December 7th 2012 3:34 pm
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My werk as a pubby twainer here at Bob's howse r comin' tu an end. Momma an' Dadda r comin' home wate on Sadurday nite an' I r geddin' pickded up on Sunday affernoon.
Affer I unpack all my junk, I need start witin' my Chwissymus cards or dem r nod gonna be dewibered tu yu pupses afore Chwissymus!! Dem r extwa speshul dis yeer an' I hope yu wike dem :D
Dis wuz 'Wern How Make Haggis' Day here at 'Unkle Zaidie's Twainin' Skool fur LWDs'! WEEL messy an' da hole howse stinks WEEL gud :D Dis nite we r gonna webiew eberyfing we hab werned an' den, nexx day, r da final 'xam. "Hey, yu pupses! Ged back tu da dorm an' studee!"
It r gonna be a WONG nite. I need make sum cawfee if I r gonna stay 'wake tu suberbise dese cwowns. Bark wif yu soon, eberypup!
December 11th 2012 7:45 am
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...bud nod fur tu wong. Momma an' Dadda r goin' tu Seattle tu spend Chwissmus wif Dadda's brofur an' hims fambly. It r gonna be a diffwent kind ob Chwissmus wifout Gwampa, so dem fot dis wood be good fur eberyone.
I will be headin' back tu Bob's howse on December 23rd an' I will stay dere 'til da 31st. I will be gwad tu wing in da nu yeer wif Momma an' Dadda, bud I wook furward tu duin' more pubby twainin' at Bob's.
Dis gwoup ob LWDs r nod wernin' as quickwy as ubers I hab teeched. Dem keep wosin' dere wissenin' ears AN' dem r compwetewy obsessed wif eatin'! Can yu bewiebe it??? :D
In da meemtimes, I r hopin' tu ged my Chwissymus cards in da mail later dis day or nexx day. I r WAY ahind skedule wif all my Chwissmus pwepawashuns, bud as Momma sez,"Christmas is a season, not just a day." If fings r late, it r nod da end ob da werld, wite, pupses?? Oh, an' gess whut!! Chwissmus hab comed tu da Dogster Giff Store, finawwy!
Chwissmus Card Smackdown 2012 (wesults so far) : LWD - 16 Pawents - 6 BOLBOLBOL :D
December 22nd 2012 5:37 pm
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It r time pupses - time fur me tu pack up my stuffs an' head back tu Bob's fur more pubby twainin' an' tu partake in sum howliday festibities an' junk. On Sunday, Dadda r dwibin' me tu Bob's. Den him an' Momma r goin' tu da airport in Toronto an' fwyin' in a big pwane tu Seattle tu be wif my Unkle Paul an' hims famiwy fur Chwissmus. I wish I cood go, tu :(
Anywayz, I will hab my waptop wif me at Bob's an', ob corse, my BwackBewwy will be in my secwet pocket, wite nexx tu da fweezer ob MEATZ™. I will du my bestest tu chek in wif yu pupses. In da meemtimes, I wish yu all da bestest fur da mewwiest Chwissmus E-B-E-R an' a pawsum an' *pawtackuwar* nu yeer!! I wuff yu, pupses ♥ ★ ❀ ☀ ☮
Pupdate : I r in da car wif Dadda, on da way tu Bob's howse! I furgedded tu tell yu dat my LWD sistur, Paisley, r 'xpectin' pubbies an' dem r due on Chwissmus Day!!! OMD, I r gonna be a weel unkle!! Paiswey asked me tu be wif hur durin' da birfs, so I can wemind hur 'bout bweathin' an' stuff! Pwus if hur needs scweem an' yell while da pubbies r bein' borned, hur can yell at me an' I will unnerstan :D Chwissmus AN' bwand nu neeces an' nefews!! Bestest Chwissmus E-B-E-R!!
December 29th 2012 10:49 am
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Pupses! I r still at Bob's, bud I r knee-deep in LWD pubbies! My sistur, Paiswey, gibbed birf tu 'bout twenny-seben lil' bundles ob fur! I helbed hur by wettin' hur squeeze my paw weel hard an' scweem notty werds at me :D At furst it hurted my feewings, bud I gedded ober it, speshully when hur askded me tu be da GodDadda fur all ob dem! I r gonna be one bizzy Unkle Zaidie!
