September 13th 2012 8:03 am
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"Zaidie! WHAT'S GOING ON???
"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBA RKBARKBARKBARK!! Momma, dere r skwerls all ober my Dogster pwofile page! Wookit dose barmints!! BARKBARKBARK! How I make dem go 'way? Dem r nod wissenin' tu me! HALP!!"
"Hmmm...Okay. Let's try deleting everything an' we'll start fresh."
"Momma! Dem r still dere!! BARKBARKBARKBARK! Du sumfing else!!"
"Okay...Let me think for a..."
"No time fur finkin', Momma! Dem r teezin' me merciwesswy!! Make it stop!!"
"It did NOD werk, Momma!! Now whut??"
"Zaidie, we're going to have to wait until IT guy comes home from work."
"Whu dat r, Momma?"
"That's your Dadda, HunBun! If he can oversee a huge computer system used everyday by hundreds of people all over the continent, I think he can scare off a few virtual squirrels! Just relax, okay? He should be home by 6pm...Hey, how about if I prepare a nice, soothing bath for you? Would you like me to add some lavender bubble bath? I know how much you love the bubbles, little guy."
"Shur, Momma. I need chill out. I hab sum hunny-wemon tee, tu, pweeze? An' a coupla ob dose dainty lil' wadyfingur cookies ??"
"Sure. Yu wait here. I'll be right back."
"Z-Pup! Turn off the computer. There's no need to stress yourself out anymore than you already are."
"Hello? Hi, Zoe! How's everything in Idaho today?? Oh, dear. Well, if they close the blinds, it usually means you're barking so much they can't hear themselves think...I know it's boring, but if you hold off on barking for a day or two, I'm sure they'll forget all about it and open the blinds...Zaidie? Well, he's soaking in a lavender bubble bath right now. What's so funny??...Well, he was really upset by the squirrels on his profile page. I thought it would calm him down a bit until we can fix it....No, Zoe...No. Please do NOT tell your Dogster friends about Zaidie soaking in the tub. Do I have to call your parents?? Okay, good girl! I'll tell him you called. Say hi to Inkspot for him, okay? Goodbye!"
"Come in, pweeze. Oh, it r yu, Momma!"
"Who'd you think it would be?"
"I dunno, bud I can nod take chances on any ob my fwiends findin' out I r soakin' in a wabender bubble baff. I wood neber heer da end ob it, 'speshully fwum Zoe. O.M.D."
"Well, I'm sure Zoe can be trusted with a secret, can't she??"
*eyeroll* "Shur, Momma, jus' wike I can be twusted tu watch ober an unwocked fweezer filled wif MEATZ™ :D BOLBOLBOL"
"Ooops, whut, Momma??"
"Uh, nothing, HunBun. I..uh...forgot to add fabric softener to the load of laundry I just threw in. I'll be right back."
September 9th 2012 9:50 am
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"Whu r dere, pweeze?"
"It's Momma, HunBun, with your tea and toast. May I come in?"
"Uh, shur, Momma. Jus' hang on a minit. *pause* 'Kay, come in."
"Here you go, sweetness. This should help calm your little tum-tum...Hey, is that bacon I smell? And chicken?? Where's it coming from???"
"Uh, I dunno, Momma, bud all ob a sudden I r feewin' bery week an' sik an' junk. I need be by myselb fur a few minits, 'kay?"
"No, not okay! I'm not leaving you alone when you're feeling sick enough to cancel this year's 'End of Summer Party and Taxidermy Show'. In fact, I don't believe you're sick after all." *checks under the bed*
"Well, look at what we have here! It's Grampa's George Foreman grill! We were wondering where that ended up. It was down in the den at Grampa's house with all the boxes of stuff for his church's upcoming rummage sale. Then all of a sudden it was missing. Hmmm...I wonder how it ended up here?!? And look! *opens the GF grill* Bacon AND Chicken, grilled to perfection, right here under Zaidie-Pup's bed! Imagine the odds of that happening :D"
"Yeah, jus' 'magine...How dat ged unner dere?? *drooldrooldrool* Momma, I r dwowndin' in pubby spit ober here. I hab a lil' taste ob bacon, pweeze??"
