August 1st 2012 5:44 pm
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Pupses!! It r me, Zaidie, comin' tu yu wive fwum Bob's howse where I r suwwounded by a bunch ob nutzo Westie pubbies whu du NOD hab dere wissenin' ears 'ttached tu dere LWD heads! HELB!!
I r here now cuz Momma an' Dadda r fwyin' tu MN, nod dis day, bud nexx day! My Auntie S whu r Momma's sistur an' whu r da Mom ob my bestest kidses r geddin' mawwied tu a guy whu r named Eddie! Him r a bery nice man. I meeted him durin' wast summer's MEATZ™ an' Gweetz Tour, 2011.' Wememmer dat abbenchur?? It wuz BIG FUN :D
Anyfur, Bob an' me, Zaidie, will be hedin' ober tu our homewand ob Scotwand on our bikes. It r almost dat time ob yeer 'gain - da Harbest ob da Haggis! Yu kno' it, pupses! Da haggis twees r gwoanin' unner da weight ob all dose bags ob haggis, hangin' fwum dere bwanches. It r time tu 'Hack Da Haggis, 2012™'. It r a huge festibal in dose West Highwands! Dere r wotza pawades an' pawties an' dances wif fousands ob pupses an' peepoles wearin' dere kilts an' eatin' haggis 'til dere tummies r so filled dat dere r haggis 'sploshuns all ober da pwace an' it r a HUGE, bery fun mess :D Den dere r all kindza borin' speeches an' junk, bud da bestest part r bein' back in our homewand.*sob*
Afore we weturn tu Canada on our bikes, we pwan tu bisit da site ob my birf - yu kno', dat lil' spot unner da most famus haggis twee in da hole werld! Dere we r also gonna chek on da pwogwess ob da all-nu 'Haggis Twee Hilton', bein' builded wite 'side da pwace ob my birf, bwingin' peepoles an' pupses fwum all ober da werld tugefur in peece an' harmony an' haggis! *sob*
Cuz I still need tu pack an' cuz I r geddin' all berkwempt an' 'mo-shu-nal, I need sign off now, bud I be back soon. Keep kewl, pupses, WAY kewl :D An' make shur dat da haggis yu r eatin' r 'Z-Pup Haggis™', da bestest stuff on Earf ♥
P.S. Fur dose ob yu whu hab nod yet noticed, da wayer cakes in da Dogster Giff Shop™ r FWEE dis day an' dis day onwy!! Yep, I sed FWEE! Dat meens dem cost $0,000,000 an'/or 0,000,000,000 zeawies!! Send cakes tu yur fwiends an' make nu fwiends wif CAKE :D
July 19th 2012 9:20 am
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*Zaidie's Momma knocks on the bathroom door*
"Zaidie, are you in there??"
"What are you doing, HunBun?"
"Uh, nuffin! Whut yu r duin' out dere, Momma?"
"Zaidie Levi Gee, answer my question. I hear splashing. What are you doing??!"
"OMD. Chill out, woman. I r wewaxin' in a bery soofin' baff wif wabender baff salts."
"I hear voices. Who's in there with you??"
"I r uzin' one ob da CDs yu uze fur wewaxin'. *stifled giggle* I figureded dat since dem werk so well fur yu (BOLBOLBOL :D) dat I shood twy one. Dis mornin' hab beened bery stwessful fur me, Zaidie."
"And just HOW was your morning stressful, dare I ask??"
"Yu did nod wub my belly tu wake me up wike yu uzuawwy du *pout*"
"I'm very sorry, HunBun, but it's roadtrip day and I'm busy getting ready. Dadda will be home soon, so could you finish up in there?? Oh, by the way, you're a DDP over on Dogster today AND there are hotdogs in the gift shop now, too!"
"WOO-HOO!! Fanks, Momma! I be wite out :D"
July 16th 2012 9:01 am
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Pupses!! My weekend wuz cwazee an' NUTZO bizzy an'' it r nod eben ober yet!
