February 26th 2012 9:26 am
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"Zaidie! Wake up! You're a DDP today."
"I r 'wake, Momma. I r jus' westin' my eyes. Wate. WHUT??? I r a DDP 'GAIN?? WOO-HOO fur bein' stucked in da 'Dogster Diawy Pick Time Woop Contiuum- fing'!! (Zoe maded dat up. In a perfek werld, Momma wood be able tu wink yu ober to Zoe's page, bud I digwess...)
"I know, HunBun. Yu did it again. I'm so proud of you ♥"
"Fanks, Momma. Now, 'bout bwekfus. Hmmmm. How 'bout sum beef bwof 'stead ob wader an' a HOLE pwate-woad... Wate. Yu kno' dat old witter box dat bewonged tu Toby da kitty, dat yu use when my pawses need be washed off aftur I hab beened owtside an' it r nod tu cold an' da *tiny* bit ob snows we hab r meltin' an' snowpwowin' r nod a gud idea an' it r muddy an' yu say tu Dadda,"Why yu nod jus' cawwy dis LWD when him needs 'pwibacy, pweeze"? an' Dadda sez,"Z-Pup wuffs walkin' an' sniffin' an' junk! Him r wash'ble. I will wash hims paws" an' den yu woll yur eyeses an' Dadda an' me, Zaidie, wate 'til we r owtside afore we start waffin' an' on da way ober tu da 'pwibacy, pweeze' pwace, I see my EBIL NEMESIS, da lil' cute Sheltie fwum 'wound da bwock an' we start BARKIN' an' BARKIN' our heds off, wike we r gonna K-I-L-L each uber an' yu always wunner why we du dat, cuz we hab neber actuawwy meeted cuz ob all da nasteeness an' junk an' hims Dadda wiked da all-nu Z.O.T.M.™ SO MUCH dat him buyed one fur himselb an' now it r winter an' Dadda habbed da snows tires pudded on in Nobember an' dere habs hardwy beened any snows at all an' da farmers r finkin' :"Hey. Dis r nod gud. Our feeldses need snows so when it meltses an' stuff our feeldses ged water" an' my Unkle Scott r a daiwy farmer, bud yu kno' dat, Momma, cuz Unkle Scott r yur pesky lil' brofer, 'cept him r WAY taller dan yu an' him wood beet YU at arm-westwin' now an' him can wift hims cows up ober hims hed, bud onwy one at a time an' my cuzins Mitch an' Jake r boff teenagers now an' dem wuff me, Zaidie".
So, Momma, cood yu pweeze fill DAT witter box wif B-A-C-O-N fur my bwekfus dis day, pweeeeeeze??"
"Okay. But just this once."
"WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!! Dis r gonna be GWATE :D "
Hab a pawtacuwar day dis day, eberypup, an' wemember : if it r nod MEATZ™, yu *can* eat it, bud yu WILL be fwowed outta da 'MEATZ™ ob da Day' Cwub fureber. Wules r wules :D
February 29th 2012 9:33 am
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Hi, pupses. I need tawk 'bout sewious stuff dis day. No, nod da pwoper way tu gweet peeples (FYI - bark wif yur 'gweetin' boice', jump all 'wound an' dance on yur cute lil' back leggies). Bud now yu kno'!
Anyfur, my Gwampa hab beened in da hossible since wast week. Him wuz nod bweathin' gud an' it turned out him habbed pneumonia. Wast nite when Dadda bisited, Gwampa wuz habbin' werser twubble bweathing eben wif da oxygen. Dis day it r nod lookin' gud fur him.
My Unkle Paul r fwyin' in fwum Seattle as soon as him can. No one r shur whut r gonna habben. Dis day, dem sended him tu a bigger hossible, hoping dem can help him. Bud him r bery old (88)and we mite need say gudbye tu Gwampa.
Dis meens dat I mite nod be 'wound much tu wead diawy entwies an' weabe comments an' pway all kindza fun games ober at Schnauzer's Wule where I r an honourawy member. Bud I will keep yu pupdated on how him r duin'. Fink gud fots fur him, 'kay? Fank yu, my fwiendses ♥
March 13th 2012 12:51 pm
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"Momma!! I hab nod wited in my diawy fur decades! My pup palses r gonna furged whu r I!"
"HunBun. Listen to me. I know it's hard for you to understand, but you are NOT forgettable. Anyone who has ever met you will never forget the LWD named Zaidie. It's just not possible."
