Corker's SemiPrivate Thoughts (If you tell, I'll eat you.)

Mommy Got Rid Of My Snack Tree

My mommy had a wonderful little tree that had little tiny grape tomatoes on them. I used to have a great time grabbing a little snack while I went potty. She had Romas too but when I tried to pull them off the mean little plant bopped be in the head. Of course I couldn't let it get away with that so I attacked the bush and broke it. It won't hit me anymore. Well getting on with things, the most terrible thing happened. I went out to where my little tomato tree was and it wasn't there. I stood open mouthed for a moment and then started checking behind the tree or anywhere it could be hiding but I couldn't find it. My mommy did a nasty little thing and removed my snack tree. I used to love my run by fruitings but she said I tore up the bush and broke it and nothing grew anymore. I only had it leaning a little bit because the the little tomato on top was out of reach and I had to stand up. It was pretty poopy that mommy trashed my snack tree. Anyway, I'm going on a spa weekend to Granny's house to visit my friend Nacho, take over his house and loose the stress from my lack of tomato snacks.

Stink Tester

My mommy gave me a new job. Something was stinking in the house and it was making everyone gag. Mommy said it was something like gross smells coming from outside. Those stupid cows I hate at the dairy must have been stinking up the world again with their nasty poop. I swear the only good cow is in my food bowl. I hate cows. Anyway mommy traced the smells to some of her books. The smell got in the pages and made them stinking. So instead of using her own cruddy useless human nose she used me as a stink tester. It was disgusting. I hated it so much I ran and hid under the chair so mommy wouldn't make me smell the stinky anymore. I did get a cookie out of it but I'm never playing stink tester again. I kind of became stink tester by default because my poopy brothers ran away and hid before I had a chance.

I'm Going To Practice Being Very Good

It's getting very close to one of the two times a year in which I am very good and take a break from my usual naughty antics. Those would be Christmas and my birthday in which I must be good around that time because the humans buy me prezzies, usually lots of prezzies. So I am always very good to make up for all the naughtiness and remind the humans why they love me. Even tough guys have to be sensitive every now and then. Yesterday one of my humans told me there were presents and I got up and checked the toy box but there was nothing new. I was stuck there thinking what a poopy little trick that was and then my caca human says "you can't have it until your birthday." That was a poopy litle disappointment. Anyway, I'm going to be very good until my birthday. You know, I was born on Beltain. It's an old Celtic holiday. Perhaps that's why I'm so Bohemian in nature.

My Fuzzy Pink Blankies

You read that properly. I love fuzzy pink blankies. They are the only blankies I will use. I had an absolute nightmare scenario last night. My last fuzzy pink blankie had one too many trips to the washing machine and it tore in such a way that was beyond fixing. My humans then put me to bed and I screamed because I didn't have my blankie. Then my humans had the most stupid idea ever. They gave me a new blankie and it was blue. I hated the blue blankie and tore it off after my humans tucked me in. Then I threw it into the back of my bed and stomped on it several times before screaming for my mommy. The human slaves looked all through the linnen cabinet and couldn't find anything at first but after a second look found my pink blankie with the kitty head on it. After I had the pink blankie I went to sleep. I was very happy this afternoon because Mommy and Daddy went out and bought me a surplus of pink blankies. I'd like to add something for all you males that might be snickering at my pink blankies. I'm still more macho than you because real men aren't afraid of pink, so there.

The Stupid Scary Monster Shoes

My mommy terrified me today. She bought these Halloween Monster things to put on her feet. They look like the Interesting monster on Bugs Bunny but there is nothing interesting about them. Those caca things are scary. I was playing around and rolling on the floor today and when mommy went by I rolled around and begged like a Stallion for her to rub my chest. She does it with her feet sometimes, which is OK as long as she doesn't wear the scary things. Today she wore these scary monster shoes. All I saw was this big blobby orange thing with glowing eyes and horns coming at me. I did the only thing a macho dog like me could do. I screamed like a banshee and ran underneath the nearest chair. It took mommy quite a while to get me out from under the chair but I got treats and attention. I suppose playing the sensitive type has it's time and place too, as well as rewards. Speaking of the chair, Daddy annoyed me last night so I gorged myself on carrots and celery and then ran under his chair and barfed. My mommy thought I tore up a toy because she was looking at it across the room and thought it was fluffies. Well, Daddy got a suprise when he checked and saw all my pukies. Then he had to pick it up. Ha Ha Daddy. That'll teach you to annoy me.

