August 12th 2013 8:47 am
[ View A Comments (19) ]
*Zaidie's Momma reads an e-mail, informing her that Zaidie is a Daily Diary Pick on Dogster. She gets up from the computer and starts looking for her LWD. She sees him out on the deck, standing on a table with a squirrel. Both of them are staring intently at a map which is spread out at their feet; their heads are practically touching. She quietly opens the door to listen*
"Well, wook. If yu go dis way, I fink yu r gonna find yur way back home, Mistur Skwerl. All da twees yu hab 'ascwibed tu me r ober here, by da wiver. *taps on map with his fluffy LWD paw* An' if yu walk dis way *demonstrates the Westie Strut* BOLBOL!! I r jus' kiddin'!! Sewiouswy, doe, if yu walk dis way awong da twail *moves his paw along a section of the map*, yu r gonna pass by a gate an' jus' beyond dat r yur home. I r almost positibe 'bout dis."
"I don't know, Zaidie. You're used to walking -on- the trail. I'm used to seeing it from high above the ground, on hydro wires and trees. But, honestly, your guess is as good as mine and I have to get home with these groceries. We're completely out of nuts and the octuplets are probably driving the wife insane with their screechy, nervous chatter. I just don't get how I could have gotten so lost. This is my neighbourhood!!"
*pats Mister Squirrel on the back* "Dere, dere, my fwiend. Eberyfing r gonna be ok. I tell yu whut - yu take dis map, use it tu ged home an' den keep it, 'kay? Den hab it wif yu at all times so dat mabbe sumday yu can helb a wost skwerl or a lil' wost pubby or eben a wost kitty, 'cept dem r nod gud wisseners!"
"Oh, you got that right, Zaidie!! COLCOL! (Chatter Out Loud!) Thanks for all your help. I really mean it. Not every dog would take the time to help a lost squirrel. Most of them chase us and act like they want to kill us, when they've got perfectly good food waiting for them at home. I just don't get it."
"Neiber du I, Mistur Skwerl. Neiber du I...Hey, yu wanna swig ob Scotch 'afore yu head out?? It's weal gud, ageded a hunnerd yeers or sumfing!"
"Oh, sure. *gulps it down* WOW!! That is SOME Scotch, Zaidie! OMSOMS!! (Oh My Squirrel!!) Thanks for sharing and, hey, thanks for helping a guy get home, too. Seriously, dude, I am touched."
"Oh, now I r geddin' all berkwempt. *tears up* I r jus' habby tu wend a paw when it r needed. Safe twip home, my fwiend! *waves*
"Thanks, Zaidie!" *happily scampers off*
*Zaidie's Momma pauses for a minute; then steps outside* "HunBun, I saw you talking with a squirrel. Is he a friend of yours??"
"Uhhhh...*thinks fast* No, Momma. NO! Du nod be silly!! Me, Zaidie, be fwiends wif a skwerl?? Yu r nutz or sumfing??? O.M.D., woman."
"Well, you were standing right beside him and you weren't barking. It was a little confusing to me."
"Momma. Him r deaf AN' da battewies in hims heewin' aids r ded. I wuz barkin' wite intu hims ear an' it taked him a while tu figur out whut da heck wuz goin' on, 'kay?? Dat r it. Nuffin else. Pweeze. Hey, I hab sum bwekfus now???"
"Sure, Zaidie, and guess what! You're a Dogster Daily Diary Pick today!! Cool, huh??"
"Yeah, WAY kewl!! I hab sum bacon, mabbe??"
"Bacon with a side of bacon coming right up!"
Z-PUP!!! How could you help dat skwerl???? TERRORS DO NOT HELP DEM, DEY CHASES DEM!!!
Conpawtulations on your honor! Bacon with a side of bacon....sounds delicious!
Zaidie, I've nevfur even seen a squirrel. I'm not sure what they are, but from what I hear they're evil and nasty! I've nevfur EVFUR heard of a doggie having a conversation with one! This is so confoosing!
Condogulations on your DDP!!
Do not let word of this Alien encounter get out.
Your Rep is gonna be ruined.
Them squirrels are bad news but Bacon is good news. Hope those squirrels stay away and the bacon comes to stay.
*gasp* You HELPED a squirrel??? What is this world COMING to??
We love Sqwirls !! (though we do chase them !)
I must admit, I was sure you were going to send the squirrel right to your food dish, but then I remembered how nice you were to Roscoe the Rat and I figured out that you wouldn't harm him. You're just too nice.
I love chasing squirrels! Congratulations on your DDP! I hope you got BACON! I love bacon more than squirrels! BOL!
Finally...I get to come and help you with that squirrel dude issue...I think you must have gotten some of the Bodka-Dwip™ that was intended fur other use...
Whatevfur, condogulations on being a DDP!
And now you can decide of your furendly squirrel dude encounter is something you want to continue,because the one you 'helped' has come back with a whole bunch of his furnends and relations...BOL!
HunBun, da only thing you is sposed to help squirrels do is be eaten. I think I'll need to go kill another squirrel just so you's don't destroy da reputation of our fine breed.
*COL!!!* *OMS!!!* BOLBOLBOLBOLBOLBOL (gasp,koff) BOL!!!!
Yu r the funniest pup I kno, ZaidieCakes!!! BOL
OMD, Fweckles!!! Pawsum pichur yu an' Gwowlmy maded fur me! Dat r goin' on my pwofile page ASAP, whuteber da heck dat r meanin'! Fank yu!
Hi, eberypup! Fanks fur weadin' my junk!
Charwie! Yu still twyin' tu ged dose boots off yur feetz??? BOL!
BOL...Z-Pup you are so funny! You really chased that squirrel right?
Congrats Zaidie!! Us doggies talk to them squirrels but I can't tell you what we say BOL!!
*THUD Scooter falls to the floor and tries to get back up again.* *thud Scooter falls to the floor again and shakes his head, and again*.
Zpup - Let me get this right. You helped the EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRREL get back home and shared your Scotch with him. Why didn't you just offer to carry his groceries home for him too!
I'm w/ MJF - and am convinced you were hooked to the Bodka-Dwip™ and weren't in your right state of mind.
*Scooter gazes away at the wall muttering "making friends w/ the enemy, next thing you know he will be cozying up with the CROWS!*
Conwags on DDP!
HD reads the Z-pups diary and sits there quietly in a daze.................
Dis is so embarassin'... so hoomiliating.... so... so.... words fail me.
I can't express how disserpointed I is in ya, Zaidie... Squirrels is evil, squirrels is vermin, squirrels is rats in fancy duds...(never mind, you wuz friends with a rat)....
You has disgraced our breed, you has disgraced the Highlands of Scotland.. if I had da Bagpipe Corps on call, we would come and pipe you our of LWDhood....
Are you sure you is a Westie?????????
Oh, dis is a sad and hoomiliatin' day for LWDs everywhere....
Finwey!! It wuz all a big joke! See? ha ha...heh...Dat r me waffin'! Weally! It wuz jus' a joke, so PWEEZE du nod pipe me outta da LWDHood! PWEEZE?! OMD.
"Momma! Where my bagpipes r??"
"You don't have any bagpipes, Zaidie."
"OH, C-W-A-P. *runs off to put on his kilt and tam in an attempt to redeem himself with his brethren*