed pork bones from the restaurant. They get loads of attention from the tourists."

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"The dogs play all day," says longtime resident Victoria Von Gorski. "They get loads of attention from the tourists."

But it's not all a life of bliss for the dogs of the bay. Their lives are closer to how they would be in the wild, which includes pack-building and fights over territory.

Dodo was dealt a heavy knock to his confidence after his buddy died and he was injured in several serious fights over territory.

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Dodo lost confidence and gained weight after losing his pack.

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"When Dodo had a pack, he was a different dog," says Victoria. "He was a lot more free. He was a lot more fun. He had a lot more confidence; he didn't have a weight problem. He didn't have any fear or hesitation to go to the beach. But after his friend died and he went from a dog who was always in a pack to a dog that had no pack and was being attacked by other dogs, he actually is scared to play now."

There have been problems in Had Thien with too many dogs wandering in and fighting over territory and the female dogs. "New dogs come in and change the balance, just like new people come in and change the balance," says Victoria. "Right now we're at a really peaceful place with the dogs, because we have so few of them. When we have a pack here with a pecking order and it's all functioning well, it keeps the other dogs off the bay."

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Foxy on the beach, ready to play.

The dogs are also in harmony because the males and females have all been fixed. "Because this beach is predominantly Westerners, the dogs get looked after," Victoria says. She also looks after the dogs to make sure they don't fall prey to ticks, fleas, and heartworm. She also treats surface wounds -- she has experience working in a wildlife center, so she knows basic veterinary care.

The dogs in Had Thien don't live painless lives. They aren't overprotected and they do sometimes get into scrapes. But perhaps if we could ask them, they would say that that is a price worth paying for their liberated lives. Foxy, Dodo, Leo, and Sparkle have the best of both worlds -- the freedom of dogs in Asia with a loving community that cares for them.

Got a Doghouse Confessional to share?

We're looking for intensely personal stories from our readers about life with their dogs. E-mail confess@dogster.com, and you might become a published Dogster Magazine author! 

But, I have to admit, nothing compares to helping families find their lost animals and bringing them home safe and sound.

From my office in Georgia, I’ve worked with families from all over the world. Though I’ve become an expert in this area of animal communication, there are never any guarantees that a missing animal will be reunited with his family -- the animal might have passed away while out on her own or he is too scared to return because he was chased away by a predator. 

But, when an animal is reunited with his or her family, it’s an incredible feeling to know that the information I was able to convey to the family aided in finding their beloved animal.

Today I share a recent success story of how I helped a lost Beagle reunite with her family.

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Beagle in the woods by Shutterstock.

A client of mine from Indiana requested my assistance in locating her missing Beagle. Her Beagle had been staying at her mom’s house when someone left the front door open too long. The Beagle thought this would be the perfect time to escape from the house and explore the neighborhood. This wasn’t the first time the dog had gone on an exploration of the neighborhood, so, initially, they weren’t too concerned. However, a day passed and she wasn't located in the normal spots she liked to visit.

As with all of my lost animal cases, I collected the necessary information about the Beagle: the dog’s name, a picture of the dog, the date the dog went missing, and the address where the dog was last seen. From there, I communicated with the dog to receive any relevant information about her immediate surroundings.

In general, when I make a connection with an animal, it’s an intuitive, or telepathic, connection. I also use a technique called "map dowsing" to determine where the animal’s energy is the strongest at the time that I communicate with the animal. Together, this provides me with the necessary information from the dog, which I then share with the family.

In this case, I asked my client to travel to an area a couple of miles southeast of her mom’s home. The area wasn’t in a neighborhood like her mom’s home. Instead, it was rural farmland with woods, open fields, and a nearby interstate. She took the information I provided and began her search in the area suggested.

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Beagle by Shutterstock.

After spending a couple of hours in that area, she hadn’t located her missing dog. But she saw a man standing outside of his house in the front yard. Per my advice, she stopped and asked the man if he’d seen her dog. The man stated that he had seen the dog the day before and again that morning. However, the dog would run whenever he approached. So, she decided to stay in the area, driving and walking around to see if her dog would return. After two days, her dog didn’t return to that man’s yard.

