Tail(s) of a Good Girl

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Angel Zoom Smokey: Diary Pick!

January 3rd 2012 5:22 pm
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I am a diary pick today!!!!! Finally, Dogster HQ has chosen wisely. They often choose Demon Flash Bandit, and believe me, Demon has a big enough ego already! I would like to thank Angel Bella, Holly, and family for the wonderful and tasty bone on my page. I would also like to thank Redford, Cooper, Tundra, Manytoes and more for the award ribbon on my page.

For those who are wondering if my deernapping Rudolph worked. Yes, it did. I did not get the 2 million dollars I was asking for, but that is okay because I asked more than I wanted knowing that, in negotiations, you have to settle for less. I got lots of cool stuff, and I had a very nice Christmas. I hope all my pals had a good one also!

I would write longer, but there are some Milkbones calling my name. Demon will try to claim they are calling his name, but it was my name. Demon is mistaken.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Diary Pick)

 

Merry Christmas!

December 24th 2011 9:49 am
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Once again, it is time for my letter to Santa Paws which I will share with my readers.

Santa Paws,
If you want to see the reindeer with the red nose again, you had better stop by my house with a attache case filled with 2 million dollars--they need to be $20s and they had better not be marked. This is going to stay between you and me if you don't want your reindeer to get hurt. Oh yeah, and bring a couple of dingo bones too....most of the stores will be closed on Christmas. Remember, I know where you live!

Angel Zoom Smokey

Very much like my negotiations with the Easter Bunny, I think I will get a lot more presents this year.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Dog of Action)

 

Flying dog Overhead!

August 20th 2011 2:17 pm
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Hello Pupsters,
I know I haven't written a diary in a long time--since my letter to Santa Paws last Christmas. I was very discouraged by Mr. Santa Paws (like he deserves to be called "Mr."). I asked the man for a reasonable gift of 10 million dollars in cash, and once again, he didn't come through. What is the point of me going to the trouble of writing if I don't get what I want? I didn't even bother to write a letter to the Easter Bunny. I waited for him, and let him know in pawson what I thought of bunnies who don't give a dog enough for Easter. I might add I had a nice Easter. Sometimes if you want the job done right, you have to do it with your own paws.

I'm writing today because Demon Flash Bandit, my "brother" who likes to annoy me with his very presence, has been chosen as a diary pick 3 times this week. Yes, 3 times!!! I dont' really care, but I do think the "I'm a diary pick" tshirt is rubbing it in a bit too much partikcularly since he won't wear it. He put it on the bed for me to look at whenever I'm relaxing-which is often. I happen to be a much better dog than him. I've been known to "mop" the floor for the humans which he never bothers to do. I provide the liquid and everything so the humans don't have to do a thing. I think they could be a bit more appreciative if you ask me, but they are humans so a dog can only expect so much from them!

Dogster, I should send you a video of me limping around the house. Yes, I've got a serious injury which I finally let Mommy look at while I was gettiing a tummy rub. I think that alone should qualify me as a diary pick so I can get all the sympathy from all the other dogs. Mommy looked at it and said it was not bad and would heal in a couple of days. She thinks that will make me feel better, but Mommy is not a vet so what does she know? I could have some serious paw disease like lockpaw, and all I get is "she will get better in a couple of days". She said the way I jumped over Demon Flash Bandit the other day and "accidentally" landed on his head that it is amazing I don't have more hurts than a little scratch on my paw. I can't understand the humans. I am a flying dog. That should get me a movie contract or at least a viral video on Youtube; but all I get is that "I'm lucky I don't get hurt more often". If my humans hadn't brought me McDonalds yesterday and if there weren't still some Milkbones and human peanut butter cookies in the house with MY name on them, I would leave!!!!

If there is any justice, Dogster HQ will choose this diary as a diary pick tomorrow so I can annoy Demon Flash Bandit the way he annoys me!

Angel Zoom Smokey (Flying Dog)

 

My Third Annual Letter to Santa Paws

December 24th 2010 6:44 am
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Thanks Coco Rose and Puff for the Christmas tree on my page. Thanks also to all my other pals for all the gifts which are too numerous to mention. It is time for an annual letter to Santa Paws. I know it is a bit late, but the Big Dog has not been bringing me everything on my list--not since my first Christmas so I an not in a rush to write. In fact, I am trying a new strategy this year. My letter will explain.