It Was My Birthday Yesterday

I had a really great time. I'm eight years old and still could have any beautiful little muchacha I desire. What can I say, I'm good. My mommy baked me a lovely birthday cake. The only downside was that I had to share with my brothers. It would be much more fun to eat it all myself. I got lots of really fun toys. My mommy's present I got early. It was a stuffed Possom, one of the AKC toys that are hard for my brothers to destroy. I think they can break anything and often do, like my favorite Ewok Alois just ruined. Anyway, my mommy thought I wouldn't see it if she put it on top of the fridge. Silly, Mommy. That's my favorite thing in the whole house. Of course I look at the fridge. It's my favorite thing to be nosey about. Three days before my birthday I stood on my hind legs and begged like a little stallion until my mommy gave it to me. Possom is now my favorite toy and is full of slobber, has a bent tail and sometimes I rip his hair out and toss it around the house. He's great fun and I had a great time on my birthday.

I'm a Simon Cowell Type

I took the dogster test as to which human person I would be if I was flawed enough to be human. I guess not all beings can be as cool as dogs, especially not me. I'm the original American Idol anyway. Somebody has to steal cheese puffs from my mommy when she's watching tv or reading and not paying attention. Here's what it said about my personality type. It's so me.
Simon Cowell
Hard to Please

Enterprising, brassy and not afraid to bark what's on his mind, Corker is Idol-maker Simon Cowell!

There's no beating around the bush with Corker and flattery will get you nowhere. Corker calls it like he sees it, and stands firm on all fours behind his decisions. The cat definitely does not have Corker's tongue—some of his pals think he's bitter and confrontational, while others find him to be impawsibly hilarious. Corker's influence on those around him is remarkable, and he takes advantage of this fact and uses it wisely. Behind his no-nonsense mask, Corker is a perceptive sponge, taking in what he sees and hears around him, and then figuring out how to make it look, or sound, better.

They Ate Chiliburgers In Front Of Me

My humans were very poopy today. My daddy brought my mommy a chiliburger that smelled absolutely delicious and I wanted it really bad. So I got my little sniffer going and tried to clamor all over her in order to get a bite of chiliburger. I only wanted a little bite. Then my mommy treated me in the most horrific manner. I have never been so insulted as when she put me in my bed and I had to watch her eat the delicious little chiliburger. She wouldn't let me out until she was through and I acted like I wanted her but I waited until she let me on the bed and then went searching for delicious little chiliburgers but she ate it all. I was forced to put on a big pouty face and lie down next to my mommy. I'm telling you. After what they did, those Christmas presents better be good. A yummy little chiliburger sounds good.

Check Out My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: The Right Reverend Corker the Essential of Bartonhurst in the River Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

I'm Glad They're Gone

My idiot neighbors have finally been evicted. They were horrible, ugly, nasty people who did nothing but disrupt my life for a few years. Now I got to laugh at them as they had to pack up all their garbage heap and go away. My mommy put my doggie stairs by the window so I could see them as I growled at them because they are mean and nasty people that wanted to make noise and bother me during my nap time. I did get a little frustrated because I wanted to be nasty and growl at the man who was moving their house and he liked me. He said I was cute. I couldn't believe that. I wanted to fight with him and he wasn't co-operating. Anyway, at least the losers are gone and I don't have to see their ugly mugs any more. Now the yard next door looks like a bomb blew up in it but at least I don't have to see any of the yucky people.

I've been Tagged

I've been tagged by Nikita.

Seven facts about me
1:I like to steal Cheetohs from my mommy when she's watching tv.
2: I always rat myself out when I steal Cheetohs because they crunch too loud.
3: I am the fearless leader. I rule my domain and your's too.
4: My best friend is Nacho we Chihuahua chatter and nash our teeth without saying anything. That's how we hatch our plots.
5:My favorite movie is the Mummy.
6: I used to have a harem of beautiful ladies at my old home.
7: I don't like American Cocker Spaniels. If I see one I growl and bark until I've frightened the poop out of them.

