Miss Dayzee's Office

(Page 9 of 9: Viewing entries 81 to 88)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Wed Jan 14, '09 4:45am PST


	Corporate Structure ==================== Is your company like this? CORPORATE STRUCTURE DEFINED AND ANALYZED CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to animals MANAGER: Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotive two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can't stay afloat with a life preserver Talks to walls TRAINEE: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building Says "look at the choo-choo" Wets him/herself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to him/herself SECRETARY: Lifts buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth Freezes water with a single glance Is God The ability to laugh at things makes things at lot easier to handle

my page | msg me | gift me | become pals

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Wed Jan 14, '09 12:19pm PST


	I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11 Your present situation may not be to your liking. Perhaps you are dissatisfied and discouraged. Put the matter in God's hands. If He wants you elsewhere, He will lead you there, providing you are amenable to His will. But perhaps He wants you where you are. In that case, He will help you to adjust to the situation. He will make you content, even grateful for present opportunities. Learn the great art of doing the best you can, with what you have, where you are. When you do this, you learn how to reach the better condition, or how to make your present situation a better one.

my page | msg me | gift me | become pals

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Thu Jan 15, '09 5:05am PST


	The Movie Encyclopedia ======================= There are some things in life that you would never know if it weren't for Hollywood. A great movie – "The Family Man" Every married man with kids should see this. Without The Movies you wouldn't know this: During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her. The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now. You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox. See you tomorrow.

my page | msg me | gift me | become pals

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Sat Jan 17, '09 6:48am PST


	My Best Worst Morning The second I heard the screams, I knew my bad morning wasn’t as bad as hers By Karen Pane Brooklyn, New York Everything started out wrong that winter morning. My brother, Bruce had an errand to do and was late meeting me for our drive to work. When I stepped outside to wait for him, I shivered in the cold. I dashed back into the house, threw off my jacket and grabbed my full- length leather coat. By the time Bruce and I left, we were snarled in rush-hour traffic. I turned off the expressway only to be blocked by a sanitation truck. I threw the car into reverse. Just then we heard screams: "Help, help! My baby!" Smoke and flames were gushing out of a fourth-floor window where a woman clutched a baby in her arms. We scrambled out of the car. Bruce ran to a fire alarm box, then raced back. "Quick," he said to me, "your coat." In an instant I took off my long leather coat and we held it between us. "Drop the baby," Bruce yelled. The baby seemed to float gently down to us, landing right in the center of my coat. She was dressed in a pink snowsuit with her hands tucked in. She gazed up at me, then closed her eyes and fell asleep. Soon the firemen arrived and rescued the mother. As she was rushed to the ambulance, she called out, "Where's my baby?" "The baby's fine," I assured her. I was very late arriving at work. Then I thought back to what had happened that morning. Bruce's errand, my change of coat, the snarled traffic, the sanitation truck... Yes, our timing was off that day, but God's timing was perfect.

my page | msg me | gift me | become pals

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Sat Jan 17, '09 4:49pm PST


	Baby Pigeons? ============== Have you ever wondered why you don't see baby pigeons? Have you ever wondered why pigeons spend so much time walking when they could be flying? Some of US spend so much time walking when we could be flying. This is why you don't see Baby pigeons - First of all, unlike other birds, pigeons hide their nests. When they emerged in Asia, pigeons were cliff-dwellers. Now they build their messy nests of sticks inside the guts of bridges, or atop tall buildings, or on top of your air conditioner. Also, pigeons are very protective and babying parents. They lay only two eggs at a time, and spoil those babies shamefully. By the time they leave the nest, the babies are almost the same size as their parents. That's why you don't see baby pigeons. The parents spoil the kids by keeping them sheltered and inside away from the world until they are almost grown. Is it any wonder why they fly as little as possible? Think about that the next time you see a pigeon, a big one walking. ~A MountainWings Original~

my page | msg me | gift me | become pals

♥- Dayzee- ♥

I got THE- power!! Jesus.

Barked: Tue Jan 20, '09 7:32am PST


	Extraction =========== My young son had his two front teeth removed today. It's amazing how much the lives of children parallel the lives of adults. Many of the same things they go through, adults go through. The statement, "The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys" makes sense when you analyze the behavior of men and boys. My son had to go through an extraction. His two front teeth had cavities. They had begun to hurt. Something had to be done to ease the pain. I talked with the dentist and he gave me two choices, fix them or remove them. I asked "what's the advantages and disadvantages of each?" "If you repair the tooth and cap them, there is a 32% chance the tooth will become infected and you will have to remove it, if you remove it that ends it." the dentist said. "Which is more traumatic on the child?" I asked. "It's about the same either way," the dentist said. Many times in life we have the same decision. There is something rotten in our world. We can try to fix it. That may work or it may not. Sometimes the rotten things that we try to fix end up becoming even more rotten and we have to remove them anyway. We can decide to just remove them from the start and minimize the future potential problems. Everyone has some rotten teeth in their lives. We instantly know which ones they are. By rotten teeth, I don't necessarily mean teeth but things that are attached to us that have decayed and in one form or another are causing us pain. Those are rotten teeth. Even when speaking about teeth, you know exactly how many bad teeth you have don't you? Answer the question, "How many bad teeth do you have?" This next question about your teeth shows you the difference between a Mountain climber and one that smacks into the mountain. "How many good teeth do you have?" Huh? I asked, "How many good teeth do you have?" You don't know do you? That's because the world teaches us to focus on the bad. If you don't believe me, look at the evening news today. Count the number of minutes devoted to bad news versus the number of minutes devoted to good news. You will see what I mean. That's why you don't know how many good teeth you have. You know you are supposed to have 32 teeth but you have never counted them for sure. Maybe you've got a few extra teeth. You don't know if you haven't counted them. Stop right now and count your good teeth. . . I'll continue the lesson on extraction tomorrow but I want you to learn to consciously recognize the good things in your life first, then I'll tell you the lesson of the extraction. By the way. I have exactly 32 good teeth. Some are very crooked but they work and they don't hurt. Some have had dental work but they work and they don't hurt. Four have had root canals, but they work and they don't hurt. They are good teeth but they aren't perfect. Count your good stuff today before the news comes on. ~A MountainWings Original~ Laugh of The Day: Since we are in the medical field today, A short history of medicine: I have an earache . . . 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox. See you tomorrow.