On Tuesday, a woman was in Central Park with her dogs — an often-used, very popular location in the park — when one of her dogs had some sort of undefined poop issue in his nether region, according to Gothamist. Might have been nothing more than a (pardon me for this) dingleberry, or it might have been a (also for this) poop-smeared horrorshow apocalypse.
In any case, the woman looked around, and to her great relief saw she was near one of the many dog-butt-washing stations located around the park. You might know them as drinking fountains. She hustled over and began a long, incredibly thorough butt-washing, much to the surprise of parkgoers.
This woman is our Bonehead of the Week.
According to witness Emily Leisz Carr, the woman crammed the butt of her dog right up against the spigot — the spigot is where the mouth should go — and kept it there for a good long while. Imagine that for a second. When someone finally came up to complain, stating concerns about hygene and saying that “human people put their faces there,” the woman said it was okay and she would clean it up. Carr told Gothamist that it was only when the woman was confronted did the woman seem to think that what she was doing was in any way wrong.
After she finished, the woman left with her dogs. Ten minutes later, she returned with a “balled-up plastic bag,” according to Carr, to give the fountain a half-hearted once-over. Gothamist notes that the woman cleaned her dog’s anus with much more zeal that she cleaned the fountain, almost like she knew that a balled-up plastic bag was a poor choice of a cleaning implement.
After she was done, the weirdness continued. A documentary film crew happened to be in the park, because of course one was, and it filmed the event, because screw the script we’re going with this! After filming wrapped, a producer asked the woman to sign a release, and she did. Meaning her cute butt-washing-in-a-water-fountain interlude could appear in a documentary film one day. How lovely for her.
This Bonehead made some great choices on Tuesday.
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