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Telling a lie weighing me down

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Mikey

You know you- want to pet me
 
 
Barked: Sat Feb 11, '12 11:43am PST 
Only one person in my entire neighborhood knows the truth behind Mikey's passing. That neighbor was one of Mikey's favorite and she absolutely "got" Mikey and I felt that she deserved to hear the truth about it all. I asked that she not tell anyone else and she's held tight to that. She could not have been more comforting and understanding. She is a good person.

No one else knows and I started telling "the lie" about Mikey's passing and I'm feeling like such a fraud for it.
The reason I lie is that everyone who knew Mikey absolutely loved him. Even with his dog aggression flaw, people in my neighborhood understood it, forgave it and still loved saying hi to him and heaping loads of love and praise on him. The last thing I want is for people to think of him in such an ugly, albeit true, manner. I don't know why I'm so stuck on that, but I am.

I guess today I realized how much it's weighing me down.
There are a lot of neighbors who I haven't seen in months and months and are just now finding out about Mikey and so, almost every day I'm having to tell them "I lost Mikey in December". I usually stop at that. About 1/2 the people ask why and the other 1/2 don't.
If they ask, that's where my lie comes in. Not detailed or probably that far off, but basically I just tell them he got really, really sick.

No one needs to know and I don't owe it to anyone to tell them the truth, but I didn't realize how many times I'd have to lie and how much it would weigh me down. It's weird.
Luckily most people don't focus too long on it because they have A Moose wanting all of their attention.
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Turner - Gone Too- Soon

Hi I'm Turner- Wanna Smell My- Butt?
 
 
Barked: Sat Feb 11, '12 12:31pm PST 
Tough one. My question is if you told them the truth would it change their perception of you and Mikey? They know you and they know how much you loved Mikey and all that you did for him. I don't think they would judge you as being mean or making a bad decision. I think most, not all, would agree that you were the one person who understood Mikey. Tough call.. flowersflowers
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Jackson Tan

Lad about town
 
 
Barked: Sun Feb 12, '12 4:32am PST 
To be honest, if Jackson came to the same end as Mikey, I would also be lying. I would hate for my neighbours to think of him that way, or worse say he was never right anyway... It would be easier to lie.

Of course, I'm not close to anyone in my town... It would be harder to lie to someone I cared about. Maybe later down the track you can say what really happened and just explain that, the pain was too fresh to talk about it then.
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Mikey

You know you- want to pet me
 
 
Barked: Sun Feb 12, '12 10:03am PST 
You're right Turner, no one would judge or think of me and Mikey in a negative light. I'm sure they'd be understanding and caring, but I think my hesitation is the "image" of it all. I don't want them to even think of him like that.

This morning I was walking Moose and ran into a neighbor and her two dogs who I used to see every morning when I walked Mikey. Now we get to be on the same side of the street and talk (instead of carrying on a conversation on opposite sides of the street as we walked our dogs) and our dogs get to meet.
As we're talking I thought that I might tell her the truth if the subject were to come up in the future. I know for a fact she wouldn't be anything but sympathetic. But, I'll play that by ear next time we see each other.
Again, no one NEEDS to know.

It's just weird how I've gotten weighed down by it.
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The Roo- Crew™- ©®

We go together- like peas &- carrots

moderator
 
 
Barked: Tue Feb 14, '12 8:54pm PST 
Ever heard the expression, "carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders"?

You are. You did everything you could for Mikey. And with your lie, in my opinion, you are telling yourself you failed or you should be ashamed.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Those of us that followed your story and cried at the end know, you did all you could. More than so many would.

That said, I might not share all of the history of what happened. People judge. They might not want to, but they do. Sometimes a tear or just saying you aren't ready to talk about it should be enough. You don't have to lie. You don't owe them anything.

If you WANT to talk to them about it for support, that's a dog of a different color.

Do what feels right. If you trust the people, really trust them not to whisper and gossip about you and make the story something it wasn't, then tell them. If not, just let it rest in peace.little angel

Sending you hugs. You need them.hug
MIKA&KAI

Akita Pals- Always.
 
 
Barked: Wed Feb 15, '12 10:59am PST 
I agree with the Roo Crew for those you know would be supportive and you feel should know the truth ,fine.
You did all you could for Mikey and there will be those who judge.For them let the matter rest. In all honesty Mikey was very sick,mentally to have snapped that way,so it is in fact not a lie,just an omission of all of the awful details. Be kind to yourself,you gave Mikey alot more time than he would have had with most people and did all you could. That is over now and you have to move on,besides you have Moose to deal with now.
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Lucille

I am the Sock- Bandit!!!
 
 
Barked: Wed Feb 15, '12 1:10pm PST 
IMHO you are not lying when you say that Mikey was really, really sick. He was. Mental illness is still an illness. The people who need to know the whole truth already do. Most of the time, you're actually doing casual acquaintances a favor by not burdening them with the knowledge that they can't fully grasp, anyway.

I would be doing the exact same thing. In fact, I had no choice when I worked for that awful kennel at the greyhound track. It doesn't feel good, I agree, but there's not much else you can do...besides give Moose a big scritching and distract yourself and them, I guess. Come to think of it, that's sort of what I did, too, focused on the dog I had that day and giving them the best I could from the heart.



hughug
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Mr. Pibbs- *CGC*

Snuggle up!
 
 
Barked: Wed Feb 15, '12 4:52pm PST 
I agree with the others. You are not lying and really what benefit would it be to share all of the details? It was obvious how heavy your heart was when all of that happened.
You did so much to help him but sometimes all of the help in the world just isn't enough to fix something that isn't fixable.
Unless you feel that it would make YOU feel better to share the whole story, please don't feel any guilt, shame or obligation to discuss something so incredibly painful for you.
Prayers for peaceful feelings for you.hug
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Dahlia

Gone, But Not- Forgotten.
 
 
Barked: Mon Feb 20, '12 8:04am PST 
thinking Just give a simple answer: "I had to have him put to sleep and it's still too painful to talk about." Leave it at that.
hug Remember, you did what you had to do.
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Turner - Gone Too- Soon

Hi I'm Turner- Wanna Smell My- Butt?
 
 
Barked: Mon Feb 20, '12 2:48pm PST 
Good answer Dahlia - short and to the point...way to go
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