Whut da...?

Whut da heck r go on here? I staid up ALL nite wong tu see Santa an' say, "Hi, Santa! Yu bwing me da skwerl fambly I askded fur??" Him neber cameded.

My stockin' r hanged. I weabed out sum ob my tweetses fur him an' I mixded up a nice martini jus' da way him wikes dem, bery dwy. An' him did nod eben show up. Cwap. Whut now?

I added a hole wing tu my cwubhowse fur da skwerl fambly, a huuge bedwoom wif wotza bunk beds, a gym so dem can keep in shape fur me, dere own chitchen cuz sharin' a chitchen wif me, Zaidie, mite nod be such a gud idea. BOL. I growed a fowest ob chesnutz twees in da 'Chesnutz Twee Woom.' Where da heck r Santa an'my skwerl fambly???

"Uh, HunBun. Santa comes tonight."

"Oh. Well, dat 'spwains eberyfing."

I wuz jus' teezin' yu pupses! I knowded him wuz nod comin' 'til dis nite. BOL! Did I fooled all ob yu??? I shur did :D BOL!

*walks away muttering to himself "Wow. Dat wuz cwose. I hope no pup figures out dat I wuz weally confuseded."*


By da way, pupses! Dere r FWEE mistltoze in da giff shop tu gib tu yur fwiendses. No, it r nod MEATZ™, bud it r a bery nice gesstur on da part ob HQ. Can all ob us say fanks tu HQ? Here we go :"Fanks fur da fwee mistltoze in da Dogster Giff Shop. It r nod MEATZ™. It r nod eben a cwose second tu MEATZ™. In fak, most ob us wood waffer ged kitty toyses dan mistletoze, bud I digwess. Fanks, HQ."

~Hi-koos 'bout Chwissmus - it r nod all habby an' junk ~

In my diawy dis day, I r wookin' at Chwissmus fwum a diffwent perspektib. I hab wited a sewies ob hi-koos 'bout da 'nod-so-habby' side ob da seesun. Dem r all wated 'NPNSD' (no pubbies need see dis), so, pweeze, keep dem 'way, 'kay? Dem r tu yung tu be forceded tu face da harsh weawities ob dis werld.

Aftur yu finish weadin', pweeze make yur way tu confewence woom #3, where dere r a 'licious buffay ob tweetses, incwudin' da pawsum 'Bwissfuwwy Bacon' tweetses' fwum Chance an' Destiny's onwine store, www.apawfectdog.com. My Pawfect Dog tweetses cameded fwum my gud fwiend Zoe in Idunno! A Pawfect Dog duz nod ship tu Canada. Mabbe sumday dem will!

~ Hi-koos 'bout Chwissmus - it r nod all habby an' junk ~

Chwissmus makes me sad;
Nod 'nuff MEATZ™ in da hole werld.
Sum pupses hab nun.


Chwissmus makes me sad;
No time fur habbin' fun an'
Da tears stain my furs.


Dere shood be no tears
At Chwissmus; jus' wuff an' stuff.
Lick da sads away.


Yu mite be sumwhut berkwempt aftur weadin' all dat 'moshunal stuff. If yu need a outwet fur yur feewings an' junk, at da exit ob dis odditowium, yu will find sum papers an' tisshoos an' speshul documentses tu shwed. We hope dat will helb. ♥ ❀ ☀ ☃ ♫™

My 3rd Dogsterbersary - Part 2 -

I 'powogize fur takin' so wong tu ged back an' finish da story ob how I discubered dis Dogster pwace fwee yeers 'go, while I wuz shoppin' fur Cuz Toys ober on CuzRUs.com. Yu wood nod bewiebe da pawties an' pawades an' cewebwashuns an' bang-kwets dat hab beened goin' on, in honur ob me an' my speshul day. I habbed NO idea dere wuz dat much MEATZ™ in da werld.

Anyfur, while I wuz messin' 'wound on dose innernetses dat nite, fwee yeers 'go, I thot I cood heer sum barkin' in da distance. I wissened an' wissened an' ebentuawwy dat wunnerful noize gotted wouder an' wouder! Den I started sniffin' cuz I thot I smellded MEATZ™ on da gwill an' da more I sniffded da NUTZO-ier I gotted! Soon I wuz FWANTIC :D Da barkin' an' da heabenwy awoma ob MEATZ™ hab twansformded me intu sum kinda cwazee LWD butchur wifout a job! BOL!