Dear Mr. Santa Paws,
Ever since my first Christmas, you have not been delivering the gifts that I have asked you to give me. I realize that you are dealing with a large organization of elves, and they might not be the most reliable of workers. However, last year, this dog told you to bring cash. It isn't like I asked for a billion dollars. I kept it in the millions so it would be reasonable for you. I have no problem doing my own shopping which is very nice of me. It saves you and your elves a lot of work. When you didn't come through with the cash, I know it isn't the elves fault so, this is my third Christmas so I have changed my way of dealing with you. Did you notice the reindeer head in bed next to you when you woke up this morning? It wasn't one of your team, but if I don't get what I want this year, expect to see a red nosed reindeer in your bed the day after Christmas. Angel Zoom Smokey is tired of being Miss Nice Dog--the reindeer is only the beginning. Wait until your elves start disappearing. Why should I worry about being on your naughty list since I'm not getting what I ask for anyway?

This year I want a bag left under the tree with 10 million dollars in cash. I won't take a check from you--I just don't trust you after the last 2 years of failure on your part. If the money is not under the tree, you will see just how naughty a husky can be. It is your choice. Come through with the cash or pay the consequences.

Thanks in advance for understanding that I want to have a merry Christmas, and 10 million dollars will help a lot.

Love, Angel Zoom Smokey

I hope that all my pals have gotten their letters ready for Santa. I'm faxing mine.

Angel Zoom Smokey (My Annual Letter to Santa Paws)

 

June 27th 2010 11:13 am
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Mr. Demon Flash Bandit is off the computer so I am finally getting a chance to tell my pals what has been going on with my life. We have been having a weekend luau party around here, and I'm so glad so many of our doggy pals were able to attend. I do need to tell my side of the "DUI" story. I had a couple of tasty strawberry daiquiris, and decided to take my tricycle for a ride. I was stopped by the German Shepherd down the street who gave me a warning and told me next time he would take me to jail for Driving While Intoxicated. That German Sherpherd DOES NOT work for the police department and has no authority whatsoever, and I was only riding a tricycle. I wasn't even out in the street. I think he was just jealous because he didn't come to the luau. He was invited, but he likes to seem mean and stern, and that image could have been ruined if all the dogs saw him having fun at a party. If you ask me, it was his loss.

Now the real reason I am writing this is that I had one of those creative moments when I thought of a masterpiece of poetry. Normally, I do not write poetry, but when inspiration hits you, you don't question it....you just share it with your pals.

Bugs

I bit at a flea
Who was bothering me
Now that flea is dead
No tears are being shed.

Did that mosquito
Try to put on a show
Flying near my head
Now he is dead.

Look up--is that a bird
No wait-it is a flying turd
Fire up the Grill.
That bird will my tummy fill.

I may not normally write poetry, but this one makes that Shakespeare dude look like an amateur. I don't mean to brag, but I really like this poem.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Poet)

 

Latest Song I Wrote for the Howling Huskies

June 13th 2010 7:39 am
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I decided to write an entry today to share a song that I, Angel Zoom Smokey have written for the Howling Huskies, of which I am a member. I guess I could wait until we record it, but I am just so excited about it that I can't wait that long.

Let's Drink out of the Toilet,
Let's Drink out of the Toilet,
Let's Drink out of the Toilet,
and then we'll take a nap.

Let's Eat Some Chicken
Let's Eat Some Chicken
Let's Eat Some Chicken
That will show those evil birds.

Don't Give me a Bath
Don't Give me a Bath
Don't Give me a Bath
Unless you want to get Drenched!

Time to Dig a Hole
Time to Dig a Hole
Time to Dig a Hole
To Bury my new Bone.

I am kissing my Human
I am Kissing my Human
I am Kissing my Human
Despite them having germs.

My name's Angel Zoom Smokey
My name's Angel Zoom Smokey
My name's Angel Zoom Smokey
And I just Wrote a Song!

Demon Flash BAndit thinks this will be a big hit with dogs everywhere. Watch for the release of it from Husky Productions. Now I have to go and find myself a disguise. It is never too early to hide from the Pupparozis.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Songwriter)

 

Sometimes It is Hard to Be Tough With the Humans

May 15th 2010 5:11 pm
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Since I wrote an entry yesterday, some of my regular readers (who know I don't write a lot) might be wondering why I'm writing again today. I have some extra time on my paws and thought that is might be a nice gesture to chat with my pals for awhile. Besides, this diary gives me a chance to express my disapproval of my human brother Jeff leaving me all day to go to the ComicCon. He didn't even ask my permission or anything--he just took off like he can do as he pleases. Sure, I know Mommy is home with me and Demon so it isn't like we are without humans, but I just don't like the idea that the kid thinks he doesn't have to get a dog's permission when he wants to go out. The worst part is that I should be tough with him when he gets home and teach him a lesson by ignoring him. However, no matter how good my intentions happen to be--I will get excited and jump all over him giving him kisses. I guess sometimes tough love is just too hard for a dog to do.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Softy)

 

I Am the Lead Dog Around Here!

