Funng dog thingy...got any?

This is the place for pups to exchange ideas and information about a variety of dog-related topics. Don't furget that there are many great resources on Dogster such as Dogster Answers and Dogster Blogs!

Taz - In Loving- Memory

For Little- Bit - DIE CANCER DIE-
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 8:16pm PST 

Dear God, how come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another? Where are their darn priorities?

Dear God, when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?

Dear God, excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one
named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs
love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would
be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God, if a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human is around
to hear him, does he still get his butt whacked with a newspaper?

Dear God, is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God, if we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

Dear God, more meatballs, less spaghetti.

Dear God, when we get to the Pearly Gates, will we have to do that stupid
hand shake trick to get in?

Dear God, we dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What the heck do humans understand?

Dear God, are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been
howling at the moon for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the horny
beagle across the street.

Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize to them?

Dear God, is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we
can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the accident on the
carpet thing, again?

-author unknown-
Keiko- (4/8/98-12/5- /12)

Queen fuddy- duddy
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 8:20pm PST 
Hahahahaha...lol....I love this. I have not heard it before, I will have to print it out.
Cheyenne- Moon

Live, love and- play
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 8:21pm PST 
Taz, that's adorable.............

Taz - In Loving- Memory

For Little- Bit - DIE CANCER DIE-
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 8:23pm PST 
"Whose Dog Is Smarter?"

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The first man was an engineer, the second an accountant, the third man a chemist, and the fourth a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-Square, do your stuff!" T-Square trotted over to the desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that T-Square was pretty smart!

Then the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, show them how smart you are!" Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen, and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed, that was good!

Yet the chemist said his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your thing!" Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10-ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone oohed and ahhhed and was quite impressed!

Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?" He called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!!" Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate all the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!!!!
Keiko- (4/8/98-12/5- /12)

Queen fuddy- duddy
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 8:36pm PST 
Hahahaha....I've heard that one before, but it's been awhile. It's still funny.
Balder- Amicus

I catch birds
Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 9:03pm PST 
Good points to ponder Taz, That made Mom's day. She's so nice she cleaned the furniture and carpets today and still lets me and Peanut up on furniture. smile
"Rusty the Terrible"

Barked: Wed Jun 15, '05 11:47pm PST 
Dear God,

My life has been very difficult, do you hate me?
I have seen it all....
I hate my job.
I hate my President
I hate women who expect more of me than what is possible..
I hate watching urban sprawl
I hate fighting f0r freedom
I hate paying bills
I hate so many things....
When I go camping in the middle of nowhere I thank you for the solitude....
Then I return to the evolution that you have created....
I don't like it & and prefer the mystery of the forest ...
I'm not religious, The ancient scriptures are legends & only possibilties for me...
Give me the plan,make me believe or strike my tent with a bolt of lightning...
Taz - In Loving- Memory

For Little- Bit - DIE CANCER DIE-
Barked: Thu Jun 16, '05 2:46am PST 
Dog Rules, Simplified for Humans

Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing you protective bark, bark, bark...

Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

The Art Of Sniffing
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them.

Dining Etiquette
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going For Walks
Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.

Chasing Cats
When chasing cats, make sure you never--quite--catch them. It spoils all the fun.

Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.
Rosalita Lola "Rosie"

Love is never- being told you'- naughty!
Barked: Thu Jun 16, '05 11:44am PST 
Taz, those are very funny
Keiko- (4/8/98-12/5- /12)

Queen fuddy- duddy
Barked: Thu Jun 16, '05 8:44pm PST 
Hahahaha.......I love the last post. How true it is.