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Chandler- ♥
You should try- to eat anything- once. | 
 | | Barked: Sun Sep 17, '06 2:06pm PST | |  | |  | | Fellow Pawed Friends:
It has come to my attention that despite generations and generations of our fidelity to our human companions, we continue to be viewed as 'lower creatures' in society, doomed to submit to the human species unquestioningly. While I myself am quite in love with my human owner, I have begun working up a plan to increase my standing in the family, and soon,... the world. Below you will find some tips that I strongly urge you to consider. Join P.U.P.S. (Puppies Usurping People Status) Unite. We are revolutionary fighters- do this not just for yourself but for all pupkind!
1) Leashes: They are ridiculous! I think my owner is worried she won't find her way home unless she attaches herself to me. While it is good that the humankind remain relient on our keen sense of direction, I highly recommend weaving in and out of their legs a few times. Not only does this augment their confusion and lack of orientation, but sometimes you can trip them once tangled up in the leash! Now who is the "lower species?!"
2) Dog food: Seriously, who makes this dry cereal stuff? It is awful! While most humans consider it unhealthy for us to eat 'human food,' be assured it is only because they want to save the good stuff for themselves. My suggestion? Distraction is key. Wait for the right moment (a superbowl game, a friend at the door, family bickering...etc) and you can usually sneak your way into a cupboard where they stash the goods. But please pups- stay away from the chocolate!
3) Crates: Perhaps this scene is familiar to you: You are playing with your owner, entertaining him or her, having a good time,... and then woosh! They throw you in the slammer and then go out for fun on their own. What is up with the bars and tight quarters, fellow Pups?! As of now, I have no final plans set up, however, Pavlov (our pup brethren in Arizona) is working on learning how to move the latches back and forth so that we might free ourselves from these impossible crates!
I will be in touch with you all again soon. Till then, pawed friends, stay the course..... and i'm serious, don't try eating chocolate.
Paws and puppy licks,
Chandler |  |  | |  |
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Jackie Poo,- NPC
I swear, I- didn't do it |
 | | Barked: Mon Sep 18, '06 9:33am PST | | | | | | Chandler,
You will find that myself, and many of my comrades at the NPC are actually fighting this war using guerilla tactics. If they won’t give us our demands, we shall take them by FORCE!!!
1) Leashes: I agree that they are, at best, unpleasant. The best way to show you mean business is to back out of your collar/harness and show your person that you will not take this anymore! However, be warned. Some humans are very tenacious and fast. My own human will chase me down and upon capture I have done my 15 in “the hole”.
2) Dog food: The best means to improve your food is to simply not eat anything that isn’t up to snuff. Instead of starving, hunt down your meal (always the most satisfying) or learn to raid the pantry and fridge. Many tasty delights will be available to you in these chambers. Be careful, however, to hide the evidence. Torn up empty food containers in your dog bed are an obvious clue to what has occurred. ‘Tis better to have your human be worried that you are starving yourself to death and feel guilted into cooking you a lovely rabbit stew. Even if your human becomes wise to what has occurred, you are almost guaranteed a higher standard of dog food to avoid the theft. Mine is now quite good.
3) Crates: The best way around the “crate problem” is education. I currently teach a seminar at the SPCA (ESC 101) on latching systems. If no crate can hold you, they no longer pose you a difficulty. Mine is now merely my bed.
PS. I have eaten the chocolate, and it was not so good. Mint. Blegch. 'tis better to steal the Slim Jims | | | | |
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Chandler- ♥
You should try- to eat anything- once. |
| | Barked: Mon Sep 18, '06 12:58pm PST | | | | | | JP-
Welcome to the team. With my furry paw in the air, I salute you for your loyalty to the cause and the future of pupkind. You clearly are already quite adept at managing issues within your own family and have made some EXCELLENT suggestions that I hope others will implement as well.
In recognition of your woofy impressive work thus far, I am leaving you a rosette. Thank you again JPoo, and i look forward to collaborating withyou on all future tactics and propoganda.
Paws and puppy licks,
Chandler | | | | |
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Gibbon
I came. I saw.- I conquered!
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| | Barked: Mon Sep 18, '06 2:06pm PST | | | | | | Ahhh, I can speak to Dog Food. It has come to my attention that many of you still suffer the cardboard like substance for meals.
It is only a matter of having your first puppy vomiting experience and the vet says to keep the diet to chicken and rice. If you devour it and love it and look into your owner's eyes with the big round saucer like gaze, you will either always get it as a supplement. Or in my case, the humans now slave over the stove to provide me home cooked meals that are nutritional but very satisifying.
It has been my greatest accomplishment to date! And absolutely no chocolate! | | | | |
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Louie
me too! MMMEEEE- TTTOOOOO!!! |
| | Barked: Mon Sep 18, '06 2:42pm PST | | | | | | Hello Furry Friends,
I am so glad that we are not alone in our fight! I have gained some wise wisdom from your postings and thought I would add my own two cents.
My owner has not done well with the subliminal messaging I have been sending her at night. She still puts me in t-shirts and was putting a harness on me. I decided to take direct action yesterday and pulled my harness off the counter and proceeded to chew it up. It was an expensive harness (I did look quite handsome in it  ) so I thought my human would not buy another one. I was wrong and she showed up this morning with a brand new harness. drat.
As for the kennel issue, I have remodeled mine into a P.U.P.S. hideout complete with a picture of our dear president Chandler. I already have several treats hidden in the blanket folds in case I get locked away for my hard core tactics. I am currently writing my memoir for future P.U.P.S. members to read and stashing the papers in the back of the kennel. I am looking into getting wireless internet installed so I can communicate when the owner is not here.
I am enjoying the food my owner gives me but I am working on getting more treats. She is taking me to "training classes" where I am teaching her how to give me more treats while I hit on the girl dogs. Stay strong,
Louie | | | | |
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Princess Nya- Cuddles
Just call me- Trouble
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| | Barked: Mon Sep 18, '06 9:58pm PST | | | | | | Hi Everyone!
Thanks for the invite to your group! I've solved the "kennel problem" at my house. Whenever they'd try to put me in it, I'd go in with no problem, then I'd buck the kennel all over the place. No one got any sleep with all the noise it made bouncing all over the floor. So, it's now on the top shelf of a closet waiting to be donated to the local shelter.
Give it a shot. It worked for me! | | | | |
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Chandler- ♥
You should try- to eat anything- once. |
| | Barked: Wed Sep 20, '06 7:50pm PST | | | | | | Thank you everyone for your active responses. I apologize for not writing sooner- my cousin Bentley was thought to have IMHA (highly fatal disease) and so I've had my mind on other things lately. But it turns out he is healthy as ever. I think he feigned ill just to get extra TLC from his owner. Everyone, take note of this strategy!
Gibbon: I applaud you for your persistent efforts! I will definetly have to try your puking tactic, although my owner is a terrible cook. If only we could get our owners to regularly pick us up restaurant-quality t-bones.... mmmm,... any suggestions, Gibbon?
Louie: Welcome aboard, Loubear! You are already a fabulous trouble-maker that i think you ought to be VP here. Waddya say? As to hiding treats- that is an excellent idea! The human species, although less intelligent than our own, can be often times unpredictable and thus it is good to be prepared for spontaneous crating. On that note, however, don't hide wet food in your blankets, as your owners will surely sniff it out and you'll be caught! But i'm sure you knew that Louie Good luck with the ladies in your class.
Cute Cuddles: Hiyas and welcome! Impressive feat for such a tiny pup. It proves that even the smallest of our league can perform great deeds in the name of pupkind.
Paws and puppy licks,
Chandler | | | | |
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