All ob a sudden, a doggy door opended, so I Westie-stwutted my LWD self intu whereber it wuz gonna take me. Dere wuz pupses ob all shapes an' sizes an' bweeds an' 'bilities an' colours an' all dose fings dat *du nod madder one single bid*. Sum pupses wuz nappin'; sum ob dem wuz pwayin' games; sum wuz bizzy witin' stuff on dere 'puters. Uber pupses wuz pewusin' a pupses-onwy kinda store an' dem wuz usin' a nu kind ob moneys callded 'zeewies' tu buy bery speshul giffs fur dere fwiendses an' also fur pupses dem du nod eben kno', bud want tu help feel incwuded in all da Dogster fun ♥

I signded a coupla papers, filled out sum forms - wifout shweddin' anyfing :D An' den I wuz in! An' it wuz da BESTEST DAY EBER!

I hab founded dis Dogster pwace an' I knowed it wuz gonna change my life. It shur did ♥ ❀ ☀™

OMD. Du yu wemember dis date in histowy?

Nun ob yu pupses r eber gonna bewiebe dis bud bwace yurselbes cuz here it r :

Dis day, wite now, r my fird Dogsterbersary!!

Momma jus' checkded cuz hur fot it wuz da twelf, bud dis time, hur memwy did nod werk tu gud! BOLBOL :D

Free yeers 'go, on dis bery day, a tiny lil' wee pubby guy, nameded Zaidie, wuz messin' wound on dose innernetses, shoppin' fur WEALLY WOUD squeeky toyz! Hims motto r : if yur earses du nod bweed, it r nod woud 'nuff :D
Dem need make peepoles scweem an' hold dere earses an' go tu da audiowogist fur a heerin' test.

Den da audiowogist sez :"Whut da heck yu hab beened duin' wif yur earses?"

Den da peepoles sez :"My LWD habs WEALLY WOUD toyz, speshully da ones callded 'CUZ'. Hims habs a gween Kitty Cuz, a wed Debil Cuz, a gween Gud Guy Cuz, a gween Dino Cuz an' a huge Fwoggy Cuz dat Izzy (♥), Bacon an' Beanie gibbed tu Zaidie's Momma tu take home tu him."

"Well, dat r 'splainin' eberyfing! Ob corse yu can nod heer nuffin. Dem r CUZ toyz. Whut yu r 'spectin', wady? Ged outta here, afore I call da powice. Da NERBE ob sum peepoles. Oy Bey."

Anyway, here r a song I wited, jus' fur dis day. Pweeze wissen tu it at yur weisure an' be shur tu take adbantage ob da wunnerful 'Awound da Werld wif MEATZ™' buffet dat r setted up in da main wobby. No bowls - jus' EAT MEATZ™!

Habby Dogsterbersary tu LWD me!
Habby Dogsterbersary, nummer fwee!
Habby Annibersary, da Giff Shop MEATZ™ r back!
Habby Annibersary tu me, Zaidie Webi Gee :D

Pupses! We hab BICTORY!

OMDOMDOMDOMD...I r SO 'cited dat my cute LWD pawses r shakin' as I tipe dis. &h#dyzu@xgdg See whut I r meenin'? I r makin' 'steaks all ober da pwace :D Ged it? steaks, misteaks BOLBOL
Bud finawwy, we hab MEATZ™ in da Dogster Giff Shop!! *stops and listens to the sound of millions of dogs all over the world, barking in unison :"We did it! WE DID IT! MEATZ™ is back where it belongs. Thank you for listening to us, Dogster!"*

I wood wike tu fank da 'cademy an' all dose lil' pupses whu helbed make dis...Oooops, wong speech. *shuffles papers, stuffs a pile into his secret pocket* Oh, here it r. Fank yu, Dogster pupses. Yes, fank yu fur perseberin' an' seein' da campayne fru tu da end witch wesulted in a H-U-G-E bictory, nod onwy fur us, bud fur pupses all ober da werld an' dem r also 'cluded in da 'MEATZ™ ob da Day Cwub. Whu knowed, wite???

If yu see a pup on da stweet while yu r out walkin' yur peepoles or mabbe yu r jus' out duin' -pwibacy, pweeze- or mabbe yu r on a woad twip an' yu see anuber pup in a car dat r passin' yu an 'dat makeses yu bery mad cuz yu kno' yur Dadda r da bestest dwiber eber, bud yu wet dat go an' yu tell him 'bout da MEATZ™™ ob da Day Cwub an' da nu fweezer eberyday witch ALL our peepoles r gonna wuff, I r shur an' if yu r in one ob da bery few stores dat 'llow us pupses tu gwace dem wif our pwesense an' yu see a tiny nu lil' pubby guy an' him r bery skeerded ob yu cuz yu r SO big an' tuff-wookin' an' yu wift yur back weft weg tu show him how du dat an' den him sez, "Wow. Fanks. I wuz wunnerin' how du dat, mistur", dis r da obbortoonity tu tell him 'bout da MEATZ™ ob da Day Cwub.

It cood nod be more perfek! So yu say tu da tiny, nu lil' pubby guy :"Hab yu heered 'bout da MEATZ™ ob da Day Cwub yet or wuz yu jus' borned?" an' him sez, "I wuz jus' borned, mistur, bud my furst fweezer awwibed nod dis day, bud da day afore dis day. Fank yu, LWD. Anyfur, I wuz geddin' da MEAT™ ob da Day Cwub Nueswetter while I wuz in my Momma's tummy, so I awweady knowed 'bout it." So yu r a lil' bid 'bawwassed, bud yu suk it up an' benture forf tu find da nexx pup whu needs kno' 'bout da hole MEATZ™ ob da Day Cwub fing...

An' while yu r walkin' yur peepoles out ob da store, yu see anuber pup goin' in cuz him jus' founded hims fureber fambly an' him needs all kindza nu fings wike a bed an' fudz an' wader bowls an' tweetses an' a gween Kitty Cuz witch r gonna be hims fabouwite toy, eben aftur him kills it ded ober an' ober 'gain an' hims knows it r ded cuz it r nod squeekin' so woud anymore dat hims fambly keeps it in a mistwee pwace an' him r no wonger always wunnerin',"Where da heck r my gween Kitty Cuz??"...

An' him needs a speshul bwankie fur when him r a lil' bid chilly an' mabbe eben a lil' bid skeered cuz eberyfing r so nu in hims fureber home wif hims fureber fambly an' yu ged kinda chokeded up, berkwempt, eben, jus' finkin' 'bout it, bud, 'gain, yu suk it up an' tell da guy 'bout da hole MEATZ™ ob da Day Cwub an' hims geds SO 'cited dat him -pwibacy, pweezes- all ober yur fwont weft paw an' if yu r a LWD, yu now hab one yewwow paw an' den..."

"Uh, HunBun? Do you want to go for a walk today?"

"Well, ob corse, Momma! Dere r 'bout 1/1,000 ob a inch ob snows out dere an' I need sharben my snowpwowin' skills."

"Well, I'd like to go TODAY, so could you please wrap up your diary entry?"

"'kay, Momma. We r walkin' past da Chiggen Sammich Memowial Site where I almost eated a hole chiggen sammich one day, bud yu seed me an' whippded it out ob my cute LWD mouf? We can go dat way, pweeze?"

"Okay, but let's get going."

So, pupses, I r hedin' out on a huge an' bery dangewous weconnaissance misshun fur da RCMP which meens da Woyal Canadian Mounted Powice. Dem need me 'GAIN, if yu can bewiebe it! Sumfing 'bout sum bery bad pup an' hims fambly cwossin' da border intu Canada wif sum contwabanded fudz cuz dem wuz....

Welcome Speech - 'Bwing Back our MEATZ™' Demonstwashun - Dogster HQ

*Zaidie looks out over the crowd of pups and sees nothing but wagging tails, pink tongues and doggie ears - some pointed, some floppy, some a bit of both. It makes him smile*

tap tap tap..."Dis fing r on?? Yu pupses can heer me?"

*more wagging and paws-up from the crowd*

"'kay. I wood wike tu fank all ob yu fur bein' here dis day. Many ob yu twabelled frew da nite tu ged here an' we 'ppweshiate dat bery much.
Da Monster Twuck Show an' MEATZ™ fest at Zoe's howse in Idunno wuz a huge sukcess. Mister an' Missus Zoe r kinda fweekded out 'bout dere gwass an' da twees dat wuz wunned ober by da twuckses an' by da bery big hole in da side ob dere howse, bud dem can ged ober it :D
Dat r whut habbens when yu bild a howse wite where sum pupses mite hab a Monster Truck Show sumday! Dat r a chance dem wuz all tu willin' tu take an' wook whut habbened! BOL

Anyfur, we r here in fwont ob Dogster HQ tu pwotest da wack ob MEATZ™ in da Giff Shop. R MEATZ™ a seasonal fing onwy, pupses?? Du we onwy want MEATZ™ at Chwissmus or da Easfur or when it r our Gotcha Day or Birfday or Toosday??? Ob corse nod! We want MEATZ™ ALL DA TIME an' ANYTIME we feel wike it! Whu r HQ tu nod wet us hab 'xactwy whut we want??

