November 26th 2010 3:12 am
[ Leave A Comment ]
11/20/1010 at 9:30am our Little Louie left this world wrapped in love in the arms of his Mama......
There have been several things in my life that I have seen or experienced that I have known was a once in a lifetime thing. Once I walked into a field and thousands of Monarch butterflies rose from the plants and flew around me. Once at Presque Isle at the end of winter there are ice dunes and it was a sunny and sort of warm day, I ran my hand along the side of one of the dunes and thousands of little beads of ice fell loose and sparkled like diamonds as they fell to the ground. Once Betsy and I followed a mama black bear and her three cubs around the woods for days while on vacation. Every day we went back to the same place and she was there, we watched her nursing the cubs and could hear their little humming sounds as they sucked. Another time we watched a turtle lay her little pink eggs and cover them and go back to the water. And lastly, Louie’s love.
Louie has always been very intense; he either hates something or loves it with a passion. Louie has loved me/us with a passion. The other dogs love us but they have other interests too. Louie LOVED us, we were his LIFE. Oh, he liked his balls and Frisbees and playing with them, he liked lying on the deck watching for the neighbor to come out and throw him treats. But he loved being with us best, he was never far away from us, if we got up to do something, well obviously he was coming too. Even in the middle of the night, when we got up to go to the bathroom he came along. His little eyes never strayed far from us.
These past six months have been full of trying to make memories that will last a lifetime; we have taken hundreds of pictures both in our heart and camera. I have told him thousands of times that he was Mamas best boy, that Mama loved her baby boy and he told me thousands of times with his eyes that he loved me too; he gave me more kisses than anyone deserves.
The past month he stopped following us to the bathroom but that didn’t mean that he didn’t pick his head up and watch for us to come back. (We all sleep in the living room, me on the couch, Betsy on the floor and Louie usually next to the couch). He was having a harder time going to the bathroom, taking longer and not getting much out, he made crying type sounds while he was going. Many times I had to carry him out because when he had to go he hurt so bad he couldn’t walk. He wore his “panties” fulltime the last month or so. He also had trouble getting comfortable after peeing, he would try to sit down but was in pain so he would stand and then try to lie down again. We increased the pain medicine and as long as we could control the pain he could eat and did pretty well with that until the last couple of days. If he was in too much pain he wouldn’t take the medicine or anything else, it became a balancing act trying to get the right amount of medicine in him at the right time. I said to Betsy, if we could just keep the medicines timing right he wouldn’t be in too much pain. And she said, “for what, to look pretty?” I went to work and thought about what his life had become, the hours in the middle of the night trying to convince him to take the Tramadol so he would feel better, the standing in the rain trying to pee/poop, laying watching life go on around him but not being able to join in. I guess I had become so caught up in trying to help him live that I didn’t see what was really happening to him. He would have happily continued on because he loved us but I knew that I had to love him more and let him go.
On Friday, I took a half day off and went home to spend it with him, we sat on the couch together and I told him how special he was to me… I bought him Beneful turkey dinner in those little tubs, it looks like people food and he happily ate half of it. I was careful to give him his pain medicine six rather than eight hours apart so he wouldn’t hurt too much. We decided that we would be going to the vet in the morning to put an end to his suffering unless he was better when we got up.
At bedtime he started out on the couch with me but later got on the floor. He seemed to be resting quietly, although awake and I didn’t give him his pain medicine. I was hoping it wouldn’t be a mistake. (The past week every time he ate anything it caused him to want to go to the bathroom and then that caused pain). I got down on the floor next to him so we could be close and he drug his little body up by my face and I knew then that he wasn’t able to walk. It was hours before light but he didn’t seem to be in pain, so we stayed there the rest of the night and I put him back on the couch in the morning. He didn’t seem concerned that he couldn’t walk nor did he seem to be in pain. I offered him the rest of the Beneful and gave him a pain pill anyway, he took both happily. Then he had to go to the bathroom and I carried him out and held him up as his back legs wouldn’t hold him so he could get a couple dribbles out. I carried him back to the couch and called the vet. I told him that I loved him so much that we were going to make the pain go away and that he would be going to see Maddie. I held him in my arms and told him that Mama loved her baby boy as he took his final breath.
I know in my heart that there will never be another that will love me as much as Louie has, it was a once in a lifetime love…...
Leave a Comment