April 6th 2005 2:41 pm
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In Puppy-Land, shoes are toys.
If a shoe is confiscated that just means it is a Good Toy and therefore must be re-acquired some way, some how at some point in your puppy life.
All delicate shoes happen to be Good Toys. All slippers and anything remotely slipper-like are considered Good Toys. Anything that has an excessive cost associated with it is also a Good Toy.
It should be noted here that your main objective with the Good Toys that have been foraged from the remote and hostile shoe closet wilderness is to win the Shoe Game.
This Shoe Game has enough rules and levels to rival any PS2 game. The definition of these rules, in fact the very game itself, is incomprehensible to shoe owners. Shoe owners are not even allowed to participate unless personally invited by the Bad Puppy….aka Master Gamer, Shoe Drooler, Chomper, and Hider Extraordinaire.
A brief synopsis of the Shoe Game is as follows:
In order to qualify for the main game Bad Puppy must untie 5 shoelaces over the course of a day. Multiple sporadic unties of the same shoes are acceptable and even encouraged. Bonus points will be awarded for the Bad Puppy who limits all shoelace untying endeavors to one house occupant, leaving the remaining house occupants to doubt the singled-out shoelace victim's claims of Bad Puppy deeds. This promotes doubt and can only win Bad Puppy favor in the long run.
Remember………..Innocent until proven guilty applies to puppies too.
Once Bad Puppy has moved on to the next level all shoes are fair game. The more expensive and delicate they are the higher the points that will be awarded. Bonus points go to the Bad Puppy who absconds with a high demand shoe. Points also awarded for length of time house occupant has to look for said shoe.
Bonus rounds involve the removal of bits and pieces from a shoe. Only Master Gamers have access to this playing field as said gamer must frequently dodge flying objects and practice duck and cover maneuvers when the newly damaged game shoe is re-aquired by an outraged house occupant.
So, have fun, look innocent, wag your tail and remember that house occupants aren’t allowed to play except by personal invitation even though their shoes are all fair game.
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