May 14th 2010 11:45 am
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It has been awhile since my last entry. I would like to thank all my pals for the wonderful gifts on my page. I am happy to report that things are going well since I last wrote except for an incident which involves, as you may have guessed, the other dog in the family, Demon Flash Bandit. Demon tends to strut around the house like he is the lead dog or something, and it annoys me because I happen to know that I'm the lead or head dog around here. Demon not only has a bit of an ego, but because for several years, he was an "only dog" (and they can be very spoiled), he seems to think every rawhide chew and toy in the house belongs to him--even if they are mine. To make matters worse, Mommy was watching that television program, CSI (Canines Sniffing Items), and Demon got the "brilliant idea"--yes those were his exact words, to put crime scene tape around all the toys and rawhide chews in the house so that I can't cross the tape. First of all, I put my paw over the tape when Demon wasn't looking, and someone should tell him that nothing happens. There is no electrical field or anything that can hurt a dog. I think Demon thinks that scientists put some kind of death ray in the tape. I think he watches too many sci-fi movies. Anywho, I told him that I was going to buy some crime scene tape myself and protect MY stuff, and he told me that he would have to sue me for infringing on his intellectual property. Can you believe his nerve? It isn't like he invented the tape--he just put it around his stuff, but he is claiming that it took "genius" (again, his words) to come up with the idea of protecting his personal possessions with the tape. I know he has no case so I put the tape around my stuff anyway. I'm hoping it will teach him a lesson. So far, the only lesson he has learned well in life is how to nap--that dog loves to sleep. Maybe, thanks to Angel Zoom Smokey, he will learn who the head dog really happens to be--ME!

Angel Zoom Smokey (I Can Buy Tape Too)

 

Lincoln Logs

February 10th 2010 1:09 am
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Hello loyal diary entry readers! I am back once again to fill you in on some tail wagging good news! My brother Demon Flash Bandit is a Dogster daily diary pick once again. Congrads Demon! (See, I can actually be nice and show praise Demon, you could learn a thing or two). I am in a good mood today and I hope everyone else is as jolly as I am right now. I could hug the Pooh Bear right out of someone right now! I know what you dogs are thinking, "Angel Zoom Smokey, why are you so happy?" Well, I have great news. I just got a letter from Publishers Clearing House informing me that I may be a millionaire! A MILLIONAIRE!!!! Just think what a dog can do with that kind of money!!! I am literally salivating this moment just thinking about the kind of foods I can afford to buy and eat with that money. I might get a few things for the humans as well. Jeff collects toys, perhaps I will buy him some Lincoln Logs. Lincoln Logs, of course, get their name from the famous human President Abraham Lincoln's massive and impressive stool samples (hence the name "logs"). On a side note, I think I have overheard of some humans sitting on a stool. All I can say is that I hope those humans had a change of pants with them. Anyway, the toy Lincoln Logs are actually made of wood. That makes the toy fun for Jeff and fun for me to chew on! Jeff also seems to collect dust if his room is any indication. I am not sure what I would get for mom. I think I would get her a poster of me to hang on the wall. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. Anyway, I will soon be rich my fellow dogs, but never fear, I will still be the same old Angel Zoom Smokey I've always been. Money won't change me. It will, however, make it easier for me to get out of jail time for my many puppy slaps of justice.

My brother Jeff is happy because Tim Robbins has joined the cast of the upcoming film "Green Lantern". Jeff is a fan of Tim Robbins and loves the comic book Green Lantern. He is also a major nerd. The only reason I am sharing this information with you loyal readers is because I too am a fan of Mr. Robbin's work. I loved him in his Oscar winning role in the epic masterpiece "Howard the Duck". One of the few birds I will ever stick up for.