She contacted me again to schedule another consultation to collect further information. I used the same process as I did the first time. Again, I received information from her dog, and the map dowsing showed her dog three miles south of where she was last seen. The area was called Hidden Lake. It was a large lake in a secluded area, with a few homes scattered around. She took the information and went to the area to search. She spent most of the morning driving around the area in hopes of spotting her dog. When that didn't yield any results, she decided to visit each of the homes surrounding the lake to see if anyone had seen her dog.

As she walked towards the last home in the area, she was becoming discouraged. But, she knocked on the door anyway and waited to see if anyone was home. After a couple of minutes, a lady opened the door. She confirmed that the dog had come to her home. She gave the dog some food and called animal control. Animal control had collected the dog and taken her to the county shelter.

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Beagle in a meadow by Shutterstock.

My client rushed to the county shelter, hoping that it was indeed her dog and that they hadn’t done anything to her. As she walked through the door at the shelter, she could hear all the dogs barking. But, there was one low-toned howl that brought a smile to her face. She knew that distinctive voice, and knew it was her sweet baby. They escorted her back to the kennels and there she was, wagging her tail and acting like nothing had happened. They left the shelter and drove home for some food, water, and a long nap for the both of them. She was back home with her family, safe and sound. All was well in their world again!

While I’ve had many successful stories like this, including reuniting a two-pound, 18-year-old blind Yorkie with her family, they aren’t all successful for many reasons (including those I mentioned previously). But, if you or someone you know have a missing animal and you would like to find out more about the lost animal services that I offer, please visit my website for more information. There are also many helpful lost-animal tips on the site that anyone can use if they have a missing animal.

Have you ever used professional help to get your lost dog back? Do you have any experience with telepathic communication and dogs? Tell us about it in the comments!

More stories by Tim Link:

• This Sounds Nuts, But I Believe in Reincarnation for Dogs
• Would You Ever Consider Cloning Your Dog?
• Would You Tether Your Dog in Front of a Store Unsupervised?

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Don't you hate it when your tights slide down your butt?

Nothing will put a kink in your day quite like some ill-fitting hose. Just ask these dogs.

We cannot tell you how or why photos of dogs in pantyhose have become a running joke in China. Maybe it started with a good old-fashioned doggie panty raid, which went awry when a dog nicked a pair of tights instead of some underpants. That's when the dog's human friend looked at the pup and thought, "Hey, I know what's a good idea!"

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Because why not?

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Just add a little blush.

Other dogs, upon realizing how good their legs look in stockings, decided to try their paws at the trend, and then even added heels to complete the look. Because that only makes sense.

Once the photos hit the Internet, others could not resist replicating the humorous image. And that's how a meme was born.

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This borders on obscene.

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OK, wait … that's almost too far.

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We don't know if red is his color ...

So, there you go -- dogs in pantyhose. The only thing that makes it creepy (OK, there's a lot that makes it creepy) is how much better some of these dogs look in hosiery than yours truly.

Via Laughing Squid

Got a good laugh out of this? Check out more goofy photos of dogs:

• Dogs: They're Just Like Us! (With Apologies to US Weekly…)
• Is This the Best Photo-Bombing Dog in a Craigslist Ad Ever?
• We Talk to Theron Humphrey, the Human Behind the Viral Photo Hit "Maddie on Things"

Welcome to La Salado, Argentina's largest bazaar. Here, you will find a wonderful selection of gorgeous Toy Poodles that are not Toy Poodles at all. They are ferrets on steroids, groomed into Poodle-ness by masters of the blow dryer. They sell for $150 each. What a world. (This reminds us of our story last month, about the Capybara who fosters orphaned puppies.)

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Can you tell which one is a ferret? We're stumped.

