Dogsters, sit down. I have an announcement that might surprise some of you. Dogster will soon undergo a major change. Because of the growing popularity of pigs, Dogster is shifting direction and becoming Hogster. I’ll explain the reasons in a minute, and there are some good ones, but I have to lay down the ground rules first, according to Hogster’s new policy.
Unless your dog looks like a pig, if you want to keep your canine’s profile on Hogster, you will need to use the handy Photoshop-like tools all Dogsters will receive (for free!) to make your dog look more porcine. All it takes is the ability to move a mouse and click on the pig ears, nose, and tail. You can choose the color and shape that best match your dog. The other alternative is to dress your dog as a pig. Hogster management says staff will not be too picky, as long as dogs try to fit into the new theme. Pig and hog costumes will be available to purchase through the site. Dogsters with existing dog profiles will get a 15% discount.
Those of you who have both dogs and pigs are in luck. You can make an easy transition. There will be little things to get used to, but nothing too difficult. For instance, Dog Profiles will become Hog Profiles (except for small hogs, who will have Pig Profiles), Zealies will become Squealies, and my blog will become the For the Love of Hogs Blog. It will be taken over by Orville Hyde, president of the National Hog and Pig Fans’ Association.
Orville was a major reason behind this change. Listen to his arguments and I’m sure you’ll come to see why his porcine point of view makes sense. I was shocked by the figures. It seems that while I’ve been blogging away about dogs, the world has gone to the hogs.
“Pigs and hogs are cleaner than most dogs. They’re smart, cute, and they don’t bark. They’re easy to feed, because unlike dogs, you’re supposed to give them your table scraps. My goodness, they don’t even chase cats. Not usually,” he said.
“It’s no wonder these animals have surpassed dogs in popularity in many countries. The American Pig Product Association figures speak for themselves: 55 million American households own pigs. Only 45 million own dogs. We spent $20 billion on our pet dogs last year, but $32 billion on our pet pigs. If Dogster wants to bring home the bacon, it would be smart — smart as a pig — to change to Hogster.”
When staffers expressed conceern about the differences between dogs and hogs, Orville was very reassuring. “They’re a lot more alike than you think. For one, you can dress up your pig just as you do your dog,” he said, and showed us some photos, including this one.
“And how about those walks on the beach all you Dogsters like to take? You haven’t walked on a beach ’til you’ve walked with a hog!” he enthused.
He went on and on, and you’ll see more evidence of his stellar arguments in upcoming weeks and months.
So my fellow Dogsters, and future Hogsters, it has been a wonderful few months of blogging for you. In a million years I never would have guessed this would happen. But trends come, trends go. One of these decades, years, months, days, the pendulum was bound to swing toward pigs.
Oh, and speaking of days, in case you forgot what day this is, I want to remind you that this is the first day of April. Yes, April Fools Day. And a happy one to my Hogster, er, Dogster friends. 🙂