On the subject of movies, my brother told a funny story about this film he watched on UPN years ago entitled "Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County". I guess UPN aired this "special" when Jeff was young and it scared him. I went on the computer and went to YouTube to see if I could find it and sure enough, I did. I CAN NOT believe this scared my brother when he was a kid. BOL Seriously, he told me that UPN promoted it as a piece of footage that had not been proven to be a hoax. He added that after UPN aired the "special" footage, they made sure to include credits that included a cast list. A CAST LIST!!! You have to hand it to networks in the '90s, they knew how to lie to an audience. Anyway, I guess one of the individuals "abducted" by these aliens (Aaron Pearl) has appeared in shows such as "Battlestar Galactica", "Fringe", "The Lone Gunmen", "The Outer Limits", "The Twilight Zone", "Stargate SG-1", "Smallville", "Dead Like Me", "The Dead Zone", "The L Word", and "Supernatual" in addition to appearing in such films as "The Pink Panther", "War", "White Noise 2: The Light", "X2: X-Men United", and "X-Men: The Last Stand". I am very happy to know that inbetween anal probes, aliens make sure the men and women they abduct have enough shore leave on Earth to pursue a film career. That really warms my heart.

Anyway, I still fail to understand human behavior but I'm growing to enjoy the unexpected. Just the other night I heard a man say "I once thought I was poor, till I met a man who had no feet. Then I realized how unlucky I was for having feet. Why you might ask? Because the man with no feet didn’t have to spend his hard earned money on shoes! Some people have all the luck!" That's something to think about, some food for thought if you will. Well, I better get mushing guys. I'll be sure to bark or howl at you again real soon! Take care everyone!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Not a fan of alien birds)

 

Terror Alert!!!! Bird Spies Are Everywhere!!!!

February 4th 2010 2:13 am
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Hello my fellow dogs. I am so very sorry for being MIA for the past week but there was a good reason for it. You see kind diary readers, I have gathered disturbing evidence that we have bird spies in Washington D.C. ready to take overthrow the government as we speak. Thanks to a special report Bo Obama entrusted me and Demon Flash Bandit with, I can now share with you proof of this vast bird conspiracy. Bo Obama has been sniffing around the White House all week and has informed me of numerous bird related happenings in his house. First of all, Bo has noticed several members of the secret service referring to something called "The West Wing". That has to be something bird related since humans nor dogs have wings. This has worried Bo Obama a great deal because he fears the secret service may be birds in disguise (he figured that out from reading my diary about a couple of weeks ago) and that they may not have President Obama's best intentions at heart.

Bo Obama loves his family and is taking steps to protect them as we speak. Demon and I have promised not to reveal what his plans are (in case a bird is reading this now) but I can tell you it involves these following items: a cage, a cracker, 17 AAA batteries, a DVD collection of Barney the Dinosaur, toe nail droppings, a fax machine, a collection of Abba's greatest hits, an old time radio, a Dukes of Hazzard General Lee R/C car, a 1966 Ford Fairlane, Jar Jar Binks, 13 Christmas Ornaments featuring Batman, a tube of KY jelly, 1 movie prop from the film "Gangs of New York", 2 mints, a T-Rex fossil, a poster of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, a web cam, a jar of John Goodman's sweat, 2 ancient shields, the starship U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701 or the Battlestar Galactica, a phone thrown by Russell Crowe, 3 cats wearing silly hats, Stephen Colbert, 69 wicker chairs, and a photo of Abe Vigoda in a thong. It's actually incredibly ingenious how Bo Obama is going to use all those items in a way that makes perfect sense.

If only poor Bo Obama's worries ended there ladies and gentlemen. Bo has informed us exclusively that the Oval Office contains a bird spy no one else seems to notice!!! That's right, there is a giant eagle in the middle of the Oval Office no one but Bo seems to see! If it weren't bad enough that the stupid bird is in Obama's office, apparently this bird has a host of arrows clinched in his dirty little claw and he is ready to strike! Bo Obama has taken steps to get rid of this terrorist bird, he's barked at him and peed on him R. Kelly style but the bird doesn't want to leave! Bo is asking for your support and he hopes everyone will pray for the terrorist eagle's quick and painful death.

Someone in Washington D.C. MUST raise the terror alert!!! Birds are planning their attack! Alfred Hitchcock was a genius who tried to warn us all! Serious folks, birds are even slowing taking over our language. When a friend helped you cruise for women, he use to be known simply as a good friend, now he is a "wing man". Does that even make sense? I can see it if he was Angel from the X-Men. Note: their is in fact a character named Angel in the X-Men comics and films. He also happens to have wings. It is not me and I want nothing to do with that winged birdude. (Birdude: Noun: A person who is part bird, and part "dude".) Also, I have now heard humans use the phrase "under my wing" as a slang way of saying "apprentice". What's wrong with just saying apprentice anyway? There was once a great man known the world over for his apprentice work under a sorcerer, and that man was Mickey Mouse. I say if the title apprentice is good enough for Mickey Mouse, it's good enough for the rest of the world. Leave the "under my wing" talk in the bird cage folks.

