October 1st 2012 8:47 am
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Sum ob yu pupses mite jus' be wakin' up, bud here in da east it r almost noon. "Hey, Momma? I hab sum wunch soon??"
Anyfur, I hab gud nuses AN' I had bad nueses. Da gud nueses r dat yu can send Dogster Giff Shop bawwoons tu all yur fwiends dis day *FUR FWEE*! Yup, dat r whut I sed. Dem cost 0 zeawies dis day onwy.
Da bad nuses r dat dem r fwee cuz, appawentwy, dis r "Catober 1st". Da name awone r 'nuff tu make me cwazee an' nutzo, bud da idea ob cewebwatin' such a day goes 'gainst ebery fibre ob my LWD bein'. I r NOD cewebwatin' anyfing kitty-wewated. In fak, I r pwotestin' dis hole fing by wefusin' tu participate.
I r sendin' bawwoons tu no pup. I hab my pwinciples an' my mowals an' junk an' I r standin' by dem dis time. Nod eben da pwomise ob fwee bawwoons r 'nuff tu sway me, Zaidie. Ok. If dem wuz filled wif bacon bits or hunks ob MEATZ™, I mite weconsider, BUD DEM R NOD, so I west my case.
I will be back here on a day dat r NOD all 'bout honurin' kitties. I r eben finkin' ob takin' wegal akshun. Yu hab beened warned, HQ.
*PUPDATE* Me an' my staff jus' habbed a 'mergencee meetin' an' we 'cided dat we R gonna send bawwoons tu all our fwiends, bud *nod* cuz it r 'Catober' 1st. We r duin' it in mem'wy ob Izzy B an' all our deer fwiends at da Wainbow Bwidge whu wive in our harts fureber an' alwayz ♥ ❀ ☀
September 30th 2012 12:48 pm
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All ob us pupses an' our peeples r so bery sad dat our sweet, orange fwiend, da one an' onwy Izzy B, wented tu da Wainbow Bwidge on Fwiday, jus' a coupla monfs short ob hur 16th birfday.
I twied witin' sumfing meeningful, wif wotza werds, dat wood adequatewy expwess our sadnesses an' our wuff fur Izzy an' da hole Beesun fambly. Howeber, I ebentuawwy weawized dat bestest way fur me tu du dat r fru da form ob poetwy knowned as haiku.
~ We miss yu ~
Hur steel-ded our harts
wif hur sweetness an' hur fwoofs.
T'wuz twue pubby wuff.
~ My Wuff ~
I wuffed hur fwum da
moment I sawed hur sweet face
on dis Dogster fing.
~ Fureber ~
Ernie an' Izzy
tugefur 'gain, chowin' down
On eggie weggies.
~ Big Orange ~
Ernie wuffed Izzy
eben more dan mashed 'tatoes
an' gwavy. Weally.
Big hugs an' wotza swoppy LWD kisses tu Mistur an' Missus Beesun, tu Bacon an' Beanie an', ob corse, tu my mentor, da Don ob Sunset Woad, Ernie George, Angel-At-Warge. Take gud care ob Big Orange up dere at da Wainbow Bwidge, my fwiend ♥ ❀ ☀
September 24th 2012 11:23 am
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It r a tip'cal fall day here in souf-western Ontawio - kewl 'nuff dat da peeple need wear a jacket, bud nod so kewl dat dem r stuffin' dere LWDs intu fweaters an' junk. Da sun r pwayin' hide-an-seek wif da cwouds an' dere r wotza weafs on da gwound, holdin' in all kindza wunnerful smells an' stuff. In uber werds, it r da perfek day fur takin' yur pupses fur a walk afore yu ged bizzy duin' borin' peeple stuffs.
Momma gedded weady while I did dis : *eyeroll* an' wated fur hours while hur founded da wite shooes an' sungwasses an' filled hur pocket wif poop bags. Den, boila : we wuz weady tu hed out da door. I, ob corse, hab beened stuffded intu da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Tortchur™'. I weally du nod wike dat fing. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Bud I digwess.
