|Barked: Mon Jul 1, '13 5:36pm PST |
|Its been two long days since Arkane's passing.
But I can't get it in my mind that hes gone. When I'm driving Nare around and Ark isn't there, it just feels like I left him at home. I go to let him out of his crate before bed, upon waking up, etc. Its kind of alien-like only loading up one dog. Ark liked car rides, but was too short to jump into the Subaru so I had to pick him up and put him in.
As I lay here in bed typing, it just feels like hes in the other room, dozing on top of the a/c vent.
I love talking about Ark. Talking about him doesn't sadden me, he is a joy and I admire every little quirk of his. But when I look around, and I expect him to be standing there wagging and smiling at me, is when I lose it and break down. He was sneaky like that. You wouldn't even hear him, he'll just be there, ready to go. I'm sure he still is.
I had a dream last night that I was looking at puppies at a shelter, and this one Orange/Tan pup stood out to me. I looked at his face, and I swear to god it was Arkane. Like he was reincarnated or idk. It made me so happy, but I woke up crying.
I feel like having Nare softens the blow. I don't know how people have only one dog. If I had one dog to walk/love/feed/play with, and then he was gone, I think it would seem more apparent. Nare is my excuse to keep going, he keeps me distracted and (somewhat) on track.
At the same time, I feel extremely guilty. I want to fill the void before it does sink in. My mum isn't opposed to getting another dog (puppy?), but when I got Ark she made a huge deal that I was 'replacing' Nare, and I feel will pull the same stunt.. That I'm trying to replace Arkane. No, it isn't that, while I know my haste might seem like it. Arkane isn't replaceable. I don't even know what breeds he was, he was so unique. He had a toothy grin and long skinny deer-like legs. He was so smart and knew what I wanted exactly when I wanted it.
It took him until he was 7 months old to learn shake. I had to grab his paw and click, but he would never offer his paw until at 7 months he got it. It was so funny because he could do 5 minute down-stays at the doors of Petsmart, but couldn't learn shake. The first time he offered his paw I made such a big deal out of it, it made me so happy lol..
I took Nare to the river today, Arkane didn't really like water, but he had a knack of getting wet. He'd lay down right in the water, stay there for a second then jump 10 feet in the air, like he didn't realize he was laying in it!
A few weeks ago, we were going up Stand Up Creek, and Arkane walked right into the middle of the creek, Nare followed naturally, then Ark squatted to pee and of course Nare was down stream taking big gulps of water.
I'll post more later.. Idk. This is my little place to talk and stuff now, I guess.
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