Anyway, on to a new and funnier subject. My human brother Jeff was a product of the '80s. Sure, he was just a kid and he grew up largely in the '90s (that's the 1990's folks, although he does look old enough to be from the 1890's to us dogs) but the culture did have an effect on him, which explains why he is so weird. Sure, he's not a fan of a lot of things that came in the '80s, after all, as Jeff puts it, it would have still been that cool era of the '70s if the stupid good for nothing '80s hadn't come along. Jeff has admitted however, that a few good things came from that dark decade. A few good bands came along (sorry Boy George, I think Jeff means U2 and R.E.M.) but he feels that music was pretty weak and silly in the '80s. I, being a dog, have no idea what he is talking about, but I find his rants funny so here goes. Jeff does like SOME of the movies of the '80s. I know he was a big Star Wars fan and that he loved The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. He also enjoyed the Star Trek films from the '80s as well. He also holds a soft spot in his heart for a film called "Ghostbusters". He even bought a "Ghostbusters" video game recently and has a die-cast 1:21 scale Ecto 1 in his room. Note: I plan to sell this item on E-Bay because it is worth a lot. The money that stupid car can net could keep me and Demon in rawhides for hours!! HOURS I say!!! Anyway, Jeff loved "Ghostbusters" so much as a kid that he use to drink this beverage known as "Ecto Cooler" and he even brushed his teeth with "Slimer's toothpaste" I think, I toned out for a bit there. Anyway, it got me thinking, do you think it was wise to have children drink and brush their teeth with ghost slime? That seems gross (and a little tasty). I guess kids back then (including my brother Jeff) couldn't get enough ghost slime. I should ask Ernie Hudson about this when he comes to the local comic con here in May. That's if they allow dogs that is. Jeff said he's met Ernie Hudson twice at comic cons and he is a really nice guy. Of course with Jeff, he could have been talking about meeting Ernie Hudson's action figure. I love my brother but he doesn't have the brains God gave Habibah, which isn't saying much.

Speaking of Habibah, I know all of you dogs will want to know what is going on with that ancient pyramid builder and his loyal and trusted ancient dog, Gahiji. Well, I just happened to find a page of Gahiji's diary lying around...in a book on Demon's nightstand...and it just happened to find it's way into my paws. Wild story, right? Anyway, here it is.


Gahiji: Short Humans Have No Reason to Build

Hello all you beautiful people out there, this is Gahiji, Habibah the human's trusted pet/secret master. First of all, Hibabah has been at it again and he has got some "splaining" to do. He got busted last week by his boss writing hieroglyphics in the Pharaoh's burial chamber. He wrote things such as "Get a Life" in the burial chamber because it was, to quote Habibah, "funny as the underworld". He was lucky because his boss let that slide after it started raining frogs. (Don't even get me started on that). Anyway, now Habibah is back to his old ways and he is once again writing hieroglyphics in the Pharaoh's burial chamber. This time he came up with the genius phrase "your mummy wears army boots". I swear that human is going to wind up on the wrong end of a blade at the rate he is going. Anyway, I met this nice man named Imhotep today. He told me he was going to annoy the heck out of some dude named Brendan Fraser in the 1950's. I lost interest after he told me he would raise AGAIN after his second death. That doesn't make much sense to this dog since the last time I checked, it was impossible to rise from your grave once. But whatever, that's his journey. SPECIAL NOTE: Imhotep's name in hieroglyphs is as follows: HIEROGLYPH #1: Stonehedge looking dude. HIEROGLYPH #2: Some stupid bird. HIEROGLYPH #3: A symbol of a stamp (he probably worked at the ancient post office).

I went to an ancient fortune teller the other day with Hibabah. She informed us that Hibabah would die as a result of his stupidity (big shock there). She also informed me that I MUST use the term "ancient" as much as possible in my diary because a dog in the future named Demon Flash Bandit would find this diary and publish on a thing called Dogster. So ladies and gentlemen, now you know why I say ancient so much. The fotune tell also told me that in the future, there might be a man, and that man’s name might be Jay Leno, and that man will in turn out to be a big jerk who doesn’t get the numbers and plays victim even when he is in the wrong every chance he gets. I don't know what that was about but I'll write in my diary entry anyway. I better get digging. The Pharaoh has hired some short workers to dig out tunnels in his burial chamber. That's a dog's job! I'll let you know more about this as it happens. Take care!

-Gahiji ("Ancient" dog)

Wow, that was great, wasn't it! Well, I better get mushing along as well. I hope you enjoyed this diary and feel free to leave comments. Thank you and have a beautiful day!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Friend of Bo Obama)

 
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