Back in Argentina, The Daily Mail reports, a retired man from Catamarca became suspicious when he realized that the two Poodles he bought started to look like the infamous "Brazilian rat" -- which is what some people in the area call ferrets. When he brought his lovely dogs to the vet for the vaccinations like a responsible dog owner, he discovered he really owned two giant ferrets who had been fed steroids since birth. 

Don't you hate it when that happens? 

And the man is not alone. Another woman said she bought a ferret that was sold to her as a Chihuahua. Perhaps she had never seen a Chihuahua. Or a dog. 

The man and the woman declined to file complaints. Maybe they love their ferrets? 

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Adorbs.

Should you ever be in the position of suspecting own a ferret pumped up on steroids instead of a Poodle, the Daily Mail offers a handy guide outlining some differences between the two. We recommend printing it and keeping it by your bedside:  

Ferrets: 

• Ferrets typically have brown, white or mixed fur and are around 51 cm (about 20 inches) in length -- which includes a tail of about 13 cm (about 5 inches).
• They weigh around three pounds and have a lifespan of seven to 10 years.
• When happy, ferrets may perform a routine known as the weasel war dance -- which is characterized by a series of hops and frenzied attempts to bump into things.
• This is often accompanied by a soft clucking noise called rooking. When upset, ferrets make a hissing noise.

Toy Poodles:

• Toy Poodles are known for their intelligence and are around 25 cm tall and weigh around nine pounds.
• If a Toy Poodle exceeds 25 cm (about 10 inches) in height, it cannot compete in any dog show as a Toy Poodle.
• Toy Poodles have long lifespans and have been known to live as long as 20 years.
• Toy Poodles are described as sweet, cheerful, perky, and lively, and they love to be around people.

Via the Daily Mail

Okay, I didn't really abuse my robot dog. Although I might, if only to test cultural limits. Would you? It's just a robot, after all. A gadget.

If you spotted animal cruelty, would you react any differently if you discovered it wasn't really an animal but a robot? How about if it looked and behaved like a real dog -- and even whimpered in pain? What if your daughter enjoyed pulling whiskers off the family cat -- but it, too, was just a robot? Would that set off any alarms?

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Sitting robot dog by Shutterstock.

Kate Darling, a lawyer and Ph.D. candidate in the field of Intellectual Property and Law & Economics at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, explores such questions in a series of experiments that examine how people interact with "social companion" robots:

At first glance, it seems hard to justify differentiating between the legal treatment of a social robot, such as a Pleo dinosaur toy, and a household appliance, such as a toaster. Both are man-made objects that can be purchased on Amazon and used as we please. Yet there is a difference in how we perceive these two artifacts. While toasters are designed to make toast, social robots are designed to act as our companions.

Robots are all around us. Not Blade Runner-like android robots, of course. Not yet. Today's robots are used in medicine, to help build our cars, manufacture our smartphones, and in some cases, to clean our floors.

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Stylish cyborg by Shutterstock.

Such robots are typically developed for a specific purpose. They look, unsurprisingly, like nothing more than functional machines. But not all. Some robots look "alive," like the popular Pleo. They are designed as companions. Expect them to get better, more lifelike, more responsive -- more like actual companions, in other words.

Do these robots deserve legal protection similar to what we now provide pets, for example, or horses? Your initial reaction might be, “Of course not.” But what if this social robot served as the equivalent of your family dog and someone came along and stole it, abused it and "killed" it? Then that person posted a video on YouTube? (Go ahead, sound off in comments.)

In her 2012 paper, "Extending Legal Rights to Social Robots," Darling makes it clear why people often find it more troubling to witness or incite violent or abusive acts on a "social robot" as opposed to a more machine-like, functional robot:

Studies involving state-of-the-art technology already indicate that humans interact differently with social robots than they do with other objects.

Robotic toys, household robots, and personal-care robots that interact with us on a social level generate stronger psychological attachments than we experience with everyday objects. This difference in how we perceive social robots could have legal implications.

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Rusty sci-fi dog by Shutterstock.