Dadda r nod at werk dis day an' we r goin' NOD FWIMMIN' at my Gwamma an' Gwampa's howse, 'cept Gwamma r nod dere cuz hur r in da hossible :( Dem r wunnin' a bunch ob tests an' junk tu twy tu figur' out whut da heck r wong wif hur.
Aftur we finish 'nod fwimmin', Momma an' Dadda r gonna du tag-teem bisitin' (cuz dem neber weave me awone in da car AN' it r stoopid hod here)tu see Gwamma an' take hur sum fwowers or a Bodka Dwip™ or sumfing :D
I stayed at Bob's howse on Sadurday cuz Momma an' Dadda habbed tu go tu a weddin' which wuz held owtside at a winery on a BERY hot an' humid day. Momma sez dat when hur finks back on dat day, hur will nod fink 'bout da beeyooful bwide or da 'dorable fwowergurl or da 'licious champayne. Nope. Hur r onwy gonna wemembur da GABILLYUNS an' TWAZILLYUNS ob flies dat wuz eberywhere, speshully unner da big tent when dem wuz eatin'...cuz yu kno' how flies wuff a gud meel, wite?? Momma used da werd 'disgustin' tu descwibe it. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Dem cooda used a bunch ob us pupses tu wook aftur dose fwies. I r weelly gud at chasin' dem an' sumtimes I eben catch dem :D
I habbed fun stayin' ober at Bob's howse, bud dere wuz 6 Westie pubbies whu I wuz TWYIN' tu twain, bud dem did NOD hab dere wissenin' ears on an' all dem wanted tu du wuz mess 'wound an' chase me, Zaidie :O Dem did nod unnerstan dat yu r nod 'spposed tu chase yur teechur. Nexx time I r dere, in a coupla weeks, I r takin' all yu pupses wif me tu helb contwol dose bad lil' pubbies, 'kay??
It r woadtwip time now!! Hab a pawsum day, eberypup! ConDOGumatayshuns tu Hershey an' Fizzy an' Cleo an' Demon Fwash Bandit!! All ob dem r DDPs dis day!! WOO-HOO :D
July 13th 2012 11:12 am
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Nod dis day, bud yes'day wuz woadtwip day fur me, Momma an' Dadda. Momma habs a 'ppointment ebery Fursday in Towonto, so dat meens WOADTWIP an' B-I-G F-U-N an' barkin' wike a wunatik at stwange doggies fwum da secuwity ob my bery own Z.O.T.M.™. Momma always sez;,"And if we were there on the sidewalk, big barker guy here would not be quite so LARGE and in charge :D"
It wuz tu stinkin' hod tu du much while we wated fur Momma, so Dadda an' me, Zaidie, taked a walk tu our bestest lil' park in dat part ob da city. Dadda bwinged a packpack filled wif dwinks fur us an' off we wented, duin' da Westie Stwut fur all tu see :D
Once we gedded tu da park, I gwabbed da chance tu fink quietwy fur a spwit second an' suddenwy dis haiku-fing popded intu my LWD hed. I fot I wood share it wif yu on dis wazy, Twiple H (hod, hazy an' humid) Fwiday. Keep kewl, pupses - WAY kewl :D
~ An Ode* tu Butchers ~
Da Summer r hod.
Wintur r cold. I still wuff
MEATZ™, jus' so yu kno'.
*teknikawwy it r NOD an ode, bud jus' werk wif me, 'kay, pupses??*
July 11th 2012 8:30 pm
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Dese days when I take Momma fur hur walk, I 'llow hur tu chooze which woute we r gonna take fru da nayberhood. It helps hur feel 'portant an' I du nod mind gibben up contwol, as wong as hur duz nod spend tu much time sniffin' at EBERY pole, post, bush, twee, peece ob junk we come acwoss :D
Dis day hur 'cided tu go weft once we wuz off our pwoperty. I sed,"Gud choice, Momma!! Wotza gud sniffin' dis way!" We wuz 'bout half a bwock fwum our howse when all ob a sudden I seed our mailman comin' tuwards us on da same side ob da stweet. I kno' nuffin 'bout dis guy an' I hab neber beened cwose 'nuff tu sniff him an' say hewwo, bud dere r sumfing 'bout him dat I jus' du nod wike.
