I was shooting the breeze with my Am Staff, Falstaff, the other day (he talks an awful lot) and I sprang the inevitable question on him for this time of year what are your New Years resolutions? He pondered it for a moment, staring intently at me at first, then rather absently at the ground. His ears perked up and he dove at some possibly eatable morsel, invisible to my eye, then sat upright again. He looked around. Finally, after much thought and strain, he uttered a confident woof.
Woof means many things to dogs and even more to people so I decided to interpret it according to his character and write it down for him. Whether hell stick to his resolutions or not, I dont know.
1. I, Falstaff, resolve not to bite the cat this year. However, this means I reserve the right to lick him, nuzzle him, and generally push him around. If a tooth happens to graze him during kisses, I cant help it.
2. I resolve to heel better. This does not include the moments when I find something on the ground I want to put in my mouth or when Mr. Fluffybutt, the Chow down the street, comes up to his fence and taunts me with his regal stare.
3. I resolve to eat more natural food. Im thinking nice, big juicy steaks and
meatloaf, NOT carrots and celery which my human seems to think are treats.”
4. I resolve not to eat poopy. (Enough said.)
5. I resolve to let my humans cut my nails without letting out horrible screams that make the neighbors think theyre killing me (or theyll make me go to the vet where they arent influenced by my tactics).
6. I resolve not to crawl under the bed covers, even though I have a perfectly good bed on the floor that my human looked all over for, and cause my human immense back pain the next morning.
7. I resolve not to sit on people with my 90 lbs of loving and cause the lower half of their bodies to go to sleep. I would resolve to join the gym but luckily they dont accept dogs.
8. I resolve to go out at 8 p.m. without grumbling when my humans push me out the door. I do not understand the reason for this routine but it seems to coincide with their extreme frustration when I ask to go out at 2:00 am.
9. I resolve to greet guests calmly and not force them to pet me the whole time they’re here by whining incessantly. This does not go for guests bearing yummy tidbits which, if I don’t get from pouncing on them, I should get to keep me quiet.
10. I resolve to help my fellow dogs when they are in need. This is apparently important to humans and I have no problem with it as long as I get a reward.
Looking back over these, Im very proud of Falstaff. I pitted my own against his and they didnt come close (especially the not biting the cat one). A good start would be resolving to spend more time listening to my dog instead of the TV. But, mostly this year I think Ill resolve to be the person that my dog thinks I am, which is taking a chance, considering his thoughts seem to center on the tiny piece of cheese stuck behind the fridge.
What are your dog’s resolutions for 2010?
Guest blogger Kelly is a regular contributor to Dogster’s Dog Tip of the Day Blog. She lives in the Boston area with her three pit bulls and one neurotic cat.
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