"Weelly? Eben if I go 'way on baycayshun fur minits an' weeks an' den when I ged home I hab twubble geddin' back intu da gwoobe ob fings an' I twy an' twy an' twy, bud nuffin I wite r gud 'nuff cuz I hab waised da bar TU HI fur myselb an' my 'spectashuns surpass my 'bilities an' all I weally wanna du r wite 'bout MEATZ™, bud eberypup wants wead 'bout sum kinda abbenchur where SuperZaidie™ sabes da day or a kitty or a minnow or sumfing, dem will wemember me, Zaidie??"
"You know it, LWDude!"
"Well, dis r changin' eberyfing! Da pwesshurs r off an' I can jus' be whu I r an' if I wanna wite 'bout MEATZ™ or skwerls or sum uber junk, it r ok! Kewl."
"Shood I wite 'bout Gwampa an' how him wented tu Heaben an' him r healfy an' habby now an' him founded Gwamma whoom I onwy seed once in my LWD life, bud hur fot I wuz kinda cute, eben doe hur wuz more ob a *gasp* kitty peeple?? An' how Unkle Paul came an' bisited me, Zaidie, an' den hims famiwy camed fwum Seattle tu say gudbye tu Gwampa, bud I neber sawed dem cuz I wuz bizzy twainin' pupses usin' da Z-Pup Mefod™ an' dwinkin' Scotch wif Bob an' pwantin' haggis twee seeds in Bob's garden, so wheneber we wanna hab haggis all we need du r go owtside an' pick a bag o' haggis off da Haggis Twee. Yu fink dem wanna wead 'bout dat??"
"Well, yes! You can ease into it and, before you know it, Blake and Felix, the party planners will be helping you plan the Dogster bash of the millenium!"
"O.M.D. We cood hab a 'Welcome Back, Spwingtime' pawty an' hab MEATZ™ an' all kindza fudz an' pway games wike,'Whu Dat R??' where eberypup hides hims eyes while one pup jumps intu a H-U-G-E mud puddle an' da objek ob da game r tu 'cide whu r dat muddy pubby!! Yes, dis r gonna be gwate!"
"Just pace yourself, okay, HunBun. It's been a tough couple of weeks. Things will get better, but it will take time, lots of time and lots of love, too."
"I kno' it, Momma. My serbices as a LWD snuggly, 'dorable, kissin' machine r awweady in huge demand, bud I r up tu da chawwenge!"
March 16th 2012 8:45 am
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Gess whut!! Dis r my Gotcha Day, da forf one! It wuz on dis day back in dose olden times when 2 peepoles hoppded on dere bikes, heded ober tu dose Highwands ob Scotwand an' founded me, Zaidie, sittin' in a pub, dwinkin' scotch, eatin' haggis an' tellin' sum bery notty stories. Momma sed,"OMG. This pup needs his mouth washed out with soap" an' Dadda said,"Wow. Where'd you get that mouth, LWD?"
Den we all gotted on our bikes an' heded ober tu Canada. Da west r histowy :D
I wited a song 'bout dis day my Gotcha Day! It sounds wike da Habby Birfday song, 'cept it r nod my birfday. It r my Gotcha Day!! So sing dis song at yur weisure and hab a wunnerful 'Zaidie's 4th Gotcha Day, Bud Nod Hims Birfday :D "
~ 'Habby Gotcha Day, Bud Nod My Birfday' Day ~
Habby Gotcha Day tu me!
My name r Zaidie!
My Momma, my Dadda,
Dem W-U-U-UFF me :D
Eberypup sing awong wif me an' come back lader fur da 'Zaidie's 4th Gotcha Day Pawade an' Festibal'! Yu du nod wanna miss dat, my fwiends :D
March 17th 2012 9:32 pm
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Here in my diawy r where I r gonna du all my FANK YUs fur da pawsum Gotcha Day comments an' messages an' wosettes an' giffs yu pupses an' yur peepoles sended me ♥ Momma's head r weady tu 'splode cuz hur hab beened werkin' on a list ob eberyfing yu sended, bud it r jus' tu much fur hur tu du wite now.
