September 6th 2012 9:26 am
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"Zaidie! HunBun!! Aren't you going to get up this morning? This is the day ob your big, end-of-summer party, isn't it??"
"Uh...yes, it r, Momma, 'cept I r nod feelin' gud. I need keep sweepin', 'kay??"
"What?? This is YOUR DAY, little guy!! Get up!..."
"No, Momma. I r nod up tu it dis day. Mabbe anuber day."
"Let me feel your forehead, sweetpup. Hmmm...You don't feel warm to me."
"Dat r cuz I r cold, Momma. Turn up da heet, 'kay? It r fweezin' in here. Heet an' sweep r gonnba helb me feel bedder. In fak, I bet I r gonna be fine nexx day. Pweeze cwose da door on yur way out tu ged me sum tee an' toast, 'kay, Momma?"
"Okay, Z-Pup. I'm worried about you, though."
Whut da hek r go on?? R I weally sick or whut? Stay tuneded, pupses :D
September 9th 2012 9:50 am
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"Whu r dere, pweeze?"
"It's Momma, HunBun, with your tea and toast. May I come in?"
"Uh, shur, Momma. Jus' hang on a minit. *pause* 'Kay, come in."
"Here you go, sweetness. This should help calm your little tum-tum...Hey, is that bacon I smell? And chicken?? Where's it coming from???"
"Uh, I dunno, Momma, bud all ob a sudden I r feewin' bery week an' sik an' junk. I need be by myselb fur a few minits, 'kay?"
"No, not okay! I'm not leaving you alone when you're feeling sick enough to cancel this year's 'End of Summer Party and Taxidermy Show'. In fact, I don't believe you're sick after all." *checks under the bed*
"Well, look at what we have here! It's Grampa's George Foreman grill! We were wondering where that ended up. It was down in the den at Grampa's house with all the boxes of stuff for his church's upcoming rummage sale. Then all of a sudden it was missing. Hmmm...I wonder how it ended up here?!? And look! *opens the GF grill* Bacon AND Chicken, grilled to perfection, right here under Zaidie-Pup's bed! Imagine the odds of that happening :D"
"Yeah, jus' 'magine...How dat ged unner dere?? *drooldrooldrool* Momma, I r dwowndin' in pubby spit ober here. I hab a lil' taste ob bacon, pweeze??"
"But what about your sick little tum-tum, Zaidiecakes? Bacon isn't good if you're not feeling well!"
"'Kay, 'kay, 'kay... I conbess! I r nod sik!! Now I hab sum bacon, PWEEZE??"
"No, first I want to know what the heck is going on. You were all excited about your party. You and Blake worked for days, planning everything, confirming numbers, lining up guest speakers and seminars. What happened??"
*sobsobsob* "I weally messed up, Momma. I changed da menu tu began so dere wuz NO MEATZ™ at all, jus' began junk. My fwiends heered 'bout it an' dem all 'cided NOD tu come tu my pawty *sob* So dat r why I r pwetendin' be sik dis day. I r nod sik. I r jus' so bery, bery sad!" *sobsobsob*
"But WHY would you change the menu?? None of your friends are vegan, Zaidie! They're like you - they L.O.V.E. meat! Tofu hotdogs, burgers made out of chickpeas and fake bacon just aren't going to cut it with them! Why'd you do it, HunBun??"
*sob* "I wanted tu see if my fwiends wike me cuz I r Zaidie or cuz I r all 'bout da MEATZ™ an' since nun ob dem r comin' dis day, it meens *sob* dem onwy wike me cuz I feed dem *sob* MEATZ™!" *sobsobsob*
"Oh, SweetPup." *gently lifts Zaidie onto her lap and holds him close, but not too tight because he hates that* "Well, that kind of backfired, didn't it? There, there, little guy." *rocks him gently as he sobs* "Your friends love you because you are Zaidie! Not because you're all about meat! They know you're all about all kinds of things!"
"Wike barkin' at skwerls an' chasin' kitties an' shweddin' up egg cartons an' junk??"
"Yes, that and a million other things, too. You're sweet and funny and you care SO much about everyone! How could anyone not like you??" *kisses him on his LWD head as they walk over to the window to open the shutters* "Well, would you look at that!"
"Whut, Momma? *turns his head to look* "O.M.D. Dere r all my friends!!!! OMDOMDOMDOMD!! All 937 ob dem, here at my house, fur my End ob Summer Pawty!! An' O.M.D., wook at all da fudz boofs - dem r nod began! Dem r MEATZ™ an' cheez an' 'tatoes an' all da fudz us pupses wuff best!!! How dis habben?? Whut da heck r go on, Momma????"
