Corker's SemiPrivate Thoughts (If you tell, I'll eat you.)

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My Christmas Stocking

December 25th 2009 10:10 pm
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I got up from my nap and my humans told me that Santa Claws had been here. They told us that he brought us lots of prezzies. I was so excited I ran out of bed and started crushing my brothers, both of which are bigger than me to get to my stocking. Then my humans had a stupid idea and said we all had to go outside potty before it was time to get stockings. I thought that sucked. I wanted my prezzies right then but I went outsideanyway. Then I saw a kitty and Alois and I chased him out of the yard and stook barking at him through the gate. Then my human told me that I wouldn't get to open my stocking unless I went potty. So I turned around and ran down the pathway to the backyard and shoved my slow poke brother out of the way. I wanted my prezzies and he was in the way of my getting them so I did my business and ran back to the house leaving my pokey brothers in my wake. Then mommy said that I had to wait for them to get back in, which seemed like forever even though I barked orders at them to get in the house. At last I got my stocking that had three prezzies. I got a dolly, a rattle horse and a dog that sort of looks like me when I'm angry. My brothers got their toys too and there were so many I didn't know what to go so I played with mine and slimed then and then stole my brother's toys too. It was very fun. Then we went to Granny's house and got more toys. I made a great haul. I dressed in my little King outfit and Granny and Papi thought I was the bestest and lavished me with affection before taking my picture.

 

Mommy Got Rid Of My Snack Tree

July 24th 2009 10:18 pm
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My mommy had a wonderful little tree that had little tiny grape tomatoes on them. I used to have a great time grabbing a little snack while I went potty. She had Romas too but when I tried to pull them off the mean little plant bopped be in the head. Of course I couldn't let it get away with that so I attacked the bush and broke it. It won't hit me anymore. Well getting on with things, the most terrible thing happened. I went out to where my little tomato tree was and it wasn't there. I stood open mouthed for a moment and then started checking behind the tree or anywhere it could be hiding but I couldn't find it. My mommy did a nasty little thing and removed my snack tree. I used to love my run by fruitings but she said I tore up the bush and broke it and nothing grew anymore. I only had it leaning a little bit because the the little tomato on top was out of reach and I had to stand up. It was pretty poopy that mommy trashed my snack tree. Anyway, I'm going on a spa weekend to Granny's house to visit my friend Nacho, take over his house and loose the stress from my lack of tomato snacks.

 

Stink Tester

May 19th 2009 10:37 pm
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My mommy gave me a new job. Something was stinking in the house and it was making everyone gag. Mommy said it was something like gross smells coming from outside. Those stupid cows I hate at the dairy must have been stinking up the world again with their nasty poop. I swear the only good cow is in my food bowl. I hate cows. Anyway mommy traced the smells to some of her books. The smell got in the pages and made them stinking. So instead of using her own cruddy useless human nose she used me as a stink tester. It was disgusting. I hated it so much I ran and hid under the chair so mommy wouldn't make me smell the stinky anymore. I did get a cookie out of it but I'm never playing stink tester again. I kind of became stink tester by default because my poopy brothers ran away and hid before I had a chance.

 

I'm Going To Practice Being Very Good

April 18th 2009 10:38 pm
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It's getting very close to one of the two times a year in which I am very good and take a break from my usual naughty antics. Those would be Christmas and my birthday in which I must be good around that time because the humans buy me prezzies, usually lots of prezzies. So I am always very good to make up for all the naughtiness and remind the humans why they love me. Even tough guys have to be sensitive every now and then. Yesterday one of my humans told me there were presents and I got up and checked the toy box but there was nothing new. I was stuck there thinking what a poopy little trick that was and then my caca human says "you can't have it until your birthday." That was a poopy litle disappointment. Anyway, I'm going to be very good until my birthday. You know, I was born on Beltain. It's an old Celtic holiday. Perhaps that's why I'm so Bohemian in nature.

 

My Fuzzy Pink Blankies

February 11th 2009 11:15 pm
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You read that properly. I love fuzzy pink blankies. They are the only blankies I will use. I had an absolute nightmare scenario last night. My last fuzzy pink blankie had one too many trips to the washing machine and it tore in such a way that was beyond fixing. My humans then put me to bed and I screamed because I didn't have my blankie. Then my humans had the most stupid idea ever. They gave me a new blankie and it was blue. I hated the blue blankie and tore it off after my humans tucked me in. Then I threw it into the back of my bed and stomped on it several times before screaming for my mommy. The human slaves looked all through the linnen cabinet and couldn't find anything at first but after a second look found my pink blankie with the kitty head on it. After I had the pink blankie I went to sleep. I was very happy this afternoon because Mommy and Daddy went out and bought me a surplus of pink blankies. I'd like to add something for all you males that might be snickering at my pink blankies. I'm still more macho than you because real men aren't afraid of pink, so there.

