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The Zombie Dog Muzzle Is a Very Bad Thing to Buy

Please do not buy this zombie dog muzzle, and don't let your friends buy this boneheaded product either.

Michael Leaverton  |  Sep 3rd 2015


It was discovered on a Russian website. This thing, perhaps the worst thing we’ve seen, at least in the multibillion-dollar pet products and accessories market, is a zombie mask for a dog. No, sorry, it’s even worse than that: It’s a zombie muzzle for a dog, slathered in blood and razor-sharp teeth and bad intentions.

zombiemuzzle-1

You see, the idea is that you will take this thing, this zombie muzzle (or werewolf muzzle — chose your poison) with the blood and the razor-sharp teeth, and strap it to you dog’s face because, ha ha, you’re a madcap guy with a great sense of humor. Hey gang, my dog is a zombie! Run away from my insanely terrifying and threatening zombie dog!

But wait, does your dog need a muzzle? Does he regularly wear some other muzzle when he is not wearing the zombie muzzle? Did you train your dog to accept the muzzle through the patient application of positive reinforcement techniques and high-value treats?

If your answer is no to any of those, take off the zombie muzzle and stop buying gag gifts from Russian websites. Your dog surely does not appreciate being strapped into a constricting device, no matter how much it makes you giggle. If you must, take a picture of your zombie dog, then take the muzzle to the dump and personally bury it under a ton of raw garbage.

Because if you keep it on, and you start taking your dog outside among other people and other dogs (especially those who don’t play well with others), who knows what could happen? Say you’re walking your dog, and he looks insanely terrifying and threatening there in his zombie muzzle — and is sort of pissed about it to boot. Off in the distance, you see, say, a Toy Poodle with inter-dog aggression being carried by a woman who forgot her glasses at home, heading toward you.

Chaos? You bet.

Or maybe your dog, agitated from being forced to wear a muzzle for the first time in his life, hopped the fence at your house and is now wandering in the woods in the twilight, poking his insanely terrifying and threatening nose into other people’s backyards, like this guy:

zombie-muzzle-2

Panicked calls to animal control? In a hurry.

Or simply: What if a child saw your dog in this? A toddler? A baby? Do you really want to be the guy responsible for instilling a profound sense of fear and terror (possibly lifelong) of dogs in another person?

No, you don’t. “Insanely terrifying and threatening” is not a good look for dogs. It’s a bad look. This is a bad product.

And no, it’s not even OK on Halloween.

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