"But what about your sick little tum-tum, Zaidiecakes? Bacon isn't good if you're not feeling well!"
"'Kay, 'kay, 'kay... I conbess! I r nod sik!! Now I hab sum bacon, PWEEZE??"
"No, first I want to know what the heck is going on. You were all excited about your party. You and Blake worked for days, planning everything, confirming numbers, lining up guest speakers and seminars. What happened??"
*sobsobsob* "I weally messed up, Momma. I changed da menu tu began so dere wuz NO MEATZ™ at all, jus' began junk. My fwiends heered 'bout it an' dem all 'cided NOD tu come tu my pawty *sob* So dat r why I r pwetendin' be sik dis day. I r nod sik. I r jus' so bery, bery sad!" *sobsobsob*
"But WHY would you change the menu?? None of your friends are vegan, Zaidie! They're like you - they L.O.V.E. meat! Tofu hotdogs, burgers made out of chickpeas and fake bacon just aren't going to cut it with them! Why'd you do it, HunBun??"
*sob* "I wanted tu see if my fwiends wike me cuz I r Zaidie or cuz I r all 'bout da MEATZ™ an' since nun ob dem r comin' dis day, it meens *sob* dem onwy wike me cuz I feed dem *sob* MEATZ™!" *sobsobsob*
"Oh, SweetPup." *gently lifts Zaidie onto her lap and holds him close, but not too tight because he hates that* "Well, that kind of backfired, didn't it? There, there, little guy." *rocks him gently as he sobs* "Your friends love you because you are Zaidie! Not because you're all about meat! They know you're all about all kinds of things!"
"Wike barkin' at skwerls an' chasin' kitties an' shweddin' up egg cartons an' junk??"
"Yes, that and a million other things, too. You're sweet and funny and you care SO much about everyone! How could anyone not like you??" *kisses him on his LWD head as they walk over to the window to open the shutters* "Well, would you look at that!"
"Whut, Momma? *turns his head to look* "O.M.D. Dere r all my friends!!!! OMDOMDOMDOMD!! All 937 ob dem, here at my house, fur my End ob Summer Pawty!! An' O.M.D., wook at all da fudz boofs - dem r nod began! Dem r MEATZ™ an' cheez an' 'tatoes an' all da fudz us pupses wuff best!!! How dis habben?? Whut da heck r go on, Momma????"
"Well, your sweet friend, Zoe..."
"Yes, Zoe from 'Idunno' called me because she was very worried about you, so we worked with Blake to make this the 'End of Summer Party' of your dreams!"
"An' taxidermy show???
"Yes, the squirrel you found dead on the street and lovingly stuffed and mounted for display in the living room is on exhibit."
"Momma!! No one r 'pposed tu kno I founded dat skwerl! I telled dem I chaseded it an' caughted it myselb!"
"Oh, Zaidie! When are you going to learn that YOU, everyone's favourite LWD, are enough - just you, without meat, without saving lives, without big adventures. You're all anyone needs! I love you, Zaidie-Pup!"
"Momma! Dat r nuff mushy junk! Wet's ged out dere an' pawty wif my fwiends!!"
"All 937 of them??"
"Yup, ebery single one ♥"
~ Dis r da end ~
September 6th 2012 9:26 am
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"Zaidie! HunBun!! Aren't you going to get up this morning? This is the day ob your big, end-of-summer party, isn't it??"
"Uh...yes, it r, Momma, 'cept I r nod feelin' gud. I need keep sweepin', 'kay??"
"What?? This is YOUR DAY, little guy!! Get up!..."
"No, Momma. I r nod up tu it dis day. Mabbe anuber day."