I've tagged
Little Doug
Mattise
Sadie
Stewie Smalls
Amos
Matthias
Darby

Corker The Mighty

I am Corker the Mighty, defender of all that is bright and good in the world. I was really annoyed today because everyone on my street was making noise and bothering me when I was trying to watch Gremlins on TV. First this guy up the block started shoveling and washing his stupid rocks like he did all week. Hello, dummy man, if they aren't polished they won't shine. I know I'm a genius but if a dog can figure it out, what's his problem? Then some stupid kids tormented me by riding thier stupid bikes up and down the street and howling like dogs at me. Lame humans are such bad actors. They didn't even get the tones right. Speaking of acting, I do a really good cat impersonation. Then the last straw came. My neighbor and his dog went by. His dog's always jumping my fence and making yucky messes in my yard. So I got really angry when I saw him. I jumped up and bit into the blinds and wouldn't let go untill my mommy pulled me off. She was unhappy with me, which is the most horrible thing for me. Though she later understood I was Corker the Mighty and was only defending my domain.

I Christened My New Fire Hydrant

My Auntie bought my brothers and I a new fire Hydrant. It's a real one that used to belong to the city so it's the real deal. Only the best is given to me. It was really icky at first and dirty but my Mommy, Grandpa and Daddy cleaned and painted it red for me. It took a really long time so my doggie friends had to go home soon after they were done. They didn't get to use it at the time but they can next time. Being the alpha dog, I had to use it first. First I wasn't sure because I've never seen a hydrant like this one but I soon firgured out that it wasn't a threat. I was the first one to use my pee pee machine to christen the fire hydrant. Then my brothers and I played three legged maypole around it. It was really fun.

I got a bath today!

I had a wonderful day today. I got to go to my Granny's house to see my best friend, Nacho and my buddies Franklin and Fritz. We had a great time playing and causing trouble. My silly brother, Alois almost walked into the pool because there was a tarp on it. I guess he didn't learn from last year. I went out in the yard when Mommy and Granny were gardening and while they weren't looking I rolled around in fresh dirt. What can I say? It was right there and so inviting so I jumped in and rolled around until I was completely filthy. Then I got sent into the house for a bath. Yay, I love baths. Well, first they tried a cruddy dry bath. I was glad that it didn't work because I don't like that stupid, stinky powder. I was just too dirty so I got a real bath with this lovely smelling shampoo Granny had. Then, after I splashed mommy full of water and shook all over the garage, Granny used a hairdryer on me. I wasn't sure about it at first but it felt nice after a while. Then I gave Granny a juicy kiss. She doesn't like doggy kisses so I had to sneak it. She squealed funny. I've got to go down for a nap now. Night night.

It's my favorite day of the month.

Today was bath day! I love bath day. Mommy puts me in the tub and uses a really nice shampoo that makes me smell like gingerbread. The only part I don't like is when the bath stops. I tried my usual plot and tried to run back in the tub and roll in the soap before it all goes away down the drain but mommy was on to me. She wouldn't let me do it. I tried to sneak in while my brothers were having baths but she closed the door on me. All I wanted was another bath. It all turned out OK though because mommy gave me a meaty heart guard pill. It was really good.

My Stupid Sombrero

Mommy made me wear a stupid hat today. She made me sit and take stupid pictures to put on my stupid site. I'm not happy! I made sure to squint my eyes and make ugly faces. Sometimes I squinted so bad I looked Asian, I might be. Chihuahuas may have come from China but don't tell Granny that she thinks Chihuahuas came from Mexico. I messed up so many pictures they had to erase the camera twice and once the batteries ran out. See what happens when you mess with me and make me wear stupid hats and take lousy pictures? I wouldn't be good until they brought the food out. I was happy to take pictures then. Then at dinner I bit my brother when we were waiting to be fed so I got fed last after everyone else ate. It hasn't been a good day for me.