Him stomps up da steps ob our fwont porch eberyday, fwum Munday tu Fwiday, 'cept if Munday r a howliday. I heer him. I bark my LWD hed off cuz, eben doe hims job r tu dewiber our mail, him can nod be twusted. Whefer it r a stinkin' hot day an' all da winnows r cwosed cuz da A/C r on or whefer it r a beeyooful day wif a wefweshin' bweeze an' da winnows r oben, I KNO' HIM R OUT DERE!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
Momma always sez,"Zaidie, relax. It's just the mailman. He's not here to see you." Whut da heck?? Da nerbe ob dat guy! Bud I digwess...
Wike I sed, dere him wuz comin' our way. I started waggin' my LWD tail tu distwact him intu finkin' dat I wike him. Den our eyes wocked. I gwared at him an' all ob a sudden him stepded off da sidewalk an' walkded WAY out ontu da steet, all in a despewate attempt tu stay outta my way! Momma sez him wuz jus' cwossin' da stweet, bud I kno' da twoof - him r skeered ob me :D
July 10th 2012 8:35 pm
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Ok, pupses. Heer r da deel. Momma r on da ceilin' an' hur r pwobawby gonna be dere fur at weast a coupla weeks, 'til all da famiwy junk an' ob-wi-gay-shuns r ober an' dunned wif. Until den, hur 'bility tu focus r goneded.
In da meemtime, we can nod figur out how da stowy shood end, so we r gonna gib yu a choice. Pweeze sewect yur fabouritest scenawio an' den say,"Da End" an' it r gonna be ober, 'kay?? I kno' dis r cheetin', bud if yu consider whu I hab tu werk wif here, I r pwetty shur yu r gonna unnerstan :D
Wecap ob da stowy so far : Barf r nod habby tu be cuberin' da Canadian 'Lympik Dibin' Twials wif me, Zaidie. Him finks him r wastin' hims fine educayshun AN' him duz nod wike tu werk wif me, Zaidie. Da wadies hab jus' awwibed by bus an' dem r fweekin' out cuz ob my LWD cuteness an' junk *blushes*. Now yu can chooze yur endin' :
1) I ged frowed intu da pool WIFOUT my fwoaties an' wifout my pink pwaid board shorts. *gasp* One ob my nozy nayburs calls da powice an' I ged awwested fur bein' nekkid in pubwik. I wefuse tu pay da fine, so I r frowed intu jail where I r forceded tu share a cell wif a skwerl nameded Bwidget. I chase hur 'wound an' 'wound an' 'wound an' 'wound. Den we ged mawwied cuz dere r nuffin else tu du. Now yu say, "Da End."
2) Barf geds frowed intu da pool cuz eberypeepole r tired ob him an' hims stoopid boice. Him duz nod kno' how tu fwim an' no peepole wants tu wescue him. I tell him dat I will sabe him IF him agwees tu ged me a WEEL job on da 6 o'cwock nues an' him can be my 'ssistant. Now yu say,"Da End."
3) Finawwy da men's teem awwibes at my way kewl pool an' dem r MAD cuz sum cwazee nutzo pup, whu r nod a LWD nameded Zaidie, gibbed dem da wong di-wek-shuns tu my way kewl pool. 'Stead dem ended up at da sewage tweetment pwace an' dem all falled in. Dem S-T-I-N-K! I inbite all my fwiends ober tu sniff dem an' da guys all wun off, scweemin' cuz dem r 'fwaid ob pupses. Now yu say,"Da End."
Now it r my turn : Da End :D
July 5th 2012 9:03 am
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"BARF!! How yu r duin' my fwiend??"
