Fwum da archibes of Zaidie's diawy...

I r habbin' HUGE twubbles finkin' 'bout stuff tu wite 'bout here. WEALLY big pwobwems :( I r stuckded an' I hab no idea how fix it. Yu pupses r gonna say ,"Jus' keep at it, Zaidie. It ged bedder, we pwomise."

I fink part ob da pwobwem r dat I want EBERY entwy tu be BIGGER an' BEDDER dan da wast one. Dat r a wot ob pwessure fur dis LWD. So while I r twyin' ged my gwoobe back, here r a entwy fwum January ob dis year, 'titled 'Zaidie an' da W-A-T'. It r one ob my bestest ones ob da yeer, I fink AN' it r in free parts. Here we r goin' :D

~ Zaidie an' da GINORMUS W-A-T ~

So dere I wuz wif Dadda, sittin' in da car in a parkin' wot in mid-town Toronto. Momma habbed a 'ppointment, so hur wuz goned. It wuz snowin', bud it wuz nod *weally* cold. Outside da car it wuz BERY swushy an' mucky an' salty an', 'fore hur weaved us, Momma sayded,"If you go out walking, please put on Zaidie's boots, okay??" Whudeber, Momma... :D

We wuz parkded in our fabouwite spot, unner da big twee. I wuff dat spot cuz I can be on skwerl patwol, like any gud terrier wood be, so dat wuz whut I wuz duin' when I sawded it!! IT wuz weerd an' unwike anyfing I hab eber seened afore!! So I starded barkin' my cute LWD hed off!!!

"Dadda!!! Whut r dat fing???? *BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK*"

"Zaidie, that's a rat!"

"A WAT???" *BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK* I wanna ged him, Dadda!!! Can I????? Pweeze??? I jus' wememberded dat I usta chase wats an' junk back in dose Highwands ob Scotwand, afore I fwimmded ober tu Canada!!"

"You swam to Canada? Funny...Bob didn't mention that when he told us about you."

"Yeah, well, I missded my fwight cuz dere wuz a mix-up wif da immigwation papers an' I cood nod ged my werk bisa an' I wuz bery mad, so I fwimmded ober...Bob meetded me in Newfoundwand. Den we...woded bikeses back tu 'tario...Dadda!! Da wat r geddin' 'way!!! I gotta go!!! *BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK*

"Okay, but be back before your Momma gets here, okay?? What about your boots?"

"Oh, man..."

We pudded on my boots an', FINAWWY, I jumpded out ob da car an' wan...WAN WIKE DA WIND...ober tu da skool yard nexx tu da parkin' wot, where I founded da wat, leanin' 'gainst a fence, wissenin' tu hims PodPod-fing an' singin' a song 'bout anuber wat nameded 'Ben'...Hims boice maded me shiber!! Ewwwwwww...

"Hey, yu wat!!"

~Part 2 ob 'Zaidie an' da GINORMOUS Wat' comin' bery soon~

Teknikal Tisshooes

I weawize dat I hab nod witten a diawy entwy wecentwy. I r habbin' sum teknikal tisshooes..."Yes, Momma? Oh, yeah." I meaned say isshoes. I hope tu wite sumfing soon. In da meemtime, here r a haiku :

~Adbice fwum dis LWD -

Our bwains ged cloggded
wif all kinds ob stuff an' junk.
Sit. Stay. Wuff yur pup.

OMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMD!!! Can yu tell I r a bit 'cited?

Yu pupses r NEBER gonna bewiebe dis, bud wissen anyway, pweez! Wast nite I wuz messin' 'wound on dis Dogster-fing, weminiscin' an' junk. I sawed a diawy entwy I wited in 2009 'bout Simon, da Wheaten Terrier. Any yu pupses wemember Simon?? (#1004209)

Him wuz old an' nod feein' tu gud an' hims dads wuz habbin' a bery tuff time twyin' tu figur' out da best fing fur Simon. Simon wentded tu da Wainbow Bwidge an' all ob wuz so bery sad, bud no one wuz more sad dan hims dads :(

Time passed an' afore dem knowed it, a yeer hab goned by since Simon had maded hims jurnee tu da Wainbow Bwidge...Werk wif me, pupses! I r geddin' tu da point, 'kay??... Dem fot dem wuz weady tu welcome anuber pup intu dere life an' lil' Judd (#1071687) da Scottish Terrier came awong an' da west r histowy!!

