For us on the West Coast, “the polar vortex” sounds less like a meteorological event than the name of a metal band. Or a seasonal milkshake you’d get at Wendy’s. In any case, it’s not cold here in the slightest.
But we read the newspapers and watch the shows, and we know it’s cold elsewhere. It’s so cold that Chicago’s RedEye newspaper put a giant picture of puppies on the front page yesterday.
A big, amazing picture of puppies:
“We’re tired of looking at snow and ice,” reads the text, “so we put puppies on the cover instead!”
That’s amazing. It’s like they hit the doomsday button for cuteness in the newsroom. Or maybe someone found an old binder titled “A Polar Vortex?” in the founding editor’s office, blew the dust off, and extracted a single notecard. “Puppies!” it read.
In any case, we love it. At first we thought a rogue Dogster editor had hacked Chicago’s RedEye (Janine?), because we put puppies on our home page three or 18 times a week, and we think it’s about time other outlets got on board. We like this trend: Papers across the country could ease readers into the day’s bad news with puppies. Puppies could straddle headlines, with the number of puppies in proportion to how terrible the story is.
A two-puppy story might be a house fire with no injuries, for example, whereas a five-puppy one could be the latest Michael Bay film. Corgis and Basset Hounds, frolicking around the latest headlines about the NSA. The Chicago Tribune, for instance, could put a ton of puppies on the cover of the sports page, for when the Bears play.
That’s a joke.
But not really.
Laugh with us: