Farewell my sweet angel, Lucy (7/96 - 10/07)

Sweet Lucy fought long and hard through her illness. She far surpassed the two months the vets said she had left. After her leg became swollen, she was put on antibiotics that reduced the swelling and gave her a little boost. She was once again wanting to walk a little further and to stay outside a little longer. But during the last two weeks it became apparent that the cancer was taking its toll. I was so torn as to whether it was right to let her go when I felt she was still very much here, seemingly happy, smiling and wagging her tail. I thought that surely she'd let me know when it was time. But last week her condition deteriorated rapidly and we knew that it was time to let her go with dignity. This weekend we spent a lot of time with her. My sister visited as did many friends and I know she loved the attention as she smiled and wagged her tail a lot. She was always such a people dog. Sadly, today we had to let our angel go. She was the same brave, strong and stoic little girl right up until the end. It was a very tender and peaceful moment. I know it's for the best but my heart is broken and I miss her terribly already. Thankfully, I can take some solace knowing that she's running, chasing balls (and maybe some squirrels) and climbing trees again in heaven. My dear, sweet Lucy. I miss you. I love you.

Almost 7 months and counting .... ?

I'm writing this entry with a very heavy heart. It's been almost 7 months since Lucy was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. She's been doing pretty well up until about a month ago. Her walks are now very abbreviated and she's very lethargic. Then this weekend her "bad" leg became swollen. I just don't know what to do. She doesn't seem to be suffering but she's definitely not like she used to be, for the most part. On one hand, she just lays around except for when she goes out for a walk or eats (and she doesn't always finish her food - she still loves and demands treats though). But on the other hand, when I come home from work she makes the effort to get up and come to the door to greet me, big smile on her face and her tail wagging. So I'm completely torn. Am I being selfish to not want to say goodbye yet? Is she suffering but being the stoic little girl she's always been? Or is it not time yet and she's still got more living to do? I wish she could tell me. I'm taking her to see the vet this evening so I'll see what he has to say. I'm sure I won't like the answer I'm given but, I don't know what I'm going to do. This is so hard. I'm already crying and there haven't been any decisions made. I just don't want to have to make "the" decision.

Lucy Forecast - SUNNY & BRIGHT!

Since that pretty awful day back in February when we learned that Lucy was ill, we've had lot's of ups and downs. But I'm happy to report there have been more ups than downs. We took her to an oncologist a few days after the initial diagnosis for a follow up and it was more or less confirmed (to the extent that it could be without a painful biopsy) that she does have osteosarcoma. I had already made the decision that I didn't want to put her through the ordeal of surgery and losing her leg so it was more for us to know for sure. At first we kept her on Rymadil and Tramadol as prescribed by the vet and she seemed to be doing fine and starting to use her left leg less. Going forward though, we knew that we should probably look to other methods to make her comfortable and to maybe combat the cancer. Thanks to Lucy's very loving and generous aunt Cheryl, we took Lucy to see a Holistic Vet to look into alternative methods and medicines (aunt Cheryl also talked me into changing Lucy's diet away from foods with lots of additives and unnecessary grains/carbs; shortly after changing her diet the whole food scary dog food recall happened). Dr. Fallek saw Lucy and again confirmed what we had been told previously. She was very honest and up front about everything, which I appreciated. She said that Lucy's condition was pretty advanced and that there wasn't a lot she could really do apart from making her comfortable, etc. Dr. Fallek thought she could give Lucy a few months more. That was almost 3 months and over 1000 pills ago (8 in the AM and 5 in the PM) .... and I really think they're working! Lucy is still the happy girl she was before all this. She loves visitors, saying hi to everyone on her walks and greets me at the door when I come home, albeit on 3 legs for the most part. She is a "tripod" when she walks but, still puts her "bad" leg down to support her when she's standing. I spoke to Dr. Fallek on Monday and she was pleasantly surprised to hear that Lucy was doing so well. She reiterated that she didn't think Lucy would have lasted this long much less flourishing, so to speak. So, we still take one day at a time but for now we're hopeful that Lucy stays with us for a lot longer as she's still young, and has a lot of living yet to do. And, I'm not ready to say goodbye .... not by a longshot.