"I'm not doing well, Zainie. The Olympics are serious business and here we are clowning around with a kiddie pool!! Ted, get me my pills NOW!"
"'Cept I r Zaidie, nod Zainie, Barf. Why yu need pills??"
"Because I'm losing my mind and my credibility."
"Barf, eberyfing r gonna be fine. Yu jus' wie wite here on my Momma's wounge chair an' I r gonna set yu up wif a Bodka Dwip™. Dis r gonna be fun!! Wook! Da af-weetes r geddin' off dere bus wite now! Da twials r gonna start soon!"
*Zaidie westie-struts off to greet the athletes*
"Well, hewwo an' welcome tu my pwace!! We r honured tu hab yu here! I hope my way kewl pool r up tu yur standards!"
*crowd of ladies gathers around*
"Awwww, look at the little white dog!!"..."OMG, he's SO cute!"..."ACK *thud*" "Where's my camera???" "OMG, is he REAL???"..."TOO cute!"
"Wadies, wadies, pweeze. Seddle down. Dere r pwenty ob Z-Pup tu go 'wound! How 'bout if yu take turns holdin' me???"
"Me furst!! *grabs Zaidie and heads towards the pool*
************End ob Part 2**************
June 29th 2012 9:11 am
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"What are we doing HERE? This is a backyard deck with a kid's wading pool. I was told we'd be covering the diving trials for the Canadian Olympic team! What the $#??"
"Bart. We *are* covering the trials."
"You have GOT to be kidding me."
"No, I'm not."
"This doesn't have anything to do with a certain little white dog...uh, what's his name? Zainie?? Is that it???"
"Bart, this is his house and that is his pool. What can I say? It's what the people want!! That LWD brings in the viewers. You know the ratings go through the roof whenever we just mention his name! We have no choice."
"Well, I do! I didn't dedicate 3 weeks of my life to 'Jake's Online School of Journalism' for THIS nonsense!! Get me some real news!!"
*Zaidie westiestruts out onto the deck*
"BARF!! How yu r duin', my fwiend??
*End of Part 1*
June 25th 2012 10:30 am
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Nod dis day, bud yes'day, Momma, Dadda an' me, Zaidie, wented tu Gwampa's howse tu continue wif da sortin' ob Gwampa's stuff dat him cood nod take wif him when him wented tu Heaben in March. Up dere, when Gwamma sawed Gwampa fur da furst time in 3 1/2 yeers, hur pwobabwy said,"Allan, where's the new shirt we bought for you just before I died? Why are you still wearing that old thing? Look at that stain there!" BOLBOL :D
Anyway, nuffin tu 'citin' habbened dere yes'day, bud da wast time we wuz dere, it wuz bery akshun-packed. Wet me tell yu 'bout it...
Dadda wuz in Gwampa's howse, messin' 'wound. Momma an' me, Zaidie, wuz out on da fwont wawn, woungin' on a bwankie. Momma WEEELLY needed wewax dat day, so hur habbed hur iPod-pod an' sum magadines an', ob corse, I setted hur up wif a Bodka Dwip™. I wuz tied up tu my wongest tie-out. I fink it r twenny miles wong.
Anyfur, I wuffed bein' out dere, sniffin' an' watchin' an' pwotektin' Momma fwum all kindza bad stuffs. My tie out wuz hookded ontu da fwont door. Dadda sed,"Dis r nod gud." So Momma unhookded it. Den while hur wuz wookin' fur a bedder pwace tu hook it ontu, hur gedded distwacted, dwoppded it an' furgedded 'bout it. Hur camed ober tu da bwankie jus' as I weawized dere wuz a orange an' white KITTY unner da ZOTM™ ('Zaidie On the Town Mobile' fur dose ob yu whu r nu here) Gess whut habbened nexx!!!
