Spike
Don't Berate,- Educate! | 
 | | Barked: Sat Feb 7, '09 1:40pm PST |  | |  | | I did what was quite possibly the hardest thing I have done in quite a while last night.
I have (had) a reptile collection. I've spent years building it up. I had babies I'd hatched myself from my very first pair and the last set of hatchlings that just recently hatched from my favorite pair that I stupidly traded for something that turned out to not be what was advertised and had no recourse. I had some juvies that I got from someone who could no longer care for his collection, and I *promised* that I would take care of them. I had some very high-end ones that cost me a pretty penny. And I had one that I was so attached to because I rescued her. I rescued a few others, but this was the one that had a special place in my heart. I loved them all so much. I know a lot of people have a hard time putting the same love and care into a cold-blooded reptile as a dog or cat, but that's how I felt about them.
When we moved here, whenever that was, I should have known we were going to have problems. I should have switched them all to open air cages to help with the humidity and mold. But, I didn't. Not only could we not afford them, but I wouldn't have had the energy to plant them up anyways. And that is the one thing that I have always loved, always been able to do even at my worst. But not now, not recently. Not only have I been feeling like crap, but I've also been *physically* sick. Throwing up almost every day (not that any doctor would ever believe me about that), headaches, just aching and hurting so much that I can barely move. I don't know if it's just this area, but I guess it must be. We're talking about moving further north. I don't want to; I like it here. But if it is this place that's making everything worse, then we'll have to.
I know this is all my fault, that if I had just made myself change their food out every day, clean out their cages more often, then this wouldn't have happened. We lost the first one, a hatchling that I hadn't even named yet, about a week after we moved here. Somewhere along the way, we lost Charlie (Jess's mate), Lily (my rescue I was so attached to), the lavender male that was the most beautiful one that I have ever seen, Talon and Raptor (my mated G. hainanensis), Rain (my beautiful reverse pinner hatchling that was out of Lily and by Velvet, my favorite male), Freckles and her mate (my high-orange reverse pinners), my tangerine cream pair, the silver super dalmation, the little mudd girl that I rescued, all my hatchlings out of the patternless colony (which always threw reverse pinners and tigers), a creamsicle girl, Belle (my Vanuatu girl that had been through so much already), and a few others. Total, I lost half of my collection.
The worst part was that I also lost Vortex. My male Gehyra vorax. The only male in captivity. And I didn't even get pictures of him. He was so beautiful, with his star pattern and so soft. I never took pictures of him because I was afraid to handle him. He was so big and prone to hissing at me. I don't blame him, he was an LTC after all. I wanted to wait until spring and take him outside for a photo shoot. Now, Rana, his mate, is the only one left. I've contacted the semi-local zoo to see if they want her. I don't feel right keeping her, and after all, she's the only one in captivity now. I don't see why they wouldn't want her.
Everyone who was left. I felt (feel) so bad about the ones I lost. I decided to rehome them. It tore my heart out, and I felt selfish for that. For feeling so bad for giving them away because it was my fault we lost the others. For having kept them for so long, knowing that I should have made this descision long ago.
I posted them on CL; I couldn't post them where I'd normally sell them because it's too cold to ship. I would have had to wait until spring. I was going to do that, planning on doing that, but then we lost Vortex. I didn't want to lose anymore. I got a few replies, but no serious interest except for this one guy. Turns out he works for one of the local reptile stores, the one that takes pretty good care of them. He said he only wanted a few females, but I offered him everyone. He wound up taking them, couldn't refuse really, given the price I offered him. It came down to something like $6 a gecko. Considering I've spent over $4,000 on my base stock alone, he really couldn't refuse. I know I shouldn't care about the money side of things, but I got most everyone as hatchlings or juvies, so I should have beena ble to sell them for about twice what I paid for them. Considering how tight we are with money right now, that would have *really* helped us out. Frell, we could have paid off the car with that kind of money.
I do feel better after meeting him, though. I am confident that he really does care about them and will take good care of them. Lumpy, my girl that I rescued, has a severe malformation because of early metabolic deficiencies. She was actually given to me as a male, so it was a bit of a surprise when I sexed everybody for him that she turned out to be a she. And she is beautiful. A red/lavender flame. Nice head structure, too. Just about anyone else would evetually breed her because her problems aren't genetic. But, he said he wouldn't. And I believe him. And that's important to me. He owns a reptile petting zoo kind of show, and he said he'd put her in there. Which is great because she's pretty docile and likes to be handled. I just hope some kid doesn't accidentally pull off her tail. He's also going to keep the already mated pairs together, so as not to stress them out. He took Jess, too, even though he wasn't really interested in her as a species. He said he'd fatten her up again and that I could have her back when I'm feeling better. He said I could have any of them back when I'm feeling better, or maybe some hatchlings instead. I believe him, and I'd really like to hope that I can get to a point where I could do that, but I'm not very hopeful at this point. I'd be so scared of it happening again.
As it is, I couldn't bring myself to let him have Ghost, my marginata. Or my girls, Paikea and Phoenix. My hubby talked me into keeping Red, the male I got once upon a time for Pai, with the understanding that he'll be responsible for him. I guess he couldn't bear the idea of me losing all of them, either. So, that's four. Five, inclduing Spot. We can handle that, I think. I pray. But I'm pretty sure that at the very least my hubby can handle them, especially because none of them are cricket eaters. Meaning, we don't have to feed them that often and can feed them a variety of things.
We still have Rana and Rose, too. The guy didn't feel comfortable taking Rana knowing how valuable she is. Not to mention he actually knows the guy in charge of the reptiles at the zoo, so he's going to give him a call for me. I really hope he'll take her, but if not, my dad promised he'd build her a better enclosure. Bigger. Meaning less maintanence. As for Rose, he said she was too beautiful for her to be included with the rest. She is, after all, a rose 'n cream. Not that she fires up that often. But, he said that he would also mention her to the reptile guy at the zoo. If he'd take her, too, that would be really good. I think that would be a great place for her. If not, he said, he'd save up some money to pay me something close to what she's actually worth.
He's a nice guy, and I feel much better after having met him. But this was still one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I mostly just wrote this because I had to get it out, but if you want to say something about it, please don't berate me for not taking better care of them. I know I should have and I know it's all my fault that I lost so many of them, so please don't.Edited by author Sat Feb 7, '09 1:47pm PST
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It is hard. I'm sorry you lost so many.
The Dog Show: Who's Your Mama?
9