Momma an' Dadda r still in Seattle, bisitin' my Unkle Paul an' famiwy. My cuzin James, whu r a teenager, wuz upset dat I did nod come wif dem on da pwane, bud Momma 'spwained 'bout Paiswey an' 'bout how hur needed me dere, so him unnerstood.
Momma an' Dadda r fwyin' home on Sunday nite an' dem r gonna pick me up fwum Bob's on Monday, jus' in time fur our annual 'Festibal ob MEATZ™' witch r held ebery nu yeerz ebe! I can nod wate tu sink my LWD teefs intu a bid, joocee hunk ob MEATZ™. *drool* Ooops! *wipes keyboard*
In da meemtime, it r wainin' in Seattle (WOW. Whu knowed??), bud dem r comin' home tu BIG SNOW! Bob finks I hab wosed weight wunnin' 'wound, chasin' pupses an' snowpwowin' da pubby awea in Bob's big yard (witch r securewy fenced, Momma, so wewax, 'kay??)
It r almost time fur pubby twainin' cwasses tu begin, so I need sign off. Dis day we r goin' tu da libwawy, so dese guys can wearn all 'bout usin' dere 'inside boices'. I hab my werk cutted out fur me :D
Bark wif yu lader, my fwiends! I hab missed yu wotz an' can nod wate tu ged home.
"Laddie-boy! Gather up the wee pups and let's get going! Hook up my Scotch Drip™, too. You're driving today!"
January 9th 2013 3:30 pm
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"Unkle Zaidie! Yu need wake up!!"
"zzzzzzz...Whut? Whut da hek r go on?? Did Santa Paws camed???"
"No, Unkle Zaidie! Paisley r habbin' hur pubbies an' hur r askin' fur yu!!"
"OMD!! Da stork r here??"
"Whut stork, Unkle Zaidie?? I sawed no stork."
"Well, da stork bwings da pubbies, lil' Fergus. I weaded 'bout it on dose innernets. Mabbe we shood wun owtside tu da cabbage patch den?! I heered dat pubbies r sumtimes founded unner cabbages."
"Unkle Zaidie!! Yu need unhook yur Scotch Dwip™ an' come wif me! Bob needs yu tu helb Auntie Paiswey!!"
"Ok. I r comin'." *slips on his bunny slippers and pads down the hall to Paisley's room* "Whut r go on, Paiswey?? Where da stork r?? Him bwinged yur pubbies?? Or...OMD!! Call a ambuwance! Boil sum water!! Wip up sum sheets! O-M-D, Paiswey! Yu r gonna be fine, jus'...I, uh...OMD *thud*
"Fergus-laddie, could you move Uncle Zaidie out of the way and then come over and hold Paisley's hand while she has her wee puppies??"
"Shur, Bob. *drags Z-Pup out to the hall* Eberyfing r gonna be ok, Auntie Paiswey!"
January 15th 2013 8:35 am
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Well, it r nues wike dis dat makes my job worf all da sweat an' teerz I pud intu it. *sigh* Fank yu, Coco Wose, fur bwingin' dis tu my 'ttenshun :
Vodka drip saves puppy's life
'Flushing her with vodka to make her better'
Updated: Tuesday, 15 Jan 2013, 7:41 AM CST
Published : Tuesday, 15 Jan 2013, 7:38 AM CST
MELBOURNE, Australia (CNN/NETWORK TEN) - A 9-week-old puppy has been saved by an unusual "hair of the dog" treatment. The American Staffordshire was put on a vodka drip, after being poisoned by anti-freeze.
Two weeks ago, Cleo, a cute Christmas present, was hours away from fatal kidney failure after licking anti-freeze from a car part.
"She was giving us a bit of a scare because she was really disorientated, she couldn't stand straight, she'd fall over," said owner Stacy Zammit.
During the night, Cleo got worse, refusing food and constantly crying. Zammit rushed her to a vet. The only cure for coolant poisoning? Another staff member's Christmas present: pure alcohol.
"There's toxins in that called ethylene glycol and they're very, very harmful to the kidneys so what we need to do is give them alcohol and in this case, we gave her vodka to try and mop up some of those toxins," said veterinarian Matt Pascall.
The vodka was fed via a drip through her nose and into her stomach.