"Well, Z-Pup, dat r gwate, bud why yu r tellin' us dis? R sumfing gonna 'splode or dere r gonna be a MEAT™ twuck wollober an' da doors ob da twuck r gonna fall off an' all da pupses r gonna pick up ALL da MEATZ™ dem can pack intu dere secwet pockets an' WUN WIKE DA WIND tu dem houses so dem can pud da MEATZ™ intu da fweezers??? R dat gonna habben, Zaidie?? Whut da woof r go on??"

Well, no. Nod dis time, guyses... Bud wate!! Aftur I weminisced an' stuff an' woggded off ob dis Dogster-fing, I wentded tu chek my paw-mails an' I saw dat Simon an' Judd hab sended me a punkin!! R dat nod da biggest coincidence yu eber heerd ob?? Dem came back tu say Hewwo on da bery same nite I wuz finkin' 'bout dem! OMD.

Ok, sumfing weally did 'splode - my LWD hart. It r a swoppy mess on da floor ober dere bud Momma sez dat r OK wif hur cuz heerin' fwum Simon an' lil' Judd was a pawsum an' wunnerful fing ♥ ❀ ☀ ♫

Dere. Now yu can go chase junk or whuteber yu wuz doing afore, 'kay, pupses?? I need lie down.

Halp!

Dis r nod gud. Grrrrrrrrrrrr...I r a DDP dis day an' it r nod poss'ble fur any pup tu weabe a comment :(
My LWD hart r gonna 'splode wif sadness an' all kindza bad stuffs. Here it goez - WOOKOUT :D

In honur ob my distwess dis day, I weabe yu wif one ob dose haiku-fings. Dem always ged da point acwoss wifout a hole bunch ob werds an' junk.

~Tu be a DDP on a Messded-up Dogster Day~

Tu be a di'wy
pick r a wunnerful fing.
Yet my tears, dem flow.

I r tu berkwemptded tu continue pupses. Go on wifout me. Pweeze. PWEEZE. Go.

~Adbice fwum my mentor~

"Ernie George? Yu r dere? Oh, dat r gud. Fanks fur takin' my call. OMD, I miss yu, tu, WOTZ. Eberypup an' peepole misses yu an' nuffin r da same anymore.

No, no skwerls yet, bud I keep twyin'. Yu kno' how tuff it r tu chase dose barmints when yu r on weash, wite?? BOL!
Oh, yeah. I sawed pichurs ob hur, yur nosy nayber, Zoe da 'sengi pup. Hur r a peece ob werk! Well, kinda cute if yu r intu dat kinda gurlpup, bud dat r onwy my 'pinion.

Yu did WHUT??? OMD!!! Dood, take it ezee! Pace yurself! Oh, yeah :D I furgedded. Up dere yu pupses can du anyfing ANYFING yu want an' no bad junk r gonna habben eber E-B-E-R. Kewl.

Whut r go on dis weekend up dere? Oh, ob corse, it r alwayz da weekend fur yu pupses. An' whut? R yu kiddin' me, Ernie George?? Santa Paws comes EBERY NITE??? *thud* O.M.D.
Yeah, I r ok now. Dat kinda catched me off-guard. Wow.

Yeah, I kno' yu wanna ged back tu da mashed tater an' gwavy buffet, bud cood yu help me wif one fing afore I wet yu go? I r kinda despewate dis day. No, no, I r ok! It r my Momma.
No, hur habs 'nuff shoos an' junk. Dat r whut Dadda sez, anyway.

Well, it r wainin' dis day, so I did nod take hur fur a walk. Well, no, hur wefuseded tu wear hur waincoat. Yes, yu r wite. Hur absowutewy hates dat fing! OMD. It r weally kinda cute on hur, doe.

No, we pwayded Fetch-da-Kitty-Cuz. Wow. I neber twied it wif a WEEL kitty. Yu r alwayz finkin', my fwiend!

So, anyway, my Momma...Dere we wuz pwayin' an' hur face wuz weakin' all kindza wet stuffs an' hur cood nod eben stop. Yu hab any 'xpewience wif dat kinda fing??

Yes, I kno' 'bout sad stuffs. Well, ob corse! Da Disney channel r nod all fun an' games an' smiley, habby faces.
Oh. I did nod weawize dat. Mommas r nod jus' Daddas whu smell wike fwowers? Hmmm...Whu knowded??