Da kitty taked off, wunnin' fur hims wife cuz I gess him hab heered all 'bout me an' how tuff I r. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :O I counted tu elenbenty-seben tu gib him a hedstart an' den I wuz off wike a shot, WUNNIN' WIKE DA WIND, chasin' dis interwoper whu wuz hidin' unner MY car! All ob a sudden, I feeled bery firsty, so I yellded,"Hey! Yu kitty! I r bery firsty. Wanna stop an' ged a dwink sumpwace??"
Da kitty yellded back,"Sure. I could do with a snack, too. How does that place over there look?"
"It wooks gud tu me. I r so firsty, I du nod eben care how many Michewin stars a pwace habs."
So intu dis 'dorable lil' cafe we wented. I habbed a pink wemonade wif a dubble shot ob Gwey Goose Bodkas. Da kitty habbed Wong Iswand Iced Tee an' we shared a wuffwy wemon sorbet which weelly hitted da spot. Den, as we argued ober whu wuz gonna pay da bill, I secwetwy swipped my munnee card outta my secwet pocket an' handed it tu Jean-Michel, da serber. Boila! Paided :D
Owtside da cafe a cwowd hab gafered, so I askded one ob da peeples tu say,"Weady, Set, Go!!" So him did an' off we wented, WUNNIN' WIKE DA WIND 'gain. Den da..."
"HunBun? Cood yu finish your story later? It's time for your bath."
"MOMMA! It r nod a stowy. It r weel. I chaseded da darn kitty all ober da pwace!"
"Zaidie, you chased him into his garage. Plus you had a fifteen foot tie-out dragging behind you. You weren't going far. Hey. Let's get the bath over with right now and then you can do whatever you want, within reason, before your Dadda gets home. Okay?"
"Shur, Momma. As wong as I du nod ged wet." :D
June 21st 2012 9:17 am
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"Zaidie, it's time to get up. It's almost noon, HunBun!"
"Aww, Momma. I r weawwy tired. I wuz up so wate wast nite, chasin' kitties wif da guyses, eatin' kitty poop an'...Ooops , I meen, it wuz Schnauzer's Wule 'Study Gwoop' Nite. Yu kno' I neber miss dat, bud dis week it wuz at Zoe's pwace in Idunno an' I gedded a fwat tire on da way home an' an'..."
"What were you pups studying?"
"Um, well, yu kno', all kindza 'portant junk! Weawwy. We wuz."
"Well, that's funny because Zoe's Mommy told me Zoe was grounded for swimming naked and not wearing her water wings over at her friend's house yesterday."
"OMD! Zoe did DAT?? :D"
"Never mind what Zoe did. Just get up, please. It's roadtrip day and your Dad will be home any minute now. Oh, and you're a Daily Diary Pick over on Dogster today."
"Wate. WHUT?? I r a DDP an' yu jus' telled me 'bout it now, minits afore we r weabin' fur da hole day?? Gud gwief, Momma. Ged wif da pwogwamme, 'kay?"
"Well, you'll have your BlackBerry in your secret pocket, so what's the problem? You'll be in contact with everyone."
"Momma. My BwackBerry r in da wepair shop. Wemember wast week, when my secwet pocket automatik water bowl mal-funk-shuned an' da pwace gotted fwooded out??"
"How could I forget? There was water all over the house!"
"I know! Fank gudness fur 24 hour 'mergency pwumbers...whu r NOD Dadda :D BOLBOLBOL Wemember da wast time him twied tu fix a pwumbin' pwobwem?? BOLBOL!! ROFBMBOROFBMBO :D :D :D :D
Fank yu so bery much fur da DDP honur dis day, HQ. I 'ppweciate it, bud cood yu pweeze fix all da fweas an' junk dat r 'ttackin' dis Dogster pwace? It r makin' us cwazee an' nutzo. Du we need a wepeet ob da scene we cweated wast yeer, owtside HQ, when we all gafered tu pwotest da wack ob MEATZ™ in da Giff Shop??? :D I did NOD fink so!
I kno' yu can fix it. I hab ebery conbidence in yu, HQ ♥ ❀ ☀ ♫ ★ ☮™
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