*a low growling starts and slowly builds until every dog is barking like a lunatic, frantic in the hope that his/her voice be heard*

"We want MEATZ™ and we want it now and we want to have it whenever we feel like having it, even if it's just another Tuesday!!"

"Wow! Yu pupses catch on FASS! Pawsum! Now we need chooz one bery nice an' powite pup whu habs way tu many manners an' junk, bud in dis case it cood helb WOTZ. Whu we shood chooz, pupses??"

"You, LWD, YOU!!!"

"Me?? Why me, Zaidie? I r nod powite. Wissen tu dis! &^%$%$#$ an'%$#$@ an' den I fink &@#@$ %$&#!!!"

*comments from the crowd* "Wow. I'm glad his Momma didn't hear him say all that nasty stuff. Her heart would be broken :( "

"Hey, anypup got some soap? That LWD's mouth needs to be washed out!"

"Holy crap, Z-Pup! You give kisses to your Momma with that mouth??"

"See, pupses? I r nod dat powite! It r all smoke an' mirrors! :D

Hey, whu dat guy r?...Hey, mistur! Whut yu r duin' here? We r habbin' a pwibate doggie demonstwashun here. No peepoles 'llowed.
Ged goin'or I r gonna send da SSP (Schnauzie Secuwity Patwol) aftur yu an' contwawy tu whut yu hab heered, dem r NOD all bark an' no bite. Dem du bite :D Anyfur, ged outta heer."

"But wait, LWD. I'm Ted Rheingold the Dogster guy! I started Dogster years and years ago!"

"Afore da dinosores, Mistur??"

"Yes, Zaidie. Even before the dinosaurs. Anyway, we heard about your little demonstration and..."

"Ted! It r nod liddle! Wookit dis pwace - pupses as far as da eye can see an' eben furfer if yu make yur eyeses weel tiny by du dis *squints*

"Unfortunately, there is nothing us Dogster people can do about the Gift Shop issue."

"Oh, Ted. It r nod jus' a tisshoo, my fwiend. It r one ob dose debaucle-fings. Weally messded up."

"I know, Z-Pup. The Gift Shop is controlled by the FBI. We have no access to it and we apologize for the meat oversight. Because of that, we are offering each one of you a decade-long membership in the MEATZ™ of the Day Club. Everyday for the next ten years, you will receive a freezer filled with whatever MEATZ™ is being featured on their website homepage that day. How does that sound, pups??"

*MASSIVE THUD*

"Okay. I'll take that as a Yes! Thanks for your patience and for your loyalty to the best and safest place on earth for dogs - Dogster!"

*Ted walks towards the front entrance at HQ, looks back at the piles of overwhelmed pups and smiles*

Attenshun all Pupses. I wepeet : Attenshun all Pupses!

On loudspeaker : As many ob yu awweady kno', da Giff Shop r compwetewy outta MEATZ™ Dere r nod eben a turkee dwumstik which teknicawwy r nod MEATZ™, bud will werk in a cwisis.

Anyfur, we r still pwannin' tu march 'cwoss Norf 'Merica an' storm HQ in dat San Bwanfwisco pwace. We will nod gib up until dem meet (BOL) our demandses OR if dem sez :"Hey, yu notty pupses! Go home, WITE NOW!" We r nuffin if nod 'bedient, wite guyses?

Da 'March fur MEATZ™' r stardin' nexx day. Jus' go owtside an' wate on yur fwont stepses an' when yu see a HUGE herd ob pupses, dat r gonna be us, 'kay?? An' it r gonna be GWATE - pupses as far as da eyeses can see.

We r gonna stop at Zoe's pwace in Idunno fur a huge pep wally/ MEATZ™fest/ Monster Twuck Show. Du nod furged tu wear yur waincoateses cuz ob da mud dose twuckses can frow out wif dose huge tireses. Dere r gonna be no time fur baffs! I wepeet : No time fur baffs at da show!