Yes, wotz ob times. Sumtimes a hole box ob isshooes. No, I meended tisshooes. I alwayz mix up dose fings! bol
An' dat ackfurawwy werkses? Weally? Dat r it? omd. Sumtimes da bestest ideas r wite dere in fwont ob yur own LWD face.
No, I kno' yu r nod a LWD! Wewax, dood :D

So, I jus' ged hur tu sit? Yu du weawize dat r pwobawy da tuffest part ob dis hole fing, wite? BOL! No, kiddin'!
OMD, Ernie George! Yu got dat wite!! OMD - stop or I r gonna hafta go owtside an' yu kno' -pwibacy, pweeze- :D

So wemme ged dis stwait. I ged hur tu sit. Ok. No, I will nod say 'Gud gurl' fur sittin. Fanks fur wemindin'me. Yeah, an' den? Ok. I jump up 'side hur...No lickin'?? Cwap. Dat r da bestest part. I curl up on hur wap? Ok.

OMD! Yu r nod kiddin' me, wite? Jus'-sigh-? Dat r it? Yeah, I du dat all da time when I feel snuggwy an' safe an' habby an' junk. Hur sez :"When Zaidie sighs like that, my heart explodes." Oh, yeah, all da time. I twy nod tu du it axxidentwy cuz I kno' it r bery powerful.

Ok. I kno'. Dere r nuffin werser dan cold mashed taters an' gwavy. Oh, yu kno' it, my fwiend :D

Fanks fur helpin' me out, 'kay? Shur, I will tell dem dat. Dem miss yu wike CWAZEE. We all du, bud no one as much as yur Mama ♥ Yeah, I kno' - cold taters. Ged goin' den! I wuff yu, Ernie George!! Bye!"

Hikoo on a day wifout a walk

As I continue tu dwown in da bottomwess pit knownded as 'witer's bwock', I pwesent tu yu dis hikoo-fing. Enjoy at yur conbenience, my fwiendses.


~Whut da woof?~

It r wainin' dis
day, bud come here. wook at dis.
My heart r shinin'.


Dat r it fur now.

Witer's Bwock - a witer's werstest nitemare

I r bery sowwy I hab nod beened witin' in my diawy bery much wecentwy. I fink it r safe tu say dat I hab witer's bwock. Dis habbens occayshunawwy tu all witers, bud speshully tu dem whu r bery pwowific, wike me, Zaidie.

As I hab dunned in da past, I r gonna du a diawy entwy in point form. Dat helbs keep my LWD mind fwum goin' 'wound an' 'wound an' 'wound so fass in my LWD hed dat I can du nuffin, 'cept fink 'bout MEATZ™. So here we go, pupses!

- a coupla decades or weeks 'go, I wuz pupnapped an' taken tu a horr'ble pwace filled wif all kindza nastee stuffs, wike bwushes an' HUGE scissors big 'nuff tu cut down a twee an' cwippers so noyzee yur ears fall off an' a tubby fillded wif soap an' water an' junk. It wuz howwific! Den I weawized dat I wuz at Bob's howse, so suddenwy EBERYFING wuz ok.

- Bob pourded boaf ob us a nice gwass ob da finest Scotch dere r in all dose Highwands ob Scotwand, where we camed fwum yeers 'go, 'cept we did nod come ober tu Canada at da same time cuz we meeted when I awwiveded on da shores ob Newfundwand an' Bob helpded me ged outta da water an' da water wuz bery cold an' I habded no wife jacket on an' I hab nod eated in weeks an' minits an'...Hey, I awweady tellded yu pupses 'bout dat. Sowwy fur wepeetin' myselb :D

- Bob an' me, Zaidie, dwinkded wotza Scotch, neet ob corse, neber on da wocks - dat r jus' wong. An' we twieded a nu snack : deep-fwied Haggis-on-a-Stick. Bery tastee stuffs! Den Bob sed :

- "Zaidie, my wee laddie-pup, it is time for me to groom you. Shall I have you piped into the grooming area by the GlenRoslin Bagpipe Team?? They just returned from the world championships where they placed an impressive 89th out of 90 entries in the LWD category!"

- I sed, "Bob, dat r weally nod bery 'pwessive if yu ask me. Pweeze, no bagpipin' dis time."

- "Well, that's okay, Zaidie-lad. Their kilts are still at the dry cleaner's, anyway. It wouldn't be completely authentic."

- Den Bob bwoomded me an' Dadda cameded back an' giveded Bob sum moneys an' den we dwiveded home. Momma gweeted us wif a smile cuz hur -HAB BEENDED- certain dat I wood be a stunningwy hansum LWD, jus' wike I alwayz r!
Hur eben hab wited a note tu Bob, tellin' him 'xactwy whut tu du tu my furry LWD body cuz hur did nod fink dat Dadda wuz capable ob descwibin' it well 'nuff. Bud it did nod madder! Bob giveded me da werstest furcut in da histowy ob LWDs named Zaidie, 'cept fur da furst time I wuz bwoomed when I wuz jus' a lil' wee pubby guy. Momma cwied dat day.

