 Barked: Wed Jan 31, '07 11:07am PST | |
 | |  | | > Subject: Fwd: Care for a wager?
>
>
>> From Mildred in Santa Ana. Jokes been around a couple of years ago,
>> Still good.
>>>
>>> THE IRS DECIDES TO AUDIT RALPH, AND SUMMONS HIM INTO THE IRS OFFICE.
>>> THE IRS AUDITOR IS NOT SURPRISED WHEN RALPH SHOWS UP WITH HIS ATTORNEY.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR SAYS, "WELL SIR, YOU HAVE AN EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE AND NO
>>> FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT, WHICH YOU EXPLAIN BY SAYING THAT YOU WIN MONEY
>>> GAMBLING. I'M SURE THE IRS FINDS THAT BELIEVABLE."
>>>
>>> I AM A "GREAT" GAMBLER, AND I CAN PROVE IT," SAYS RALPH. "HOW ABOUT A
>>> DEMONSTRATION?"
>>>
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR THINKS FOR A MOMENT AND SAID, "OKAY GO FOR IT."
>>>
>>>
>>> RALPH SAYS, "I'LL BET YOU A THOUSAND DOLLARS THAT I CAN BITE MY OWN
>>> EYE."
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR THINKS A MOMENT AND SAYS, " NO WAY IN HELL CAN YOU BITE
>>> YOUR OWN EYE, OKAY, IT'S A BET."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> RALPH REMOVES HIS GLASS EYE AND BITES IT. THE AUDITOR'S JAW DROPS.
>>>
>>>
>>> RALPH SAYS, "NOW I'LL BET YOU TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS THAT I CAN BITE MY
>>> OTHER EYE."
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR CAN TELL RALPH ISN'T BLIND, SO HE TAKES THE BET.
>>>
>>> RALPH REMOVES HIS "DENTURES" AND BITES HIS GOOD EYE.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE STUNNED AUDITOR NOW REALIZES HE HAS WAGERED AND LOST THREE GRAND,
>>> WITH RALPH'S ATTORNEY AS A WITNESS. HE STARTS TO GET NERVOUS.
>>>
>>>
>>> "WANT TO GO DOUBLE OR NOTHING?" RALPH ASKS. "I'LL BET YOU SIX THOUSAND
>>> DOLLARS THAT I CAN STAND ON ONE SIDE OF YOUR DESK AND PEE INTO THE
>>> WASTEBASKET ON THE OTHER SIDE AND NEVER GET A DROP OF PEE ANYWHERE IN
>>> BETWEEN."
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR, WHO WAS JUST BURNED TWICE, IS CAUTIOUS NOW, BUT HE LOOKS
>>> CAREFULLY AND DECIDES THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL THIS GUY CAN MANAGE THAT
>>> STUNT, SO HE AGREES AGAIN.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> RALPH STANDS BESIDE THE DESK AND UNZIPS HIS PANTS, BUT ALTHOUGH HE
>>> STRAINS REAL HARD, HE CAN'T MAKE THE STREAM OF PEE REACH
>>> THE WASTEBASKET ON THE OTHER SIDE, SO HE PRETTY MUCH URINATES ALL OVER
>>> THE AUDITORS DESK.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE AUDITOR LEAPS WITH JOY, REALIZING THAT HE HAS JUST TURNED A MAJOR
>>> LOSS INTO A HUGE WIN.
>>>
>>>
>>> BUT RALPH'S ATTORNEY MOANS AND GROANS, PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AND
>>> JUST SITS THERE MOTIONLESS.
>>>
>>> "ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?" THE AUDITOR ASKS.
>>>
>>>
>>> "NOT REALLY," SAYS THE ATTORNEY. "YOU SEE, THIS MORNING, WHEN RALPH
>>> TOLD ME HE'D BEEN SUMMONED FOR AN AUDIT, HE BET ME TWENTY THOUSAND
>>> DOLLARS THAT HE COULD COME IN HERE AND PEE ALL OVER AN IRS OFFICIAL'S
>>> DESK AND THAT YOU'D BE HAPPY ABOUT IT." |  |  | |  |
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