In any case, I want tu fank all ob yu fwum da bottom ob my LWD hart fur finkin' ob me on my '4th Gotcha Day, Nod my birfday' Day! It wuz wunnerful tu heer fwum all ob yu an' I will always wemember da wuff an' habbiness I feeled on dat day, my '4th Gotcha Day, Nod my Birfday' Day. Yu r da bestest fwiends a LWD named Zaidie whu camed fwum dose Highwands ob Scotwand, oh, so many yeers an' minits 'go, eber habbed ♥
Fank yu also fur finkin' 'bout me an' my pawents, speshully my Dadda, while my Gwampa wuz bery sick an' den him wented tu Heaven. Him an' Gwamma finawwy founded each uber. Awweady Gwamma r tellin' him,"Allan, use a plate if you're going to eat something, please" an' "Are you ever going to get out of bed?? It's after 10am." BOLBOL!! Gwampa shur wuffed tu sweep AN' him snoreded, tu! Dat r where my Dadda lerned how du it :D
We miss him wotz, bud r gwad dat him did nod suffer. Him habbed a gud life an' a long life an' 'ccordin' tu all da flowers an' cards an' letters an' phone calls an' e-mails we r still weceibin', him wuz dearly loved. Dat makes us feel better. Fank yu 'gain fur yur fotfulness ♥ ❀ ☀™
March 18th 2012 9:08 pm
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Wite now, in Zaidieville, it r wike summer. Dadda an' me, Zaidie, we W-U-F-F it. Momma r feewin' rippded off cuz hur wuffs winter, speshully when it r so cold owtside dat hur boots squeek on da snow. Yes, I know what yu r finkin' - hur r NUTZO :D
Nod dis day, bud yes'day, Dadda needed go tu Gwampa's howse tu get sum stuff an' chek da on howse. I finked,"Whut? Gwampa r on baycayshun?? Where him go? Fworida?" It takes a week or a hour tu ged dere an' it wuz gud fur Momma tu ged outta da howse and be stwapped intu da car an', derefore, be unable tu wun 'wound da howse duin' all kindza stuffs. Hur r NOD gud at multitaskin', bud hur keeps twyin' :D
We awwibeded at Gwampa's howse an' eberyfing wooked da same tu me. I wuz goin' CWAZEE an' NUTZO twyin' ged out ob da Z.O.T.M., scwatchin' at my window an' whinin' an' junk :D At da fwont door ob da howse, I keeped up wif dis BERY unusual (BOL) behabiour.
Finawwy, da door wuz unwocked, my weash wuz unhookded fwum my collar an' in I waced!! Up da stairs, down da stairs (dem hab carpet on dem so I can du dat dere) 'wound an' 'wound an' wound da howse. "Where yu r, Gwampa?? Oh, Gwampa! It r time fur yur Zaidie kisses dat yu fink r licks, bud dem weally r kisses!! Come an' ged dem!"
If him r nod in da den on hims 'puter or watchin' teebee an' him r nod in da chitchen or da wibin' woom, den him must be upstairs! In da past, I wood ALWAYS wun upstairs tu find Gwampa in hims bedwoom or comin' outta da peeples - pwibacy, pweeze - woom. (Dem need a hole woom fur dat. I du nod ged it). Anyfur, on dat day, I did nod go upstairs. I sitted my cute LWD body at da bottom ob da stairs an' wooked up. No Gwampa. I wunned 'wound an' den sitted down 'gain. Still no Gwampa. I wunned off tu bacuum up cwumbs in da chitchen. I went back, sitted an' watched up da stairs fur Gwampa. No Gwampa.
Momma hab beened bery werried 'bout takin' me dere cuz Gwampa r one ob my bestest peeple E-B-E-R. Hur sez I watched an' wated fur 'bout 15 minutes. It wuz bweakin' hur hart tu watch me dere. Den I went downstairs to Dadda. Him wooked at me an' held my LWD face in hims hands an' sed,"Zaidie-pup, Grampa's gone." I wented intu da den an' lied down on da carpet. Den Dadda founded Momma an' telled hur,"He knows."
Us pupses r WAY more intuitibe dan we r giben cwedit fur. We unnerstans fings, habby an' sad, much more dan peeples weawize. Offentimes we unnerstan it bedder dan dem du an' dat r okay. We wuff eberypeeple in our lives. We r sad when dem go 'way, speshuwwy wifout sayin' gudbye.
Bud we kno' we will see dem sumtime in a bery speshul pwace where no pup an' no peeples r sad or hurtin' or old. If I r bery lucky, when I ged dere, Gwampa will STILL be wefusin' tu use a pwate when him habs a snack. Him leaves a tastee twail, so I can always find him. I miss yu, Gwampa ♥ ❀ ☀ ♫ ★ ♡ ☮™
March 22nd 2012 9:07 am
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***the daily meeting of the 'Live with Channel 5' News Team***
"Okay...So, Bart, we'll send you out to cover a parade over in Cambridge today. Rick will be your camera man and Brian will hold back the hordes of fans!!"