Finawwy, we wuz on our way. Momma sed,"Which way should we go, HunBun?? You choose the route today!" WOO-HOO :D So dere we wuz, me pullin' wif all my stwenfs an' LWD muscles an' stuff, twyin' tu see an' smell eberyfing awong da way. Momma sed dat r called 'NOD COOPEWATIN', bud I call it 'simpwy bein' a pup' :D
I wuz pullin' one way an' Momma wuz pullin' da uber way when all ob a sudden, da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Torchur™' swipped off me, Zaidie!! I wuz FWEE! Yup, no weash or nuffin!!! Momma maded sum kinda weerd noize I hab neber heered afore :O Bud bein' fwee did nod feel tu gud. It wuz kinda skeery. I fwattened myselb 'gainst da gwound an' Momma frowed hurselb on top ob me. Hur pichured me wunnin' fwee an' geddin' wost or, eben werser, bein' squishded by a car! It wuz horr'ble!
Hur scoopded me up an' telled me I wuz a bery gud boy. Den hur huggded me, bud nod tu tite, an' pudded me back intu da Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Tortchur™. Hur fot,"Okay. We can either continue on and walk off the stress or we can run home and flip out and imagine all the ways that could have ended badly..." We keeped walking! An' I choosed da woute we taked!
We went past my nemesis' howse. Him r a yappy, bud bery cute lil' Sheltie who sez,"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!" ebery time him sees me :D I say,"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!" wite back at him wheneber I see him. It r fun! Weally noisy, tu! In fak, if dem see us afore we see dem, dem go da uber way! BOLBOL :D
Now we r home an' Momma r twyin' tu bweafe an' wewax. I hookded hur up tu da pwototipe fur da all nu 'Quintuple-Stwenf Bodka Dwip™' witch r nod eben abailable 'til da furst week in December! Hur r westin' comfortabwy an', dis nite, when Dadda geds home fwum werk, we r gonna weenact da hole ugwee incident an' see whut wented wong wif da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Torchur™'. I say we shood frow it out, ged wid ob it, bud dat r jus' my 'pinion :D Bud I r weally gwad I r nod wost nor squishded!
September 19th 2012 12:58 pm
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All ober da werld dis r 'Tawk Wike A Piwate' day - dat speshul day once a yeer when we frow cawshun tu da wind an' diswegard all da usual wules ob spellin' an' gwammar an'...Say whut? Oh, yeah - I du dat eberyday :D
If yu hab beened payin' 'ttenshuns, yu also wood hab noticed dat da BIG piwate fwags in da giff shop r fwee dis day. Yes, I sed F-W-E-E!! FWEE BIG, HUGE PIWATE FWAGS in da Dogster Giff Shop, dis day onwy! So ged sendin' dem tu all yur piwate fwiends or I r gonna make yu walk da pwank an' du all kindza cwazee piwate stuff tu yu, tu :O So AAAARRRGH an' ABAST an' Junk ☠
September 13th 2012 8:03 am
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"Zaidie! WHAT'S GOING ON???
"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBA RKBARKBARKBARK!! Momma, dere r skwerls all ober my Dogster pwofile page! Wookit dose barmints!! BARKBARKBARK! How I make dem go 'way? Dem r nod wissenin' tu me! HALP!!"
"Hmmm...Okay. Let's try deleting everything an' we'll start fresh."
"Momma! Dem r still dere!! BARKBARKBARKBARK! Du sumfing else!!"
"Okay...Let me think for a..."
"No time fur finkin', Momma! Dem r teezin' me merciwesswy!! Make it stop!!"
"It did NOD werk, Momma!! Now whut??"
"Zaidie, we're going to have to wait until IT guy comes home from work."
"Whu dat r, Momma?"
"That's your Dadda, HunBun! If he can oversee a huge computer system used everyday by hundreds of people all over the continent, I think he can scare off a few virtual squirrels! Just relax, okay? He should be home by 6pm...Hey, how about if I prepare a nice, soothing bath for you? Would you like me to add some lavender bubble bath? I know how much you love the bubbles, little guy."
"Shur, Momma. I need chill out. I hab sum hunny-wemon tee, tu, pweeze? An' a coupla ob dose dainty lil' wadyfingur cookies ??"
"Sure. Yu wait here. I'll be right back."
"Z-Pup! Turn off the computer. There's no need to stress yourself out anymore than you already are."
"Hello? Hi, Zoe! How's everything in Idaho today?? Oh, dear. Well, if they close the blinds, it usually means you're barking so much they can't hear themselves think...I know it's boring, but if you hold off on barking for a day or two, I'm sure they'll forget all about it and open the blinds...Zaidie? Well, he's soaking in a lavender bubble bath right now. What's so funny??...Well, he was really upset by the squirrels on his profile page. I thought it would calm him down a bit until we can fix it....No, Zoe...No. Please do NOT tell your Dogster friends about Zaidie soaking in the tub. Do I have to call your parents?? Okay, good girl! I'll tell him you called. Say hi to Inkspot for him, okay? Goodbye!"
