May 29th 2007 12:03 pm
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I can't shake it, I can't forget those last moments with her and how my heart felt like it had a knife in it. I can't stop thinking about if she was in any pain when she left me. I think about the way she touched my nose with her nose before she passed on. I think about her at rainbow bridge and wonder how happy she is there. I think about joining her when my time comes and yes, I think about how that will be for us. I miss Brandi so much, that there has not been a day yet that has gone by that I haven't cried for her for some reason. I look at the 2 new goldens she lead me to and dam, they are so much trouble. I know everything in life happens for a reason. Things just don't happen for no reason. I believe her passing lead me to care for Mandi & Rootbeer because I believe that no one would of kept them together or if they adopted them both, they would of returned them. They are devils from hell. I know that sounds mean, but I have had 3 goldens for 7 years and nothing was even close to these two. I can't believe how good my girls were before Brandi passed. I never seen such hyper, wired up goldens like these 2 and they are so afraid of cars and noises. I mean it's almost been a year having them and I can see a big change in them from the time I first brought them home, but their energy compared to my other 2 I had here already is shocking. Maybe because they are in their teens in human age so who knows. I know I get so upset and ask God what did I do to lose Brandi and get these two, but I have been trying so hard to let it go and love them with all my heart. I feel guilty in doing so though. why?
Brandi, mommy misses you so much that it is just a big hurt here without you in my life. I just read so of the blogs left here I wrote and I am crying now so hard it ain't funny. I can't see ,I need to go now.