Bud dat wuz decades 'go an' my furs r gwowin' back, kind ob, in pwaces, so eberyfing r fine, 'cept fur dis witer's bwock-fing. I will keep yu pupses posted 'bout dat, bud in da meemtimes, eat MEATZ™, WUN WIKE DA WIND an' take care ob yur peepoles, 'kay??

"Take a walk wif da Z-Pup!"

Hi, pupses! It r me, Zaidie! Momma an' me fot it mite be nice if yu cameded on our walk dis day. Wanna? Gud! It r gonna be gwate :D

Furst, Momma needs pud on hur shoeses an' hur sungwasses. We can nod hab any peepole wookin' hur in da eyes, can we? BOL! Wate! Now it r time fur our collars. Hey! Seddle down pweeze...Gud werk. Wet's ged goin'!

Furst we go ober here intu da side yard cuz sumtimes I need -pwibacy, pweeze - bud I also wike tu chek out my yard fur stuff. Ok, nuffin dis day, 'cept a buncha weaves an' junk.

Now which way we shood go? Dis way? OK! Yu maded a gwate choice, my fwiend. Oosuawwy I start sniffin' wite 'way, bud since I hab a guest wif me (dat r yu :) Yu go furst! I r bein' da best LWD E-B-E-R, wite, Momma?

Bud wate... Can yu smell dis hydwo pole?? Den ged ober heer an' sniff! OMDOMDOMD! R dat nod compwetewy PAWTASTIC! 4 pawses up! Ooops, I meen 8. BOL!

Ok...We r gonna cwoss da stweet now. Furst we wook boff ways an' we wate fur Momma tu say OK. Gud job, my fwiend.

HOWY CWAP!!! Dere r a skwerl wite ober dere!!! Wookit dat fing!!! GRRRRRRRRR. I kno' him r ded, bud I can nod helb myself! Wet's go sniff him!! C'mon!
Bud Momma, him r wite ober dere an' it be a huge waste ob perfekwy gud bermin if we r nod 'llowded neer him :(
If Zoe fwum Idunno wuz here, hur wood say,"SHOOT"
*mutters to himself* Dis r SO nod fare.

Dis way now, my fwiend. Dere r a coupla doggies in dat howse whu wuff tu BARKBARKBARKBARK at me, Zaidie! An' ober here r anuber pup whu duz da same fing. Imagine da odds ob dat! Why I otta...grrrrr.

Hey, my fwiend! Yu r habbin' fun on dis walk wif Momma an' me, Zaidie? Gwate! Wate. See dis spot on da sidewalk wite here? Dis r a bery 'portant pwace. It wuz wite here wast winter when eberyfing wuz fwozeded an' fweezin' cold. I wuz out walkin' Momma an' gess whut I seed in da snow! A HOLE chiggen sammich. YUP. I kid yu nod.
I wuz wootin' 'wound in da snow an' Momma wuz bizzy finkin' inside hur hed an' hur did nod eben notice dat dere wuz a CHIGGEN SAMMICH in my cute LWD mouf!!Hur sed "Drop It!" Bud I wefuseded so hur needed gwab it an' yank it outta my mouf an' hur frowed it ober dere! See dat spot? I neber sawd it 'gain :(

Oh, wook. Here r da howse where da kitty sits on a chair by a window an' watches da werld go by. I gess it r kinda cute...fur a kitty. Momma sez hur kitty Toby usta du dat, tu.

Ooops. Now here r da howse ob da Sheltie whu alwayz BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKS at me, Zaidie. So I alwayz BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK back at him. We hab neber ackfurrawwy meeted face tu face, bud we alwayz BARK our hedses off at each uber, eben if we r half a bwock 'way! :D

Dere r Jerry's howse. Him r a Spwinger Spaniel! Ged it? Spwinger. Jerry. BOLBOL. An' here r Marley's howse, nameded aftur da weggae star, nod da pup whu maded ebery peepole in da hole werld cwy an' cwy wif hims book an' hims moobie an' da peepoles whu habded pupses did nod feed dere doggies or walk dem fur weekses. All dem cood du wuz cwy.
Anyfur, dat r nod him. Him r a HUGE Boubier de Fwanders/Wab an' hims peepoles NEBER take him fur walkses :( Bud I pway wif him sumtimes when I walk by an' him r owtside. Him r bery gentle wif me.

