|Barked: Thu May 26, '11 11:56pm PST |
|We've all decided that her quality of life isn't what it used to be. Her bad days are beginning to outnumber the good. For the past two days, she's been in pain. I know dogs are great at hiding it, so I know she's been in pain longer, it's just been gradually getting worse.
I could see it building up, too, in the way she'd walk, or get up, or lay down, in the way she handled getting pets or massages, etc. But I didn't want to believe it... And the last two days, I've had to face it. For the last two days, it's gotten to the point where I can't watch her suffer and right now, she is suffering. I can't touch her anymore without her yelping or screaming in pain. I can't wipe the mud off her paws... I can't do anything I used to with her. Today, she gave me that look that just tells you that she's not happy anymore, she's not doing good anymore, she needs to be let go. She looked at me like I'd beaten her, and I hadn't even touched her. Looked at me like she was just.. completely defeated.
I haven't even let her go yet and I'm already grieving. Already crying.
She's such a good dog, even when she was fear aggressive, she was always so good with those she knew. Always listening right away, always behaving, always prancing around with her front paws lifting as high as possible like a horse... If you didn't want cuddles, she'd leave you alone, if you wanted cuddles, she would always be right there. She was the first to listen, and the first to be there, the first to follow you around, or just want to be in the same room as you. Protective, but accepting, gentle and loving, patient and understanding, always eager to please...
I think this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life... But when the bad days outnumber and outweigh the good... And the pain is only getting worse and worse... And she's not happy anymore.. I know it's time. Just the look she gave me all day today... Told me it was time...
I'm going to call around, see about a day to take her in and have it done... Planning to take her to nose hill(gigantic hill spanning a good chunk of the city, many off leash areas, lots of hills, bush, wild area, etc) for the day prior to the vets so she can walk around off leash for a while and just enjoy herself... Going to take Todd(my moms fiance) with me, because he's had her since she was born, so he can say his goodbyes too(despite the crap he's put her through previously)... I know he's going to disagree with my decision... But she's mine and I'm not going to let her suffer...
I love you, my sweet Maya.
Edited by author Fri May 27, '11 12:05am PST
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