New Rules for Dogs
1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a “specially built” wooden compartment named, for a very good reason, the dog house.
2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his house is under renovation.
3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.
4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.
5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.
6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not on the new furniture.
8.Okay, the dog can get on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we’ll sell the whole works and buy new furniture. . .upon which the dog will most definately not be allowed.
9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of you, but he’s not allowed under the covers.
12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.
13.Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of you, under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he’s got to leave the room.
14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed but he’s not allowed to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I’m now sleeping. That’s just not fair.
15. The dog never gets listed on a census questionaire as “primary resident” even if it’s true!