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Maxamillion

Barked: Tue Feb 24, '09 7:41pm PST


	FATHER: How are your grades, son? SON: Under water, Dad. FATHER: Under water? What do you mean? SON: They're below C level. SMART STUDENT: I'm taking French, Spanish, and Algebra this year. LESS SMART STUDENT: Okay. Let me hear you say "good evening" in Algebra. STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam. TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He thought it was a high school! If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!

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Maxamillion

Barked: Wed Feb 25, '09 12:19pm PST


	How do you tell if the stage is level? The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs? What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart coulda done it. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted. What do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen? Farfromthinken. Edited by author Wed Feb 25, '09 12:24pm PST

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Maxamillion

Barked: Wed Feb 25, '09 12:55pm PST


	This reminds me of my day at the Animal control shelter Tiscute

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Maxamillion

Barked: Thu Mar 5, '09 1:42pm PST


	New Dog Cross Breeds -- Did you hear about the new dog cross-breeds? They crossed a Collie and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport. They crossed a Pointer and a Setter. The new breed is a Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet. They crossed a Great Pyrenees and a Dachshund. The new breed is a Pyradachs, a puzzling breed. They crossed a Pekingese and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is Peekasso, an abstract dog. They crossed a Irish Water Spaniel and a English Springer Spaniel. The new breed is a Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean. They crossed a Labrador Retriever and a Curly Coated Retriever. The new breed is a Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of laboratory researchers. They crossed a Newfoundland and a Basset Hound. The new breed is a Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors They crossed a Bloodhound and a Labrador. The new breed is a Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly. They crossed a Malamute and a Pointer. The new breed is a Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't really matter. They crossed a Collie and a Malamute. The new breed is a Commute, a dog that travels to work. They crossed a Deerhound and a Terrier. The new breed is a Derriere, a dog that's true to the end. They crossed a Bull Terrier and a ShihTzu. The new breed is a uhh, I'll get back to you on that..... !

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Maxamillion

Barked: Sat Mar 7, '09 8:44am PST


	A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

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Gigi- (1998-2012)

The Energizer- Dog

Barked: Sun Mar 8, '09 8:28am PST


	Funny Joke! Poor parakeet.

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Maxamillion

Barked: Mon Mar 9, '09 7:34am PST


	Today funny Two zebras pondering Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

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Maxamillion

Barked: Tue Mar 10, '09 11:17am PST


	Todays Funny The Hunting Dog Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too." So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!" The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

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Maxamillion

Barked: Wed Mar 11, '09 12:30pm PST


	Todays funnies On the first day of creation, God created the dog. On the second day, God created man to serve the dog. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

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Maxamillion

Barked: Fri Mar 13, '09 1:31pm PST


	Here is a St. Paddys joke Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? A: When it is a FRENCH fry Q: What's Irish and stays out all night? A: Patty O'furniture! Q: What do girl leprechauns wear in their hair? A: Rain-BOWS Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? A: He got wet Q: Why should you never iron a four leaf clover? A: Because you shouldn't press your luck! Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? A: Because they always wear green Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because they're always a little short Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? A: To keep from falling in the stew! Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? A: St. O'Claus! Q: What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog? A: A little green man with a croak of gold!

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