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Buddy's Beat

Refunds, Returns and Deducting your Schnauzer!

April 4th 2008 10:35 pm
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Mom did the taxes the other day and had major wrinkles between her sorry excuse for a set of eyebrows. (Just look at mine!) She did get a little less wrinkly near the end of her 3.5 hour session. I even saw her grinning a little bit and mumbling something happy-sounding about little deductions who are so annoying at times, but worth a chunk of change. Lexie said she is deducting her dependents. And this makes her happy? She also said that children and schnauzers can be taxing. Huh?

I could hardly sleep all that night, thinking about Mom deducting her dependents. I was afraid to go to sleep for fear of being deducted by morning. I was also afraid that even if I weren't deducted in my sleep, the children might be gone in the morning! Well, I slept up by Mom and Dad and it was a fitful night's sleep, let me tell you. But there I was in the morning, still in Mom and Dad's bed, and they were still there. All the kids got up and went to school and life goes on as usual.

Lexie filled me in on deductions. She said you can only deduct little humans, or kinda big humans that do something . . . I think she said smooch, or mooch, off the person paying the taxes. Kind of like parasites. I thought about that for a while, but when I asked Lexie what a bottom-feeder was, because I have been called that before by people in this house, she said it was kinda parasitic as well, in more than one way. Lexie is so smart. But none of this was helping my anxiety. Go to the source, they always say.

Mom always makes me feel better. She said she couldn't deduct me because Uncle Sam wouldn't allow it. Who is Uncle Sam? But you know what else she said? She said she would LOVE to deduct me if she could!!!! What's up with that? I think I would like to go live with Uncle Sam. He seems to make more sense to me, but I don't know if it would be as fun at his house. I don't even know where he lives. Mom just patted my furry noggin and said not to worry and that she loves me, even if she doesn't get a refund for me. WHAT!!!!! Now she wants to return me? I am so confused.

Lexie is not ruffled in the least by this. She said she doesn't get all the details, and neither does she care, but she's been through this scenario every year since she moved in seven years ago and no one has ever disappeared, no matter how much talk there was about deductions and refunds and returns. Well, I'm glad for that, and so far nuthin' bad has happened. Those words can be very frightening for a rescue pup like me, but I guess I'm here for good. Thank Dog!


Buddy Grau


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