"Come in, pweeze. Oh, it r yu, Momma!"
"Who'd you think it would be?"
"I dunno, bud I can nod take chances on any ob my fwiends findin' out I r soakin' in a wabender bubble baff. I wood neber heer da end ob it, 'speshully fwum Zoe. O.M.D."
"Well, I'm sure Zoe can be trusted with a secret, can't she??"
*eyeroll* "Shur, Momma, jus' wike I can be twusted tu watch ober an unwocked fweezer filled wif MEATZ™ :D BOLBOLBOL"
"Ooops, whut, Momma??"
"Uh, nothing, HunBun. I..uh...forgot to add fabric softener to the load of laundry I just threw in. I'll be right back."
September 9th 2012 9:50 am
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"Whu r dere, pweeze?"
"It's Momma, HunBun, with your tea and toast. May I come in?"
"Uh, shur, Momma. Jus' hang on a minit. *pause* 'Kay, come in."
"Here you go, sweetness. This should help calm your little tum-tum...Hey, is that bacon I smell? And chicken?? Where's it coming from???"
"Uh, I dunno, Momma, bud all ob a sudden I r feewin' bery week an' sik an' junk. I need be by myselb fur a few minits, 'kay?"
"No, not okay! I'm not leaving you alone when you're feeling sick enough to cancel this year's 'End of Summer Party and Taxidermy Show'. In fact, I don't believe you're sick after all." *checks under the bed*
"Well, look at what we have here! It's Grampa's George Foreman grill! We were wondering where that ended up. It was down in the den at Grampa's house with all the boxes of stuff for his church's upcoming rummage sale. Then all of a sudden it was missing. Hmmm...I wonder how it ended up here?!? And look! *opens the GF grill* Bacon AND Chicken, grilled to perfection, right here under Zaidie-Pup's bed! Imagine the odds of that happening :D"
"Yeah, jus' 'magine...How dat ged unner dere?? *drooldrooldrool* Momma, I r dwowndin' in pubby spit ober here. I hab a lil' taste ob bacon, pweeze??"
"But what about your sick little tum-tum, Zaidiecakes? Bacon isn't good if you're not feeling well!"
"'Kay, 'kay, 'kay... I conbess! I r nod sik!! Now I hab sum bacon, PWEEZE??"
"No, first I want to know what the heck is going on. You were all excited about your party. You and Blake worked for days, planning everything, confirming numbers, lining up guest speakers and seminars. What happened??"
*sobsobsob* "I weally messed up, Momma. I changed da menu tu began so dere wuz NO MEATZ™ at all, jus' began junk. My fwiends heered 'bout it an' dem all 'cided NOD tu come tu my pawty *sob* So dat r why I r pwetendin' be sik dis day. I r nod sik. I r jus' so bery, bery sad!" *sobsobsob*
"But WHY would you change the menu?? None of your friends are vegan, Zaidie! They're like you - they L.O.V.E. meat! Tofu hotdogs, burgers made out of chickpeas and fake bacon just aren't going to cut it with them! Why'd you do it, HunBun??"
*sob* "I wanted tu see if my fwiends wike me cuz I r Zaidie or cuz I r all 'bout da MEATZ™ an' since nun ob dem r comin' dis day, it meens *sob* dem onwy wike me cuz I feed dem *sob* MEATZ™!" *sobsobsob*
"Oh, SweetPup." *gently lifts Zaidie onto her lap and holds him close, but not too tight because he hates that* "Well, that kind of backfired, didn't it? There, there, little guy." *rocks him gently as he sobs* "Your friends love you because you are Zaidie! Not because you're all about meat! They know you're all about all kinds of things!"
"Wike barkin' at skwerls an' chasin' kitties an' shweddin' up egg cartons an' junk??"
"Yes, that and a million other things, too. You're sweet and funny and you care SO much about everyone! How could anyone not like you??" *kisses him on his LWD head as they walk over to the window to open the shutters* "Well, would you look at that!"
"Whut, Momma? *turns his head to look* "O.M.D. Dere r all my friends!!!! OMDOMDOMDOMD!! All 937 ob dem, here at my house, fur my End ob Summer Pawty!! An' O.M.D., wook at all da fudz boofs - dem r nod began! Dem r MEATZ™ an' cheez an' 'tatoes an' all da fudz us pupses wuff best!!! How dis habben?? Whut da heck r go on, Momma????"