If we 'xpect HQ tu take us sewiouswy, we need be cween an' we need be on our best behabiours, 'kay? Dis meens no messin' wound an' junk. An' no chasin' skwerlses intu HQ. AN' no hijinx inbolbin' kitties, 'kay? We wuz so bery lucky dat da powice did nod awwest all ob us wast time. Jus' in case, howeber, we hab our teem ob wawyers assembleded an' weady tu helb us outta any bad kinda situmatashun. Oh, an' du nod furged tu wear yur tags.

An' wemember our motto-fing :"We r pupses AN' we will NOD back down until dere r MEATZ™ in da fudz bowl ob eberypup on dis pwanet!"

Whut da...?

Ok, pupses. We hab a sewious tisshoo tu deel wif here. Go an' wook at da Giff Shop. Den come back an' tell me, Zaidie, whut yu see or, wather, whut yu du NOD see.

Dere r NO MEATZ™ ob any kind. Dis r a compwete OUTWAGE.

I say we start marchin' an' we fan out acwoss Norf America, pickin' up pupses as we go awong. Den, when we wun outta gwound tu wawk on, onwy water, dat r gonna meen we r dere - in San Banfwisco, where Dogster HQ r wocated.

Den we will choose one bery powite pup tu go in an' ask bery nicewy if sum changes cood be maded in da Giff Shop. If dat duz NOD werk, I say we storm da pwace! Pupses an' paws an' tails an' swobber ALL ober HQ. Dat cood wear dem down 'nuff tu gib intu our demandses. If nod, we du sumfing else. Whut? I hab no idea, bud it r gonna be gud. I jus' kno' it.

Dis r a toadal betwayal ob us pupses an' everyfing we fot Dogster stooded for. If dem hab goned 'began'(vegan) an' hab toadawwy gibben up a hole fudz gwoop, we r in sewious twubble. Bud wet's nod ged ahed ob ourselbes. Stay calm an' stuff an' soon we r gonna ged tu da bottom ob dis atwosity an' injusis tu da hole canine werld!

Altugefur now : Whut we r wantin'?

MEATZ™!!!

An' when we r wantin' it??

At da conbenience ob da peepoles wif da fumbs??

NO, no, no...Wite now! Pupses, we want it wite now!

Wuz yu pupses sweepin' in yur cute lil' doggie beds when we wuz pwotestin' all kindza junk back in dose 1960s?? C'mon, guyses! Ged wif da pwogwamme!

Twy it 'gain : Whut we r wantin'?

MEATZ™!!!

An' when we r wantin' it??

Dis day!! Ooops, we meen, WITE NOW!!

Dat r bedder. Now wet's ged dis pwotest starded by burnin' sum MEATZ™. Den we walk 'til we can nod walk anymore. Wet's GO :D

~ more answers tu yur quesshuns ~

Well, hewwo. It r me, Dr Z-Pup, at da obbice once 'gain, twyin' ged catched up on paperwerk, bud I can nod stop shweddin' eberyfing in site! Dis cood be a pwobwem.

Anyfur, yu pupses weady fur a couple more answers tu yur mental healf quesshuns? Gud cuz here dem r:

A couple ob pupses we r gonna call 'Tizzy' an' 'Whitglee' want tu kno' why our peepoles du nod unnerstan our need tu BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK all da time, speshully cuz dem r alwayz tawkin' an' tawkin' an' tawkin'...

Well, Tizzy an' Whitglee, dere r wotza fings 'bout us dat our peepoles r neber gonna unnerstan an' bice bersa. My pawsunal bewief r dat our peepoles r jellus ob our 'bility tu BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK.

Wif barkin', dere r nuffin tu spell wong; no gwammar wules tu mess up! Da bestest part r dat when we r barkin', we all speek da same wanguage! Dere r elebenty gabillyun wanguages fur peepoles :O How can dem ged along if dem du nod unnerstan stuff uber peepoles r sayin' tu dem?

So, Fizzy an' Whitley...Ooops, I meen 'Tizzy' an 'Whitglee', da peepoles du nod wike us tu wub dere faces in dere inadequacies (WOW! How I sed dat big werd?) by duin' a wotta barkin'. It makeses dem bery sad :( Bud dem will ged ober it :D
So go forf an' BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK wike yu meen it, pupses!

