|Barked: Thu Sep 27, '12 9:11pm PST |
|Sorry for the long post....
Last night we had to put my soon to be ex husband's dog, Kenya to sleep. I never made her a Dogster page, so I am sorry I don't have any pictures. My old computer recently had to be replaced and I have yet to move all my information over.
Kenya was 16 yrs old this past Monday, 9/24, and she has been in failing health for a few months now and has been on pain meds for a while. The pills were $120 for a 30 day supply. I had no problem paying for her meds as long as she wasn't in pain. She went downhill faster the last few months. It first started with her slowing down from having trouble with the porch steps (falling up or down them), to losing a lot of weight. When she walked, her steps were a couple of inches along vs. a standard stride. It's hard to imaging, but she looked like she tried to move fast and went nowhere fast too. Our vet said she was just old and had tumors and putting her through tests wouldn't really prevent the inevitable because of her age. He did say she wasn't in pain, but she needed the meds to keep her moving. My Mom had her most of her life since she was never happy in our condo. But Indy would go to my Moms a couple of times a week and almost every day since my husband left in May. So he and Kenya were close.
We made the decision (not easy I can assure you) to put her to sleep last night. Me, my Mom and Uncle took her. I had to leave the room after saying goodbye
I had emailed my husband in Aug. about her deteriorating condition I asked if he wanted to be there if it didn't happen naturally, or if he wanted to bury her or have her ashes, etc. All he said was he appreciated me and my Mom looking after her and to let him know how much the vet bills were.
He wouldn't even show up for this. I sent him a message to inform him of what was happening. Aside from a few back and forth discussions as to why, he said that 'he was sorry, but couldn't be there tonight' or something to that affect, and thanked me for dealing with this. Not surprised since he never once came to see her after he left. UGH....Anyway, Kenya had really bad diarreah for about the last week and lost a lot of her weight (normally about 50-60 lbs. to probably 40 or so) in the last few weeks. She had trouble opening her mouth to chew and didn't want to eat at all yesterday. The diarreah was really bad and uncontrollable. Her breathing had changed as well in the past couple of days and the mess from her not being able to hold her bodily functions was uncontrollable and a lot for my Mom to bear seeing her this way. Although she is semi used to it with all the animals we have had.
I guess I am also justifying our decision. My Uncle said it was certainly the right decision. Kenya was barely able to walk and no amout of Imodium was helping. We are thinking colitis from all the meds. She was not comfortable.
At this point her quality of life was not there. She couldn't be left alone for more then a couple of hours and had to be guided up and down the porch steps or she would tumble.
The hardest part is second guessing the decision. I think we all do this? Both Mom and I were really hoping it would happen naturally, but it didn't and it was just too much to watch her looking like she wanted out. It seemed she had some sense of awareness, but when she wouldn't eat and stopped even sniffing the ground, I think she was in a state of unawareness and was just going through the motions of what she knew.
I left Indy home all day yesterday. I knew we were going last night and I didn't want him to be there or sense Mom being upset even if she holds it in. Indy is sensitive to human emotion and has always tried to comfort me when I was going through a tough time. When he went to her place today, Mom said he sniffed around a lot and looked worried and a bit sad. After we got home tonight he looked at me with very sad eyes and even his body language when he sat looked sad.
I am trying to remain normal, but he senses I am faking it. I don't think Indy has a complete grasp on what happened, but I am sure he senses something isn't right since she isn't here anymore.
Is there anything I can do for Indy to make sure he doesn't get depressed? He was not himself for several weeks (even didn't eat like he normally did) after my husband left, and I really don't want him going through that feeling of loss and not understanding why again. I'm sure he will miss her. I think if my attitude is positive, he should be ok. It's just hard to hide certain feelings and I think he sees through me when I fake it.
Any advice is appreciated.
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