"Well, your sweet friend, Zoe..."
"Yes, Zoe from 'Idunno' called me because she was very worried about you, so we worked with Blake to make this the 'End of Summer Party' of your dreams!"
"An' taxidermy show???
"Yes, the squirrel you found dead on the street and lovingly stuffed and mounted for display in the living room is on exhibit."
"Momma!! No one r 'pposed tu kno I founded dat skwerl! I telled dem I chaseded it an' caughted it myselb!"
"Oh, Zaidie! When are you going to learn that YOU, everyone's favourite LWD, are enough - just you, without meat, without saving lives, without big adventures. You're all anyone needs! I love you, Zaidie-Pup!"
"Momma! Dat r nuff mushy junk! Wet's ged out dere an' pawty wif my fwiends!!"
"All 937 of them??"
"Yup, ebery single one ♥"
~ Dis r da end ~
September 6th 2012 9:26 am
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"Zaidie! HunBun!! Aren't you going to get up this morning? This is the day ob your big, end-of-summer party, isn't it??"
"Uh...yes, it r, Momma, 'cept I r nod feelin' gud. I need keep sweepin', 'kay??"
"What?? This is YOUR DAY, little guy!! Get up!..."
"No, Momma. I r nod up tu it dis day. Mabbe anuber day."
"Let me feel your forehead, sweetpup. Hmmm...You don't feel warm to me."
"Dat r cuz I r cold, Momma. Turn up da heet, 'kay? It r fweezin' in here. Heet an' sweep r gonnba helb me feel bedder. In fak, I bet I r gonna be fine nexx day. Pweeze cwose da door on yur way out tu ged me sum tee an' toast, 'kay, Momma?"
"Okay, Z-Pup. I'm worried about you, though."
Whut da hek r go on?? R I weally sick or whut? Stay tuneded, pupses :D
September 1st 2012 6:25 pm
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"Zaidie! I thought I told you to change your ring tone! Those bagpipes are hurting my ears!"
"Bud Momma! Bagpipes r part ob my hewitage, jus' wike haggis an' scotch! Oh, by da way, my nu kilt r pwessed an' weady tu go??"
"Yes, it's ready. Answer your phone NOW!"
"Howy cwap, Momma...Dis r Zaidie speekin'. Whu yu r, pweeze?"
"Z-Pup! It's Blake. I think we're ready for your party, but attendance is way down, dude. Your friends just aren't into this whole vegan theme you've chosen this year. No one's RSVP-ed yet."
"No pup hab RSBPEED?? Whut da woof r go on?? Well, dem r gonna miss da pawty ob da yeer, nod tu menshun da taxidermy show an'.."
"There's only one entry for that and it's your squirrel!"
"Hmmm...HEY! Dat meens I win, wite?? YAAAAAAAY :D"
"Well, yes, you win, I guess, but I'm more concerned with attendance, Zaidie. If no one's coming, should we even bother to set up the food stations and the vendors booths?? We've got an entire warehouse filled with vegan food and no one to eat it."
"I r gonna eat it, Bwake. Anyfing began r tastee. In fak, Began r my middle name!"
"I thought it was Levi."
"Oh, no. I changed it. Pweeze du nod tell my Momma, doe, 'kay?? We need tu set up fur da pawty, Bwake. Mabbe my fwiends r jus' so bizzy dem furgedded tu RSBPEE. Dem will come. I hab fayf in dem."
"Okay, Z-Pup. If you're wrong you're going to have 3 tons of leftover vegan delicacies to eat."
"Dat r okay, Bwake. Began stuff r 'licious! R Fewix gonna be dere wif yu nexx day?"
"No, he can't wear pants yet, so he's housebound for now."
"I cood wend him a kilt!! See yu, Bwake!"