"ha ha. Very funny, guys. A parade? Hmmm...I haven't done one of those in years. A parade for what?"
"Well, apparently it's in honour of Zaidie's 4th Annual 'Gotcha Day, Nod Birfday' Day. I'd say Google it. I'm sure there's something about it online, especially since there's a parade, or, rather a 'pawade'!! LOL"
"C-R-A-P. You're kidding me, right?? This has to be a joke. This can't be happening to me! This 'Zaidie' character is a crazy little white dog who makes me look like an idiot EVERY time I work with him. Can you believe it??"
"Well, heh. Bart. You're an easy target for hijinx. You take everything WAY too seriously, man."
"The heck I do. Here I am trying to do hardcore journalism and you're sending me off to cover a parade for some dog's 'Caught You' Day???"
"It's 'Gotcha Day', Bart, and among dog people this is right up there with birthdays. It might be fun. Just give it a try, okay?"
"Do I have a choice?? I did NOT spend 3 weeks of my life studying at 'Harvey's Skool of Journalism' to be covering DOG parades." *stomps off* "Hey. Who's been into my Xanax??"
~ End of Part 1 ~
March 27th 2012 2:44 pm
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Yu r nod gonna bewiebe dis, bud wissen up anywayz, my fwiendses : *I* r fur SALE dis day! Wanna buy me? Momma sez I r WEEL cheep. Hur hurted hur back DUSTIN' junk da uber day. Yes, dustin'. Now hur r bery sore an' stiff an' moobin' BERY slow. Hur docktur sed :"Yu be ok, ebentuawwy, nice wady. Jus' ged a gwip."
Appawently I r bery 'hi maintenance' dis day. I hab spwing feeber weelwy bad. All I wanna du r go owtside an' sniff junk an' tell eberypup,"Hey, I wuz here!" by weavin' notes all ober my 'hood. In da howse all I wanna du r go out ontu da deck an' in an' out an' in an' out...Den I wanna snack an' anuber snack an' anuber snack...Den I wanna pway Kitty Cuz Fetch 'gain an' 'gain an' 'gain! Den chase tennis balla here an' dere. Wow, I r 'xhaustin' myselb :D
Du nod hezitate - da lowest bidder geds da pup!!... Wate. Whut?? R dat eben wegal? Oh, an' make shur yu wead da fine pwint. Da sexchun 'bout MEATZ™ r bery compwicated an' yu du NOD wanna mess up :D Gud wuck!
March 30th 2012 9:47 am
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"Good afternoon, everyone. This is Channel 5's Bartholemew Nolan coming to you live from the 4th Annual 'Zaidie's Gotcha Day, Nod Birfday' Day Pawade. It looks like things are about to get started, wouldn't you say, Zaidie?"
"Yu r bery perceptibe, Barf. BOL. Anyway, furst up we hab da Woyal Canadian Mounted Powice Westies. Dem r so hansum in dere wed an' bwack uniforms. Dese pupses weally kno' how pud on a gwate show, so wet's sit back an' 'joy it, 'kay?"
"Uh, Zaidie, I thought the RCMP were people."
"Oh, no, Barf. Dem hab founded dat us Westies r much bedder at widin' horsies an' chasin' bad guys an' junk."
"But they're standing on top of their horses. How can they control them??"
"Smoke an' mirrors, Barf, bud yu did nod heer it fwum me, 'kay??
HA!!! Wookit dat horsie!! Him jus' poopded!!"
"Ewww..Isn't someone going to clean it up??"
"NO, Barf! Where da fun r in dat?? Dat r hours an' hours ob ennertanement jus' lyin' dere, watin' fur us pupses!
O.M.D. WOOKWOOKWOOK!! It r da Innernashunal Westie MEATZ™ Gwillin' Teem! I neber fot I'd see dem wive, bud dere dem r!"
"Don't you mean Drill Team, Zaidie?"
"Oh, gud gwief. No, Barf. Dese Westies twabel all ober da werld, burnin' MEATZ™ fur Westies neer an' far, bwingin' dem all tugefur in harmony an' fillin' dere LWD tum tums wif MEATZ™. Oh, I r berkwempt at da magnitood ob da 'portant werk dem du *sob*"
"Hey, easy there, little buddy. It's nothing to cry over."
