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(Page 11 of 11: Viewing entries 101 to 110) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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 | | Barked: Mon Sep 21, '09 7:21am PST | |  | |  | | Today's Joke, September 21, 2009!
Falling Asleep
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!" |  |  | |  |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Tue Sep 22, '09 7:50am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 22, 2009!
A Rednecks: Valentine's Love
Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and
I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt .
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!
Luv, from yor romeo. | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Wed Sep 23, '09 7:58am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 23, 2009!
Knots And Ropes
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them darn knots. I need more rope!" | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Thu Sep 24, '09 8:07am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 24, 2009!
Pray Before Eating
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook." | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Fri Sep 25, '09 7:49am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 25, 2009!
Afraid to Cough
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall"?
The clerk replies, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative".
The owner yells, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives"!
The clerk says, "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough"! | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Sat Sep 26, '09 7:40am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 26, 2009!
Chicken At The Movies
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theatre with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"
"I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie.
Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"
Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all."
Agnes says, "I know...but this one's eating my popcorn!" | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Sun Sep 27, '09 8:25am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 27, 2009!
Talking Too Much
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother." | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Mon Sep 28, '09 8:31am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 28, 2009!
Little problem
Biff gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks Biff.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Biff.
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says Biff, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Buffy leads Biff into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Biff looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box." | | | | |
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Dino
Momma's Boy
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| | Barked: Wed Sep 30, '09 9:50am PST | | | | | | Today's Joke! September 30, 2009!
Dead Worms
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms." | | | | |
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