"It was quite funny, to be honest. Flushing her with vodka to make her better," said Zammit.
Over two days the pup consumed more than a third of the bottle.
"If we put it in human terms, for me it would be the equivalent of having seven or eight shots every four hours," Pascall explained.
The Christmas vodka's since been replaced and Cleo's back to full health.
*sob* Yu kno', pupses, when I wuz werkin' on da pwototype fur da bery furst Bodka Dwip™, it wuz tu helb my Momma seddle down an' ged hur off da ceiwin'. It werked, fur da most part, an' I feeled weel gud 'bout it, bud dis r diff'went. My inbentshun hab sabed da wife ob a fewwow canine an' it duz NOD ged any bedder dan dat. Pweeze 'scuss dis 'mongst yurselbes. I need wie down. *sob*
January 25th 2013 9:40 am
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"Hewwo. Yu hab weached 'Zaidie Webi Gee Industwies, Cat Toy Dibishun™'. Zaidie Webi Gee speekin'. How I may helb yu?"
"Z? Is that you?"
"Yes, it r me. Whu dis r, pweeze?"
"Z! It's me, Zoe!!"
"OMD! Zoe fwum Idunno??? Hi! How yu r duin', sweet gurl??"
"Great! 'I r duin' gud', as you would say! BOLBOL!! Um, Z? What's up with the 'cat toy division' bit? You're kidding, right??"
"Cat Toy Dibishun? I sed dat??"
"Yup. I heard it with my very own adorable pointy ears."
"Well, cwap. Ooops, I meen, yu must hab heered wong, Zoe. I r pwetty shur I sed bat toy dibishun. Yup, dat r it - bat toys."
"Bat toys? Oh, c'mon, Z! You're pulling my cute lil' Schnauzie leg! BOL :D Bats don't play with toys!! BOL!"
"HA! Shur dem du, Zoe! Hab yu neber seened Bats 'R Us? It r wocated wite nexx door tu PetSmart in all da big cities!!"
"Z, bats only come out at night and they're way too busy eating bugs and junk to play with toys!"
"NO, Zoe!! Wissen - when dem take a bweak, fur a snak, dem need sumfing tu du, so dem pway wif toys maded wite here at ZWGI™."
"BOL! You're killing me, Z!! BOLBOLBOL!! Wait 'til I tell the guys over on Dogster!! They're gonna love this!! OMD! BOLBOL! Next you'll be telling me you make toys for rats, too!! BOL!"
"Well, ob corse we du. Nod here, doe. Da wat toy dibishun r wocated in Seattle. Hey! Yu wememmer my gud fwiend Woscoe da wat?"
"Yeah, the poor, homeless guy you met on the mean streets of Toronto and set up in his own place. Then he met his long-lost sister...yada, yada..."
"Yes! 'Cept Woscoe an' hims hole fambly moobed tu Seattle where Woscoe heds up da wat toy dibishun ob Zaidie Webi Gee Industwies™! Oh, dem r wivin' in da suburbs, wite nexx door tu my Unkle Paul, wivin' da dweem, dat's fur shur!"
"How many kids they got now??"
"A couple millyun, I fink."
"Wow. So lemme guess - there's a bunny toy division, too."
"Dere r, Zoe! How yu knowed?? It jus' wewocated tu Nu Mex'co. Wememmer Arweenton, Puff an' Coco Wose's bunny sistur?"
"Well, yeah! She runs the bunny toy deal?"
"Hur shur duz, wike nobunny's biznuss! BOLBOL :D Dat r y da hole fambly moobed tu Nu Mex'co. Weel tuff goin' at furst. Sum bad guy steeled da snow chains fur hur es-yu-bee 4 times, if yu can bewiebe it!"
"Wow, who knew?? Z, you're a busy guy. I had no idea."
"Yu kno', Zoe...da chiggen toy dibishun habs a obenin' in da finance 'partment. I wuz finkin' dat, since yu hab chiggens on yur pwoperty, yu mite be innerwested in da posishun. It pays weel gud. Wotza benebits, tu."
"Did you say 'Kibbles 'n Bits'?"
"No, I sed, 'benebits'."
"Oh, good. It's just that us Schnauzers have real delicate tummies and we're especially prone to pancakeritis. I'm not allowed to eat 'Kibbles 'n Bits'."