~ End of Part 2 ~
August 28th 2012 9:45 am
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Well, wood yu wookit dat! I r a DDP dis day an' awweady my fwidge r fillin' up wif MEATZ™ fwum my fwiends! Yu fink dem r twyin' tu tell me sumfing?? BOLBOL :D Anyfur, Part 2 r comin' soon. I pwomise ♥
We wented tu my bestest beech on da weekend. Doe I hab pwanned tu go NOD FWIMMIN', I wuz twicked intu goin' FWIMMIN', tu. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...Da water webel in my Wake Huron r bery wow (Now wemember - in Zaidiespeak L sounds wike W). Da beech wuz bery wide an' da sandbars wuz outta da water. Dadda fot I wood wike tu walk on a sandbar, bud tu ged tu an' fwum da sandbar, I needed fwim. Momma sawed my diwemna an' hur cawwied me twenny miles ober tu da sand bar (Momma: Actually it was more like ten feet, but you know Zaidie and numbers! LOL)
Yeah, whuteber, Momma...It wuz kewl tu walk on da sandbar cuz fwum a distance it wooked wike I wuz walkin' on water an' sum pupses wuz sayin',"Hey, wookit dat way kewl pup ober dere walkin' on water! I wunner how him duz it. Him must be majik or sumfing!" Den I wanted OFF da sandbar an' I wanted tu go back tu our spot on my bestest beech an' wewax witch wuz da hole weasun fur goin' tu my bestest beech in da furst pwace. Did I ged cawwied back tu shore or did I need fwim fur miles an' miles, comin' face tu face wif sharks an' dere H-U-G-E teefs an' jellyfishes stingin' me all ober my cute LWD body?? Yu kno' it, pupses. Da odds wuz nod in my fabour, bud I suckded up my feerz an' fwimmed fur my wife (Wemember dat wule??) I maded it tu shore wif onwy a few bites on my LWD body an' my secwet pocket wuz fwooded out so my BwackBewwy r now goned. It wuz a bery small pwice tu pay fur geddin' out awive. Den we habbed wunch an' I tasted Dadda's chiggen afore him gibbed me my own :D
I meeted sum pupses an' sum peepoles, tu. Sum wadies wuz oooohin' an' awwwwin' at my LWD cuteness, bud I 'gnored dem, jus' wike I 'gnore Momma or Dadda when dem say,"Zaidie, NO!!" or "Zaidie, COME!!" or "Zaidie, DROP IT!!" Sumtimes Momma wunners if I r habbin' twubble heerin'. Den, cuz I can heer da smell (yup, weally) ob cheeze when it comes outta da fwidge, hur knows dere r nuffin wong wif my 'dorable LWD ears :D
I gotta go now, pupses. I hab a big pawty tu pwan! Hope yu all wike chickpeas an' wentils :D BOLBOLBOL!!
August 24th 2012 8:17 pm
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"Zaidie! What on earth is that noise???"
"Whut noize, Momma??"
"THAT noise! Make it stop, please!"
"Oh, dat. Dat r my BwackBerry wingtone, Momma!"
"WHAT?? I can't hear you!! Turn it down NOW!!"
"Bud Momma! I wuff dis song!!!" *Westie struts to a bagpipe rendition of 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' "C'mon an' dance wif me!! :D"
*yells* "NO. Answer your phone. It might be important!"
"'Kay, Momma. Geez....Hewwo. Yu hab weached da Gee wesidence. Zaidie Webi Gee speekin'. How I may helb yu??"
"Z-Pup, dude! It's me, Blake!"
"Bwake! How yu r duin', my fwiend? How wuz yur baycayshun in Benice??"
"Oh, I'm good, little man, and Venice was awesome! Felix broke his leg, falling out of a gondola, but, other than that, we had a blast! What about you? I thought for sure I would have heard from you about your party by now. We've got some planning to do!!"
"Oh, yu kno' it, Bwake. Da summer r almost ober, bud it r nod 'ffishully ober 'til da cops ged called tu Zaidie's pwace cuz ob all da noize compwaints! BOLBOLBOL!!"
"LOLOLOLOL!! Your friend Zoe out of jail yet?? That was *some* show she put on last year!!"
"O.M.D. BOLBOLBOL!! Yeah, whu wooda fot dat a nice gurlpup fwum Idunno wood steel a cop car an' go fru da dwibe-fru at PetSmart??? An' dem du nod eben hab a dwibe-fru at PetSmart :D BOLBOLBOL!! Hur r outta jail, bud hur r gonna be on pwobayshun fur yeerz!"
"LOLOLOLOLOL!! So, Zaidie...your party. What's the theme this year or do I really need to ask?? How many MEATZ™ stations will we need to set up this year?"
"Um, pardon me, Zaidie? None???"
"Dat r whut I sed, Bwake. Dis yeer we r goin' began."
*End of Part 1*
P.S. I r goin' tu my bestest beech nexx day, pupses!! I will be shur tu du pwenty ob 'NOD FWIMMIN' jus' fur yu :D
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