An' here r a quession fwum sum dood nameded Afwo Ben. Him wants tu kno' why dis LWD nameded Dr Z-Pup r so cute! OMD! Dat r a bery pawsunal quesshun :O Bud I will answer it honestwy cuz I r all 'bout YUR mental healf an' meetin' yur needses an' junk.

Afwo Ben, I wuz nod alwayz cute, my fwiend. In fak, dere wuz a time when I wuz so bery ugwy dat mirrors bwoked eben afore I wooked intu dem. Den, all ob a sudden, my bweeder/bwoomer/boarder guy nameded Bob telled me dat a coupla peepoles nameded Wendy an' John needed a LWD nameded Zaidie tu compwete dere fambly! Gess whut! I r a LWD AN' my name r Zaidie! Imagin' da odds ob dat habbenin'!
Anyfur, Bob gibbed me sum med'cine an, boila! I wuz da cutest LWD eber. Whu knowed it wuz dat ezee?

I hab a payshunt watin' fur me. Where him r watin', pupses?? Yu kno' it - in da WATIN' woom! Dis guy r 'ddicted tu cat toys an' scwatchin' posts. It r tuch an' go wite now - a bery tuff case.

Stay tuneded fur da nexx 'On da Kouch' wif Dr Z-Pup. In da meemtime, be pwoud ob whu yu r an' go woll in sumfing bery stinky an' gwoss :D

~ Dr Z-Pup starts answerin' yur mental healf quessions ~

Well, hewwo. Dis r Dr. Z-pup comin' tu yu WIVE fwum my obbice in a nondescwipt obbice buildin' in sum city, sumpwace. I hab no idea where I r.

Anyfur, my furst payshunt ob da day(a WEEL nutcase :D) jus' weft my obbice, aftur hims weekwy sesshun. I fot I wood take dis time, afore da nexx psy-ko walkses in here, tu ged started wif da quessions I askded my wisseners tu send in.

Da furst quession r fwum 'Puzzled' in MI. Him wunners why da heck du *I* hab more toyses dan him. Hmmm...Puzzled, da short answer r dat yu need werk on yur peepoles more. Use yur big, wound eyeses an' make dere harts bweed. Pwactise in a mirror if yu need tu. Dem fink dat our eyeses r da winnows tu our soles. BOLBOLBOL Dem alwayz mess up when dem twy be 'deep' an' 'fi-lo-so-fi-kal' an' junk.
If dis taktik duz nod werk fur yu, I wood sugess dat yu jus' wie 'wound da howse all day, winin' an' barkin' 'bout how boreded yu r. Bark at NUFFIN. Chase stuffs dat r nod eben dere :D An' my personul fabouwite, sit an' stare at da wall. Dwibes dem CWAZEE!

Okay, I need keep moobin' here. Da second quesshun r fwum sumpup nameded 'Chloe'. Hur r in a undiscwosed wocayshun, bud I r gonna take a wild gess...Idaho, mabbe? Here r hur pwobwem : Hur brofer, Tex, geds tu go owtside da yard wifout hims weash. Chloe finks dis r howwibwy unfare an' wunners why hur duz nod hab da same pwibiweges as Tux...Oooops..I meen, Tex! Yup, hims name r Tex. I hab it witten down wite here. See?"

Sound engineer : "Dr Z-pup, this is radio. No one can see anything."

"Whut da...? Why no peepole tell me dis? grrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Chloe, I toadawwy ged where yu r comin' fwum. Dis r compwetewy unfare an' meen an' nastee an' nod nice. I r gonna suggess dat yu go on a hunger stwike. Yup, bwing out da big gunses. Den yur peepoles will turn dere focus back where it needs be - on yu, da pwettiest lil' Schnauzie gurl in...Ooops. I furgedded. Yu r a poodle, nod a Schnauzer!! My bad :D
I du fink a hunger stwike r da onwy way tu go. Tex r geddin' tu full ob himselb an' moobin' up da wadder in yur fambly's hi-er-ar-ky. It muss be stoppded NOW. Gud wuck wif dis.

Well, pupses. Dese r all da quessions I hab time fur dis day. My nexx payshunt r in da watin' woom...watin' :D
Yu fink da furst guy wuz NUTZO, wate 'til yu heer 'bout dis wady! OMD. Peece ob W-E-R-K :D

Dis r Dr Z-Pup sayin', "See yu nexx time, 'On da Kouch'."