Rapid advances in robotics, haptic feedback, voice recognition, design, data processing and algorithms are rapidly making highly realistic robot "pets" a reality for many. Nonetheless, that adorable, forever-puppy robot that "bonds" with your children presently has no more legal rights than the power drill hanging on the wall of your garage.

I spoke with Darling about social robots, typical human responses to them, and potential legal issues we all might face down the road.

Brian S. Hall: Should we grant rights to social robots?

Kate Darling: That's really up to society to decide. But there are two reasons it could make sense to give social robots some legal protection beyond the property right of the owner. The first is that if people feel strongly enough about it, for example the way that we feel about protecting certain animals from abuse, we might want the law to reflect that social preference.

The second is that we might want to deter types of behavior that could be harmful in other contexts. One theory behind animal rights looks at it not from the viewpoint of the animals' inherent capacities, but rather from the viewpoint of what it says about ourselves if we're willing to treat other creatures or things in a certain way.

BH: Are there examples of rights you would propose for social robots -- robot pets?

KD: I would say that analogies to animal abuse laws are helpful -- so not "the right to live," but rather protection from being treated in a way that we associate with unnecessary cruelty.

BH: Should such rules be different based upon what the robot is? A robot dog, for example, versus a robot woman?

KD: I would rather distinguish between robots that are specifically designed to interact with us socially and be anthropomorphized, as opposed to the many other robots, such as factory robots, that are not meant to engage our emotions.

BH: Have any countries (or legal entities) extended legal rights to robots?

KD: Not that I know of.

BH: Have any countries explicitly restricted legal rights of/to robots?

KD: Not that I know of.

BH: What might prompt legal action?

KD: I think [YouTube videos of animal torture]. Even with existing technology and very few use cases, the YouTube comments on videos picturing "torture" of robotic toys and pets are strikingly polarized. A lot of people get upset, or at least feel very uncomfortable watching something that they perceive as life-like get abused, accusing the video makers of horrible cruelty. This reaction is likely to become more common and more extreme with the increasing development of robots that are specifically designed to interact with us socially in a cute and sympathetic way.

BH: Have any religious groups promoted or restricted social robot rights?

KD: None that I am aware of. I could imagine that some might be opposed, but that really depends on their respective beliefs.

BH: Do you expect some societies to act first or differently regarding social robots?

KD: Some societies (like Japan and South Korea) seem to accept interaction with robots more easily, which could incentivize a societal push sooner than in other cultures.

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Little robotic dog by Shutterstock.

Clearly, the ethical and legal implications of robots virtually endowed with human qualities can quickly sends many people down the rabbit hole. But society might be forced to grapple with the issue anyway. What if the robot looks not like the family dog, but like a human being? Is anyone harmed if your teenage son uses a fembot to practice sex with? (Or should that be "on"?)

Even when we can reliably predict aspects of the future, we seem to often miss out the larger implications of what we create. What do you think?

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From the great country of New Zealand.

We have our first setback. Last week, a dog and his owner were tooling around York, PA. The man needed to stop at Hokes Mill, so he hopped out and gave control of the car to the dog, telling him to "keep 'er purring and meet me out front."

Nah, just kidding. He didn't do that. He did something just as silly: He got out and left the car running, with his dog inside, according to the AP. Obviously, the dog saw his opportunity, barked "I'm outta here!" and slammed it into drive. 

Actually, police think he just sort of nudged the car into drive, accidentally. But, really, who's to say?

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Dog with paws on wheel by Shutterstock.

In any case, what the dog did next doesn't fly in the highways and byways and parking lots of this great country. He ran smack dab into a pedestrian, one of the employees of Hokes Mill. You might think, "What, the pedestrian didn't see the dog driving the car?"

This was a good guy, however. A citizen. He was trying to stop the dog from driving the car, but cars driven by dogs don't stop so easily. The dog hit the man, causing him to fall to the ground, where he hit his head and was knocked unconscious. 

He was still out of it when the police arrived, and was taken to the hospital. Fortunately, he's fine, and he was released a short time later. 

No word on what happened to the dog. He's probably headed to New Zealand.