January 9th 2008 7:47 am
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We had a golden retriever that my grandma gave me when I was in Jr High and when I got married and moved out, my parents wouldn't let me take her. It was very hard. And they didn't care for her like I would have. Every so often when my mom needed a break, I would take her home with me (about an hour and a half away) and get her groomed. She was an old dog, but you should have seen her after she got groomed! She was so purdy! They put little pink bows in her hair and she wiggled around like she felt new again! I would keep her for a week and then take her back when my parents missed her. But she was MY dog! MY baby! And every time I went to visit you could tell she had missed me. It broke my heart. Then we moved from California to Texas and I couldn't visit as often. Only twice a year actually. And each time I went back she looked a lot older. My pregnancy with my son (2 years old now) we visited and I was snuggling with Chloe on her bed. I looked into her eyes like I always did and noticed that cataracts were developing. I just started bawling! I went into my parents room who were still asleep and woke them up like it was an emergency. I cried and through tearful sobs asked them if they had noticed Chloe was getting cataracts. Of coarse they had not. I couldn't believe she was aging so fast. Her face was all gray her eyes which used to be big and brown were now blueish grayish. She had a hard time standing up and jumping onto anything. I hated saying goodbye to her more that time than ever. Well the end of the school year came around and we were going home for summer break in July. My mom mentioned that Chloe was not doing well. She hadn't been getting up to do anything. Not even eat. My dad had to carry her outside to potty and the food and water had to be within reach. They got her meds form the doctor for pain but it didn't help. She was soiling herself cause the pain meds made her lose bowel control. So they decided it was time to put her down. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!!! I was just there for Christmas! It had only been a couple of months! Had she declined so quickly? I wanted to fly home and be with her to day goodbye and be there with her when she was put down. But I couldn't afford the plane ticket and my parents couldn't wait and I wouldn't have wanted them to knowing how poorly she was doing. So my dad took her in and had her put down. He sat with her and pet her and looked into her eyes until she was gone. It was very hard for everyone. But I've never felt more guilty in my life. She was my dog. It was supposed to be me who said goodbye to her and was there for her when she passed. I hated myself for a long time. I have 2 other dogs now, but none will compare to my first dog. I miss her so much!