"Let me feel your forehead, sweetpup. Hmmm...You don't feel warm to me."
"Dat r cuz I r cold, Momma. Turn up da heet, 'kay? It r fweezin' in here. Heet an' sweep r gonnba helb me feel bedder. In fak, I bet I r gonna be fine nexx day. Pweeze cwose da door on yur way out tu ged me sum tee an' toast, 'kay, Momma?"
"Okay, Z-Pup. I'm worried about you, though."
Whut da hek r go on?? R I weally sick or whut? Stay tuneded, pupses :D
September 1st 2012 6:25 pm
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"Zaidie! I thought I told you to change your ring tone! Those bagpipes are hurting my ears!"
"Bud Momma! Bagpipes r part ob my hewitage, jus' wike haggis an' scotch! Oh, by da way, my nu kilt r pwessed an' weady tu go??"
"Yes, it's ready. Answer your phone NOW!"
"Howy cwap, Momma...Dis r Zaidie speekin'. Whu yu r, pweeze?"
"Z-Pup! It's Blake. I think we're ready for your party, but attendance is way down, dude. Your friends just aren't into this whole vegan theme you've chosen this year. No one's RSVP-ed yet."
"No pup hab RSBPEED?? Whut da woof r go on?? Well, dem r gonna miss da pawty ob da yeer, nod tu menshun da taxidermy show an'.."
"There's only one entry for that and it's your squirrel!"
"Hmmm...HEY! Dat meens I win, wite?? YAAAAAAAY :D"
"Well, yes, you win, I guess, but I'm more concerned with attendance, Zaidie. If no one's coming, should we even bother to set up the food stations and the vendors booths?? We've got an entire warehouse filled with vegan food and no one to eat it."
"I r gonna eat it, Bwake. Anyfing began r tastee. In fak, Began r my middle name!"
"I thought it was Levi."
"Oh, no. I changed it. Pweeze du nod tell my Momma, doe, 'kay?? We need tu set up fur da pawty, Bwake. Mabbe my fwiends r jus' so bizzy dem furgedded tu RSBPEE. Dem will come. I hab fayf in dem."
"Okay, Z-Pup. If you're wrong you're going to have 3 tons of leftover vegan delicacies to eat."
"Dat r okay, Bwake. Began stuff r 'licious! R Fewix gonna be dere wif yu nexx day?"
"No, he can't wear pants yet, so he's housebound for now."
"I cood wend him a kilt!! See yu, Bwake!"
~ End of Part 2 ~
August 28th 2012 9:45 am
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Well, wood yu wookit dat! I r a DDP dis day an' awweady my fwidge r fillin' up wif MEATZ™ fwum my fwiends! Yu fink dem r twyin' tu tell me sumfing?? BOLBOL :D Anyfur, Part 2 r comin' soon. I pwomise ♥
We wented tu my bestest beech on da weekend. Doe I hab pwanned tu go NOD FWIMMIN', I wuz twicked intu goin' FWIMMIN', tu. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...Da water webel in my Wake Huron r bery wow (Now wemember - in Zaidiespeak L sounds wike W). Da beech wuz bery wide an' da sandbars wuz outta da water. Dadda fot I wood wike tu walk on a sandbar, bud tu ged tu an' fwum da sandbar, I needed fwim. Momma sawed my diwemna an' hur cawwied me twenny miles ober tu da sand bar (Momma: Actually it was more like ten feet, but you know Zaidie and numbers! LOL)