"Well, your sweet friend, Zoe..."
"Yes, Zoe from 'Idunno' called me because she was very worried about you, so we worked with Blake to make this the 'End of Summer Party' of your dreams!"
"An' taxidermy show???
"Yes, the squirrel you found dead on the street and lovingly stuffed and mounted for display in the living room is on exhibit."
"Momma!! No one r 'pposed tu kno I founded dat skwerl! I telled dem I chaseded it an' caughted it myselb!"
"Oh, Zaidie! When are you going to learn that YOU, everyone's favourite LWD, are enough - just you, without meat, without saving lives, without big adventures. You're all anyone needs! I love you, Zaidie-Pup!"
"Momma! Dat r nuff mushy junk! Wet's ged out dere an' pawty wif my fwiends!!"
"All 937 of them??"
"Yup, ebery single one ♥"
~ Dis r da end ~
September 13th 2012 8:03 am
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"Zaidie! WHAT'S GOING ON???
"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBA RKBARKBARKBARK!! Momma, dere r skwerls all ober my Dogster pwofile page! Wookit dose barmints!! BARKBARKBARK! How I make dem go 'way? Dem r nod wissenin' tu me! HALP!!"
"Hmmm...Okay. Let's try deleting everything an' we'll start fresh."
"Momma! Dem r still dere!! BARKBARKBARKBARK! Du sumfing else!!"
"Okay...Let me think for a..."
"No time fur finkin', Momma! Dem r teezin' me merciwesswy!! Make it stop!!"
"It did NOD werk, Momma!! Now whut??"
"Zaidie, we're going to have to wait until IT guy comes home from work."
"Whu dat r, Momma?"
"That's your Dadda, HunBun! If he can oversee a huge computer system used everyday by hundreds of people all over the continent, I think he can scare off a few virtual squirrels! Just relax, okay? He should be home by 6pm...Hey, how about if I prepare a nice, soothing bath for you? Would you like me to add some lavender bubble bath? I know how much you love the bubbles, little guy."
"Shur, Momma. I need chill out. I hab sum hunny-wemon tee, tu, pweeze? An' a coupla ob dose dainty lil' wadyfingur cookies ??"
"Sure. Yu wait here. I'll be right back."
"Z-Pup! Turn off the computer. There's no need to stress yourself out anymore than you already are."
"Hello? Hi, Zoe! How's everything in Idaho today?? Oh, dear. Well, if they close the blinds, it usually means you're barking so much they can't hear themselves think...I know it's boring, but if you hold off on barking for a day or two, I'm sure they'll forget all about it and open the blinds...Zaidie? Well, he's soaking in a lavender bubble bath right now. What's so funny??...Well, he was really upset by the squirrels on his profile page. I thought it would calm him down a bit until we can fix it....No, Zoe...No. Please do NOT tell your Dogster friends about Zaidie soaking in the tub. Do I have to call your parents?? Okay, good girl! I'll tell him you called. Say hi to Inkspot for him, okay? Goodbye!"
"Come in, pweeze. Oh, it r yu, Momma!"
"Who'd you think it would be?"
"I dunno, bud I can nod take chances on any ob my fwiends findin' out I r soakin' in a wabender bubble baff. I wood neber heer da end ob it, 'speshully fwum Zoe. O.M.D."
"Well, I'm sure Zoe can be trusted with a secret, can't she??"
*eyeroll* "Shur, Momma, jus' wike I can be twusted tu watch ober an unwocked fweezer filled wif MEATZ™ :D BOLBOLBOL"
"Ooops, whut, Momma??"
"Uh, nothing, HunBun. I..uh...forgot to add fabric softener to the load of laundry I just threw in. I'll be right back."
September 19th 2012 12:58 pm
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All ober da werld dis r 'Tawk Wike A Piwate' day - dat speshul day once a yeer when we frow cawshun tu da wind an' diswegard all da usual wules ob spellin' an' gwammar an'...Say whut? Oh, yeah - I du dat eberyday :D
If yu hab beened payin' 'ttenshuns, yu also wood hab noticed dat da BIG piwate fwags in da giff shop r fwee dis day. Yes, I sed F-W-E-E!! FWEE BIG, HUGE PIWATE FWAGS in da Dogster Giff Shop, dis day onwy! So ged sendin' dem tu all yur piwate fwiends or I r gonna make yu walk da pwank an' du all kindza cwazee piwate stuff tu yu, tu :O So AAAARRRGH an' ABAST an' Junk ☠
September 24th 2012 11:23 am
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It r a tip'cal fall day here in souf-western Ontawio - kewl 'nuff dat da peeple need wear a jacket, bud nod so kewl dat dem r stuffin' dere LWDs intu fweaters an' junk. Da sun r pwayin' hide-an-seek wif da cwouds an' dere r wotza weafs on da gwound, holdin' in all kindza wunnerful smells an' stuff. In uber werds, it r da perfek day fur takin' yur pupses fur a walk afore yu ged bizzy duin' borin' peeple stuffs.