Oh, wook. A weally hansum an' bery well-behabeded LWD lives in dis howse! BOL! Dis r Zaidie's house! C'mon in an' hab a dwink ob water afore yu go, 'kay? *whispers* Jus' du it or my Momma will nod gib yu a snack 'til yu dwink sumfing. I kno' hur r nutzo. Oy Bey!

We hope yu habded a nice walk fru my nayberhood wif Momma an' me, Zaidie. Oh, no, da pleashur wuz all ours, my fwiend ♥ ❀ ☀ ♫

~ Jus anuber day in dis LWD's borin' an' pafetic life ~

"Zaidie! Where are you?"

"I r here, Momma!"

"Where is 'here', HunBun?"

"It r wite ober here, see?"

"Oh, Zaidie. What are you doing?"

"I r twyin' tu du Dogster stuff, bud I r habbin' a bery tuff time stayin' wogged-in. I du nod ged it. I wunnded da back-ups AN' I wan a biwus scan. Dis hard dwive r bwand nu, tu. What da woof r go on?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It r 'puter stuff, Momma. Yu wood nod unnerstan. Bud I fink I hab witer's bwock, tu. I can nod fink ob anyfing tu say."

"Well, then, how about do an entry in point form? That might help. And I know you haven't told anyone about being at Bob's on Saturday...You know, Z-pup. You could copy pages out of the dictionary and your friends would still read it."

"Dem wood nod. Now yu r jus' bein' 'dicuwous, Momma.

"Try it."

*Westie struts to book case.grabs dictionary.drags it back to computer*

"I fink I shood start at da end ob da alfbet cuz my name startses wif Z an' so duz Zoe's. It r bery 'portant."

*writes* Z- noun (plural Zs or Z's) 1. the twenty-sixth letter of the alphabet 2. Denoting the next after Y in...

"Ok. Dat r eben boringer dan nuffin. Bery bad idea, Momma."

"You're on your own then, LWD. I've got things to do. By the way, where did you stash your dirty laundry this time?"

"In da fwidge, wite 'side da weftober MEATZ™ fwum da EESP™. Where else I put it? Geez, woman."

"That meat is going into the food waste bin RIGHT NOW. It's been there long enough."

"Whuteber, Momma..."

"Why, Momma? Why??"

"Momma, du yu weawize dat we wented tu my bestest doggie beach onwy one time dis summer? Whut da woof r go on?"

"I know, HunBun, and I'm sorry about that. It was just one of those summers, if you know what I mean."

"No. I du nod. 'Spwain it, pweeze."

"Well, first we had our big road trip to MN and when we came home from that, we needed to relax, regroup, decompress - that kind of thing."

"I kno' it, Momma. Yu wentded fru wotza bodka dwipses dat monf. Bud den dere wuz da nexx monf an' 'gain we did nod go! I wuff my bestest doggie beach an' I miss it an' my fwiendses an' sharin' wadermewwon wif yu an' whinin' cuz Dadda r eatin' chiggen an' geddin' dirty an' nappin' in da shade wif Dadda an' bein' in da ZOTM™ fur da week it takeses us tu ged dere! It r ALL the bestest times ob my hole LWD life."

"Zaidie, it takes 2 hours to get there. We will go again, I promise. And we don't need to go only in the summer. We can go anytime of year. Remember going in the winter?"

"Yeah, bud yu maded me wear a coat an' dat r always so distwactin' I neber hab any idea where I r...jus' wike dis day wif my nu Buddy Belt fing. Did we weally go fur a walk?? I hab no idea."

"We did and I know that the Buddy Belt will take some getting used to for both of us. Wasn't it nice, though, without the pressure on your neck?"

"'Gain, I hab no comment cuz I du nod wemember. Wuz it snowin' dis day? Did I see any skwerlses? Did I du my cute lil' whimperin' fing at Gizmo's fence? Wuz dere any snackses awong da way? Yu tell me, Momma. No, on second fot, I du nod wanna kno' whut I missded out on dis day fanks tu dat 'dicuwous wed Buddy-fing an' da stoopit matchin' weash! Why eberyfing need match?"

"Everything doesn't match, HunBun. I didn't order the collar... I still could, though."

"Oy bey."

"Why don't you log in to Dogster and write a diary entry about seeing Bob on Saturday? That was fun, wasn't it??"

"I r tu 'xhausted wite now, Momma. Hearin' 'bout my walk, 'stead ob duin' it fur weal, did it tu me. I need wie down."