 

The Stupid Scary Monster Shoes

November 10th 2008 9:50 pm
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My mommy terrified me today. She bought these Halloween Monster things to put on her feet. They look like the Interesting monster on Bugs Bunny but there is nothing interesting about them. Those caca things are scary. I was playing around and rolling on the floor today and when mommy went by I rolled around and begged like a Stallion for her to rub my chest. She does it with her feet sometimes, which is OK as long as she doesn't wear the scary things. Today she wore these scary monster shoes. All I saw was this big blobby orange thing with glowing eyes and horns coming at me. I did the only thing a macho dog like me could do. I screamed like a banshee and ran underneath the nearest chair. It took mommy quite a while to get me out from under the chair but I got treats and attention. I suppose playing the sensitive type has it's time and place too, as well as rewards. Speaking of the chair, Daddy annoyed me last night so I gorged myself on carrots and celery and then ran under his chair and barfed. My mommy thought I tore up a toy because she was looking at it across the room and thought it was fluffies. Well, Daddy got a suprise when he checked and saw all my pukies. Then he had to pick it up. Ha Ha Daddy. That'll teach you to annoy me.

 

It Was My Birthday Yesterday

May 2nd 2008 11:17 pm
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I had a really great time. I'm eight years old and still could have any beautiful little muchacha I desire. What can I say, I'm good. My mommy baked me a lovely birthday cake. The only downside was that I had to share with my brothers. It would be much more fun to eat it all myself. I got lots of really fun toys. My mommy's present I got early. It was a stuffed Possom, one of the AKC toys that are hard for my brothers to destroy. I think they can break anything and often do, like my favorite Ewok Alois just ruined. Anyway, my mommy thought I wouldn't see it if she put it on top of the fridge. Silly, Mommy. That's my favorite thing in the whole house. Of course I look at the fridge. It's my favorite thing to be nosey about. Three days before my birthday I stood on my hind legs and begged like a little stallion until my mommy gave it to me. Possom is now my favorite toy and is full of slobber, has a bent tail and sometimes I rip his hair out and toss it around the house. He's great fun and I had a great time on my birthday.

 

I'm a Simon Cowell Type

April 26th 2008 11:42 pm
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I took the dogster test as to which human person I would be if I was flawed enough to be human. I guess not all beings can be as cool as dogs, especially not me. I'm the original American Idol anyway. Somebody has to steal cheese puffs from my mommy when she's watching tv or reading and not paying attention. Here's what it said about my personality type. It's so me.
Simon Cowell
Hard to Please

Enterprising, brassy and not afraid to bark what's on his mind, Corker is Idol-maker Simon Cowell!

There's no beating around the bush with Corker and flattery will get you nowhere. Corker calls it like he sees it, and stands firm on all fours behind his decisions. The cat definitely does not have Corker's tongue—some of his pals think he's bitter and confrontational, while others find him to be impawsibly hilarious. Corker's influence on those around him is remarkable, and he takes advantage of this fact and uses it wisely. Behind his no-nonsense mask, Corker is a perceptive sponge, taking in what he sees and hears around him, and then figuring out how to make it look, or sound, better.

 

They Ate Chiliburgers In Front Of Me

December 22nd 2007 11:06 pm
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My humans were very poopy today. My daddy brought my mommy a chiliburger that smelled absolutely delicious and I wanted it really bad. So I got my little sniffer going and tried to clamor all over her in order to get a bite of chiliburger. I only wanted a little bite. Then my mommy treated me in the most horrific manner. I have never been so insulted as when she put me in my bed and I had to watch her eat the delicious little chiliburger. She wouldn't let me out until she was through and I acted like I wanted her but I waited until she let me on the bed and then went searching for delicious little chiliburgers but she ate it all. I was forced to put on a big pouty face and lie down next to my mommy. I'm telling you. After what they did, those Christmas presents better be good. A yummy little chiliburger sounds good.

 

Check Out My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

October 15th 2007 11:10 pm
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My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: The Right Reverend Corker the Essential of Bartonhurst in the River Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

 
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