Momma gedded weady while I did dis : *eyeroll* an' wated fur hours while hur founded da wite shooes an' sungwasses an' filled hur pocket wif poop bags. Den, boila : we wuz weady tu hed out da door. I, ob corse, hab beened stuffded intu da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Tortchur™'. I weally du nod wike dat fing. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Bud I digwess.
Finawwy, we wuz on our way. Momma sed,"Which way should we go, HunBun?? You choose the route today!" WOO-HOO :D So dere we wuz, me pullin' wif all my stwenfs an' LWD muscles an' stuff, twyin' tu see an' smell eberyfing awong da way. Momma sed dat r called 'NOD COOPEWATIN', bud I call it 'simpwy bein' a pup' :D
I wuz pullin' one way an' Momma wuz pullin' da uber way when all ob a sudden, da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Torchur™' swipped off me, Zaidie!! I wuz FWEE! Yup, no weash or nuffin!!! Momma maded sum kinda weerd noize I hab neber heered afore :O Bud bein' fwee did nod feel tu gud. It wuz kinda skeery. I fwattened myselb 'gainst da gwound an' Momma frowed hurselb on top ob me. Hur pichured me wunnin' fwee an' geddin' wost or, eben werser, bein' squishded by a car! It wuz horr'ble!
Hur scoopded me up an' telled me I wuz a bery gud boy. Den hur huggded me, bud nod tu tite, an' pudded me back intu da Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Tortchur™. Hur fot,"Okay. We can either continue on and walk off the stress or we can run home and flip out and imagine all the ways that could have ended badly..." We keeped walking! An' I choosed da woute we taked!
We went past my nemesis' howse. Him r a yappy, bud bery cute lil' Sheltie who sez,"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!" ebery time him sees me :D I say,"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!" wite back at him wheneber I see him. It r fun! Weally noisy, tu! In fak, if dem see us afore we see dem, dem go da uber way! BOLBOL :D
Now we r home an' Momma r twyin' tu bweafe an' wewax. I hookded hur up tu da pwototipe fur da all nu 'Quintuple-Stwenf Bodka Dwip™' witch r nod eben abailable 'til da furst week in December! Hur r westin' comfortabwy an', dis nite, when Dadda geds home fwum werk, we r gonna weenact da hole ugwee incident an' see whut wented wong wif da 'Buddy Belt ob Horror an' Torchur™'. I say we shood frow it out, ged wid ob it, bud dat r jus' my 'pinion :D Bud I r weally gwad I r nod wost nor squishded!
September 30th 2012 12:48 pm
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All ob us pupses an' our peeples r so bery sad dat our sweet, orange fwiend, da one an' onwy Izzy B, wented tu da Wainbow Bwidge on Fwiday, jus' a coupla monfs short ob hur 16th birfday.
I twied witin' sumfing meeningful, wif wotza werds, dat wood adequatewy expwess our sadnesses an' our wuff fur Izzy an' da hole Beesun fambly. Howeber, I ebentuawwy weawized dat bestest way fur me tu du dat r fru da form ob poetwy knowned as haiku.
~ We miss yu ~
Hur steel-ded our harts
wif hur sweetness an' hur fwoofs.
T'wuz twue pubby wuff.
~ My Wuff ~
I wuffed hur fwum da
moment I sawed hur sweet face
on dis Dogster fing.
~ Fureber ~
Ernie an' Izzy
tugefur 'gain, chowin' down
On eggie weggies.
~ Big Orange ~
Ernie wuffed Izzy
eben more dan mashed 'tatoes
an' gwavy. Weally.
Big hugs an' wotza swoppy LWD kisses tu Mistur an' Missus Beesun, tu Bacon an' Beanie an', ob corse, tu my mentor, da Don ob Sunset Woad, Ernie George, Angel-At-Warge. Take gud care ob Big Orange up dere at da Wainbow Bwidge, my fwiend ♥ ❀ ☀
October 1st 2012 8:47 am
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Sum ob yu pupses mite jus' be wakin' up, bud here in da east it r almost noon. "Hey, Momma? I hab sum wunch soon??"