"Hab no feerz, Zoe! No Kibbles an' Bitz fur yu! Yu kno', yu cood werk fwum home. Mabbe set up yur obbice in da wivin' woom, on da back ob da wuff seat where..."
"You are thinking all the time, Z! Total win/win situation! I can do my security work fulltime AND bring in millions counting toys for chickens. What a life! Sure, sign me up!"
"YAY! Dis r gonna be gwate! Welcome tu Zaidie Webi Gee Industwies, Chiggen Toy Dibishun ™! I r gonna hab MY peeples ged in tuch wif YUR peeples so we can du wunch an' mess 'wound wif da details an' junk!"
"Cool, Z! Hey, I don't have to wear a uniform, do I??"
"Ob corse nod! Jus' a kilt!"
"Awww, man. You know I don't do clothes, Z!"
"I tell yu whut, Zoe - I r gonna hab it sended tu yu bia UPS, so yu ged tu BARKBARKBARK at da guy in da bwown twuck. Deel??"
FYI - D'offishul pichurs ob me in my stoopid kilt AN' my eben stoopider lil' tam-fing (pichurs I kno' yu can nod wate tu see) r gonna hafta wate 'til Dadda geds home so him can helb Momma wif da Zaidie-wanglin'. I r nod coopewatin', if yu can bewiebe it. BOLBOL :D Stay tuneded.
Also, if it seems wike I r outta da woop here on Dogster, it r cuz I weally r. I r nod geddin' any notibicayshuns 'bout nuffin. Dadda r gonna helb Momma wif dat, tu. I jus' did nod want any ob yu pupses tu fink I r bein' wude an' 'gnorin' yu cuz I r nod!
February 4th 2013 9:01 am
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~Stucked in a Wut~
It r gonna take
more dan kitties on my page
tu 'spire me tu wite.
February 14th 2013 8:50 am
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As yu r pwobabwy aware, it r Bawentimeses Day - a day fur payin' speshul 'ttenshun tu da ones yu wuff an' fur sendin' dem twuckwoad aftur twuckwoad aftur twuckwoad ob MEATZ™ Appawentwy, whueber wuffs me did nod ged da memo. Bud I digwess...
Da important fing tu kno' r dat dis day - an' dis day onwy - dere r a fwee giff in da Dogster Giff Shop tu send tu yur speshul fwiends!! It r a huge box ob chokwits an' I r almost certain dem r dog-safe an' filled wif all kindza MEATZ™ an' stuff, wike twipe an' bacon an' ham an' fiwet mignon an' pork chops an' chiggen an' turkee an' hotdogs an' sausages an' eben eggs an' cheez an' 'tatoes an' shwimp an' fish an' ice cweem :D
So hed on ober tu da Giff Shop...Ged goin', wite now!! an' send a giff filled wif all kindza mushee, gooey, googwy-eyed, wuffy-duffy, sywupy-sweet wuff stuffs (all da gurl-pups - 'cept mabbe Zoe :D - go NUTZO 'bout dat kinda stuffs), bud most importantwy, wif MEATZ™ :D
I see yu dere, hidin' 'hind da sofa! Go NOW! Dis day, da bestest fings in life weally R fwee!
March 14th 2013 8:21 am
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♪ Habby Pi Day tu yu!
Yur numbur r 3.14159...
An' nuffin whymes wif dat :D ♬
"Habby Pi Day, Momma!"
"Happy Pi...Wait, WHAT?? Zaidie, how do you know about Pi day???"
"I weaded 'bout it on dose innernetses. It r da way-sho ob a circle's cicumberwence tu its diametre an' r 'ppwoximate tu 3.14159!"
"Wow. That's right, Hun-Bun! Good work!"
"Sum guy nameded Ark-i-me-dese figureded it out waaaaaay back in dose BC olden days."
"And what does BC stand for?
"Ummm...Bad Cats, I fink. Wow. All dis tawk ob pi hab maded me hungwy! Where my bwekfus r??"
"It's all about the LWD belly, isn't it??"
"Yu kno' it, Momma!!"
P.S. Hey, pupses! Sum guy named 'Nonymus gibbed me a lil' gween hat an' sed,"Wuck ob da Iwish tu yu!!" 'cept I r fwum dose West Hiwands ob Scotwand! Whut I shood du???
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