"Barf, yu r neber gonna unnerstan cuz yu r nod one ob us. I feel bery sowwy fur yu."
"Uh, okay. Who's up next, Z-Pup?"
"Well, it sez here on my pwogwamme dat dis r da Canadian LWD 'Limpik basketball team. Dem be headin' ober tu Wundun, Engwand soon fur dose 'Lympix."
"I'm not even going to comment on that."
"Gud idea, Barf...Oooooh, wook! Da Werld ob MEATZ™ fwoat, sponserded by da 'LWD Skool ob Butchery an' Taxidermy. Gess whut r da skool motto, Barf!"
"Zaidie, I have no idea. Tell me, please."
"Bwace yurselb - dis r gud..."Bwing us yur ded junk. We'll cut off da MEATZ™ so yu can eat an' stuff da carcass so yu can be da enby ob yur fwiends an' naybers™."
"Catchy. Is that emblazoned on coffee mugs and t-shirts in the gift shop?"
"Barf, we du nod dwink cawfee an' we waff at pupses whu wear t-shirts. Da motto r on 'portant stuff wike poop bags an' fudz bowls. Wemind me tu neber host a pawade wif yu, eber 'gain. Yu r 'xhaustin' me."
"Well, it appears that the parade has reached the halfway mark. We'll take a short break and be back here soon with the second half of Zaidie's 4th Annual 'Gotcha Day, Nod Birfday' Day Pawade!"
"And we're off the air, Bart..."
~ End of Part 2 ~
April 5th 2012 8:04 am
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"Welcome back to the 2nd half of the 4th Annual Zaidie's 'Gotcha Day, Nod Birfday' Day Pawade. Dis r...CRAP...He's got me doing the Zaidie-speak, too :D This is Bartholemew Nolan, live on Channel 5 with your up-to-the-minute 'ZGDNBDP™' 2012 coverage. With me today, of course, is Zaidie! He's the reason for the season, as they say!"
"Dem shur du say dat, Barf an' sumtimes dem eben say,"Hey, whut da heck r go on???' BOLBOLBOL!!"
"Uh, yeah, sure, Zaidie....Well, look - the 2nd half of the parade is about to begin. Who's up first?"
"Well, Barf, dis r da 'LWD Bagpipeses Bwigade'. Dem camed all da way fwum dose Highwands ob Scotwand tu perform fur us dis day. Wet's wissen, shall we?" *hums along*
"OMG. A-C-K! Make them stop, PLEASE!! I beg of you! NO MORE @$#@#@%$ BAGPIPES!!!"
"Barf, seddle down. Yu r gonna fwi-ten 'way our sponsurs! Wifout dem, dere R no pawade. Man up, dude!"
"Zaidie, my ears are BLEEDING. The noise is horrific! Any of these clowns ever had a lesson??"
"Nope. Dem r all self-tot. See dat pup ober dere wif da short lil' leggies?" *points*
"They all have short legs, Zaidie. You mean him? *points*
"NO. Him *points* Him r a pwofessur ob bagpiping at Harbard Unibersity. We hab sum ob da bestest tawent in da hole werld wite here afore us." *LWD heart swells with pride*
"Can they not make it less agonizing to listen to???"
"Oh, no, Barf. Dis r perfek. It r 'spposed make yur ears hurt. Dat r jus' part ob da beeyootee ob da bagpipeses.
An' fowwowin' wite 'hind da bagpipin' pupses r ...O.M.D....it r da Canadian Nashunal Westie Stwuttin' Team!! Wook at dem go! Dem r fwesh fwum da Werld Champeenship in Was Begas where dem stwutted 'way wif GOLD! Dem winned da hole fing!!!"
"How many teams were there, Zaidie? Sounds like a huge event."
"Oh, dem wuz da onwy teem, Barf, bud dem winned!! An' dem cameded here fur da ZGDNBDP™, 2012. I r tuched by dere genewosity. Oh, deer, now I r all berkwempt."
"What's that they're doing now??"
"OMD. Dem r duin' it in weberse! I teeched dem dis myselb, when dem wuz jus' tiny, lil', wee pupses durin' dere furst yeer at da Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Danse. I cood nod be more pwoud ob dese pupses dan I r wite now. *sob sob sob*
"Okay. I think we'll take a break while Zaidie collects himself. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor, The Zaidie Levi Gee School of Butchery, where your good eating is our business™"
~ End of Part 3 ~
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