Anyfur, I hab gud nuses AN' I had bad nueses. Da gud nueses r dat yu can send Dogster Giff Shop bawwoons tu all yur fwiends dis day *FUR FWEE*! Yup, dat r whut I sed. Dem cost 0 zeawies dis day onwy.
Da bad nuses r dat dem r fwee cuz, appawentwy, dis r "Catober 1st". Da name awone r 'nuff tu make me cwazee an' nutzo, bud da idea ob cewebwatin' such a day goes 'gainst ebery fibre ob my LWD bein'. I r NOD cewebwatin' anyfing kitty-wewated. In fak, I r pwotestin' dis hole fing by wefusin' tu participate.
I r sendin' bawwoons tu no pup. I hab my pwinciples an' my mowals an' junk an' I r standin' by dem dis time. Nod eben da pwomise ob fwee bawwoons r 'nuff tu sway me, Zaidie. Ok. If dem wuz filled wif bacon bits or hunks ob MEATZ™, I mite weconsider, BUD DEM R NOD, so I west my case.
I will be back here on a day dat r NOD all 'bout honurin' kitties. I r eben finkin' ob takin' wegal akshun. Yu hab beened warned, HQ.
*PUPDATE* Me an' my staff jus' habbed a 'mergencee meetin' an' we 'cided dat we R gonna send bawwoons tu all our fwiends, bud *nod* cuz it r 'Catober' 1st. We r duin' it in mem'wy ob Izzy B an' all our deer fwiends at da Wainbow Bwidge whu wive in our harts fureber an' alwayz ♥ ❀ ☀
October 3rd 2012 3:53 pm
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"Where are you, Zaidie?"
"I r here, Momma!"
"Where is that?"
"It r wite here, Momma!"
"Are you packed yet?"
"Almost! I just need a coupla more sootcases an' I be all weady, Momma!"
"We're only going for a few days, Zaidie. You won't need that much and I can't imagine you've packed any sweaters for yourself. What are you taking??"
"BOL :D No fweaters, Momma!! BOL! Well, I r takin' all my Cuz toys cuz I wuff dem an' all my stuffies cuz I wuff dem, tu, an' my Nina Ottoson games 'case I ged boreded an' all my tennis balls cuz a guy neber knows when him r gonna need tu pway fetch...Hey, I bwing da LWD Cwubhowse, Momma??"
"We won't have room for that, HunBun, not since you added that new wing last year. Hey, tell your friends that you're going to be away for a few days. You know how they worry if they don't hear your LWD voice."
"I know dem do. It makes my LWD hart feel gud tu kno' dat dem care 'bout me, Zaidie. I will wite a diawy entwy soon as my Cuz toys r finished in da washin' 'chine!!"
*pause* "Wait....What did you say, Zaidie???"
Hi, pupses!! It r twue! We r goin' on a lil' baycayshun! Momma founded a cute lil' cabin sumpwace an' we wented it fur a few days an' *I* ged tu go tu!! It r a pup-fwiendwy pwace an' dere r a lil' cweek wite 'hind da cabin an' da sniffin' r gonna be PAWSUM an' I r gonna make nu fwiends an' see da sites an' continue my misshun tu wid da werld ob bermin, one skwerl at a time! I heer dere r WOTZ where we r goin'!!
I will hab my waptop wif me, but I can nod guawantee I r gonna be 'wound dis Dogster pwace bery much. We be back wate nexx Toosday nite. Be gud pupses an' take care ob yur peeples, 'kay? I wuff yu!! *westie struts off to finish packing*
October 6th 2012 7:39 pm
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"Momma! I r witin' tu my Dogster fwiends, but I hab no idea where I r! Where I r??"
"You're staying in a cozy little cabin in the woods. There's a creek out back and the sound it makes lulls all of us to sleep. There are squirrels all over the place and you have two perfect lookout spots for squirrel patrol. You've seen some sights, made some new friends and eaten some real MEATZ™"
"Yu r habbin' fun, Momma?"
"Oh, yes, Zaidie. I really, truly am."
"Yu need a Bodka Dwip™here, Momma?"
"Only the tiniest one, HunBun."
"Dat r gud, Momma. I r 'xhausted. Baycayshuns r hard werk *zzzzzzzzz*
Habby Fanksgibbin' tu all my Canadian fwiends! An' Habby Cowumbus Day tu all my 'Mer'can fwiends, tu!
October 8th 2012 7:32 pm
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~ LWD Facts 'Bout Baycayshuns ~
Baycayshuns r fun,
bud dem r ober tu fass.
Den yur Momma cwies.
I habbed WOTZA fun, bud it r time tu hed home. Bark wif yu lader, my fwiends ♥
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