Yeah, whuteber, Momma...It wuz kewl tu walk on da sandbar cuz fwum a distance it wooked wike I wuz walkin' on water an' sum pupses wuz sayin',"Hey, wookit dat way kewl pup ober dere walkin' on water! I wunner how him duz it. Him must be majik or sumfing!" Den I wanted OFF da sandbar an' I wanted tu go back tu our spot on my bestest beech an' wewax witch wuz da hole weasun fur goin' tu my bestest beech in da furst pwace. Did I ged cawwied back tu shore or did I need fwim fur miles an' miles, comin' face tu face wif sharks an' dere H-U-G-E teefs an' jellyfishes stingin' me all ober my cute LWD body?? Yu kno' it, pupses. Da odds wuz nod in my fabour, bud I suckded up my feerz an' fwimmed fur my wife (Wemember dat wule??) I maded it tu shore wif onwy a few bites on my LWD body an' my secwet pocket wuz fwooded out so my BwackBewwy r now goned. It wuz a bery small pwice tu pay fur geddin' out awive. Den we habbed wunch an' I tasted Dadda's chiggen afore him gibbed me my own :D
I meeted sum pupses an' sum peepoles, tu. Sum wadies wuz oooohin' an' awwwwin' at my LWD cuteness, bud I 'gnored dem, jus' wike I 'gnore Momma or Dadda when dem say,"Zaidie, NO!!" or "Zaidie, COME!!" or "Zaidie, DROP IT!!" Sumtimes Momma wunners if I r habbin' twubble heerin'. Den, cuz I can heer da smell (yup, weally) ob cheeze when it comes outta da fwidge, hur knows dere r nuffin wong wif my 'dorable LWD ears :D
I gotta go now, pupses. I hab a big pawty tu pwan! Hope yu all wike chickpeas an' wentils :D BOLBOLBOL!!
August 24th 2012 8:17 pm
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"Zaidie! What on earth is that noise???"
"Whut noize, Momma??"
"THAT noise! Make it stop, please!"
"Oh, dat. Dat r my BwackBerry wingtone, Momma!"
"WHAT?? I can't hear you!! Turn it down NOW!!"
"Bud Momma! I wuff dis song!!!" *Westie struts to a bagpipe rendition of 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' "C'mon an' dance wif me!! :D"
*yells* "NO. Answer your phone. It might be important!"
"'Kay, Momma. Geez....Hewwo. Yu hab weached da Gee wesidence. Zaidie Webi Gee speekin'. How I may helb yu??"
"Z-Pup, dude! It's me, Blake!"
"Bwake! How yu r duin', my fwiend? How wuz yur baycayshun in Benice??"
"Oh, I'm good, little man, and Venice was awesome! Felix broke his leg, falling out of a gondola, but, other than that, we had a blast! What about you? I thought for sure I would have heard from you about your party by now. We've got some planning to do!!"
"Oh, yu kno' it, Bwake. Da summer r almost ober, bud it r nod 'ffishully ober 'til da cops ged called tu Zaidie's pwace cuz ob all da noize compwaints! BOLBOLBOL!!"
"LOLOLOLOL!! Your friend Zoe out of jail yet?? That was *some* show she put on last year!!"
"O.M.D. BOLBOLBOL!! Yeah, whu wooda fot dat a nice gurlpup fwum Idunno wood steel a cop car an' go fru da dwibe-fru at PetSmart??? An' dem du nod eben hab a dwibe-fru at PetSmart :D BOLBOLBOL!! Hur r outta jail, bud hur r gonna be on pwobayshun fur yeerz!"
"LOLOLOLOLOL!! So, Zaidie...your party. What's the theme this year or do I really need to ask?? How many MEATZ™ stations will we need to set up this year?"
"Um, pardon me, Zaidie? None???"
"Dat r whut I sed, Bwake. Dis yeer we r goin' began."
*End of Part 1*
P.S. I r goin' tu my bestest beech nexx day, pupses!! I will be shur tu du pwenty ob 'NOD FWIMMIN' jus' fur yu :D
August 16th 2012 9:01 am
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Hi, pupses. I r still nod feewin' 100%. Sumtimes I wanna eat an' sumtimes I.DU.NOD. I kno' - I can nod bewiebe it iber. Da med'cine I r takin' tu help cwear up my tummy twubbles r called Metronidazole. Feewin' nod gud AN' eben duin' da urka gurka r offen a side ebbect ob dis stuff. Momma r waitin' tu heer back fwum da bet 'bout weafer I need tu finish all da pills (dem go 'til Monday). We will finish dem if Dogtur Weeze sez I need tu.
