Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

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*Bats Eyes- Coyly*

Barked: Mon Mar 10, '08 10:52pm PST


	I have a rather personal problem I am hoping you can help me with. I have gas. A LOT. At first, my girl thought it was my boy but he kept denying it and finally I 'fessed up. My favorite trick is to relieve a little bit of the pent up pressure in one room, then run like the wind hehehe into another room with the odor following me. I also like to announce myself by burping in my girl's face. This will wake her up or get her attention. She starts to moan and pulls her shirt up over her face. I am afraid of the can of smelly stuff. They spray it all around me, erasing me. They even give me pills to help out with the burping. Some days I take them, some days I spit them back out. How can I make them stop trying to disguise my special scent? Most of all, I need them to stop spraying the spray to erase me! Charity

I love attention

Barked: Tue Mar 11, '08 9:48am PST


	Hello Charity, I very sorry the humans don't appreciate your efforts to scent the air. They pay money for air fresheners. You would think they would appreciate all the trouble and effort we go to to make their home smell. I've learned from experience that the humans are idiots who won't change. First, the dog food you are eating is the culprit. You need to start eating people food. I would suggest Burger King, but any human food will do. Angel loves grilled chicken. The spray stuff won't erase you--just the odor, but there was a story about a dog who almost died because the humans sprayed too much Febreze on everything and the dog got around it before it dried so spraying it too close to you could be harmful. The stuff isn't that hard to operate. Get the can, and put your paw on the pump. Press down and start spraying the humans. I apply cologne to myself using that little trick and it keeps me from needing so many baths--another thing which I am TOTALLY AGAINST. It is a matter of principle. I don't like baths.

*Bats Eyes- Coyly*

Barked: Wed Mar 12, '08 10:29am PST


	Thank you for your advice ... I am lobbying for Burger King from now on!

I love attention

Barked: Wed Mar 12, '08 11:19am PST


	I'm glad you appreciated my advice. I highly recommend Burger King. The employees there know me so well, they even have a bowl or cup of ice ready for me. It is a great place to eat.

Happy Boy!

Barked: Tue Apr 1, '08 11:46am PST


	Charity, you look like a real nice dog. If I were you I wouldn't worry about the gas. If your people got a problem with it they can always go live in the shed. Gas is a good thing, shows all systems are go. You want any more advice, come to me babe.

I love attention

Barked: Tue Apr 1, '08 7:45pm PST


	Samoa, I have no problem with having the humans live in a shed while the dogs live in the house, but eating at Burger King is still better advice.

Happy Boy!

Barked: Wed Apr 2, '08 9:39am PST


	how 'bout this? the people go live in the shed, Cha-Cha quits worrying about her gas issues and we all go to Burger King and then have a belching contest. Samoa

I love attention

Barked: Wed Apr 2, '08 9:50am PST


	Samoa, I think our combined advice is perfect. Good puppy!!

I miss you Raja- Babu

Barked: Fri Apr 4, '08 1:39pm PST


	Demon, the Burger King advice is getting my Mom worried. She thinks it is R-rated advice. So she watched Fast Food Nation and Super size Me, and she is really scared. And she OMDs all the time. Since 2006, we don't have any fast food anymore because some sicko made some movie. BK was for long trips. Mom got a BK broiler and we got to nibble on the fries. She now says fast food is bad for the environment, and the cattle feed industry is helping, among other things, to destroy the rain forests. Who cares? We think everything should be consumed for our benefit now!!! Who cares about the future? I will not be here!