2/13/07 - A Bad Day

Lucy has been a very active dog her whole life. She was a runner (mostly short distances and very fast!) and a baller - well .... tennis baller that is; she loves them. Since we moved downtown she hasn't been running as much in the park or climbing tree as she had in the past. But when her little brother Turbo showed up she once again had plenty of excercise in the form of wrestling with him. She's had a bum shoulder since I can remember that would flare up every now and then if she ran too hard in the park with her friends, etc. The last time it happened was about a year ago. My vet prescribed Rymadil (sp) and it did the job. Well, I returned from this past Christmas vacation to find her limping again. I curtailed her activities with her brother and tried my best to keep him from sitting on her (a habit he's had since he was a baby but .... he's not a baby anymore and weighs over 100 pounds). The limp persisted so once again I brought her to the vet. During the examination he said he didn't feel anything out of the ordinary in her shoulder and her bloodwork seemed okay. Rymadil was once again precribed .... but this time the limp didn't go away. After the precription ran out and the limp became a little more severe I brought her back for x-rays. That was yesterday. When I called to see how it went and to see when I could pick her up (she had to be sedated for the x-rays) I was totally blind-sided by the news I recieved. I thought he was going to say that something was fractured or pulled or out of whack, something trivial and curable. Instead, he told me he thought it was Osteosarcoma or, Bone Cancer. I'm still a bit in shock. Never in a million years did I think this could or would happen to my little girl and I'm completely heartbroken. Of course she's still here and there are options with which to handle this but, they are overwhelming. And my doctor is not 100% sure that his diagnosis is correct. But he said that he's 90% sure. The only way to know for sure is to have the bone biopsied. Suffice to say, Osteosarcoma is a very aggressive and painful disease. Time is of the essence when deciding on a course of action. Unfortunately, there's not a very high survival rate and it is not really "curable" but rather, evasive action can prolong a dogs life for up to a year or so and relieve pain caused by the cancer. But most times it will just add a few more months. The "evasive action" I spoke of is amputation of the limb followed by chemotherapy and/or radiation. My head is spinning and I have no idea what I should do. My first instinct is to attack it full force and keep her around and pain free for as long as I can. But then I think about all that it will entail and if she'll be okay with only 3 legs. And will her quality of life still be high living that way. The selfish part of me wants to go through with it but, I also don't know if I want to put her through the trauma of surgery. She doesn't mind going to the vet WITH me. But I feel like when I leave her there (as I had to yesterday morning) the abandonment issues of her early life come to fore all over again. That on top of the stress and trauma of surgery, losing her leg .... I just don't know if it's worth it .... to put her through that. Also, I found during my research on this cancer that really young dogs (under 7 years of aga) and older dogs (over 10 years of age) don't fare well with this procedure. I would hate to put her through surgery only to have her succumb to the disease shortly thereafter. I'm torn. I'm heartbroken. I've cried more than I can imagaine and I know there are many more tears that will follow. But I will try to be strong for her and hope that she sticks around for a lot longer as I'm not at all ready to say goodbye. I'm optomistic though and we have an appointment with an oncologist on Monday to try to get a second opinion and to hear all the possilbe options, etc. I just want her to be comfortable, happy and pain-free. My little Lucy.

11-22-04

Today I slept in a bit. It's still just me and Kirk (he doesn't like to get up too early in the morning); I don't know where Brad is but I just may not be too happy to see him if he doesn't come back soon! Okay, who am I kidding .... I'll be beside myself when I see him. Anyways, heard rustling in the kitchen. I could have sworn I heard the greenies coming out of the bag so a ran to the kitchen. No greenies for me, but it was time for breakfast. Not beef & rice again! Why does he insisit on giving me that. So what if it makes my poop more firm .... I want Buddy's food!!! Well, I didn't want to eat it so I just a had a couple of bites and pushed it around a bit. Well, that didn't go over well. Kirk wasn't very happy with me so he added some vegetable oil to the food. Well duh! Of course I'll eat it now! Does he eat his burgers without ketchup?!?! After I finished it was time for the walk. Nothing special this morning. There was no one around; no Buddy or Jack, just all the FIT students. Had a good poop and speaking of, I guess I'm never gonna get over Kirk picking it up all the time. I know it's been happening ever since I can remember but, ewww! I mean, don't get me wrong. I like to sniff some poop from time to time but, to pick it up? Count me out! Well, got back home and Kirk was getting ready to leave me .... all alone, AGAIN! Where is Brad!?!? He's supposed to be here with me all day. [ Not to self, bite him in the ass for leaving me alone for so long. Then be happy to see him.] At least I'm getting a greenie!!! I LOVE the greenies and yes, I would marry them. I Lucy, take thee greenies .... Well, time to do what I do best; NAP TIME!