In any ebent, I kno' yu pupses r waitin' fur a weel diawy entwy an' nod jus' a pupdate 'bout me an' my LWD tum-tum. It r comin'. I can feel da ideas churnin' 'wound in my LWD hed wite now an' I r finkin' it r time tu call da Pawty Boyz™, Bwake an' Fewix! Hang tuff an' tite an' junk cuz we hab sum cewebwatin' tu du bery soon!! Dis r woadtwip day so I r outta here. Hab a gwate day, my fwiendses :D
August 13th 2012 6:37 pm
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It hab beened a bery sad coupla weeks here on Dogster. I fot dat afore I wite sumfing silly in my diawy, I wood post a poem I founded on dose innernetses. I hope it helbs sad hearts feel bedder ♥ ❀ ☀
I'M STILL HERE
Friend, please don’t mourn for me
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I’m always near.
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I’ll never wander out of your sight-
I’m the brightest star on a summer’s night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach-
I’m the warm moist sand when you’re at the beach.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you’re so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you’ll see that the face in the moon shine is mine.
When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
you can talk to through the Lord up above you.
I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me friend, I’m every place!
August 9th 2012 8:28 am
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Pupses!! I r back fwum da 'Hack da Haggis 2012 Festibal'™! Can yu say BIG F-U-N?? I r gonna tell yu 'bout it, bud wite now I r nod feewin' tu gud. In fak, I hab nod beened feewin' gud eber since I getted back fwum da homewand. Mabbe I eated sum bad haggis or sumfing.
Momma wants me tu go tu da bet NOW. Dadda r finkin' eberyfing r gonna be fine an' wants tu wate. Momma r angwy an' upset an' weally tired fwum hur twip tu MN which r nod helpin' one bit. Dis r also woadtwip day. Oy bey.
DU NOD send wosettes! I r gonna be fine. Mostwy I want Momma an' Dadda tu stop bein' angwy an' yellin' cuz it hurts my LWD ears. Dem neber yell, so I kno' dere r sumfing wong.
I did nod want yu pupses tu fink I hab 'bandoned Dogster, so I fot I wood dwop in tu say hi. I be back soon. I wuff yu ♥
August 4th 2012 8:04 am
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Pupses!! It r me, Zaidie, comin' tu yu WIVE fwum a bike twail somewherz in da 'Wantik O-Shun! Bob an' me r more dan halfway tu da homewand. Dis bike twail r PAWSUM! Wite now we r takin' a lil' bweak fur, yu kno'...bud soon we r gonna jump back ontu our bikes an' ged goin'. Da 'Hack da Haggis, 2012' Festibal r startin' later dis day! Da big nues dis yeer r da intwoduckshun ob 'Haggis-On-A-Stik™' in da fudz pabillion. It r a portable an' oh-so-tastee tweet!
Anyfur, Bob r finished -pwibacy, pweeze-, finawwy! BOL! "Hey, Bob! Whut r dat ahind yu??...OMD. Bob, yu hab toiwet paper 'ttached tu yur shoe!!!" BOLBOL :D Yu heer 'bout dat habbenin', bud until yu actuawwy see it wif yur own eyes, it duz nod seem all dat funny :D BOLBOL! RFBMBO!!!
BOB! Turn down yur Scotch Dwip™! Yu r wobblin' all ober da bike twail!! Oy bey. It r a gud fing I r here. *LWD eye roll* Tawk wif yu 'gain soon, my fwiends! I wuff all ob yu an' wish yu cood be here wif us ♥ BOB! Da pin camed off yur kilt! No one needs see dat, dood!!!
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