July 25th 2008 3:18 pm
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Warning! Warning, Will Robinson! Lexie has been mumbling that recently. Who the heck is Will Robinson?
Lexie says Mom bought an ultrasinister no-bark box with a button on it that is supposed to "help" us learn not to bark when she says not to bark. She already says No Bark! but I just kinda think that's funny. Why of course I'm gonna bark! How silly is that?
Lexie does seem very concerned this time around. She said that Zubee said it was not a good thing, that it made a super high noise that only us dogs can hear and that it hurt the ears! Zubee told her his whole six-pack of schnauzers ran and hid when their Mom pushed the button on that thing. That sounds absolutely uncanine!
Maybe Will Robinson can help us?
Lexie has come up with an ingenious, two-tiered plan, a plan in which I play an extremely important part, seeing as I still have ALL of my teeth. When this thing arrives, by postman or deliveryman, our first defense is to attack the messenger! If we can tackle him down and scare him away with our loud barking and nipping, then he can't deliver the goods, right?
In the event of the failure of this first segment of the plan, we will go ahead to the back-up plan. Mom will have to put the accursed thing down somewhere, and when she does we will be ready and waiting. Wherever it ends up, be it high up or down lower than high up, we will rock whatever it is on, or bang into whatever it is on, or bark at whatever it is on until whatever it is on vibrates, rattles, shakes or falls over, thus affording me the opportunity to go in for the canine kill with my sharp and extremely dexterous teeth. Lexie said to do unto this black harbinger of evil what I did to the iPod charger and to Dad's favorite flip-flops - DESTROY!
I think Lexie's plan is perfect, the only possible glitch being that we accidentally somehow knock the thing to the "on" position when we get it to fall to the floor. Then we may be totally undone in all our planning. But we must try! This must be stopped! A Schnauzer without his or her bark is like kibble without gravy! Like a birthday without Frosty Paws! Like a yard devoid of squirrels! Like a month of no mail carrier!
I gotta go sharpen my incisors against the kitchen table leg. Pupdates will follow.